Craziness · FUCK · Health · HELL · Primary Progressive MS · Quotes · Ramblings · Strength

It’s the boredom that kills you

As I am lying here trying to find something on TV, everything just hit me at once. My emotions went all over the place. Silently screaming and crying so no one in my house hears me. How long can one lie in the same spot every day? How many books can one person read? How much TV can one person watch? After a while each thing you do becomes boring. You lie the same way at all times as you can no longer roll your body to either side. I’ve actually had people tell me how lucky I am to be able to just lie around all day and have no big responsibilities. Really? 🤔 Maybe for one day or possibly even a week, but 6 years 3 months and counting… You must be fucking ridiculous! Mental torture is 100% accurate! When people tell me they can’t imagine, they have no idea what they would do, they could never cope, etc. They are 100% correct. They can’t imagine the darkness that goes through my mind every day. They have no idea how many nights I pray to whatever entity is out there to take me home. They couldn’t cope with realizing that death would be a beautiful freedom.

Sometimes I wonder which is more crazy, the thoughts that go through my mind or the fact that I stick around for them. My favorite ‘people’ are those that say, “No you’re not going crazy you’re just upset with your situation.” Oh how lovely that would be if it were that simple. I would love just to be ‘upset’ with my situation. That would be much easier to take. 

Have courage and be kind.

*** just a little FYI, I’m just venting and I hate having to add that but some people, the people that don’t know me, take some things I write in the wrong way. 🙄 If I didn’t get my feelings out, then I’d be worried. Thanks everyone… 



8 thoughts on “It’s the boredom that kills you

  1. I hear you Tracy! I’m glad that you get it out. I’m seldom bored but when I am I go nuts to get out of it. This has to be the worst situation with no escape route. Hugs my friend

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so raw and true. We NEED challenges to keep our minds stimulated. Most of the time, we dream of having nothing to do, but the irony of that is the mental boredom. Having some kind of hobby with a never-ending “end goal” can help combat that boredom, to an extent. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I remember when I was in my 20s working full-time going to college at night I so wanted to be able to just not have anything to do. And now that that’s happened it’s paralyzing it just messes with your mind. I play lots of card games and puzzles to keep me from going crazy. 🤷🏻‍♀️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. There’s a saying, “we always want what we can’t have.” I dreamt of having a break from university until it happened and I spent 8.5 months twiddling my thumbs and wishing I was back in school.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. In that case, I would say try to find the positives in it. I don’t like being stressed out/burnt out, but my “why” outweighs by desire to give up. There’s plenty of hobbies you could take up while on bed-rest. I hope that you can find something that you can enjoy and won’t get bored of in the long-run. 🙏💕

        Liked by 1 person

      3. That’s actually the only way I can get through my days is finding the positives. Unfortunately my bed rest has been for the last six years and three months. That’s why I’m trying to get into rehab to re-train my body to work again. Two years ago rehab helped me get back to use of my arms so I’m trying really hard to get back in again but Independence Blue Cross says it’s not medically necessary. 🤦🏻‍♀️
        My motto is it’s just a bad day, not a bad life. Now to get out of this freaking bed. 😊

        Like

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