Happiness · health · hope · joy · medical · Pain · Quotes · Ramblings · RANDOM · sarcasm · silly · strength

Positivity…

This whole positive, optimistic thing is really new to me. I grew up in a somewhat negative family. Don’t get me wrong, there was a lot of love, but also negativity. These type of behaviors are learned. When you’re around negative forces it rubs off on your psyche. Now there were happy, positive times for sure, but looking back a lot of negative as well. And it was ‘taught’ in previous generations. It didn’t just start in my family, and it took me 53 years to realize this. The realization came while I was in rehab. The positivity train that that took over during that time made me re-evaluate a lot of of my life.

Again, there were a lot of positive things in my life. Unfortunately, negativity always took over many of the positive aspects. The issue I am running in to now is others in my life aren’t in the same place I am. I’ve also realized that the so called positive people in my life, truly were not all the positive. They preached positivity, but honestly didn’t live it. I have had to rid myself of many toxic things and/or people as of late. And while it is sometimes sad, I am actually okay with it. I finally understand the concept of, you have to take care of yourself first, or you cannot help anyone else.

I have found myself more than once falling back into that angry negative place. When that happens, I pause, take a breath and move on. I just give myself a little space from the negative forces that be. It’s been a very hard journey to get where I am at today. I will not let anyone take away my new outlook. Sadly, I feel like there are a few out there trying to do just that. Like I said, they’re still in that not so good place. I truly hope they can find their way out of it, but either way I will not go back.

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We truly are in charge of our own happiness no matter the hardships in our life. Believe me, it would be very easy for me to just lie down and die. And, I almost did just that. I will not go back there and I will not let anyone steal my happiness. I will not let anyone takeaway my new positive, optimistic, and determined heart. I have worked too hard in the last two months to get to this place. I also will not apologize for it.

Just a small glimpse in to the life that is me. I will get back to the journey that got me here… eventually. I hope those of you following/reading my blog are living your life to it’s fullest potential. We ALL deserve to be happy, no matter the circumstance.

Have Courage and Be Kind

 

confession · Darkness · Depression · Fear · health insurance · hope · HORROR · Hospital · lonliness · mindless-thoughts · multiple sclerosis · Pain · primary progressive MS · Ramblings · RANDOM · Religion · sadness

Why do we blog?

Really, why do we? Why do so many put their thoughts and emotions out the for the world to ‘read’? For me, it breaks the monotony of my daily bed-ridden life. It allows me to bitch, if you will, at the world and not my family. lol I have a story, it may not be much to some, but it’s my life. I hope that in some small way others in my position can find some hope, or at least have a laugh.

Even in my more depressing blogs, I think it helps others to know they are not alone. It’s ok to cry, scream, and lose it… once in a while. 🙂 We don’t always have to ‘hold’ it together and be strong every second. Sometimes a good cry is cleansing for the soul, and I’m talking ugly crying! lol

I also hope to bring awareness to others on how we can fight back against those who try to hurt us. Hospital treatment and the treatment we sometimes have to endure by big companies, i.e.; Insurance Companies, and big Pharma. We have to be tough and find our inner strength so these people do not run over us like we are nothing.

We are the strong. We deal with more in one day than most deal with in their lifetime. We smile through the pain, the losses, and the inhumanity of some. So believe it, we are the true Warriors!!

There are days I want to give up. There was a time, not long ago, I tried… When I awoke I was angry, I wanted to be free. Then I realized, maybe I am here for a reason. If I am able to help even just one person, maybe that’s why I am still here. I’ll be honest, the thoughts linger in my head every day. I fight like hell to never let them ‘almost’ get me again. It has nothing to do with any God or higher power. It’s my will, my power and inner child that keeps me going. We all have the inner child of strength. I truly hope you can find yours and hold on tight.

Love and Light to all

boredom · Depression · FUCK · FUNNY · health · Hospital · jewelry · medications · mindless-thoughts · multiple sclerosis · primary progressive MS · Ramblings · RANDOM · sarcasm · silly · strength

Warning: Pissy Bitch Alert!!!

I know, what’s new? 😛

Here’s the deal, I have pendants ready to be added to chains and crystals ready to added to that. Last night I made the prettiest cameo necklace and then realized the chain I used was antique copper and the pendant was antique brass. DOH! I spent so much time on it and was so discouraged… took pics, got em all ready, and went hmmm, doesn’t look right. Looked at hubby, threw my hands ups, and rolled back to my room. I think it was karma [or the Norco] as I should not be out at my table right now. My legs, left mostly, will not stop swelling up. I’ve been keeping them elevated and everything and they/it will not go down. HATE kankles!!! I do not want to tell my neuro because every time this has happened in the past, he sends me to the ‘Big House’ [hospital] for a 3 day IV Solumedrol vacation. I WILL NOT do steroids any more. Sorry!!

The worst part is the pain in my right shoulder going down my arm. After a few minutes at the design table the pain starts. Might be a tendon or something. Too scared to find out and no way to get to the doctor. It’s tough on Roger to take so much time off work for me, and not fair to him. I must say, I’m really loving my Norco right now.

My Precious!!!

What sucks is I cannot sleep on my left side, hip pain. I can’t sleep on my back, DD [degenerative disc] so, I have to sleep on my right side. Soooo not fair!! Someone cut me a break please!!

Yes, I’m having a “Pity Party”, and all are welcome!!

I’m just so tired of being sick and tired. This was not supposed to be my life. I know, it is, deal with it, right? Easier said than done. I’ve had people say that it happened to me because I am so strong. They say that if it had happened to them, they would have crumbled. Um, Thanks, I think. I’m really not as strong as some think…

On a lighter note… yes I know, Random! A little funny for your day/night:

Classic! rofl

Or, as the Fabulous Vicki would say…A good day is when I don’t roll over and crunch someone’s toes!! 😉 Click on her name and visit her blog, it’s awesome!!

Peace Out!! xx

Craziness · mindless-thoughts · Ramblings

Blank

We see at all the networking sites ‘What’s your status’ etc. Have you ever felt like putting ‘blank’?

I have had all kinds of things going on in my mind and all ready to blog them, then BAM nothing. I log in here get ready to blog and wooosh the thought go flying out like a birdie from it’s nest. Just flutters away.

Last night I could not sleep. So many things rattling around in my head. I felt like a bingo ball roller. I had all kinds of ideas to blog about today. Then sleep came and thoughts all gone. Usually, I will get up and write down the ideas on paper and then decipher them in the morning. But, last night it was so late and I was afraid I would wake someone up. I can remember bits and pieces of my thoughts, but they come out like a horror movie all over the place. My dreams can be very creepy due to some of the medications I have to take. I try to remember them so I can write them down, but somehow they are gone.

So, I wonder, if above all of our heads when we sleep is a ‘thought’ taker. A lil cloud that consumes your thoughts and dreams and teases you like a an older sibling. Putting it close to you, then snatching it away with an evil grin taunting you. You keep reaching for it an it gets pulled further and further from you. You strain to grasp it, but it always just out of reach.

So, one day, I purchased a voice recorder to ‘save’ my thoughts when I get them, but then realized, “Like that’s not gonna wake up the house?” For the daytime it’s great, but most of my thoughts and ideas come to me at night when the house is still and dark. The only lights are from my Mac screen and lit keyboard. It is then I can close my eyes and really hear myself. The occasional car passes outside with a hum of the tires on the road. Every now and then one of my furbabies makes a lil groan. Letting momma know they are there. Peaceful at last…

Maybe, in not having a thought and feeling blank, I found a thought and am no longer blank. Satisfaction!

Blessings and hope!