Friday · Movies · Multiple Sclerosis · Politics · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · Sarcasm · Strength · Stupid Stuff

Thank God it’s Friday Feelings

TGIF bitches! Technically Friday doesn’t mean much to me. My days all roll into one. I have to look at my iPhone calendar every day so I know what day of the week it is, as well as the actual date. The only good thing about Fridays is that my husband is home on the weekend. OK sometimes that’s not a good thing. OK OK I’m just kidding. (or am I) 😈

This past week has been pretty uneventful. I did have a couple of really good meltdowns. Quite frankly sometimes they really do help. I spend my days playing in Facebook, putting my headphones on and cranking up my music as loud as they can go, reading when my eyes permit it, and of course television. I have pretty much every channel and streaming service known to man. Even then most of the time there’s nothing on. I keep my TV on all the time. Mostly it’s for background noise so I don’t fee so alone. But there really is only so much of the idiot box you can watch before you go absolutely insane. I stay away from the news channels for the main reason I cannot stand listening to the orange guy in the White House. Every time I hear him speak my IQ drops a few points. I prefer talking to my dog. The conversation is much more intelligent. there you have it… I don’t talk politics on here but now you know how I feel. Sorry, not fucking sorry at all! 

Now I am going to get lost in Bridget Jones’s Diary. To all reading, I hope you have a wonderful weekend! As always, have courage and be kind!

Anger · Family · Fear · Movies · Ramblings

Completely Empty

  I’m not even sure how to explain it. And I truly am sad most days, but today as I opened my eyes I felt nothing. Completely void. I was alone for about an hour and realized I didn’t have any water. I forgot to ask for some before my son left for work. And over that small little thing, I just sat there, emotionless with tears running down my face.

 Only emotion I feel lately is anger. Anger because we cannot afford for me to have in-home care. My insurance company, one of the big ones, doesn’t cover that. And God forbid my husband‘s company pays him what he’s worth.  He’s given near 20 years for that company. He’s trained more people there than anyone and never got paid for that. And all the while he did his own work as well.  And the people he trained. now make much more money than he does. I guess because where he works most people are familied in. Yet my husband has more letters of recommendation and more people that will only work with him than anyone else. He gets calls at home from people for help. But this multi million dollar company can’t pay him enough for all his dedication and hard work.

And yes my husband has taken time off, for me to help me. He uses his vacation time and sick pay he’s never taken off the company without using his own hours. Everyone else is constantly on vacation. But that’s what the higher ups do in my husband’s company they go on vacation and leave the work to the real people who know what their doing. And then someone had the nerve to mention my husband taking time off. Again he uses his sick and his vacation pay so it doesn’t come out of the fucking company.  And I pay attention, his colleagues take vacations all the time. But they actually get to take vacations my husband’s “vacations” are usually spent with me in the hospital.

 My husband is a good man and the best at the job he does. Like I said it’s not just coming from me it’s coming from stacks of letters I have at home that people have sent him. And I did work with him years ago and many times people called they would only work with him.

 If anyone reads this that works with him, cut him some slack. I wrote this only me. Because for 20 years I’ve watched my husband works his ass off but because he’s not an “ass kisser”  and honestly that’s what most of those people want. And I’m glad he’s not, that’s one of the things I love about him.

 Emptiness, really sucks. You see I can’t get excited about things because I have no way to get up to do the things that might excite me. My family does what they can when they’re not at work. I can honestly say I really need a caregiver.  Maybe if I divorced my husband and go on government care that will help me.  And the sickest part of that, is people actually have to do that. We are not the richest country in the world. Our system is completely  fucked!

 Now I’m off to watch some more brain cell killing TV.  And that is my life.

Peace ✌

FUCK · Health · Movies · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · RANDOM

So, what’s on the agenda for today?

Looks like it’s a DVR morning; Law and Order:SVU, Criminal Minds, Grey’s Anatomy. Then back to Netflix to get caught up o Supernatural!

Cutie pies!

Was up much too early this morning. Bleck 5:30 am comes too fast. We decided that I’ll get up when Roger leaves for work. This way he can get me up out of the bed so I do not have a repeat of yesterday. Did I mention, I HATE MS! We’re wondering if the sudden worsening of my legs etc. is due to stopping the Tysabri. Maybe my body is adjusting itself to not having the medication in my body. Hopefully it will level out soon.

If you need me, you can find me in my bed again. I’ll be the one with three dogs lying all over me. 😉 I’m off as my hands will not cooperate.

Have a fabulous day/night everyone!

xx, Tracy…
Hope · Movies · Ramblings · RANDOM · Silly

Baa hahahahaaaaa HA!

Cannot figure out why I’m so ‘giddy’ today after the not-so-great news I got from my doctor yesterday. I think I am finally losing it… Funny how losing it feels kind of good.

Picture in your head, Tom Hanks, Money Pit, bathtub falling through floor losing it!!

And now a grammar lesson. If you can’t find something, you lose it. If something is not tight it’s, loose. Lose, losing, loose, loosening. I know random… Damn, hope I’m right!! 😛

xx, Tracy…
Family · Love · Movies · Ramblings · RANDOM

My fabulously fun and exhausting week…

The week started on June 18th. We began our week long vacation to 20 Oaks Cottages and RV Park. We met my parental units in Fresno to break up the long drive. Hung out at the hotel Saturday night and left for Clearlake early Sunday morning. We arrived at Steve’s and my sister Kim’s park around 2 pm. This vacation was also a bit of a family reunion. I had not seen my sister Kim for 6 years or my cousins for 18 years. [since my wedding] We all did the hugs and introductions and all that mushy stuff then went to see the lake.


It turned out to be unusually hot for this time of year. [figures] The first two days I went outside and hung by the dock to watch my kids go tubing and swim. It sucked that I was not able to get to the boat or even get in the water, but watching my kids have a blast made it okay. The heat finally got to me and my legs swelled up something fierce. By Wednesday I could not go outside during the day anymore. So pretty much slept that day away. This trip was definitely kicking my ass… but it was a good ass kicking and completely worth it! lol

The Family
having a blast!
my boy tubing

There are over 200 photos from our trip. It gave me something to do with my cool camera! lol

We left Thursday and headed back to Fresno for the Hotel stay. It was hard leaving the paradise that is is Clearlake, but we had to head home. We left the hotel early Friday for home. It was good to be home, but I missed my family.

BUT, my fabulous week was not over yet. My baby sister and her BF, Don, were coming to visit Saturday. This would be a perfect ending to a perfect week. I got to see my sisters and my brother at the lake and now my baby sister as well. We bbq’ and had salad and tasty asparagus and cookies and ice cream! YUM! We watched Battle Los Angeles. Basically it’s Independence Day with a few changes. Independence Day is a much better movie, but Battle LA gave us a few giggles. All in all it was a great end to a great week!

kids on a trampoline! lol
kids on a trampoline! lol
Laura n me!

This week I am paying for all the fun I had, but it really is soooo worth it. My kids had a blast, hubby caught the only fish [was then released], got to see family, took pictures, and for the first time in a looooong time felt some ‘quality’ in my life! It doesn’t get any better than that!

xx, Tracy...

Health · Movies · Multiple Sclerosis · Ramblings · RANDOM · Sarcasm

Here I sit…

broken hearted… lmao!! No, not going there!! This is not a public restroom wall!

Seriously, here I sit at my laptop updating, playing in FB, getting iTunes ready for hubbies new iPhone. I just did the kids breakfast dishes and got some jewelry things cleaned. Now what? I’m staring at my blog screen with nothing. Roger will sometimes ask me what I’m doing. Well, just ran a marathon, went grocery shopping, took the kids here and there, did laundry, etc. Then we just laugh. I used to do all of this, minus the marathon! lol I so miss doing all the boring irritating things.

So, here I sit deciding what wonderful things to do. I can go back to bed and watch tv, or go sit in my cool lift-chair and watch tv. Or, I can sit at my design table and play on my computer. hmmmmmm Decisions, decisions. I think I’ll go medicate and lie in my lift-chair and watch movies or something. Oh the life a cripple!!

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!


xx, Tracy...
Hope · Movies · Multiple Sclerosis · Ramblings · RANDOM


I’m not so much into the Ampyra. Tried it for over 5 mos and sometimes it seemed as if my legs were weaker. Now this does not mean it will not work for all, just not so much for me. I had high expectations, but srsly, it is more for the less severe forms then the progressive forms. Might be only my opinion, but whatever. I know my MS and it knows me.

just say no

I really wanted it to help, but oh well whatcha gonna do. Keep waiting for them to finally get a useful medication for the serious progressive forms. I think that finding help for us would really help the less progressive forms.

So I wait, and pray that they find something for PPMS before I get so bad nothing will help.

On that not, off to watch ‘White Girls’ and omg they crack me up. Love the Wayans!!

xx, Tracy...
Movies · Ramblings

Sci-fi Fliks

I’m a huge Horror/Thriller movie lover, but not a huge fan of creepy flesh eating creature movies. Pandorum [2009] was not the typical creepy flesh eating creature movie. It had a really good plot, a couple of WTF moments and a few, jump out of my chair holy shit moments as well.

Two men awaken in their hyper-sleep chambers on a huge spaceship with no idea where they are, who they are, or the year they are in. Dennis Quaid [Lt. Payton] stays behind in the room they awakened in, while Ben Foster [Cpl. Bower] heads out to look for clues. They soon realize they are not alone. Secrets are slowly revealed and survival is more important than ever.

There are a few twists and turns, so pay attention while watching. There are some bloody moments, but not too many as to take away from the plot of the film.

All in all I feel this is a movie to see, especially if you like Sci-Fi!

Blessings and Hope!

Movies · Ramblings · RANDOM · Stupid Stuff

‘The Perfect Getaway’

Watched this movie tonight. Anything with Timothy Olyphant is ok in my book. He is a cutie pie and easy on the eyes.


It’s also a good movie with a great plot and nice twists and turns. The scenery is breathtaking. My problem is it also makes me sad. I watch these movies and want so much to do things like this. [not the murders etc… lol] I want to travel and go into the Kauai mountains, take pictures, swim in the lagoons. Not going to happen for me. It can get depressing sometimes to see people doing the things I would so do if I was able. Luckily, I get over it in time or I’d be a complete basket case. Sometimes it just really sucks. I guess unless you live it you cannot understand it, but I’m sure you get the point! Ok, face it, I want to be my 6′ tall again, skinny, cute and on Kauai with Timothy Olyphant. There, you have it!! rofl

Ah, the pointless blogs, gotta love em!!


Blessings and Hope