Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Politics · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings

Independence Blue Cross, I haven’t forgotten…

With everything going on right now I think they feel like I might’ve forgotten all about them… But nope!! If anything I’m thinking about it more. I’m still waiting to find out if they’re going to pay for the medical transport that they told me I was covered for. But wait a minute, then they told me I’m not covered for it. 🤔 I just hope they understand that they better get my money back to me at the “In”network rate. I’m still waiting for my check. The last I was told is he was going to check into it for me on march 20th. Now all I’m getting are crickets. I get it you’re probably denying a bunch of people for coronavirus testing and respiratory help. Seriously, you know you are! Just get on it, and give me back my fucking money! And be prepared, because at some point you will be giving me my rehab! I have not forgotten. 😏

Sharing this picture again so that more people start to really understand what’s happening in our country with our healthcare system.

Please everyone, stay indoors and be safe! 🖤

Have courage and be kind. 

Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Quotes · Ramblings

This is my unapologetic truth and fuck you Independence Blue Cross

I’m trying really hard to find my way back from my depression. But right now my demons are circling around me and they’re not letting go. When Jason told me that I am not covered under my insurance to get to my doctors appointments, I think that was the straw that broke this camels back. First they deny me the only thing that will save me, Acute rehabilitation, and now they’re literally keeping me from my doctors. How do people that are bedridden afford to get to the doctors? I cannot pay $400 to $500 every time I need to see my doctor. The following picture is something that I never really wanted to share but these are my legs. I cannot bend my ankles so my feet are what I call, ballerina feet. I cannot straighten my knees. And as you can tell my legs flop to the sides and I cannot turn them so that they sit properly. This is what six years of being trapped does to you when you have doctors that don’t help you and insurance companies that keep you from getting the care you need.

Let me explain how painful it is when my legs decide to tense up. My feet get even straighter and my toes start to curl and there’s nothing I can do to stop it because I cannot sit up to grab my leg or to rub the area that’s hurt. Because I can’t sit up on my own. As I’m talk texting this it’s hard to see because I haven’t been able to stop crying since I was told by Jason basically, fuck you bitch. I mean basically we’re not gonna help you get your legs back in order. Without rehab nothing is ever going to change for me. I’ve had people ask me how come I didn’t realize this was happening to me. I’m not a fucking doctor dickhead. It wasn’t just one thing that led to this. The following pictures happened soon after I became bedridden. The surgeries for my colostomy and urostomy fucked up. I’m still pissed off that they saved me because I was really hoping they just would’ve let me die when it went bad.



I had the surgery June 10, 2014. it took about four days I guess for a nurse to realize something was wrong so they opened me back up and I had to have a wound VAC to close the hole in my stomach. So for 11 months after the depression was completely and utterly consuming. Because of the problems they had with the colostomy they ended up giving me an ileostomy. That was probably the worst thing that could ever have been done to me. I told them that if they did not fix it when my first wound heals up, that I was leaving earth because there was no way I was going to live with an ileostomy. Now if I were able to move and do things I might not of felt so drastic about it but when you’re trapped and everyone else has to fix it for you, maybe you’d understand. 11 months after they redid the surgery, and it worked but that surgery also needed a smaller wound VAC and the depression again was fucking terrible! So let’s recap… I fell on October 10, 2013 (became bedridden) the following year June 2014, I had the surgery which I wish had killed me, then in 2015 I had the surgery to fix the fuck up. So for the next two years I thought I had to come to terms with having a colostomy and urostomy. Unless you’ve been there you have no fucking idea what it makes you feel like. I still to this day do not like to look at my stomach. You really have no idea how badly I wish I had died in that original surgery.  for the more graphic and full story you can check out my post here.

I know that some of this makes no sense at all because it still doesn’t make any sense to me. I now have no fucking idea how I’m supposed to get to my doctors. They canceled my bladder stone surgery until April 29. Of course I knew that was going to happen, but now I have no way to get to the pre-op appointments for the bloodwork, x-rays, urine samples, everything they need before surgery. I really believe that this is independence blue cross’ way of telling me fuck you bitch we don’t give a shit whether you live or die. Basically we’re not going to help you. We’re not gonna help you get the care you need, we’re not going to help you get to your doctors appointments, and even if you do get to your doctors appointments we’re not going to give you the care that your doctors want you to have. I know that was a huge run-on sentence, but I talk text so it’s as if you and I are sitting there talking with each other. 

I’m really trying to hold on here. I’m really trying to find my way back to the light, but my demons have their closet me right now and they are not letting up. Unfortunately for my demons they don’t realize that it’s when I’m pushed to my limit, when I am shoved headfirst into the ground, that I will rise again like a phoenix. It may take me a minute but I’ll get there and God or the universe or whatever you believe in, help anyone that has tried to keep me down. Because when I come back, I will come back with a vengeance.

 

Anger · FUCK · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings

MS Awareness Month day 22

There really are not enough. I’m in a pretty dark place right now I’ve never been afraid of not being able to get out of it. But my problems at this time start with MS and of course that disgusting corporation Independence Blue Cross. I am very angry right now… SOOO angry. They are literally killing me right now by not allowing me the medical necessity rehab and the ability to get to my doctors. How do you people that are bedridden get to their doctors. I know, they go broke trying to pay for it on their own, Because Independence Blue Cross won’t. I’ve barely able to wake up the past few days because the fatigue from the stress and the depression is taking over right now. Fuck Independence Blue Cross fuck, the people that work for them that deny life-saving care just a big fuck you! I really hope Karma finds every last one of you and does her thing. Because you truly deserve what’s coming to you. I’m sorry but to work for a corporation where consciously know that you will be denying people life-saving care, you already have something fucked up in your make up. Because I know I could never work in a place like that, so yes, you’re already fucked up in the head. So sorry if this hurt anyone’s feelings… bahahaha no I’m not! I only speak the truth.

I’m sorry it’s a little dark today, but I can barely keep my eyes open and when they do open the tears just stream down my face. I’m angry and I’m broken and no one gives a fuck.

But no matter how I feel always, have courage and be kind. 🖤

Anger · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · Strength

The Fabulous Insurance Saga Continues …

I would love to say that Independence Blue Cross is actually ‘working’ for me and that we have gotten my non-emergent transport taken care of. Unfortunately that’s not the case. I’ve actually been to a couple appointments using the non-emergent transport. Sadly I see future problems with this. When I called to get the pre-certification for transport I was told I wasn’t the one that should be calling 😳⁉️ I was informed that my doctor needs to call every and explain that I’m bedridden thus needing the gurney transport. Are they fucking kidding me? My doctor has to stop his practice to contact this ridiculous company to tell them that I am in fact, bedridden and need this service. Again, are they fucking kidding me? So I put a call in to Jason to see what we could do about this. We spoke for a couple days as he was trying to find out the correct information for me regarding pre-certification. On March 6 I was told he would call me back on Monday, March 9 and let me know how I go about it. My doctors appointment was for March 13 and he never called me back during that week. 🤔 My appointment at my doctors was on Friday the 13th. I was not going to cancel my appointment, so I went ahead and got my transport and will definitely be billing them for that trip as well. The total now out of my pocket thanks to no help from my insurance company, is $940. 

Should I have called him and asked why he wasn’t calling me back? That’s a big no. When someone tells me they’re going call me back, that’s what they’re supposed to do. I’m shocked at the incompetence of Independence Blue Cross and they are rent-a-docs and their employees. The worst part about all of this is it’s seriously is fucking with my health. I know I sound like a broken record, but without rehab I have nothing. I think it’s finally time I either, shit or get off the toilet… I know that analogy is not the best but 😂 I really am not over exaggerating when I say this is life or death for me. I think maybe it’s time I go public. I think it’s time I show people what companies like Independence Blue Cross do to people who truly need their help. I think it’s time I take back my life, adjust my crown, and remind people who the hell they’re dealing with.

I know this blog is kind of all over the place but I really feel like I’m losing my mind. I know I’ve said this before but I really feel like I’m on an episode of punked. Real life really is stranger than fiction. I just want to get better. I just need the proper medical help that my doctors feel I should have. Sadly no one gets it until they get it and the way these people are making me feel, I hope they do get it. 🤭 I really don’t like feeling that way but I do believe that for every person that is keeping life-saving medical care from me, because they’re putting money first, Karma will be introducing herself at some point. Good luck! 

Have courage and be kind.

Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · Strength

Oooo Ooo Memories

Another Facebook memory popped up. Wow… I was working so hard, and for what? Independence Blue Cross kicked me out after 30 days. At that time I’ve been bedridden for over 4 years. Did they really think it would be that quick? Their doctors truly are incompetent if they don’t understand what happens to a person’s body that’s been bedridden. They obviously don’t because they denied me life-saving care. And again when I say life-saving care, I’m not over exaggerating. At this point I’ve been in this bed over six years. I’m not going to spend another 6 years in this bed. And whatever happens, it is totally on them. Good or bad…

AnyWho… On to the memory:

Hello to all my amazing friends. I’m asking yet again for your help. Tomorrow is the big day when we find out if insurance will give me another week. Please keep me in your thoughts, blessings, prayers, cross your fingers and anything else you may do. I’m trying to keep positive and send out good thoughts to the Universe.🤞🏻

I’ve made some excellent strides in the past two weeks. While I can sit up unattended by myself, and my legs and arms have gotten back some movement, I still need to be able to transfer on my own before I go home. I’m still not able to get up into the sitting position by myself and I still cannot hold my weight on my legs. It’s like they’re explaining to me, I was completely bedridden for four years. It’s not going to change overnight and I have to keep positive thoughts for a good outcome.

I’m one of those people that wants it done like yesterday. 😜 Type A personality all the way.

So send me some good juju and hopefully tomorrow I’ll have some good news! 🧡 No matter what happens I will continue to fight the MonSter that is MS.

#MSWarrior #PrimaryProgressivemultiplesclerosis

A little sidenote, if there’s any wealthy beneficiaries out there, hook a girl up with some real care. 😏 OK, just kidding… Or am I?

Have courage and be kind.

Hope · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · Strength

I had so much hope…

The following is from a Facebook post I wrote exactly 2 years ago today when I was at the rehab Institute at Palmdale regional Medical Center. If Independence Blue Cross had not forced me out after one month I would not be fighting to get the proper care that I need! I found out that if they had asked to put me in a nursing home for rehabilitation they probably would’ve covered it. A nursing home!!! Are they fucking serious! You get maybe 20 to 40 minutes of rehab. In the acute rehab you get 3 to 4 hours. I am so angry because Independence Blue Cross took my life from me when they made me leave. Trust me I’m not naïve. I know it’s all about the money. Or possibly the lotto where they throw your name in a hat and decide who gets care this month. They don’t want us to get well they want us to die. I know I’ve said this before, but how can anyone consciously deny someone life-saving care. I just smile and the fact that, Karma is a bitch and she doesn’t forget. Okay… I got off track. 😜 Again the following is from my Facebook post from two years ago today:

I think I need to say something due to some private messages I am getting. What I’m doing is NOT a cure. There is NO cure for multiple sclerosis at this time. What I am doing is making me feel better mentally which is helping me physically. 💪🏻

I have primary progressive MS. Only 10% of people with MS have my type. I was diagnosed in August 1997 so I know what MS is and what it does to a person. I am not new to this. I was told from the beginning I would get worse it’s progressive and there was nothing I could do about it. So I listened to everyone and believed what everyone said. I basically gave up on me and the person I was and became MS. I feel the need to say it again, I know what MS is and how it affects people. I’m living it.

Some people say it’s hereditary. I’m the first in my family on both sides to have anything like this and I really hope it stops with me. I fully believe when you have MS you have had it your whole life. It just takes something dramatic or life-changing to bring it out. That’s my opinion only but that is how I feel about it.

I basically laid down and let it take me over. I know that my MS is progressive. I know it will always be with me until the cure is found. But I also know that by being in this program I am getting muscles back. I am moving again.

I cannot stress enough how bad I was before this. The last four years I literally never left my bed. The only time I would leave was to go to doctors appointments and that was rare. I was paralyzed from the waist down. My legs did not move for the last four years. When I went to the ER on January 16 my arms had stopped working as well. Only my right arm worked a little bit. On that night I made the choice to not end my life and to get help! It took me losing it in the ER at the doctor for them to finally listen to me. And the doctor did listen and he got me help and now I’m here!

As most of you have seen I am moving my arms now and I’m beginning to get back some of what I lost from my waist down and it’s only getting better. I am done listening to the doctors and to other people that it (physical therapy etc.) won’t change anything. This therapy I’m in IS changing everything! They know I have MS and they are working it around me. Last night I woke up and the MonSter that is MS tried to come through. I told it to get the fuck away from me, that this is my time now. This morning I worked through the feeling and I made it. 👍🏻

MS is different for all of us. But what I’m doing is helpful for all of us. It’s never a bad thing to keep moving. The old adage, move it or lose it, I learned the hard way that it is true.

So, again, I know this is not a cure. But what it’s doing for me mentally is completely amazing. I forgot what it was like to be positive. I have surrounded myself with negative for so long that I thought that’s how life was. It’s not!

If sharing my story helps even person, my journey (even the excruciating pain) will be completely worth it! 🧡

#MSWarrior #NeverGiveUpHave courage and be kind.

Fear · Health · Hope · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Primary Progressive MS · Quotes · Ramblings · Sadness · Strength

Hope Hope Hope

Two years ago I had so much hope. I was in the rehab and I was getting stronger. For the next three weeks or so I’m gonna be seeing all of these posts. And every time it comes up in my Facebook memories it feels like a punch in the stomach. They kicked me out too soon and there was no follow up. We tried “at home” physical therapy, and it was a joke.

If I had had two more weeks I probably could’ve gotten to the point where I could transfer myself to my chair.

I really did have so much hope but sadly I’m finding that hope is paralyzing. Have courage and be kind…

*** there will be an update tomorrow night regarding my transport to and from my doctor. If it wasn’t happening to me I wouldn’t believe it. 😢