Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Politics · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings

Independence Blue Cross, I haven’t forgotten…

With everything going on right now I think they feel like I might’ve forgotten all about them… But nope!! If anything I’m thinking about it more. I’m still waiting to find out if they’re going to pay for the medical transport that they told me I was covered for. But wait a minute, then they told me I’m not covered for it. 🤔 I just hope they understand that they better get my money back to me at the “In”network rate. I’m still waiting for my check. The last I was told is he was going to check into it for me on march 20th. Now all I’m getting are crickets. I get it you’re probably denying a bunch of people for coronavirus testing and respiratory help. Seriously, you know you are! Just get on it, and give me back my fucking money! And be prepared, because at some point you will be giving me my rehab! I have not forgotten. 😏

Sharing this picture again so that more people start to really understand what’s happening in our country with our healthcare system.

Please everyone, stay indoors and be safe! 🖤

Have courage and be kind. 

Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · Silly

MS Awareness Month day 30

The month is winding down and as we all know it’s been a crazy one. With Covid-19 floating around we all have to be a little extra careful thanks to our wonderful autoimmune disorder. Especially those of you on a DMD, please take extra precautions. My heart, hope, and love is with you all!

And with everything going on, I think we need a little humor from time to time.

Have courage and be kind.

Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Quotes · Ramblings · Strength

MS Awareness Month day 29

I know that living in the past or thinking about the past is something that we should not resign ourselves to do, but I really do miss who I was before. I was someone who loved working. Grocery shopping, in my book, was one of the best things to do. I know, I’ve never said I wasn’t a little strange. But, laundry is what I really miss doing. And no, I’m totally serious about this. I think it’s all about the fresh smells, the warm clothes right out of the dryer, and even the act of folding things was fun for me. The weird thing is before I never thought about any of these things. I never realized why I did not mind doing these things. So I guess MS has taught me to look at things in a different light, a different perspective. Out of all these things I miss, driving is definitely the one that kicked me down the hardest. Driving was an escape, freedom, something I loved doing. When I lost that privilege, I was broken for quite some time. I could say that I will never drive again because at this point it’s probably true. Instead though, I can keep wishing and hoping that one day I may drive again. Yes, again I’m pretty sure I’ll never drive again, but it’s always so lovely to dream. 🖤

So as I wrote the above I kept thinking to myself, what I really miss is being able to do ‘anything’. We’ve been trying daily for a shower and it still has not worked. I did have a really good bed bath though, so I do get clean. 😇 We are starting slowly with my husband rolling me over on my side for 20 minutes to a half hour. It really fucking hurts, but each time it seems to be getting a little easier so maybe one day it won’t hurt at all. When I talk about what we’re doing my mind starts taking me to that bad place inside that discourages me. The feeling that it’s never gonna happen no matter how slowly we go. I’m thankful that I’m feeling it and acknowledging it straight away, but it’s still scary for me. You see, in my mind, when I see myself I’m not trapped in this bed. I see myself rolling over and sitting up and walking. It’s almost like a dream, but that’s what I see in my mind, my heart. I’m going to keep dreaming and maybe one day it won’t just be a dream.

Have courage and be kind.

Fear · Health · Hope · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Primary Progressive MS · Quotes · Ramblings · Strength

Straightening my crown yet again…

So we’re going to try getting me up in my shower chair. I figure since Independence Blue Cross isn’t going to help me in any way, I’m going to have to do it my damn self. Since the husband has to stay at home right now, I guess it’s the best time to start trying. I won’t lie, I am really scared because I know it’s gonna hurt like a motherfucker. So I’m going to “medicate” 🌿and try to psych myself up for this. It just really sucks that I have to psych myself up to take a shower. I know that some of you reading this completely understand, and I’m so sorry.

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I hope that all the movement I’ve been doing on my own will help. I just have to remind myself not to get discouraged if it doesn’t work today. If I keep trying maybe at some point it will work. The worst part about that comment is I’ve been trying on my own for quite some time now and it hasn’t worked. But, maybe, one of these times it will. Oh my gosh I am really nervous about this.

Also, real quick, thank you to all that have stuck by me and supported me even when I go a little mad. 😉 Seriously, thank you 🙏🏻🖤

Have courage and be kind.