When I feel like I can’t go on and I’m at my worst, things happen that pick me back up from the depths of my own hell.
On June 18, 2017 I joined an MS support group on Facebook. After a few months I was asked to be a part of the amazing administration team. 🤗 If not for this group I don’t think I would be holding on to hope or to life. I have met the most amazing MS warriors on the planet in this group which is now over 10,300 members strong.
Today wasn’t starting out to be very good. #Understatement 😉 When I came online I was greeted with wonderful comments to a post on Facebook by some amazing people that I met through the group. Another beautiful warrior messaged me regarding a gift she is sending me. ♥️ And then when I went in to the group, another amazing warrior sister posted a few memes and one of them resonated with me directly to my soul. I felt the need to come here and blog. I really can’t stress enough how this group and all of the amazing MS warrior brothers and sisters help me through every day! Now there are some days where I wish I could jump through the computer screen and junk punch a few of them 😂 But overall 99% of the members are absolutely wonderful. The group makes me feel like I am home.
I went to the doctor last Thursday. After the doctor we went to Walgreens to pick up my prescriptions and then we went to get something to eat. I’m still exhausted from that day. I’ve had two in home physical therapy appointments and the pain is intense. Nevertheless, I got through them both. On the days where I feel like I just can’t go on, I just want to stop everything. I ask myself why I’m doing this as I know it’s going to hurt. I start to second-guess myself. I truly am my own worst enemy!
So, instead of quitting, I push on. I remember why I’m doing this, and that makes me focus.
Just had a surprise shower after PT day 2. [not my normal shower day] I am back in my bed resting and re-charging for tomorrow!! Peace out … for now!
Taking a small break from my journey to pay tribute to the woman, who I know, helped to save my life.
Madame Carolyn B. Baker March 2, 1948 ~ January 30, 2018
We ‘met’ July of 2012. Both of us were/are big on animal rescue. I was commenting on a post regarding some asshole rescue. I noticed two disgusting humans attacking Carolyn in the post. Carolyn was holding her own, [she was and will always be fierce] but I could not pass by without defending a woman I did not know…yet. I went in and began to rip these two asshats apart for their disgusting name calling and attack on Carolyn. Needless to say, we became instant friends. We messaged each other and soon would be talking on the phone. We saved many babies that ended up in the pound by cross-posting and annoying the shit out of people. LMAO
Carolyn was someone who loved the Lord and was not afraid to share her love. I had lost my faith and she knew this and never made me feel bad about it. She would always let me know it was okay, but she would still pray for me every day. She said a prayer for me over the phone one day, and I felt chills all over my person. People pray for me on the daily, and I appreciate it, buy I never felt a presence like I did that day.
I knew she was an amazing soul, I just never knew she was also the most humble soul I would ever meet. She never talked about her past. One day while on the phone, I asked her about a picture I saw of Ray Charles and her. She laughed a lil’ [how I loved her laugh] and said, “Yes, I knew him!” laughing Knew him… she not only knew him, she produced records for him. She was a Warner Bros. Record Executive. She was an Associate Producer and Talent Agent for the ‘Dinah Shore’ show. This is just a small part, and I mean small part, I nicked from her page:
TALENT EXEC · April 1971 to June 1977
Motown Returns to the Apollo,
Showtime at The Apollo,
Dick Clark Productions,
Founding Principal · June 1979 to March 1982 · New York, New York
development and launch of channel
Developed Talent and Acquisitions Dept; set up acquisition deals with major labels and other content providers.
Carolyn B. Baker llc
Chief executive officer · 1981 to 1988
1977 to 1978
TALENT EXEC, Marketing Kool and Gang , Grammy, Emmy (music), Smokey Robinson show, Motown Returns to the Apollo (85)
I could brag about this brilliant beautiful woman for days. She deserved so many kudos in life. If I had not asked, she never would have said anything. Like I said, HUMBLE, truly humble. There are parts of her story that will remain with me. Just know that she was STRONG, A WARRIOR, and A GODDESS!!
A few years ago her trusty Mac died on her. Times were tough at that moment, so I gave her my old MacBook Pro. My husband took it to work with him at NBC/UNI. She didn’t want us to have to take it to her, especially in the shape I was in at the time. Typical Carolyn. She needed no directions as that girl had been there before. 😉 She pulled up in her Vintage Benz, got out, went to my hubby, and hugged him hard. She stepped back, looked at him, and hugged him hard again. She told him, “Take care of my girl!” Now, for the kicker… I was so jealous that my husband got to hold her and see her, because I never had. ☺ We made plans for the six years we knew each other, but health issues and life always got in the way. Yet, I loved her like she was family, and she loved me back. In her last couple weeks on this Earth, she fought hard. She called me during that time and said, “God is good, I’m getting better. We are going to get together young lady!” Then, just like that, she was gone.
I will never be able to do her life justice. I know she is the reason I’m alive today. I know she was in my room when I came to my crossroads. I know she was with me on the day of her service, that I watched via live stream in the rehabilitation center. I felt her presence then and I feel it now. She was bold in life and she is bold in Heaven!!
I miss her laugh, I miss her voice, and I will miss her forever.
She once told me, “Girl, things always happen for a reason. We found each other, didn’t we?” Followed by her beautiful, infectious laugh.
Facebook has brought me together with some fabulous people who battle the MonSter with me. Heather Leffel is an amazing young woman who shares so much of herself and of the struggles we, fighting MS, go through. Recently she did a video on “MS and the Losses We Suffer“. Together, with Kate Milliken, a video was compiled of excerpts from people suffering from MS [all types] and the losses they have experienced.
I am honored to be a part of this amazing project! I believe the Universe sends us messages from time to time, when we truly need them. I have been going through a very rough time as of late. I was losing hope… Then, BAM, the finished video showed up on my FB feed. As I watched it through my tears, I felt the hope returning to my soul. I was so inspired by those who shared their hearts.
Have a fun and safe Evening! Keep your furbabies safe and away from opening doors.
Last night was the pumpkin carving party at Don’s house. Here are the wonderful pumpkins that were carved. It was a fun time for all.
I started out dressing like a Vampire, but the wig cap/wig gave me a headache. My fitted Vampire teeth were a pain in the mouth! lol
So, ended up as a Witch. The lace on my hat is over 90 years old. It was my Nana’s. There is also a black rose with it. This is my favorite Witch hat. Yes, I have more than one. 😛
My fabulous make-up was done by Steph. She made me look damn good for a 51 year old. lol
Even with the pain, I had so much fun! I have let fear, being self-conscious, and embarrassment from my illness stop me from doing so many things. I know there will be times when my condition will keep from doing certain things. It makes me sad to not be able to be ‘normal’. One thing is for sure; I am blessed with a support team that always has my back. They never give up on me, even when I give up on myself. I am one of the lucky ones!
As I logged on to FaceBook today I read a very sad post. An amazing lady, animal advocate, and friend had passed away on Thursday.
Lisa Myer gave of herself daily in order to save the lives of animals in shelters. It never mattered the breed, or the circumstances, it was all about the unconditional love she had for these amazing creatures.
I never got the honor to meet her in person, but I knew her in the animal advocate community for quite some time now. She will missed by so many in the community.
My deepest sympathies go out to her family during this time. She was a person who felt deeply in regards to the inhumanities against our beloved 4-legged babies. She took her cause to heart.
I will not get in to the circumstances of her death here. It is tragic and will take time for those who loved her to understand. All I know is Heaven must have needed and new angel. I know in my heart when she got to the bridge, she was met by many sloppy wet kisses from the animals she fought for and those she loved. She will be advocating from her new resting place, and I truly hope she found the peace and serenity she so deserved.
If you knew Lisa and would like to join the FaceBook memorial to her, please click here.
TY Jenny for sharing this with me! Sending you some warm fuzzies!
The story goes:
Once upon a time there was a village. All of the people in the village got along very well. There was kindness, love, compassion, and justice. Every person in the village owned a special bag. It was given to them by their parents at the age of 3. Inside this bag were hundreds of warm fuzzies. Warm fuzzies were soft, cuddly, cottony little puffs. When you gave someone a warm fuzzy, they felt warm and fuzzy inside. People in the village gave each other warm fuzzies anytime they wanted to let someone know they were loved. When someone received a warm fuzzy, they put it in their bag.
One day, an evil sorceress came to town. She saw that everyone was giving out these warm fuzzies from their bags and she didn’t like it. She went up to one villager and said, “Why do you keep giving away your warm fuzzies? Aren’t you afraid you’re going to run out? Here, take this bag of cold pricklies and give these to the people in your village instead, and keep all your warm fuzzies for yourself.” The villager took the bag because he believed the sorceress’ tale. The next time he ran into a friend, he handed him one of the cold pricklies from his new bag. A cold prickly made someone feel cold and prickly inside, like they were swallowing a pin cushion. Soon all the villagers went to the sorceress and asked for their own bag of cold pricklies since they didn’t want to be the only people handing out warm fuzzies if everyone else was going to hand out cold pricklies. Once you had a cold prickly, you wanted to give it away to someone else as fast as possible.
The sorceress was pleased. Her plan was working perfectly. Now the village was in a state of fear and panic. Everyone started avoiding everyone else so they wouldn’t be given a cold prickly. People hoarded their small supply of warm fuzzies and didn’t give them out to anyone anymore. But no one was happy anymore either.
One day a prince arrived in town and almost immediately someone handed him a cold prickly from their bag. The prince, recognizing the cold prickly, refused to take it. The villager was surprised and tried again. The prince handed the person a warm fuzzy from his bag. The villager was surprised, and a little ashamed that he had tried to give this warm prince a cold prickly and instead received a warm fuzzy.
The prince addressed the crowd and said, “Why do you give each other cold pricklies?” One villager said, “Why should we give away all of our warm fuzzies? Shouldn’t we keep them for ourselves?” Other villagers agreed. But the prince said, “Every time you give away a warm fuzzy a new one is created in your own bag. Don’t you see? The more you give away, the more you will have.”
To demonstrate, the prince had everyone put down their bag of cold pricklies and retrieve their bag of warm fuzzies from their homes. He asked everyone to take out a warm fuzzy from their bag and hand it to a neighbor. This they did, but warily. Then the prince told them to notice that they all still had the same amount of warm fuzzies in their bags as before. People started giving away more warm fuzzies and noticed their bag was never empty. There were indeed enough warm fuzzies for everyone.
The sorceress was very upset and tried to interrupt the prince and get everyone to give out cold pricklies again. But the villagers didn’t want to listen anymore. They threw all their bags of cold pricklies into a wagon, set the sorceress inside it, and sent her out of town.
The villagers realized they’d learned a valuable lesson.
When you give someone a warm fuzzy, they in turn will give it to someone else. Eventually, it will come back around to you.
Note from Jenny: Tracy, you have given away more warm fuzzies to more people than you will ever realize. I give my entire bag to you today~surround yourself in their warmth and just smile and snuggle.