Celebration · Christmas · family · fun · FUNNY · Happiness · joy · love · multiple sclerosis · music · primary progressive MS · strength · stupid_stuff · Wheelchair

Holy Christmas balls Batman!

I had a great weekend! My step mom, who is more like a mother to me, and her husband came down on Saturday for our family Christmas. It was wonderful! I spent the first part of Saturday in my bed so we all camped out in my room and then when we were ready to eat, Roger got me up in my wheelchair and we actually ate our Christmas dinner at the table! You have no idea but that is a big deal. LOL The only issue was the fact that my Wheel-Chariot, even at its lowest position is still a bit high for the table. But thankfully I had my little tray so I got as close as I could to the table and used my tray for my food. She makes thee best mac & cheese ever and the best salad dressing. I was in heaven!  It felt very nice to feel normal, whatever that is, for that day. 🖤 Last year my daughter hung a string of lights around the walls of my bedroom and they brought me a beautiful lighted Christmas wreath. My room looks so pretty at night now! Festive and fun.

I also got an amazing “train case“ for my make up. I subscribe to Boxy Charm, so I get a surprise box every month of make up  and other fun things. It may seem frivolous or even stupid for me to do this because of the fact that I’m stuck in my bed, but for me it’s just fun and gives me something to do other than watching television. Although, the television is still on in the background. LOL Basically, it keeps me off the streets! 😂🤣

I hope this Monday finds everyone well. ♥️

Have courage and be kind!

Craziness · mindless-thoughts · multiple sclerosis · music · primary progressive MS · Ramblings · RANDOM · sarcasm · silly · sleep

Games people play whilst painting

I know, two blogs – one day.

Just a mellow check in. lol Mellow, as in me… mellow. Listening to an amazing mix my daughter Ashley made for me. Playing games on FB. I found some I forgot I had. Bubble Witch Saga for one. It’s fun. I’ve been playing it for over and hour. It has me mesmerized.

It’s 1:30 am and, as usual, no sleep in sight. To medicate, or not to medicate? That is the question. At this point, I’m not even sure of the question. Are you? Doubt it.

I really need my room painted something other than white. Some fun colors to match my personality. And no, not black. lmao Although…

paint

My daughter Shelby is itching to paint the interior. I explained the concept of money to her, and explained that we have none. 😛 Yet, it would be a nice change for me. Believe me, I need some change. Feel free to donate to, the help me paint house fund. [donate button on the left] 😉 I actually want my room in pale grays/blue colors. Muted and simple. The rest of the house in light mochas. The girls painted their own rooms in the colors they wanted. Turned out wonderfully. The boy hasn’t painted his room yet. I’m thinking black. Just kidding… or am I.

I’m kinda thinking being up most of the night is okay for me. Not sleeping may be the way my mind is protecting me. Let me explain; during the day people are bustling. I hear cars going by and read about fun things people do. I feel I’m missing out on life. At night, my house is quiet, the road is quiet. Most are in bed, like me. So, by sleeping in the afternoon, I sleep through the sadness of dreaming of lives I will not lead. Being awake at night, the house is quiet, the road is still. I can take it all in and not feel broken. I know, it sounds quite mad. It’s just hard to put to words. I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say. go.figure.

Do you ever hear a song that takes you back to a time and place forever in your heart? Does your heart ache? I literally either cry for a loss, laugh at fun time, or get ‘oh Hell no’ angry. lol Listening to music is one of the things that keep me sane.

2:15 am and all is Unwell. Love that song.

Back to my games! Peace!

Craziness · Darkness · Death · Depression · dreams · falling · HELL · hope · HORROR · multiple sclerosis · music · nightmares · primary progressive MS · Ramblings · RANDOM

I’m Alive…

Story Of The Year – I’m Alive

My amazing daughter Ashley makes me some awesome mixed cd’s. This song resonates deeply with me. It’s about transformation. Don’t want to spoil it for you. It’s a great video and very powerful on all levels for me. While his transformation is not mine [ahem], my MS feels like this to me. It has taken over my body and soul and I’m ‘fighting’ to stay alive in a prison that is my own body.

The words are so powerful!

******************

“I’m Alive”

In the night I sit alone
Lifeless to the world I know
Faith loss long ago
In this graveyard I’m calling home
Carved into the stone
A diary of broken bones and
Words I should’ve known

But this grave’s too deep to ever make it up
I’d do anything, anything
Just to feel like I could reach the ground
I’d do anything, anything now
To spread these wings somehow
I scream these words so loud
But they never make a sound

I’m alive
But I’m barely breathing now
So place my heart under the ground
Lay me down
I’m alive
But I’m barely breathing now
So drag my lungs into the ground
Lay me down

In the night I sit alone
The stars rain on the world below
Beg me to explode
But these dreams I keep are nowhere to be found
I’d do anything, anything just to stop
This weight from pressing down
I’d do anything anything now
To spread these wings somehow
I scream these words so loud
But they never make a sound

I’m alive
But I’m barely breathing now
So place my heart under the ground
Lay me down
I’m alive
But I’m barely breathing now
So drag my lungs into the ground
Lay me down

Deep enough so that I’ll never feel again
Far beneath any chance at breaking skin
I’m giving in
All the promise of smiles and happiness
That’s a dream I’m not willing to admit
I’m not ready yet
To face regret
No I’m not ready yet
I’m not ready yet
No..
No..
No..

I’d do anything now
So spread these wings somehow
I scream these words so loud
But they never make a sound

I’m alive
But I’m barely breathing now
So place my heart under the ground
Lay me down
I’m alive
But I’m barely breathing now
Tread my lungs into the ground
Lay me down..

******************

Peace

CD · Celebration · dreams · fun · music

I love you Barry Manilow!!

I’ve loved Barry since I was a teenager. Such emotion in his music and complete love. I just added a music player to my blog. It’s on the bottom left side. The first song, of course had to be, I Made it Through the Rain. The main reason for my blog’s name. I was starting out blogging and listening to Barry in my iTunes. Then BAM, it hit me! Making it Through the Rain. I haven’t ‘made’ it yet, but I am ‘making’ it through the rain.

Hit play and make your heart happy!

Many moons ago I was invited to see his pre-concert, concert at Sony Studios, for his upcoming tour. It was invite only with maybe 100 people. They had it known, unbeknownst to me, that I would get up and sing, Can’t Smile Without You, with Barry. I am sad to say I did not do it. My one and only true regret in my life. 😦

 Oh how I wish I had said yes. I was wearing leg braces and using crutch canes. I was petrified about falling and having no confidence in myself, I felt I had to politely decline. **bashes head against wall…

If only life had a re-do button. Sadly, it does not. NEVER, say no to something you are able to do, because the chance may never come again.

But… The evening was so amazing. I still had the time of my life. Just meeting him for the quick minute is a moment I will never forget!!

Thank you Desi for taking me and thank you Barry Manilow for your amazing talent. A true fan for life!!

And look…

To Tracy with love

barry

Darkness · Depression · health · jewelry · multiple sclerosis · music · Ramblings · RANDOM

Spending the day in bed…wanna join me?

Believe me, it’s not as glamorous as it seems. Now, if I had Gerard Butler fanning me and feeding me chocolate covered strawberries, that would be okay!!

Hello Gerard!!

The reality is not so lovely. Hubby says no design table or being out in the front until my legs stop swelling. I know he’s right, but I’m not happy about it. My mind is clear, but my body is in pain. This is when it sucks to be me. Mentally I can do anything, but when the body won’t cooperate it’s no bueno! 😦 There are only so many movies to watch and books to read. I’ve heard it said that only boring people are bored. SORRY, but that is bullshit! My boredom comes from my MS and being trapped in my own body. In my mind I can get up and go, my body says nope!

It’s during these times when I have to find my inner strength so I don’t fall into a deep depression. Finding it sometimes is a hard thing to do. Eventually, it shows up…

So, here I am in bed, with my MAC [only link to the outside world], my TV, and 3 of my fur-babies lying all over me. I guess I should be happy…they are actually sharing THEIR bed with me! 😛

xx, Tracy...

hope · love · music

Time Heals

There are so many times I cannot put my life, my emotions into the right words. In my head it comes out clearly, but when trying to express it into words it comes out jumbled. I tend to use music to to let my feelings known. [as shown in my blogs more than once]

Many of the songs I post will resonate with others who deal with chronic illness’.

Todd Rundgren is an amazing artist and his songs show real emotion.

This is the Music video for Todd’s 1981 song “Time Heals”.

If I’m not mistaken it was the third video ever played on MTV, when MTV was actually music videos… ah the good ole days!

________________________

If you’re bleeding,
Then everyone can see you’re bleeding
They can call for the doctor,
Who’ll provide what the diagnosis says you’re needing
Then he’ll take away your pain
But if your heart,
Your heart has been broken
And you don’t wear it on your sleeve
No one can tell,
Your hell goes unspoken
But there’s one thing you must believe

Time heals the wounds no one can see
Time heals the wounds that no one can see

If you’re crying
Then everyone can see you crying
And they all sympathize
But it just doesn’t matter
Though they may be trying,
They can’t feel the hurt inside
You can’t go on,
You’ve gone to the limit
And your life seems to slip away
You’re on your own
Alone you must face it
And tomorrow’s so far away

You got to hold on baby
Got to give it time to heal
Time heals the wounds that no one can see
You must believe what they say is true
It do’s wonders for ya, yeah, yeah

Peace out!

love · Lupus · multiple sclerosis · music · Ramblings · RANDOM

Wildflower

This song resonates deeply inside of me. Thank you Laurie for posting on my FB!

My favorite part of the song is…

“Be careful how you touch her for she’ll awaken; and sleep’s the only freedom that she knows”

The whole song means so many things to me..

__________________________________

Wildflower by Skylark

She’s faced the hardest times,
You could imagine
And many times,
Her eyes fought back the tears
And when her youthful world,
Was about to fall in
Each time her slender shoulders,
Bore the weight of all her fears
And a sorrow no one hears
Still rings in midnight silence
In her ears

Let her cry,
For she’s a lady
Let her dream
For she’s a child
Let the rain,
Fall down upon her
She’s a free and gentle flower
Growing wild

And if by chance,
I should hold her
Let me hold her for a time
But if allowed just one possession
I would pick her from the garden,
To be mine

Ummmm………………..
Be careful how you touch her,
For she’ll awaken
And sleep’s the only freedom,
That she knows
And when you walk into her eyes,
You won’t believe
The way she’s always payin’
For a debt she never owes
And a silent wind still blows
That only she can hear
And so, she goes

Let her cry,
For she’s a lady
Let her dream,
For she’s a child
Let the rain
Fall down upon her
She’s a free and gentle flower
Growing wild

Let her cry,
For she’s a lady
Let her dream,
For she’s a child
Let the rain
Fall down upon her
She’s a free and gentle flower
Growing wild

She’s a flower
Growing wild

She’s free…….

Love and Light ~Tracy