Posts Tagged ‘Ramblings’

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 I guess it’s better late than never. 2018… The only change for me will be that I will progress. I’m a realist, I have to be. I still hope every day. Yet, hope can become very paralyzing.  As most people now, I was diagnosed in August 1997. My second opinion specialist said it began in 1986 and that I am primary progressive. In reality I’ve had this my whole life. I was genetically predisposed for it. I can look back and see issues I had from the time I was little and through my teen years into adulthood. It lay dormant for a very long time. I guess when it showed up, it needed to make itself known by literally taking away everything I held/hold dear.

But, seriously, what you gonna do? I literally can’t “do” anything by myself.  I try to keep A happy face because nobody wants to hear the truth. And that’s OK, I probably wouldn’t want to hear it either. So really, what are you gonna do when you end up like this. Basically you just have to take it. I cry so much I could end the drought. 😂  No, seriously, I could. LOL You just have to find the humor.

It’s just that some days there is no humor to be found. It’s been four years and three months now that I have been confined to a bed. I get up for doctors appointments and for showers and that’s about it. The pain is so intense that if I sit for too long… I’m better off in bed.

That’s all I have right now. Happy fucking new year! I’ve just got nothing.

Peace ✌️

 

 

Already dead

Because I’m already dead
You can see it in my eyes
I’m already dead
I can tell no more lies

My body is broken
my pain is so real
I can’t hold on anymore
My body won’t heal

Because i’m already dead
Can’t you see it in my eyes
I’m already dead
there are no more lies

The truth has come out
Please take me home
There’s no more to be done
My soul it is gone

Because I’m already dead
I will never be free
I’m already dead
Someone please help me

Song/Lyrics @ Tracy Radford

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Just another little poll. I’m kind of a horror fan myself, but really watch anything and everything.

 Did I forget drama? 😮 I guess I did. LOL if dramas are your thing, just write it in the comments. Have a fabulous morning, day, night wherever you may be.

Peace out! 🖤

I’ve just recently started blogging again. It’s helping me with trying to end the monotony that is my life. While I hope people read and maybe take something away from my blogs, I really do this for me. It helps get those nagging thoughts out of my head. I know my blogs may sometimes be depressing, but that comes with life and MS.

New news, Home Depot is sending Jerry [new guy] to fix the lil’ latch/clip that broke the first day. Did Briana call me, of course not. Passing the buck again!

I did get some good advice. A ‘friend’ told me to get the license numbers of the contractors they hired. I am also going to get an estimate of the stucco damage they caused all around the windows and doors. Their workers also lost a few of my window house alarm magnets. Will be getting an estimate for those as well.

Since the time of Mark Nord, they’ve been talking compensation for all they’ve put us through. Briana said she’d be talking to Mark about it. Right, the guy that blew me off for months then sent Briana my way. She and I have lots to discuss after tomorrow. Fraud, lies, rudeness, just don’t!!

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Peace out my peeps!!

On March 7, 2017, while holding his hand, my daddy took his last breath. I can’t express what the loss of my dad has done to me. Even though we lived a few hours away from each other and I didn’t get to see him as much as I would’ve liked, thanks to my illness, I always knew he was there.  And somehow that gave me strength. I knew he was just a phone call away… unfortunately they don’t have cell phone service in heaven.

Right now it’s very hard with all that is going on in my life. The Home Depot fiasco as well as all of my medical issues and all the bills that  are taking over our lives. And I can’t seem to find my strength to deal with it and take care of it and not let these people walk over me.  My dad always taught me to be strong and always fight for what you believe in and what is right. And I know I have it in me, but I just can’t seem to find it right now. I can’t just pick up the phone and hear his voice.  I just want him to come back. He would give me the strength and the peptalk I need to not let these despicable people hurt us.

My daddy was the best person that I’ve ever known. I’m not sure, I’m just not sure of anything. I miss him so much. And while it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I got to be there  holding his hand when he finally found peace. ❤️

I miss you and I love you dad. We all do!

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A quick quip:

 Never mistake my tears for weakness!

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Blessings and Hope!

For the past two nights my mind has been blank. I’ve been reading the Twilight books. Finished Eclipse in 6 hours and am half way through Breaking Dawn. Loving me some Vampires!! lol

The kids are finally back in school after a 3 week vacation. It figures their first day back, and my first day alone in 3 weeks, I was not feeling well. My kindle has been keeping me company. I was all ready to get out to my jewelry table and create some new things, and BAM could barely move. I so know that when ‘Aunt Flow’ visits, it affects my MS in a yuck way. And what do you know, the bitch came to visit yesterday. I know… TMI!!  😛 So, reading and sleeping was my day.

Today will end up the same, it seems. Other than a conference call meeting at 10am, I’m off for the day for more Kindle time and sleep. I hope this [aunt flow and the tireds] ends soon. I have been designing things in my head for days now and so need some ‘jewelry’ time. It clears my head and makes me feel like I have some purpose. I finally purchased my domain name, so stop by and check it out. A Fabulous Flair It is still a work in progress. Still deciding on backgrounds etc.

Well before I start rambling about more stupid stuff, I’m out!

Blessings and Hope!