candy · Celebration · fun · Halloween · joy · mindless-thoughts · Ramblings · RANDOM · silly · spirits

Happy All Hallows’ Eve!

 I hope everyone has a very safe and Happy All Hallows’ Eve!!

As for me, my back is killing me so I am going to sit in the dark in my room and watch scary movies. One of my favorite things to do. 👻

I’m a little bummed that I’m not able to put on make up or do anything this Halloween, but there will be others.  Thankfully Snapchat has given me a few ways to do some make up. LMAO

Did I mention I love Halloween!

Be safe tonight and be mindful of others around you.  And if teenagers show up at your door, give them candy! It’s much better that they’re doing something safe and fun then being out doing something not so safe and possibly getting into trouble. Childhood leaves us much too soon so let them be children for as long as possible. 🖤

And, if you have a black kitty keep them inside tonight. Humans can be very evil and black cats are targeted on Halloween. I think we all know that humans are the only monsters in this world.

Last but not least, an update on my MRI… They are working to get it done via outpatient so that I can be sedated to help with my pain during the MRI. I decided there’s no reason for me to be in that much pain to get a test so they need to work and help me. We have to be our own advocate and we need to speak up if something is not right for us.  So that’s what I did!

And remember, have courage and be kind.

 

Craziness · Darkness · Depression · Fear · hope · multiple sclerosis · Pain · primary progressive MS · Ramblings · RANDOM · Wheelchair

It’s been a while…

I know it’s been a while. A lot of crazy shit has gone on. A lot of good but then some bad as well. 😳 Welcome to my world. 😈mwahahaha

So when I went to my doctor he thinks there may be an issue in my lower back. There is a possible fracture so he is wanting an MRI to see if there’s issues with my bones etc. I forgot to get the order on Friday so they are faxing it to my husband‘s work. My issue is no one is set up properly to give me an MRI. I need a Hoyer lift and unfortunately the ones they have at the hospital do not work very well with my sling. So I may have to bring my lift. And because of the metal they will have to find a way to get me on a gurney to bring me into the MRI to get me on the table. The last time I did the x-rays it was completely horrible. The pain was off the charts and that’s actually when they found my fracture at L1. 😳 So I’m not looking forward to the MRI. I’m actually scared to death. I’m really tired of all of us. I don’t usually break down but this is fucking awful.
If my back literally just keeps getting fractures I’m fucking done. I am so fucking tired. I had a blast the past few weeks and I really thought things were getting better and then, Bam this happens. I’ve been working so fucking hard to get out of this bad that I’ve been trapped in for five years and it just seems like the universe is against me. 😢

‼️‼️OKAY… I got it out and now I’m going to pull up my big girl panties and say to hell with all of this I’m going to kick some ass and find out what the fucks going on. I’m not sure if the universe knows who they’re dealing with… they must not know who I am. 😉
Sending out all kinds of love and hugs! ♥️😘 — feeling a bit overwhelmed and a bit pissed off… So watch out universe.

As always, have courage and be kind! 🖤

boredom · confession · Craziness · friendship · Happiness · hope · lonliness · mindless-thoughts · multiple sclerosis · primary progressive MS · Ramblings · RANDOM · sarcasm · strength · stupid_stuff

Just be you!!

Lately I’ve been realizing that I was always one of those people that worried about what other people thought. I know most of you probably don’t think that, but that’s exactly how I was. I hid it very well  with my “tough“ persona,  but I always wanted to please people. My time in physical therapy rehab changed me completely. I’m now the person that I always wanted to be and if people can’t handle me, then I don’t need them in my life. I’m going to be that tough girl who fights and doesn’t let people walk over her anymore! I used to go out of my way to do things for people that never really cared. And I don’t expect a pat on the back of or even a thank you. But you know those people I’m talking about. The ones who we just have to be friends with when in reality they are no better than us. But for some reason we always thought they were, so we would go out of our way to get them to be friends with us.

I just never thought I was good enough. I thought to make friends I had to buy things, always be the ride, always be the brunt of jokes. I allowed it so it’s my problem and not theirs, but I will NOT allow it anymore. To be friends with me you have to take the good with the bad, and all of the crazy. I’m not going to change anymore for anyone! It’s nuts how it took me nearly 54 years to figure all of this out. Better late than never comes to mind. ☺️

I lie here at night, and when I can’t sleep I just have so many thoughts that go through my head. I just don’t know how to put it down on paper. So I talk text and say what I feel. Half the time I can’t remember my thoughts from the night before. I’ll just blame MS cog fog. LOL I mean if you have to have a disease then by all rights use it as a great blame tool.  It’s those voices in my head that don’t let me quit. It’s those voices in my head that make me strong. It’s that little inner child that comes up to the surface when I need her.

Self discovery that’s really a great thing!

Have courage and be kind…

Angels-Among-Us · Animal Adocates · Animal Rescue · Animals · family · hope · joy · love · multiple sclerosis · Pit Bull · primary progressive MS · Ramblings · Shelter Dogs · strength

Furbaby Love

I just thought I would share a little bit of what makes me smile every day. My children with paws 🐾

Clockwise from top left: Soloh, Charlie (girl), Gatsby, Zoe (kitty),  and Dexter Morgan.

🐶🐶🐶🐶🐱

Soloh. She never leaves my side. She actually saved my life. 🧡Pittie-mix the best dog you could ever love.

All rescues, as in my mind, rescue IS the only breed!

This handsome bearded dragon was Stewie.  He is and will always be the only bearded dragon I will ever love. 😉 He was awesome!

Animals are forever! They love you unconditionally and they should always be treated like family. I am against breeding as I believe until they all have a home it should be stopped. There really is no need for designer dogs. So please, adopt, Don’t shop! I know breeding will never stop completely but until we can clear out the shelters and stop the murder of so many healthy beautiful animals we need to rethink breeding for the time being.  And, FYI, you can find many purebreds in the shelters and breed-specific rescue’s. So there really is no reason to go to a breeder.  I will now step down off my soapbox. 😂🤣

Mwahahaha

As always, have courage and be kind!

 

Depression · Fear · hope · HORROR · lonliness · multiple sclerosis · primary progressive MS · Quotes · Ramblings · RANDOM · sadness · sarcasm · strength · stupid_stuff

It really is OK!

I haven’t slept all that well for the past couple of days. Might have something to do with my 1 PM wake up call yesterday and the very strange sleep that went along with it. 🤔 I’m not OK. It’s not that anything is wrong, it’s just that the reality of my life sets in every once in a while and grabs a hold. Small things, like watching a movie and someone rolls over in their bed and cuddles their pillow, causes tears to fall from my eyes. Oh how I wish I could roll over on my own and cuddle my pillow! ☁️ (I know it’s a cloud I couldn’t find a pillow, LOL)

The funk that I’m in is bound to pass soon. I just get so frustrated being trapped 24/7/365. Lately I’ve been very angry at myself for becoming depressed. My new positive outlook is making everyone so happy that I feel like I can’t have a bad day. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I have to remind myself that I am human. I have to remind myself that my situation is pretty fucked up. But, I also have to remind myself that I will get through it. It is kind of funny to my twisted mind that I’m worried about upsetting people if I get upset so I’m trying to say happy so that everybody else is happy so that no one is upset. Wrap your mind around that one. 🤭

As I am sitting here, watching a horror movie trying to write this blog, the theme from the ‘Banana Splits’ show is going through my head.

The banana splits TV theme song:

Tra la la, la la la la.
Tra la la, la la la la.
Tra la la, la la la la.
Tra la la, la la la la.

One banana, two banana, three banana, four.
Four bananas make a bunch and so do many more.
Over hill and highway the banana buggies go
Comin’ on to bring you The Banana Splits Show.

Makin up a mess of fun
Makin up a mess of fun
Lot’s of fun for everyone.

Tra la la, la la la la.
Tra la la, la la la la.
Tra la la, la la la la.
Tra la la, la la la la.

Four banana, three banana, two banana, one.
All bananas playing in the bright warm sun.
Flippin like a pancake, poppin like a cork
Fleagle, Bingo, Drooper and Snork.

Tra la la, la la la la.
Tra la la, la la la la.
Tra la la, la la lad la.
Tra la la, la la la la.

And that my friends… Is how my mind works. 😜

Have courage and be kind!

anger · Craziness · Darkness · Depression · dreams · Faith · Fear · hope · joy · lonliness · medical · multiple sclerosis · Pain · primary progressive MS · Quotes · Ramblings · RANDOM · sadness · silly · strength · stupid_stuff

One minute at a time…

When my alarm goes off at 9 AM to remind me to take my morning medication, I grab my bed remote sit up a little bit, take my meds. Then, normally I will call to my son to bring me a cup of coffee and try and start my day.  However, for the past week or so my alarm goes off, I will grab my remote to sit up and take my meds, and then I just lie back to go to sleep. I was in that mode of, why does it matter if I wake up right now, the same thing that happened yesterday it’s going to happen today so who cares. When you’re bedridden, one day rolls right into the next. Every night I go to bed I know that the next morning I will be in the same place doing the same things for the whole day.

Then, finally, at around 1 PM I told myself and to pull up my imaginary bootstraps and wake the hell up. It was really hard to do. I literally saw no reason for me to actually awaken. But, I did, and I made it through this day.  Minute by minute is the only thing I can hold onto. Any longer than that and I’m not sure what would happen…

The one thing I do know and I am very sure of… I AM an MS Warrior!

Have courage and be kind!