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Story Of The Year – I’m Alive

My amazing daughter Ashley makes me some awesome mixed cd’s. This song resonates deeply with me. It’s about transformation. Don’t want to spoil it for you. It’s a great video and very powerful on all levels for me. While his transformation is not mine [ahem], my MS feels like this to me. It has taken over my body and soul and I’m ‘fighting’ to stay alive in a prison that is my own body.

The words are so powerful!


“I’m Alive”

In the night I sit alone
Lifeless to the world I know
Faith loss long ago
In this graveyard I’m calling home
Carved into the stone
A diary of broken bones and
Words I should’ve known

But this grave’s too deep to ever make it up
I’d do anything, anything
Just to feel like I could reach the ground
I’d do anything, anything now
To spread these wings somehow
I scream these words so loud
But they never make a sound

I’m alive
But I’m barely breathing now
So place my heart under the ground
Lay me down
I’m alive
But I’m barely breathing now
So drag my lungs into the ground
Lay me down

In the night I sit alone
The stars rain on the world below
Beg me to explode
But these dreams I keep are nowhere to be found
I’d do anything, anything just to stop
This weight from pressing down
I’d do anything anything now
To spread these wings somehow
I scream these words so loud
But they never make a sound

I’m alive
But I’m barely breathing now
So place my heart under the ground
Lay me down
I’m alive
But I’m barely breathing now
So drag my lungs into the ground
Lay me down

Deep enough so that I’ll never feel again
Far beneath any chance at breaking skin
I’m giving in
All the promise of smiles and happiness
That’s a dream I’m not willing to admit
I’m not ready yet
To face regret
No I’m not ready yet
I’m not ready yet

I’d do anything now
So spread these wings somehow
I scream these words so loud
But they never make a sound

I’m alive
But I’m barely breathing now
So place my heart under the ground
Lay me down
I’m alive
But I’m barely breathing now
Tread my lungs into the ground
Lay me down..



To start off, I must say that this blog is based on my PPMS and my experience with it. While some may dis-agree, please do so in an adult manner. I will not downplay your feelings, so please do not downplay mine. With that being said…here goes.

At this point there is NO cure for Multiple Sclerosis! None, nada, zip. Eating healthy and living a clean lifestyle will help, but it will not cure. There are medications to slow the progression, but not stop or cure it. This year a new medication is being released [finally] to deal with the progressive forms of MS. While this is excellent news, it won’t do much for me as significant damage has already been done to my body.

A ‘cure’ in my eyes will be able to help all types of MS, not just the least severe forms. It will also be able to replace the myelin and help to restore nerve functions. That is a cure. While stem cell research has shown to halt MS, there are no long term stats yet to show it will stay that way. But, I will say, if I could afford it i’d be all over it. The sad part is I may not even qualify for HSCT due to the severity of my damage. So, in my eyes, not even close to a cure. A cure should be able to help everyone with the disease. IMHO… which isn’t so humble.

I believe in a cure… But, until people see humans as more important than money, we won’t see the cure! There is no ‘profit’ in a cure. And that is the sad reality!

Always hoping

Always hoping


MS is an evil bitch! For the first time in a very long time I’ve been feeling “happy”. I haven’t felt this way in quite some time. I learned many years ago to downplay my emotions. It always seemed to go bad when I’d mention the “H” word. lol Like the other shoe would drop if I even thought of it. And, BAM, it seems to be par for my course. The MonSter, that is MS, always jumps in to harsh my mellow. And the bitch is jumping on a trampoline right now. I’ve been doing pretty good. Home Depot is going to get my window issues fixed [knock on wood] and life in general is good. So, I should have expected something to happen. I always expect the worst and then when the best happens I get giddy.😉 I know that seems like a bad way to look at things, but for me, it keeps me sane. Well, I tried looking for and expecting the best this time, and damn if MS didn’t pop up and mess my shit up again. I was actually feeling less fatigued and wanting to do things. But, no, she had to pop in and remind me of my ‘disability’. I’m feeling drained and out of sorts. Depressed and tearful.

I hear the saying, I have MS, but MS doesn’t have me, all the time. But, um, nope… MS does in fact have me. For me it’s all about how I handle it. I can fall apart and give in to it, or keep fighting. I chose to fight. I have PPMS [primary progressive]. My MS is no longer ‘invisible’. It’s out there and in your face visible. I am in the 10% group with my PPMS, and many have no idea there are different types of MS. This page, here, quickly explains the types.



I’ll get through this and keep pushing forward, but sometimes it gets so frustrating. I’m going to throw my pity-party for now, and everyone is invited!😛

my mantra

my mantra

Now I am going to try and find that ‘happy place’ again. I may have lost the battle to MS, but I will win the war!!





Mark called back and it seems every issue is going to be taken care of. *HAPPY ROLL*

We had a wonderful conversation and he even found a few vendors that CAN make the infamous garage window, at no cost to me. Thank you Mark!!

I’m hoping to have everything taken care of in a couple of weeks. I will not have to deal with Chad or Damion again. It will go directly through Mark. I’m pretty excited, and when it’s all done I will be posting new and improved pictures.

Let’s hope for smooth sailing… crossing fingers… not holding breath, yet. lol

Peace out!

Here is the original blog. Here is the first update.

To start off, I do not like being treated as if I’m ‘stupid’. People in wheelchairs are just as intelligent as those who are not. I’ve had people talk loud and/or extra slow to me because of their ‘ass’umptions. I have a degree in Business [BSBA] and before my illness I was a worker bee. I worked for Builder’s Emporium for many years. I started as a cashier and went on to become the head cashier, a department manager, and the installed sales manager. So, I know what I’m doing regarding installations and working with this type of company. I was not always in this chair and the main point is; do not mistake my illness [or anyone else with an illness] as weakness. We are warriors!


Not my site, credit for picture linked


The regional installation manager, Mxxx, called. After my quick, semi emotional, explanation, I was told they would indeed refund my money. Then he asked if I would give him a couple of days to go through all the information, as he would like a chance to make it right. YES, of course I will. That’s all I have wanted from the get go. I hope they understand, I WANT my garage window as well, along with fixing all the other issues.

I also hope they get the fact that after everything they have done, well Chxx has done, they will be ‘donating’ the garage window. The job is over $17,000, I know… No one has bothered contacting me until I went public. It’s been over 3 months now. Daxxxx said [3-21-2016] they refunded me 1800.00 for the window. I vaguely remember being told on the day of installation I’d be refunded $800.00 and change for the window, while they looked to other companies who could make it. I checked the Home Depot CC site and the only credits I see are what I have been paying. [I’m sure now something will show up, lol] So, like I said, donation!

I emailed Mxxx, regional installation manager, the link to my blog with all the pictures, dates, and information. So, now we wait.

Peace and Happy Easter weekend to all who celebrate! xo

An update from “Just Say NO to The Home Depot”


CS Rep Sxxxxx called today. She is the only one to actually call back and try and help. I updated her on my horrific experience with Chxx and Dxxxxx. I explained that after all that has happened the only acceptable out come is; to refund me all the money spent thus far, and they just need to write it off, period!! I will need this money to get another company out here to fix all the issues and get the garage window made. Sxxxxx said she would forward all of the new info on to the proper people and call me back Saturday to check in.

As per Chxx’s comment [3-21-2016] on my leaking window, he explained the outer channels fill up with water and go out through the sill holes. Um, I know…the water/sludge is clearly seen in the photo here came in the house. Our old [1991] windows NEVER leaked. He blew me off. As for the black [rubber?] showing through the edges on the upper window inside [picture below]. Chxx stated. easy fix. [3-21-2016] I’ve heard that before…


windows do no need need black rubber [?] frames

At this point 5 windows have the wrong grids and 4 have no grids. Both sets of French door stick and are very hard to open and close. Stationary French door lever [front room] popped off during first open. French door half screens off center. As for the ‘gold’ door handles, I was told by Chad [3-21-2016], well the nickel costs more and it wasn’t specified. We were not given an option. NO GARAGE WINDOW AT ALL! Stucco still broken/cracked. Front window leaks. [Picture here] God only knows how many more will leak.😦 Window locks/latches popping off. [They do pop right back in, but really?] There is just so much wrong my damn head is exploding…

Here are a few pictures:


old windows with colonial grids


new windows no grids [4 left] wrong grids [5 right]


the infamous garage window no-one can make


new windows old garage window. no one would order all new windows and leave a main one old.










‘flush’ sliding screen door top lol


‘flush’ screen door bottom. lol

So, now, awaiting ‘the’ phone call from someone who can actually make this right. Don’t worry, I won’t be holding my breath.


Below is a timeline [rough] of all the problems we have been facing for over 3 months now. Please don’t mind the grammar, spelling, or sentence structure. lol It was written as it happened, quickly to keep it all fresh in my mind. I have done this for years to help keep the facts in order.

This issue has caused my progressive MS to go crazy. Symptoms popping up harder and lasting longer. A 5 day hospital stay and so much more.

 I’m forced to keep paying on this, as I will not ruin our excellent credit rating due to this despicable corporation that is the Home Depot.

I have x’ed names and numbers for my protection from this disgusting company. I just want this over and done with. I do not want to have to go the ‘attorney’ route as that will be detrimental, even more, to my health. But, if they do not make this right, I will!!

 Let’s make this go viral so they don’t do this to others and keep getting away with it!!

Peace and happy reading.


Home Depot window installation

Roger & Tracy Radford

Job number [s] – 86445xx and 86519xx

Order date: October 10. 2015

Salesperson Wxxx came to our home to give us the estimate/write up the order. We wanted all new windows and 2 sets of French doors to replace sliding glass doors. Our garage window is oddly shaped so Wxxx called his supervisor, Chxx, who said they could get us the window [per window company] My husband and I made it very clear that if they could not get/make that window we would not place an order and look elsewhere. We were assured it would be no problem. We were also told the installers would ‘do it all’ remove and replace window coverings and fix and stucco issues pertaining to damage during installation. I asked this 2 times due to the fact I am in a wheelchair and my husband has no time to do this. We were assured ‘they take care of everything’.

Being that all the homes in our area have colonial style front windows, that is what we asked for our front windows along with the garage window. My comment was to do the front windows the same way as they are now, colonial. For the French doors we decided no grids so it wouldn’t feel like a ‘prison’ in the two rooms they would be installed in, and again it was reiterated to him to keep the front the same, colonial grids. With the verbal exchange and the assurance we would get the garage oddly shaped window, we signed the contract.

– Chxx called to make appt. to come by for another measuring. My caregiver took him around the house for that. I was ill that day and did not get to meet him.

– Later on, Per Chxx was told they were having problems finding the window, but not to worry. Was texted a hand drawn picture of how it would look. I ok’ed it and thought all was well.

Date installed: December 7 – 8, 2015

December 7th garage window not on truck. Was told they were working on it per Joxx via call to Chxx [speaker on] I reiterated that without that window we did not want all the others. Again, told it would be taken care of. I asked again to make sure as if no garage window we would have cancelled the job. I was assured it would get done.

I also noticed the front windows did not have the correct grids/no grids. Was told no problem, easy fix. They would install and pop out the wrong and pop in the right; so I said ok do the install.

Listed below are the issues we are facing


– Bedroom windows [front], no grids [should have been colonial]

– front windows wrong grids [should have been colonial]

NO garage window

– stucco around windows cracked/chunks missing [was told by Wxxx when installed would be repaired by installers as well as removal and replace window blinds]

– wrong color door handles for French doors gold not silver/nickel – never given an option assumed silver     since my whole house has silver handles

– French door[s] off center stick badly [front room door] stationary clip already broken

– front room upper window black framing shows all around inside

– window latch[s] popping off

– installation closed due to the promise these issues would be taken care of within two weeks. [Jxxx spoke to Chxx regarding this on the phone, in my presence [speaker] as well as my caregivers presence, before I signed] the only reason I signed was due to their promise. NO service appointment scheduled, just their word.

– I am paying for a job that has not been completed, this is highly fraudulent

1/7/2016 Joxx [installer] came over to see if he could fix anything. He could not. He explained the French doors needed more than a simple adjustment. Called Chxx [installer supervisor] not returning calls.

1-26-16 called 800-466-xxxx

talked to xxxxx CS rep

talked to xxxxx CS rep

Email from 1-26-2016

Hello Tracy,

Thank you for this information. I am going to get this over to Mxxx Nxxx, my Branch Installation Service Manager right away.

xxxxx x xxxxxx

Operations Support Coordinator, Scheduling, Los Angeles Branch

The Home Depot – At Home Services, Inc.

T: (Office) 1-877-903-xxxx EXT xxxxx | |:

Was supposed to hear back from Mxxx [Chxx supervisor] and/or Rxxx Mxxxxxx… nothing


Have not heard back from anyone!!!


Emailed xxxxx back letting her know that NO ONE has contacted me. No reply back from her or anyone else.


Posted to Face Book and Twitter about the horrible service from Home Depot. Their response back; We’d like 2 have ur issue reviewed by our Home Installs team. Send job order # to -TeamCare.

I immediately emailed them this word doc. Received a call back from [770] 433-xxxx. I was told this would be looked in to. And someone would call me back.

She gave me two phone numbers – [877] 903-xxxx and [800] 654-xxxx


No one has called to follow up or get this issue resolved.



front window leaked.


Called 880-654-xxxx talked to Sxxxxx

She says she’ll call back 3-21-2016 to re-check [she did indeed call]

Chxx called coming Monday 3-21 and for the first time I was told, over the phone, they could not get the garage window. I explained this would be a problem and was told we would discuss it on the 21st. I explained that Jxxx [installer] said the French doors needed more than ‘adjustments. Chxx replied with, Jxxx no longer works for us; he has some problems… WTF????


Chxx and DAxxxx [install supervisor/manager] from Home Depot Palmdale showed up 45 minutes late. We spoke regarding the front windows and the colonial grids we asked for, not once, but twice, Chxx said the paperwork said a different grid and no grids on 2 sets of windows. I told him, no that was not right they were to be colonial so he showed some copy of paperwork with a bunch of numbers etc. I told him that I don’t care what it said that it’s not what Wxxx and I verbally decided on. He said well then you should have called and asked for the meanings of the codes. EXCUSE me, we discussed it twice and why would I think to call since I assumed Wxxx knew what he was doing.

I had no idea it was an issue until they came with the windows. I mentioned it before they installed and was told that issue was an easy fix so no worries. That once the windows were in it was a simple glass pop out and pop back in.

Again, Chxx said well you signed it. AGAIN I explained we told him what we wanted and I should have been able to trust he wrote it correctly. And why the hell would I call back within 3 days when I thought it was written up properly.

Then we talked about the garage window again, and he said well you let the install go through. Shocked, I told him the only reason it went through was his promise when on the phone with Jxxx [speaker] that they would still be able to get the window. Before I let him know he was on speaker he made a rude comment that he didn’t know who Jxxx talked to it could have been anyone. WHAT!!! Complete and utter LIE!!

I finally got some truth that he knew by the end of November they could not get the garage window! WHAT!! He then tried to tell me he told me that and I let him know in no certain terms he did NOT! The first time I heard anything regarding not getting the window was on 3-17-2016 after not hearing anything from him since installation day. They said well we gave you a refund for that window. I know was awaiting the price of the new window from one of the other manufacturers he was working so hard to get and kept promising me I was getting. WHAT PART OF NO GARAGE WINDOW, NO GOING THOUGH HOME DEPOT DID THEY NOT GET. He knew damn well they weren’t getting the window by and before the install day and said nothing so I did not turn them away and cancel. Fraud comes to mind. Bottom line; Chxx did not want to lose the contract so; again, he lied regarding the garage window!!

Daxxxx said well that’s the past lets work on getting it resolved. NO, not the past. If Chxx had not lied and told the truth about the garage window the job would have been cancelled and we would not be in this mess.

They wanted the subject changed so went and looked at the French doors. Not knowing my caregiver was in the room, Daxxxx, commented how we probably broke the stucco around the bedroom doors and/or it was probably always like that. WOW!! I was told before and after pictures had been taken per the installer Jxxx, so look at them!! Or did those go missing. Not only is Chxx a liar, but also disrespectful and rude. He caused the whole issue from the get go and is trying to cover his ass by blaming me, the customer.

Their ‘solution’ they will replace the front windows with the correct grids and do adjustments on the French doors. They blew of the leaking window issue and latches breaking off. But, sorry, no front window!! None of this is a ‘solution’ or acceptable.

Not sure how many times I have to say this to the initial salesperson, the installer Jxxx, and Chxx, but no garage window no job!! Bottom line Chxx knew they weren’t getting my garage window before the install. Knowing without that I would cancel the job and not wanting to send all the windows back, he LIED and kept saying they’d get my garage window. Fraud straight up!!!

As I stated, their solution is not acceptable. The ONLY solution is to refund me all the money spent thus far, period!! I will need this money to get another company out here to fix all the issues and get the garage window made.

Total time talked to Chxx during this, 2 before install to set up re-measure appt., 1 text with his hand drawn is the window ok text, and 1 more time 3-17-2016 when he finally told me they can’t get the window.

Immediately after they left I called the Georgia line at 770-433-8211 and explained the hideous treatment I experienced. Was told a supervisor would call me the next day. I also called my Palmdale store and asked to have Daxxxx give ma call asap as I will NOT speak with Chxx ever again. xxxxx told me that Wxxx would get him the message to call me.


1:33 pm still awaiting phone calls…

Left a message for Mxxx Nxxx [regional installation manager] at 1:40 pm at 323-202-xxxx

Left a message for Nxxx Bxxxxx [divisional installation manager] at 1:43 pm at 469-628-xxxx

Called Wxxx for the name and correct spelling for Dxxxxx, told him in no uncertain terms to make sure I never have to speak with Chxx again.


 NO calls back from either manager!!

Called Dxxxxx left a message to call me back.

Dxxxxx called back. I reiterated our meeting earlier in the week and explained I do not to involve an attorney but that the ‘higher ups’ need to call me back asap. He said he would contact Mxxx Nxxx and have him contact me