Category: Anger

Anger · Ramblings · RANDOM

Leaving ETSY

Tracy14 Comments

My NEW info on my ETSY page:

Due to ETSY allowing a disgusting person to sell disgusting items, I am moving back to ArtFire.

ETSY feels that cards making fun of children with Downs Syndrome, congratulating people on being raped and being diagnosed with AIDS and Breast Cancer is not against their terms of use. WTF I think they need to pull their heads out of their ass’.

If they or a loved one ‘applied’ to any of these cards or if they had compassion this shop would be gone.

I love funny off kilter jokes and am a bit off myself at times, but this type of freedom of speech is not funny. Here’s funny… I hope those that find this okay and think it’s funny, will need one of these cards one day. Then let’s see how funny they are!
————
For those who I purchase from regularly, I’m sorry, But I will not be purchasing from there either.

I hope others follow suit and leave here as well. It all about principles and morals which it seems etsy does not have.

To see what I am referring to and SIGN the petition [which does not seem to bother etsy] go here:

Petition to Remove re: Etsy shop

This is a letter a friend who complained as well received from the powers at esty. I still have no received anything back from them.

This is Adam Brown, I’m the press manager at Etsy. Thank you for sharing your concerns about this shop. I’m sorry to see that something in our marketplace was upsetting to you. I agree with you that the items are offensive. But, they are not illegal, nor are they breaking any of Etsy’s rules about selling on the site. 

Since …it appears that you have already received our standard response, I will skip it. Please feel free to pass along my contact information.

Thank you,
Adam

Adam Brown
Etsy Press
adam@etsy.com
o: 718-855-8874
c: 917-297-5342

Hey Adam, get your head outta your ass dude!!

Etsy’s official policy is to take no responsibility for the products sold on its site. Etsy’s official Terms of Use state that it  “has no control over the quality, safety, morality or legality of any aspect of the items listed.” However, in the list of prohibited items, Etsy says that it does not allow items that harass others or that are deemed obscene.

So Adam, Congratulating someone on getting raped is not obscene?? Again you and your company need to get your heads out of your ass!!!!

————————————–

Since my morals seem to be above others, I’m outta etsy. I guarantee they make more off of my shop than this other idiots, and money is what it’s all about right?

I hope to see you at my new shop on ArtFire.

Blessings and Hope!

Anger

Please sign!!

Tracy5 Comments
please help!!

We need to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. It starts with animals…

On March 26, 2010, a dog named Mima was found with all her 4 legs brutally chopped off apparently over an old conflict between neighbors. Currently, animal cruelty is not a crime in Bulgaria. Thousands of their citizens protested and a proposal for a new law was sent to their Parliament to vote on.

As months progress, the current situation in Bulgaria is getting much worse. Animals and their advocates are now the target of more abuse from those who are angry of the attention their cause has received since Mima’s story of unimaginable torture came to light. A “journalist” who used his TV show as a platform for hate speech, even had a guest showing techniques on how to poison strays. Some of the recent atrocities in addition to the daily poisoning are as follows: a kitten’s head was decapitated and displayed on a fence for all to see, more dogs being hung from a bridge or a tree, another mutilation case- this time a very young puppy, an 80 year old woman who was caring for stray cats was assaulted by her neighbors. When animal lovers report these atrocities to the police, they’re either apathetic or are laughed at.

Please help stop this madness and sign the petition. It only takes a minute!

Blessings and Hope!!!

Anger · Fear · Multiple Sclerosis · Ramblings

Reality sets in

Tracy14 Comments

When life sets in and slaps ya, it sucks!! My kids go back to school this coming Monday. My son is now going into the 11th grade and my girls are starting HS, 9th grade. Every year we have to get all the paperwork in, proof of residence, registration, pick up books, bus passes, etc. Not being able to drive my poor hubby has to take of work to get all these things done. When the girls registered, they did not have their books in yet, so they had to go back a second time. Then Ashley, being in band camp has a bbq this Friday where parents need to go for all the pricing info for marching band and concert band. Hubbies work is at it’s busiest and it makes it very hard for him to keep taking time off. All of this just lets me know more and more that I am useless and crippled. If I was not ill, I could be doing what the mom is supposed to do. Hubby already has enough on his plate thanks to my illness. As it is, he got Shelby to get her books, but Ashley is just shit-out-of-luck. The band camp bbq is at 5:30 pm. Don’t they know people work? Out where we live people work over an hour away. Commuting baby. I know, it is not their problem, but what about single parents as well? How can they expect parents to be there at these times? 7pm would be much more appropriate for parents.

I know my kids do not mean to make me feel sad, but they get upset when we miss things or have to cancel things. I fully understand. I remember being so jazzed about being the mom of all moms. Sports mom, carpools, etc. My MS has taken all that away from me, worse it has taken me from my family that needs me most. We cannot afford to hire someone to help with these things, so we are on our own. It gets so frustrating for me not being able to do these things for my kids. I HATE being immobile and feeling useless. I’m a worker, not a sitter!!

It is so hard to express how I am feeling right now. Anger, depression, sadness, fear, pain… I try so hard to keep positive, make jokes, be the crazy me. But, this is getting to be too much lately. Sometimes I so wish my hubby would leave me and find someone who can be the wife he deserves and the mom my kids deserve. My heart is breaking right now.

Then to top all of that off, we had to pay 400.00 for bus passes [public school buses]. I figured our taxes should pay for that. Gotta love California and the Terminator. He’s terminating Schools!! Then it is going to cost another 400.00 + for marching and concert band!! WOW!! Just add more salt to my crippled wounds.

Ok, enough depression…I’m off!!

Blessings and Hope!!

Anger · HELL

Antelope Valley ‘Hell Hospital’ Lancaster, CA

Tracy8 Comments

Unbeknown to me the whole ‘issue’ of my horrific stay was closed out February 18, 2010. Yet their reps were still talking to me through March and no one had the BALLS to tell me they had made their decision!!! Supposedly a letter was sent to me telling me all of this. Yup, you guessed it, no letter. And now, the so-called VP of nursing, Karen Loch, is no longer with the hospital. rofl!!! Typical!!! So, they bill me $1453.54 yesterday, from a February stay. Now if it had taken me 5 mos to pay them, I’d be in collections. Yet, they knew they were going to ‘dick’ me and it still took them 5 mos to bill me.

On March 8, 2010 this is what my notes say after my conversation with Karen :

Karen Loch called ext. 5368. She will be doing follow up and once I get all the charges together [after insurance payments] she will get me with the proper people who will take care of this for me.

Funny thing is according to Esther, she already knew it was a done deal and no one was going to help me at all.

For my ordeal, the blog starts here: Hell Hospital

I guess they figure they are some big Hospital that does not need to give a shit about their patients well being. I have been crying since I got the bill as it brought back all the feelings I have been trying to forget. I was de-humanized and belittled and humiliated!!

Time to get my thoughts all together and do something about this…

Blessings and Hope!

Anger · Fear · Hope · Love · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Ramblings

Epiphany? Wicked wake up call…

Tracy30 Comments

It all started with an email from my hubby that had me in tears. I knew it was time to take it, my life, back from my illness[s]. He is suffering emotionally and physically due to my illness. I finally realized that once upon a time, I said I would not let my disease[s] take me over. I realize now, I have done just that. I have literally stopped trying and have been letting it all take me away from me. Almost like I am laying down to die. The ‘why bother’, the ‘who cares anyway’. This person is NOT me! I am and have always been a fighter. I do not give up on things. It may take me a bit to finish certain things in my life, but I will finish them in the end. I am no quitter.

I have Primary Progressive MS, spastic colon, incontinence, degenerative disc disorder, prone to anxiety attacks, depression [sometimes severe], esophagus issues, pain, tremors, and too many little things that come with all this to mention. BUT, I can work with some of these. Food is my biggest enemy. Gluten, soy, dairy, certain veges and seed items are bad for Autoimmune disorders. They can cause terrible problems for me. Processed foods, and fake sugars and fake fats are bad as well. I know this and almost 2 years ago I changed my lifestyle and cut out the crap foods and learned to eat the right way. No supplement drinks, pills, or ‘fake’ foods. I lost over 20 pounds and felt great. No, it did not make me walk again, no it did not cure me, but it sure helped my overall emotional self. My stomach issues all about disappeared.  My fatigue lessened. I still had my not so great days, bu they were much fewer.

So WTF happened?? I gave up. I gave in. I got down one day and let it take me over and went back to my old habits. Gained the weight back and all the good things that happened faded. I could not find my way back. Now, I am  not saying this was a bad thing or even that I won’t have bad days again. I am saying that I am going to work at getting ME back. Fighting this wicked disease that has crippled me and do everything I can TO find my way back.

And it all began from the email from my  hubby. He loves me, completely and true. But, he started losing himself. Sadness and fear overtook him. The worry for me was killing him. I was letting my disease kill me slowly. I was not seeing what it was doing to him and my children. I was lost in my MS. I knew as I read that letter that I needed to take a stand against my MS. I got up and got my ass over to me motorized pedaler and got to work. I lifted my small weights and am slowly getting back to eating the way humans are supposed to eat. Not the way the BS food industry says we should eat. They do not care about us, they care about selling shit food to us and making money off of us. NO more.

Will I slip? Will I have bad days ahead? Will I lose myself again? Maybe! But that’s ok. It’s all about baby steps.

Baby steps here…

to be continued…

Anger · Family · Health · Ramblings · RANDOM · Sarcasm

What?

Tracy12 Comments

Really...you do it then!

For those not wanting a ‘pissy’ read, then move the fuck on. Sometimes life sucks REALLY bad. I listen to all your, waahhhh gotta tummy ache, waahhhh gotta cold, so you can listen to my fuckin’ waaaaahhhhhh I have Primary Progressive MS. Your tummy ache and cold will go away, my MS is only getting worse.

Part of my today is depression. Mama Jean has been gone for 2 years today. She was my Alanon sponsor and she saved me many times. I miss her so much my heart hurts. I cannot seem to get a grip today. I add my lil sarcastic quips, music videos, etc to cover my pain. Acting like life is O.K!! But it’s not.

My favorite wind chime broke today. So, having good tools and figuring an easy fix I took it apart and readied it for some Tracy fixin’. It went ok in the beginning, then my hands just stopped working right. I kept dropping it and that just got me depressed even more. WHY!! Fine, I have MS, but why the fuck does it have to keep getting worse. WHY the fuck me? And DO NOT say, ‘why not you’. All you’ll get back is well then why not you ASS?!

Most people can just get up and go, do things, parties, see friends, etc. I can’t, not anymore. Long drives, not easy. I have to make sure wherever I am going is REALLY crippled accessible. Just ’cause it says ACCESSIBLE, does not mean it is. Sitting in the same position for too long causes the shakes and pain. My legs swell and hurt. And for us, it’s me that needs to stop every hour to pee. Let’s just say ‘rite aid’ brand pull-ups rock. Oh ya that’s fun, being incontinent. Nothing better!!

Fuuuuuck!!!

Funny, not even sure where I am going with this blog. The need to vent here instead of at my family maybe.

I do not even understand why the fuck I am here. Life is about quality, and I have none. I am taking up air someone else could use. Please do not give me the ‘there is a reason for everything’ crap either. There is no reason for this. If there was then the criminals in prisons should be the ones dealing with chronic illness’. And no ‘religious’ comments either please. Faith left me a long time ago. I have my own personal relationship with my God. Right now we aren’t speaking. Well, I speak, but me thinks I’m on terminal call waiting.

I’m tired here. I can barely get from my bed to my chariot anymore. Takes me 5 minutes just to get up [sit up] in the morning if there is no one home to help me. So now we are going to figure out some sort of contraption that will hang from the ceiling that I can use to pull myself up with. Hopefully I have the strength TO pull myself up.

Shit, have no clue where I am going with this. Just needed to purge…

who really gives a shit?!
Anger · PAIN · Ramblings · Religion

May I have some cheese with my Whine? Whiny Bitch alert!

Tracy24 Comments

Will you call the whaaaaambulance? How about some whhaaburgers and some french cries with a Mountain Boo Hoo!!

This be me…

Finally got rid of a two day migraine. A couple Ibuprofen for the pain, Benadryl to help me sleep, and coffee when I finally woke up this afternoon. Relief… for a lil bit anyways!!

Now my friggen right side of my jaw is in so much pain I cannot think straight. Is it my teeth? Maybe. Could it be a jaw issue? Maybe. I do not want to go to the dentist. I floss 2-5 times a day and brush twice day. WTF!! It’s probably thanks to all the amazing medications thanks to my MS causing my teeth issues. The dentist told me before, it can happen that way. Again I say…WTF!! Really?? One pain goes away and an even more agonizing pain starts. I almost squeezed a whole thing of Orajel on the right side of my mouth. When will the insanity stop, or at least cut me a fucking break??

How much am I, or anyone else for that matter, supposed to take. Please do not quote anything to me either. I think I have had my share of pain, my share of sadness, my share of shit. People tell me, ‘ You’re never given more than you can handle!’ Bullshit, that ended about 3+ years ago when a chair became my only means of ‘walking’.  I cannot take anymore, take it back, I do not fucking want it.

So, now it is probably root canal time. Really…am I going to miraculously get the money for it?? Don’t think so. So, I will just have to deal with the pain for awhile.

Please do not tell me it could be worse. As it does get worse every day. Funny thing is, no one with disabilities or illness’ ever say that, it’s the ‘healthies’ that do. So I say to them, ‘It could be worse!” But I hope for them it does not become worse.

Ok, I am off my ‘Whiny Bitch’ soap box….for now!!

Blessings and Hope!

Anger · HELL · Ramblings

Sonoma County CA separates elderly gay couple and sells all of their worldly possessions

Tracy3 Comments

Sonoma County CA separates elderly gay couple and sells all of their worldly possessions.

This is an outrage. No matter your beliefs, this is a terrible case of prejudice.

This angers me, saddens me, and shocks me! How could they do this? How could the courts let this happen??

Please pass this on, blog it, twitter it, anything to get the word out.

This WRONG on EVERY level!!!

Anger · Fear · Ramblings · Sarcasm

Insanity…

Tracy12 Comments

She can hear the laughter and can imagine the smiles on all the faces. It’s a party, a birthday party for her neighbor. She was invited, but she knew she would not go. Not because she did not want to, but because of the chair she could not rise from.

She cried in the shower so no one could see. She is mad, mad at the world. Her wonderful husband feels the brunt of her anger. The old saying, ‘You always hurt the ones you love’, seems to apply. She knows what she is doing, but she can not stop.

She is sad, she is angry. She hears the music next door. She longs to be there. She can’t. She knows they would move things around to allow her in, but she can’t. It is embarrassing, humiliating, to her. She knows no one would care, but she cares. So, she will not go, will never go.

She hides her pain behind her smile, behind her sarcasm. It is not pride as she has no more pride. It is her pain, her pain of remembering how it used to be. She will get through this, she always does. Or does she? She’s not sure.

Pain

Anger

Sadness

Hatred

Envy

She is filled with all of these. Want, the want to walk again. To be able to drive again without fear. To simply stand up without falling to the floor. To be able to hold her bladder. To not have migraines every week. To be able to sit up by herself without help or severe struggles. To not feel guilty for not being able to do things. To not feel pain all over her body. To be whole again. To not be angry. To not be sad. To want to live…

She is insane. Insane because she knows this is her life, but she thinks it will change. She asks over and over, WHY? Insane, because she expects an answer, an answer that will never come.

She…is me. And she wants to live again…

Blessings and Hope!

Anger · HELL · PAIN

Wanting me to be real…

Tracy28 Comments

WARNING!!!! “F” bomb alert!!

So for many years I hid my pain in jokes, sarcasm and laughter. It was easier for me and less upsetting for those around me. So many people told me, “Be Real” “Tell the truth about your pain” “Ask for help”…

So, in the past year or so I tried this route only to have it thrown back in my face. Now, when I show my pain, being real, I’m told it’s for sympathy, poor me shit. REALLY! Fuck off please. I have never asked for anyone’s pity, sympathy or the poor me pour me a drink bullshit! Yet for years I listened to others pain and tried to help in any way I could. Now I’m the bad person. Again I say Fuck off please.

Then I got the, I’ll show people the real you, I’ll copy and paste emails. Really, go ahead doctor up your emails. you are the only one that will look like a childish buffoon. As for the ‘people’ who talk the shit and tell the lies…come forward, say it to me. But no, you just block me as you know damn well I will say it to your face, no need to lie or go behind any ones back. That’s all of your jobs. And for those who talked all the shit to this person, de-friend me, block, stay the fuck away from me. You are liars and pathetic. So, you all deserve one another. And if it’s who I think it all is, stop emailing me as well with your BS about this said person. Just leave me the fuck alone. Get rid of my email, my phone numbers etc., oh and grow the FUCK up! You all know who you are and you all know the ‘real’ truth.

I truly hate being this person, this angry person. And after this, hopefully these 2 faced ignorant assholes will back the fuck off and move on. I have not changed and am the same person I have always been. Love me or leave me. Ask me a question and I will tell you the truth.

I am sorry for those reading this and seeing me being this angry person, but I am so tired of being certain people’s punching bag. I have enough of my own problems, health and otherwise, so it is time this was said. I will not allow any of you to hurt me and cause me to become ill due to all the stress. And if you feel the need to comment here again, it won’t come through. If any of ya feel the need to email me, it won’t be read. So don’t waste your time or energy. Just FUCK off please.

I know the person I am and the friend I am, maybe you should look in the mirror and figure out who you are. Remember each time you point your little finger at me there are 3 pointing back at you.

I pray for you and hope that one day you will find the happiness and peace you need. I have my peace and my happiness in my family and my real friends. So really there is no need for you or room for you anymore.

When it all falls apart…I won’t be here next time. Once bitten, twice shy!!

And now I am done and will be back to my REAL self free from the toxic people that have no place in my world!

****************

Blessings and Hope!!

Damn it feels good to purge!!!