Anger · FUCK · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings

MS Awareness Month day 22

There really are not enough. I’m in a pretty dark place right now I’ve never been afraid of not being able to get out of it. But my problems at this time start with MS and of course that disgusting corporation Independence Blue Cross. I am very angry right now… SOOO angry. They are literally killing me right now by not allowing me the medical necessity rehab and the ability to get to my doctors. How do you people that are bedridden get to their doctors. I know, they go broke trying to pay for it on their own, Because Independence Blue Cross won’t. I’ve barely able to wake up the past few days because the fatigue from the stress and the depression is taking over right now. Fuck Independence Blue Cross fuck, the people that work for them that deny life-saving care just a big fuck you! I really hope Karma finds every last one of you and does her thing. Because you truly deserve what’s coming to you. I’m sorry but to work for a corporation where consciously know that you will be denying people life-saving care, you already have something fucked up in your make up. Because I know I could never work in a place like that, so yes, you’re already fucked up in the head. So sorry if this hurt anyone’s feelings… bahahaha no I’m not! I only speak the truth.

I’m sorry it’s a little dark today, but I can barely keep my eyes open and when they do open the tears just stream down my face. I’m angry and I’m broken and no one gives a fuck.

But no matter how I feel always, have courage and be kind. 🖤

FUCK · Health · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Primary Progressive MS · Quotes · Ramblings · Sarcasm · Strength

Be the bad ass you were meant to be!

I’m telling you today is already on my nerves. I got my bladder surgery scheduled and the pre-surgery doctors appointment. I did what I was told and called to get the pre-certification for the non-emergent transport, and was told my doctor needs to call. Now a week and a half ago the Young lady at Accolade called with me on the phone and took care of this for me. I think something must have happened because today no one will help me do it. Then, this weekend I received a new bill from my August 2019 stay and while getting my papers all together I found one I’d forgotten about. Previously I was told that my responsibility would be $50.90, but these bills together are $3000 and some change. I think someone’s messing with me. Am I on candid camera? Or maybe the TV show Punked came back. I know the wizard is behind the curtain. 😂

Trust me this morning I haven’t been strong. I’ve been crying a lot because it’s so overwhelming right now. This company (Independence Blue Cross) and their people are keeping proper care from me and making everything I need that much harder. it’s been a big eye-opening experience for me. I used to think people were exaggerating when they said their health insurance wasn’t helping them etc. I mean how can your health insurance not help you when you pay for that service?! Right? It has been boldly thrown into my face that it’s all about the money and the greed of these corporations. They have the money to put me in a top-of-the-line acute neurological rehab, but they’re not going to do it because that would take away from their paychecks. I am tired, I am discouraged, I am broken, but I will not be defeated! If they’re doing this to me how many other people have they done this to? And how many of those people did not have the strength or even know what to do to get help. This is what these companies do. They prey on people like me and their rent-a-docs run our healthcare without even seeing us or meeting us. 

So, while I have had a mental breakdown this morning and am feeling myself falling into the depths of healthcare insurance hell, I will not stop! this is my life! And I really hate when my mind goes to that dark place and I pray for karma to hit each and every one of the people that are denying me the life-saving care. I don’t like being that person. I don’t want anyone to feel the depths of despair that I feel every morning I wake up and realize it’s another day trapped in this hell. I wish these people would come to my fucking home. All they would have to do is take one look at my legs and they would see how much I need their help. Oh shit, wait a minute… They DON’T FUCKING CARE! Phew… that was a close one, I almost gave them credit for being human.

I am adjusting my sails right now!! 🖤

Have courage and be kind.

Craziness · FUCK · Health · HELL · Primary Progressive MS · Quotes · Ramblings · Strength

It’s the boredom that kills you

As I am lying here trying to find something on TV, everything just hit me at once. My emotions went all over the place. Silently screaming and crying so no one in my house hears me. How long can one lie in the same spot every day? How many books can one person read? How much TV can one person watch? After a while each thing you do becomes boring. You lie the same way at all times as you can no longer roll your body to either side. I’ve actually had people tell me how lucky I am to be able to just lie around all day and have no big responsibilities. Really? 🤔 Maybe for one day or possibly even a week, but 6 years 3 months and counting… You must be fucking ridiculous! Mental torture is 100% accurate! When people tell me they can’t imagine, they have no idea what they would do, they could never cope, etc. They are 100% correct. They can’t imagine the darkness that goes through my mind every day. They have no idea how many nights I pray to whatever entity is out there to take me home. They couldn’t cope with realizing that death would be a beautiful freedom.

Sometimes I wonder which is more crazy, the thoughts that go through my mind or the fact that I stick around for them. My favorite ‘people’ are those that say, “No you’re not going crazy you’re just upset with your situation.” Oh how lovely that would be if it were that simple. I would love just to be ‘upset’ with my situation. That would be much easier to take. 

Have courage and be kind.

*** just a little FYI, I’m just venting and I hate having to add that but some people, the people that don’t know me, take some things I write in the wrong way. 🙄 If I didn’t get my feelings out, then I’d be worried. Thanks everyone… 



FUCK · HELL · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS

Broken

I am really in the thick of it right now. I have not heard back from Independence Blue Cross, so I’m in limbo. Most likely I’ll have to call Accolade who is the go-between. We pay so much money for health insurance every year, yet we are not ‘allowed’ to speak to the actual insurance company reps!! 🤔 It is absolutely ridiculous. Independence Blue Cross is 💯% withholding care from me. How can that be acceptable? Independence Blue Cross is really a joke. The incompetence over there is astounding.

I’m tired… But I’m not going to stop… I’m broken… But I’m not going to stop…

Have courage and be kind! < The people at Independence Blue Cross should really take heed of that simple sentence. I really do wonder how they sleep at night. 

Anger · FUCK · Health · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Strength

Manic Monday – Insurance Saga

My lastest dealings with Independence Blue Cross was all about getting phone numbers from the representative at IBX  for non-emergent transport, PT places etc. Today I made my appointment, far in advance, for my pain management doctor. I called the non-emergent transport companies that were given to me from Independence Blue Cross. I know, redundant, here’s why… The first company I called told me they no longer take Blue Cross insurance. The second company I called said they no longer take Blue Cross insurance because they never get paid from Independence Blue Cross insurance. 😳 The third company said, you have to call the week of your appointment and then there are no guarantees that there will be availability. OK well that’s just fucking fantastic! So let’s recap; the phone numbers that I received from the representative at Independence Blue Cross were ALL dead ends. Now I could pay cash for one of them which would be $283 upfront and then $75 an hour for however long it takes for your appointment. Alrighty then I guess I’ll just pull that cash out of my ass. So tell me what the fuck is the point of having health insurance if it doesn’t help you. We pay thousands of dollars for this insurance and at this point they basically have told me to fuck off and die in my bed. I’m not even going to get into calling the physical therapy places, because talking to those people dropped my IQ many points. I just needed to know if they’ve dealt with people that have contractures things like that. Not one of them could answer the question. It was as if they were reading off a script, “All of our physical therapists are very good. They do their jobs well.” OK good for them, that’s not what I fucking asked you. 🤦🏻‍♀️

My first reaction to all of this this morning was to completely snap. But I held it together. I took deep breath’s and started uncontrollably laughing. I am so angry right now there is no way to even measure the anger that is boiling up inside of me. I know more than anyone, that it’s not good for me blah blah blah. But come the fuck on… Cut me a fucking break… Why can’t one thing work out for me like it’s supposed to. Why??!! I’ll tell you why, INCOMPETENCE!! I’m dealing with people that are reading out of a notebook that the insurance company gets them. I’m dealing with people that have no humanity. I’m dealing with people that would be happy if I just took it and died. Well I have news for you Independence Blue Cross, I’m not going anywhere in fact I’m going to be your worst fucking nightmare! This right here is the end of my rope. Please believe me when I tell you, you really have no idea what you’ve done! 

And as always, have courage and be kind! 

Anger · FUCK · Health · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Strength

Manic Monday – Insurance Saga

My lastest dealings with Independence Blue Cross was all about getting phone numbers from the representative at IBX  for non-emergent transport, PT places etc. Today I made my appointment, far in advance, for my pain management doctor. I called the non-emergent transport companies that were given to me from Independence Blue Cross. I know, redundant, here’s why… The first company I called told me they no longer take Blue Cross insurance. The second company I called said they no longer take Blue Cross insurance because they never get paid from Independence Blue Cross insurance. 😳 The third company said, you have to call the week of your appointment and then there are no guarantees that there will be availability. OK well that’s just fucking fantastic! So let’s recap; the phone numbers that I received from the representative at Independence Blue Cross were ALL dead ends. Now I could pay cash for one of them which would be $283 upfront and then $75 an hour for however long it takes for your appointment. Alrighty then I guess I’ll just pull that cash out of my ass. So tell me what the fuck is the point of having health insurance if it doesn’t help you. We pay thousands of dollars for this insurance and at this point they basically have told me to fuck off and die in my bed. I’m not even going to get into calling the physical therapy places, because talking to those people dropped my IQ many points. I just needed to know if they’ve dealt with people that have contractures things like that. Not one of them could answer the question. It was as if they were reading off a script, “All of our physical therapists are very good. They do their jobs well.” OK good for them, that’s not what I fucking asked you. 🤦🏻‍♀️

My first reaction to all of this this morning was to completely snap. But I held it together. I took deep breath’s and started uncontrollably laughing. I am so angry right now there is no way to even measure the anger that is boiling up inside of me. I know more than anyone, that it’s not good for me blah blah blah. But come the fuck on… Cut me a fucking break… Why can’t one thing work out for me like it’s supposed to. Why??!! I’ll tell you why, INCOMPETENCE!! I’m dealing with people that are reading out of a notebook that the insurance company gets them. I’m dealing with people that have no humanity. I’m dealing with people that would be happy if I just took it and died. Well I have news for you Independence Blue Cross, I’m not going anywhere in fact I’m going to be your worst fucking nightmare! This right here is the end of my rope. Please believe me when I tell you, you really have no idea what you’ve done! 

And as always, have courage and be kind! 

Anger · FUCK · Health · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Strength

Manic Monday – Insurance Saga

My lastest dealings with Independence Blue Cross was all about getting phone numbers from the representative at IBX  for non-emergent transport, PT places etc. Today I made my appointment, far in advance, for my pain management doctor. I called the non-emergent transport companies that were given to me from Independence Blue Cross. I know, redundant, here’s why… The first company I called told me they no longer take Blue Cross insurance. The second company I called said they no longer take Blue Cross insurance because they never get paid from Independence Blue Cross insurance. 😳 The third company said, you have to call the week of your appointment and then there are no guarantees that there will be availability. OK well that’s just fucking fantastic! So let’s recap; the phone numbers that I received from the representative at Independence Blue Cross were ALL dead ends. Now I could pay cash for one of them which would be $283 upfront and then $75 an hour for however long it takes for your appointment. Alrighty then I guess I’ll just pull that cash out of my ass. So tell me what the fuck is the point of having health insurance if it doesn’t help you. We pay thousands of dollars for this insurance and at this point they basically have told me to fuck off and die in my bed. I’m not even going to get into calling the physical therapy places, because talking to those people dropped my IQ many points. I just needed to know if they’ve dealt with people that have contractures things like that. Not one of them could answer the question. It was as if they were reading off a script, “All of our physical therapists are very good. They do their jobs well.” OK good for them, that’s not what I fucking asked you. 🤦🏻‍♀️

My first reaction to all of this this morning was to completely snap. But I held it together. I took deep breath’s and started uncontrollably laughing. I am so angry right now there is no way to even measure the anger that is boiling up inside of me. I know more than anyone, that it’s not good for me blah blah blah. But come the fuck on… Cut me a fucking break… Why can’t one thing work out for me like it’s supposed to. Why??!! I’ll tell you why, INCOMPETENCE!! I’m dealing with people that are reading out of a notebook that the insurance company gets them. I’m dealing with people that have no humanity. I’m dealing with people that would be happy if I just took it and died. Well I have news for you Independence Blue Cross, I’m not going anywhere in fact I’m going to be your worst fucking nightmare! This right here is the end of my rope. Please believe me when I tell you, you really have no idea what you’ve done! 

And as always, have courage and be kind!