Anger · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · Strength

The Fabulous Insurance Saga Continues …

I would love to say that Independence Blue Cross is actually ‘working’ for me and that we have gotten my non-emergent transport taken care of. Unfortunately that’s not the case. I’ve actually been to a couple appointments using the non-emergent transport. Sadly I see future problems with this. When I called to get the pre-certification for transport I was told I wasn’t the one that should be calling 😳⁉️ I was informed that my doctor needs to call every and explain that I’m bedridden thus needing the gurney transport. Are they fucking kidding me? My doctor has to stop his practice to contact this ridiculous company to tell them that I am in fact, bedridden and need this service. Again, are they fucking kidding me? So I put a call in to Jason to see what we could do about this. We spoke for a couple days as he was trying to find out the correct information for me regarding pre-certification. On March 6 I was told he would call me back on Monday, March 9 and let me know how I go about it. My doctors appointment was for March 13 and he never called me back during that week. 🤔 My appointment at my doctors was on Friday the 13th. I was not going to cancel my appointment, so I went ahead and got my transport and will definitely be billing them for that trip as well. The total now out of my pocket thanks to no help from my insurance company, is $940. 

Should I have called him and asked why he wasn’t calling me back? That’s a big no. When someone tells me they’re going call me back, that’s what they’re supposed to do. I’m shocked at the incompetence of Independence Blue Cross and they are rent-a-docs and their employees. The worst part about all of this is it’s seriously is fucking with my health. I know I sound like a broken record, but without rehab I have nothing. I think it’s finally time I either, shit or get off the toilet… I know that analogy is not the best but 😂 I really am not over exaggerating when I say this is life or death for me. I think maybe it’s time I go public. I think it’s time I show people what companies like Independence Blue Cross do to people who truly need their help. I think it’s time I take back my life, adjust my crown, and remind people who the hell they’re dealing with.

I know this blog is kind of all over the place but I really feel like I’m losing my mind. I know I’ve said this before but I really feel like I’m on an episode of punked. Real life really is stranger than fiction. I just want to get better. I just need the proper medical help that my doctors feel I should have. Sadly no one gets it until they get it and the way these people are making me feel, I hope they do get it. 🤭 I really don’t like feeling that way but I do believe that for every person that is keeping life-saving medical care from me, because they’re putting money first, Karma will be introducing herself at some point. Good luck! 

Have courage and be kind.

Hope · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · Strength

I had so much hope…

The following is from a Facebook post I wrote exactly 2 years ago today when I was at the rehab Institute at Palmdale regional Medical Center. If Independence Blue Cross had not forced me out after one month I would not be fighting to get the proper care that I need! I found out that if they had asked to put me in a nursing home for rehabilitation they probably would’ve covered it. A nursing home!!! Are they fucking serious! You get maybe 20 to 40 minutes of rehab. In the acute rehab you get 3 to 4 hours. I am so angry because Independence Blue Cross took my life from me when they made me leave. Trust me I’m not naïve. I know it’s all about the money. Or possibly the lotto where they throw your name in a hat and decide who gets care this month. They don’t want us to get well they want us to die. I know I’ve said this before, but how can anyone consciously deny someone life-saving care. I just smile and the fact that, Karma is a bitch and she doesn’t forget. Okay… I got off track. 😜 Again the following is from my Facebook post from two years ago today:

I think I need to say something due to some private messages I am getting. What I’m doing is NOT a cure. There is NO cure for multiple sclerosis at this time. What I am doing is making me feel better mentally which is helping me physically. 💪🏻

I have primary progressive MS. Only 10% of people with MS have my type. I was diagnosed in August 1997 so I know what MS is and what it does to a person. I am not new to this. I was told from the beginning I would get worse it’s progressive and there was nothing I could do about it. So I listened to everyone and believed what everyone said. I basically gave up on me and the person I was and became MS. I feel the need to say it again, I know what MS is and how it affects people. I’m living it.

Some people say it’s hereditary. I’m the first in my family on both sides to have anything like this and I really hope it stops with me. I fully believe when you have MS you have had it your whole life. It just takes something dramatic or life-changing to bring it out. That’s my opinion only but that is how I feel about it.

I basically laid down and let it take me over. I know that my MS is progressive. I know it will always be with me until the cure is found. But I also know that by being in this program I am getting muscles back. I am moving again.

I cannot stress enough how bad I was before this. The last four years I literally never left my bed. The only time I would leave was to go to doctors appointments and that was rare. I was paralyzed from the waist down. My legs did not move for the last four years. When I went to the ER on January 16 my arms had stopped working as well. Only my right arm worked a little bit. On that night I made the choice to not end my life and to get help! It took me losing it in the ER at the doctor for them to finally listen to me. And the doctor did listen and he got me help and now I’m here!

As most of you have seen I am moving my arms now and I’m beginning to get back some of what I lost from my waist down and it’s only getting better. I am done listening to the doctors and to other people that it (physical therapy etc.) won’t change anything. This therapy I’m in IS changing everything! They know I have MS and they are working it around me. Last night I woke up and the MonSter that is MS tried to come through. I told it to get the fuck away from me, that this is my time now. This morning I worked through the feeling and I made it. 👍🏻

MS is different for all of us. But what I’m doing is helpful for all of us. It’s never a bad thing to keep moving. The old adage, move it or lose it, I learned the hard way that it is true.

So, again, I know this is not a cure. But what it’s doing for me mentally is completely amazing. I forgot what it was like to be positive. I have surrounded myself with negative for so long that I thought that’s how life was. It’s not!

If sharing my story helps even person, my journey (even the excruciating pain) will be completely worth it! 🧡

#MSWarrior #NeverGiveUpHave courage and be kind.

Anger · Fear · Health · HELL · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · Strength

My soul is tired but my will is strong…

Yesterday was an eye-opening experience for me being out of bed really for the first time since August 18, 2019. I am in so much pain today and sleep did not come easily last night. I now understand fully and completely that in-home therapy is not gonna help me at all. I need to be in a place where they re-train my body to move again and help me deal with the pain in my hips. It’s going to be a process and it has to be hard-core. I was up all night thinking about the night I fell on October 10, 2013 and how everything led up to where I am now. I need neurological physical therapy in a facility, NOT at home. I’m going to need the proper medications for the pain and I need to learn how to move again. When I say I’m like a newborn baby, I’m not being sarcastic. I know it’s hard to believe. 😊 I am now going to make an appointment with the neurologist so he gets on board with my pain management doctor about hard-core rehab. The ambulance service comes early Friday morning to take me to my pain management doctors appointment. I’m scared to death. I was only in my chair for a couple of hours and the edema was so bad yesterday it really freaked me out. I’ve never had it that bad. I know that I’m going to be in a lying down position, but that’s how my legs were yesterday I think it was more about the upper half of my body. I don’t even know how to explain it. What I have realized is if something doesn’t happen quickly I’m seriously screwed. I don’t think it’ll ever come back. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to move right again unless something happens now. They’re hoping that I am too ill and too tired to fight. We all know it’s about money not about anybody’s health or well-being. I am tired. I am fed up. I am so close to breaking. But unfortunately for them, that’s when my strength shows up! This IS life or death for me. That’s not an overstatement! If something doesn’t change quickly I will not be here much longer. My body is breaking more and more every minute I’m trapped in this bed. Somethings got to give!! I know I know this is really in your face. But I will never back down from this because it is my life! I’ll say that again, this is my life! so now it’s time to get all my ducks in their proverbial row, get to all my doctors appointments via stretcher, and bring it! I’m seriously tired just thinking about it. Please universe give me strength!

Wait till they get a load of me! 😈

Have courage and be kind.

Anger · FUCK · Health · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Strength

Manic Monday – Insurance Saga

My lastest dealings with Independence Blue Cross was all about getting phone numbers from the representative at IBX  for non-emergent transport, PT places etc. Today I made my appointment, far in advance, for my pain management doctor. I called the non-emergent transport companies that were given to me from Independence Blue Cross. I know, redundant, here’s why… The first company I called told me they no longer take Blue Cross insurance. The second company I called said they no longer take Blue Cross insurance because they never get paid from Independence Blue Cross insurance. 😳 The third company said, you have to call the week of your appointment and then there are no guarantees that there will be availability. OK well that’s just fucking fantastic! So let’s recap; the phone numbers that I received from the representative at Independence Blue Cross were ALL dead ends. Now I could pay cash for one of them which would be $283 upfront and then $75 an hour for however long it takes for your appointment. Alrighty then I guess I’ll just pull that cash out of my ass. So tell me what the fuck is the point of having health insurance if it doesn’t help you. We pay thousands of dollars for this insurance and at this point they basically have told me to fuck off and die in my bed. I’m not even going to get into calling the physical therapy places, because talking to those people dropped my IQ many points. I just needed to know if they’ve dealt with people that have contractures things like that. Not one of them could answer the question. It was as if they were reading off a script, “All of our physical therapists are very good. They do their jobs well.” OK good for them, that’s not what I fucking asked you. 🤦🏻‍♀️

My first reaction to all of this this morning was to completely snap. But I held it together. I took deep breath’s and started uncontrollably laughing. I am so angry right now there is no way to even measure the anger that is boiling up inside of me. I know more than anyone, that it’s not good for me blah blah blah. But come the fuck on… Cut me a fucking break… Why can’t one thing work out for me like it’s supposed to. Why??!! I’ll tell you why, INCOMPETENCE!! I’m dealing with people that are reading out of a notebook that the insurance company gets them. I’m dealing with people that have no humanity. I’m dealing with people that would be happy if I just took it and died. Well I have news for you Independence Blue Cross, I’m not going anywhere in fact I’m going to be your worst fucking nightmare! This right here is the end of my rope. Please believe me when I tell you, you really have no idea what you’ve done! 

And as always, have courage and be kind! 

Anger · FUCK · Health · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Strength

Manic Monday – Insurance Saga

My lastest dealings with Independence Blue Cross was all about getting phone numbers from the representative at IBX  for non-emergent transport, PT places etc. Today I made my appointment, far in advance, for my pain management doctor. I called the non-emergent transport companies that were given to me from Independence Blue Cross. I know, redundant, here’s why… The first company I called told me they no longer take Blue Cross insurance. The second company I called said they no longer take Blue Cross insurance because they never get paid from Independence Blue Cross insurance. 😳 The third company said, you have to call the week of your appointment and then there are no guarantees that there will be availability. OK well that’s just fucking fantastic! So let’s recap; the phone numbers that I received from the representative at Independence Blue Cross were ALL dead ends. Now I could pay cash for one of them which would be $283 upfront and then $75 an hour for however long it takes for your appointment. Alrighty then I guess I’ll just pull that cash out of my ass. So tell me what the fuck is the point of having health insurance if it doesn’t help you. We pay thousands of dollars for this insurance and at this point they basically have told me to fuck off and die in my bed. I’m not even going to get into calling the physical therapy places, because talking to those people dropped my IQ many points. I just needed to know if they’ve dealt with people that have contractures things like that. Not one of them could answer the question. It was as if they were reading off a script, “All of our physical therapists are very good. They do their jobs well.” OK good for them, that’s not what I fucking asked you. 🤦🏻‍♀️

My first reaction to all of this this morning was to completely snap. But I held it together. I took deep breath’s and started uncontrollably laughing. I am so angry right now there is no way to even measure the anger that is boiling up inside of me. I know more than anyone, that it’s not good for me blah blah blah. But come the fuck on… Cut me a fucking break… Why can’t one thing work out for me like it’s supposed to. Why??!! I’ll tell you why, INCOMPETENCE!! I’m dealing with people that are reading out of a notebook that the insurance company gets them. I’m dealing with people that have no humanity. I’m dealing with people that would be happy if I just took it and died. Well I have news for you Independence Blue Cross, I’m not going anywhere in fact I’m going to be your worst fucking nightmare! This right here is the end of my rope. Please believe me when I tell you, you really have no idea what you’ve done! 

And as always, have courage and be kind! 

Anger · FUCK · Health · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Strength

Manic Monday – Insurance Saga

My lastest dealings with Independence Blue Cross was all about getting phone numbers from the representative at IBX  for non-emergent transport, PT places etc. Today I made my appointment, far in advance, for my pain management doctor. I called the non-emergent transport companies that were given to me from Independence Blue Cross. I know, redundant, here’s why… The first company I called told me they no longer take Blue Cross insurance. The second company I called said they no longer take Blue Cross insurance because they never get paid from Independence Blue Cross insurance. 😳 The third company said, you have to call the week of your appointment and then there are no guarantees that there will be availability. OK well that’s just fucking fantastic! So let’s recap; the phone numbers that I received from the representative at Independence Blue Cross were ALL dead ends. Now I could pay cash for one of them which would be $283 upfront and then $75 an hour for however long it takes for your appointment. Alrighty then I guess I’ll just pull that cash out of my ass. So tell me what the fuck is the point of having health insurance if it doesn’t help you. We pay thousands of dollars for this insurance and at this point they basically have told me to fuck off and die in my bed. I’m not even going to get into calling the physical therapy places, because talking to those people dropped my IQ many points. I just needed to know if they’ve dealt with people that have contractures things like that. Not one of them could answer the question. It was as if they were reading off a script, “All of our physical therapists are very good. They do their jobs well.” OK good for them, that’s not what I fucking asked you. 🤦🏻‍♀️

My first reaction to all of this this morning was to completely snap. But I held it together. I took deep breath’s and started uncontrollably laughing. I am so angry right now there is no way to even measure the anger that is boiling up inside of me. I know more than anyone, that it’s not good for me blah blah blah. But come the fuck on… Cut me a fucking break… Why can’t one thing work out for me like it’s supposed to. Why??!! I’ll tell you why, INCOMPETENCE!! I’m dealing with people that are reading out of a notebook that the insurance company gets them. I’m dealing with people that have no humanity. I’m dealing with people that would be happy if I just took it and died. Well I have news for you Independence Blue Cross, I’m not going anywhere in fact I’m going to be your worst fucking nightmare! This right here is the end of my rope. Please believe me when I tell you, you really have no idea what you’ve done! 

And as always, have courage and be kind! 

Anger · Family · Fear · Movies · Ramblings

Completely Empty

  I’m not even sure how to explain it. And I truly am sad most days, but today as I opened my eyes I felt nothing. Completely void. I was alone for about an hour and realized I didn’t have any water. I forgot to ask for some before my son left for work. And over that small little thing, I just sat there, emotionless with tears running down my face.

 Only emotion I feel lately is anger. Anger because we cannot afford for me to have in-home care. My insurance company, one of the big ones, doesn’t cover that. And God forbid my husband‘s company pays him what he’s worth.  He’s given near 20 years for that company. He’s trained more people there than anyone and never got paid for that. And all the while he did his own work as well.  And the people he trained. now make much more money than he does. I guess because where he works most people are familied in. Yet my husband has more letters of recommendation and more people that will only work with him than anyone else. He gets calls at home from people for help. But this multi million dollar company can’t pay him enough for all his dedication and hard work.

And yes my husband has taken time off, for me to help me. He uses his vacation time and sick pay he’s never taken off the company without using his own hours. Everyone else is constantly on vacation. But that’s what the higher ups do in my husband’s company they go on vacation and leave the work to the real people who know what their doing. And then someone had the nerve to mention my husband taking time off. Again he uses his sick and his vacation pay so it doesn’t come out of the fucking company.  And I pay attention, his colleagues take vacations all the time. But they actually get to take vacations my husband’s “vacations” are usually spent with me in the hospital.

 My husband is a good man and the best at the job he does. Like I said it’s not just coming from me it’s coming from stacks of letters I have at home that people have sent him. And I did work with him years ago and many times people called they would only work with him.

 If anyone reads this that works with him, cut him some slack. I wrote this only me. Because for 20 years I’ve watched my husband works his ass off but because he’s not an “ass kisser”  and honestly that’s what most of those people want. And I’m glad he’s not, that’s one of the things I love about him.

 Emptiness, really sucks. You see I can’t get excited about things because I have no way to get up to do the things that might excite me. My family does what they can when they’re not at work. I can honestly say I really need a caregiver.  Maybe if I divorced my husband and go on government care that will help me.  And the sickest part of that, is people actually have to do that. We are not the richest country in the world. Our system is completely  fucked!

 Now I’m off to watch some more brain cell killing TV.  And that is my life.

Peace ✌

Anger · HELL · PAIN

Wanting me to be real…

WARNING!!!! “F” bomb alert!!

So for many years I hid my pain in jokes, sarcasm and laughter. It was easier for me and less upsetting for those around me. So many people told me, “Be Real” “Tell the truth about your pain” “Ask for help”…

So, in the past year or so I tried this route only to have it thrown back in my face. Now, when I show my pain, being real, I’m told it’s for sympathy, poor me shit. REALLY! Fuck off please. I have never asked for anyone’s pity, sympathy or the poor me pour me a drink bullshit! Yet for years I listened to others pain and tried to help in any way I could. Now I’m the bad person. Again I say Fuck off please.

Then I got the, I’ll show people the real you, I’ll copy and paste emails. Really, go ahead doctor up your emails. you are the only one that will look like a childish buffoon. As for the ‘people’ who talk the shit and tell the lies…come forward, say it to me. But no, you just block me as you know damn well I will say it to your face, no need to lie or go behind any ones back. That’s all of your jobs. And for those who talked all the shit to this person, de-friend me, block, stay the fuck away from me. You are liars and pathetic. So, you all deserve one another. And if it’s who I think it all is, stop emailing me as well with your BS about this said person. Just leave me the fuck alone. Get rid of my email, my phone numbers etc., oh and grow the FUCK up! You all know who you are and you all know the ‘real’ truth.

I truly hate being this person, this angry person. And after this, hopefully these 2 faced ignorant assholes will back the fuck off and move on. I have not changed and am the same person I have always been. Love me or leave me. Ask me a question and I will tell you the truth.

I am sorry for those reading this and seeing me being this angry person, but I am so tired of being certain people’s punching bag. I have enough of my own problems, health and otherwise, so it is time this was said. I will not allow any of you to hurt me and cause me to become ill due to all the stress. And if you feel the need to comment here again, it won’t come through. If any of ya feel the need to email me, it won’t be read. So don’t waste your time or energy. Just FUCK off please.

I know the person I am and the friend I am, maybe you should look in the mirror and figure out who you are. Remember each time you point your little finger at me there are 3 pointing back at you.

I pray for you and hope that one day you will find the happiness and peace you need. I have my peace and my happiness in my family and my real friends. So really there is no need for you or room for you anymore.

When it all falls apart…I won’t be here next time. Once bitten, twice shy!!

And now I am done and will be back to my REAL self free from the toxic people that have no place in my world!

****************

Blessings and Hope!!

Damn it feels good to purge!!!