Posts Tagged ‘family’

Really, why do we? Why do so many put their thoughts and emotions out the for the world to ‘read’? For me, it breaks the monotony of my daily bed-ridden life. It allows me to bitch, if you will, at the world and not my family. lol I have a story, it may not be much to some, but it’s my life. I hope that in some small way others in my position can find some hope, or at least have a laugh.

Even in my more depressing blogs, I think it helps others to know they are not alone. It’s ok to cry, scream, and lose it… once in a while. 🙂 We don’t always have to ‘hold’ it together and be strong every second. Sometimes a good cry is cleansing for the soul, and I’m talking ugly crying! lol

I also hope to bring awareness to others on how we can fight back against those who try to hurt us. Hospital treatment and the treatment we sometimes have to endure by big companies, i.e.; Insurance Companies, and big Pharma. We have to be tough and find our inner strength so these people do not run over us like we are nothing.

We are the strong. We deal with more in one day than most deal with in their lifetime. We smile through the pain, the losses, and the inhumanity of some. So believe it, we are the true Warriors!!

There are days I want to give up. There was a time, not long ago, I tried… When I awoke I was angry, I wanted to be free. Then I realized, maybe I am here for a reason. If I am able to help even just one person, maybe that’s why I am still here. I’ll be honest, the thoughts linger in my head every day. I fight like hell to never let them ‘almost’ get me again. It has nothing to do with any God or higher power. It’s my will, my power and inner child that keeps me going. We all have the inner child of strength. I truly hope you can find yours and hold on tight.

Love and Light to all

On March 7, 2017, while holding his hand, my daddy took his last breath. I can’t express what the loss of my dad has done to me. Even though we lived a few hours away from each other and I didn’t get to see him as much as I would’ve liked, thanks to my illness, I always knew he was there.  And somehow that gave me strength. I knew he was just a phone call away… unfortunately they don’t have cell phone service in heaven.

Right now it’s very hard with all that is going on in my life. The Home Depot fiasco as well as all of my medical issues and all the bills that  are taking over our lives. And I can’t seem to find my strength to deal with it and take care of it and not let these people walk over me.  My dad always taught me to be strong and always fight for what you believe in and what is right. And I know I have it in me, but I just can’t seem to find it right now. I can’t just pick up the phone and hear his voice.  I just want him to come back. He would give me the strength and the peptalk I need to not let these despicable people hurt us.

My daddy was the best person that I’ve ever known. I’m not sure, I’m just not sure of anything. I miss him so much. And while it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I got to be there  holding his hand when he finally found peace. ❤️

I miss you and I love you dad. We all do!

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MS is an evil bitch! For the first time in a very long time I’ve been feeling “happy”. I haven’t felt this way in quite some time. I learned many years ago to downplay my emotions. It always seemed to go bad when I’d mention the “H” word. lol Like the other shoe would drop if I even thought of it. And, BAM, it seems to be par for my course. The MonSter, that is MS, always jumps in to harsh my mellow. And the bitch is jumping on a trampoline right now. I’ve been doing pretty good. Home Depot is going to get my window issues fixed [knock on wood] and life in general is good. So, I should have expected something to happen. I always expect the worst and then when the best happens I get giddy. 😉 I know that seems like a bad way to look at things, but for me, it keeps me sane. Well, I tried looking for and expecting the best this time, and damn if MS didn’t pop up and mess my shit up again. I was actually feeling less fatigued and wanting to do things. But, no, she had to pop in and remind me of my ‘disability’. I’m feeling drained and out of sorts. Depressed and tearful.

I hear the saying, I have MS, but MS doesn’t have me, all the time. But, um, nope… MS does in fact have me. For me it’s all about how I handle it. I can fall apart and give in to it, or keep fighting. I chose to fight. I have PPMS [primary progressive]. My MS is no longer ‘invisible’. It’s out there and in your face visible. I am in the 10% group with my PPMS, and many have no idea there are different types of MS. This page, here, quickly explains the types.

Beotch!!

Beotch!!

I’ll get through this and keep pushing forward, but sometimes it gets so frustrating. I’m going to throw my pity-party for now, and everyone is invited! 😛

my mantra

my mantra

Now I am going to try and find that ‘happy place’ again. I may have lost the battle to MS, but I will win the war!!

Peace!!

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Have a fun and safe Evening! Keep your furbabies safe and away from opening doors.

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Last night was the pumpkin carving party at Don’s house. Here are the wonderful pumpkins that were carved. It was a fun time for all.

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I started out dressing like a Vampire, but the wig cap/wig gave me a headache. My fitted Vampire teeth were a pain in the mouth! lol

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So, ended up as a Witch. The lace on my hat is over 90 years old. It was my Nana’s. There is also a black rose with it. This is my favorite Witch hat. Yes, I have more than one. 😛

WITCHYME

Hat made in 2008. Still my fav!!

Hat made in 2008. Still my fav!!

My fabulous make-up was done by Steph. She made me look damn good for a 51 year old. lol

Even with the pain, I had so much fun! I have let fear, being self-conscious, and embarrassment from my illness stop me from doing so many things. I know there will be times when my condition will keep from doing certain things. It makes me sad to not be able to be ‘normal’. One thing is for sure; I am blessed with a support team that always has my back. They never give up on me, even when I give up on myself. I am one of the lucky ones!

A Happy Halloween to all!

Love and Light!

...tears

…tears

My fabulous team:

Love these people!!

Sabrina, dd Shelby, and Roger

The Fabulous Bobbi

Handsome men!!

Some of my favorite girls!!

Love these peeps!

The Three Amigos! 😉

YAY!!!!

The most awesome Mascot!

Thanks to the best MS Walk Team ever!! Love you all and ty from the bottom of my heart… or the heart of my bottom! 😛

xoxoxo, Tracy

More piccies!!

Gorgeous birds!!

Family

Get to walkin'

All done and medaled up!!

 

It’s a great day!

Posted: January 21, 2012 in Happiness, joy, RANDOM
Tags: , , ,

I do not have many ‘great’ days in my life. Good days maybe, but far from great. Well, yesterday was a GREAT day. My brother [baby brother] Ed and his wife Kelly brought an amazing new being in to this World. Ed and Kelly have a relationship that I’ve only seen in  fairy tales. I may be biased, but my brother is pretty amazing.

I ‘met’ my brother when he was 6 months old and it was love at first site. He could not say Tracy when he started talking, so my new name became Sissy. I wear that name with pride. I’m sissy to my baby brother Ed and baby sister Laura. I would have it no other way.

And now, a new chapter in Ed’s life. The baby brother I changed, baby-sat, fed, etc. is now a daddy. I’m over the moon. [also feeling really old, lol]

So, without further ado, Welcome to the World Max – born Jan. 20, at 11:52pm. 8lbs 6oz.

he's perfect!

So, yes, this was a GREAT day!!

Love and Light!