Wanting me to be real…

Posted: March 14, 2010 in anger, HELL, Pain, sadness, SoapBox
Tags: , , , , ,

WARNING!!!! “F” bomb alert!!

So for many years I hid my pain in jokes, sarcasm and laughter. It was easier for me and less upsetting for those around me. So many people told me, “Be Real” “Tell the truth about your pain” “Ask for help”…

So, in the past year or so I tried this route only to have it thrown back in my face. Now, when I show my pain, being real, I’m told it’s for sympathy, poor me shit. REALLY! Fuck off please. I have never asked for anyone’s pity, sympathy or the poor me pour me a drink bullshit! Yet for years I listened to others pain and tried to help in any way I could. Now I’m the bad person. Again I say Fuck off please.

Then I got the, I’ll show people the real you, I’ll copy and paste emails. Really, go ahead doctor up your emails. you are the only one that will look like a childish buffoon. As for the ‘people’ who talk the shit and tell the lies…come forward, say it to me. But no, you just block me as you know damn well I will say it to your face, no need to lie or go behind any ones back. That’s all of your jobs. And for those who talked all the shit to this person, de-friend me, block, stay the fuck away from me. You are liars and pathetic. So, you all deserve one another. And if it’s who I think it all is, stop emailing me as well with your BS about this said person. Just leave me the fuck alone. Get rid of my email, my phone numbers etc., oh and grow the FUCK up! You all know who you are and you all know the ‘real’ truth.

I truly hate being this person, this angry person. And after this, hopefully these 2 faced ignorant assholes will back the fuck off and move on. I have not changed and am the same person I have always been. Love me or leave me. Ask me a question and I will tell you the truth.

I am sorry for those reading this and seeing me being this angry person, but I am so tired of being certain people’s punching bag. I have enough of my own problems, health and otherwise, so it is time this was said. I will not allow any of you to hurt me and cause me to become ill due to all the stress. And if you feel the need to comment here again, it won’t come through. If any of ya feel the need to email me, it won’t be read. So don’t waste your time or energy. Just FUCK off please.

I know the person I am and the friend I am, maybe you should look in the mirror and figure out who you are. Remember each time you point your little finger at me there are 3 pointing back at you.

I pray for you and hope that one day you will find the happiness and peace you need. I have my peace and my happiness in my family and my real friends. So really there is no need for you or room for you anymore.

When it all falls apart…I won’t be here next time. Once bitten, twice shy!!

And now I am done and will be back to my REAL self free from the toxic people that have no place in my world!

****************

Blessings and Hope!!

Damn it feels good to purge!!!

Comments
  1. Lisa Kirk says:

    AMEN!!! I could not have said it better myself. I deal with this same bullshit as well. Is all I have to say is let them walk in our shoes for a day.

    You know who your friends our honey. Just know we love the person you are weather you are in pain, angry, said, silly, whatever it maybe.

    Love you!

    Lisa

    Like

  2. feathermaye says:

    Eff off, meanies!

    Sadly, that’s the 2nd time I’ve used that exact message on a friend’s blog in the past 30 days.

    I wish people would just learn to be nice to each other!! Although we all have our DOH! moments and say something stupid or inadvertently piss someone off, there are just too many people who can’t stand to see others happy, or getting attention. Or breathing.

    Tracy, I feel like you’ve always been real to me, and for me. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Own your truth. The Meanies can choke on their versions. ❤

    Like

    • Tracy says:

      fanks Heather!! I’m the type, if I am not going to be honest with you, I won’t even bother with you.

      My friends are my friends because I love having them in my life!!

      U R one of them!!
      xoxo

      Like

  3. TELL IT, Sistah! Don`t let the assholes get you down, and don`t EVER stop being who you are! We love you, and we KNOW you. All of your true friends & family do. Let the rest of `em hang.
    Love you, Sis.
    ~Lizzie

    Like

    • Tracy says:

      And you know me better than most and for the long haul and you still love me!! lol

      TY my Lizzie my sister!!
      Kiss those monkeys for me please!xoxoxo
      love you

      Like

  4. Tina Sickinger says:

    Oh Tracy, I don’t see anger at all. I see a loving compassionate woman who is tired of being treated like shit! I can relate to this on so many levels as you well know. I too have had my share of people saying I feel sorry for myself and I say the same thing….FUCK EM! I have had friends delete me because they couldn’t handle to small view into what is my life and I have also deleted some for their hateful and rude comments.
    All I can say is kudos to you girl! You know who your real friends are and we all know the real you. The you who is loving and caring and would do anything for her friends and loved ones. You just keep being YOU and put this behind you now. I’m glad you got it out and hope you feel better about it now. You don’t need or deserve the bullshit. I love you girl and I will always be here for you! xoxo<3

    Like

    • Tracy says:

      You smile through the pain you suck, you be real you suck. We cannot win for losing ya know!!

      This purge has actually cleared my head and stopped my tears!! TY for always being supportive of me!!
      love ya!!
      xoxo

      Like

  5. Ruby Cantu says:

    Well said, and sadly you had to go this route, but sometimes this is the only way some people can understand and get the message. You have always been a great friend to me and I hope this nonsense ends here. Love ya!

    Like

  6. Tracy says:

    Do you know my problem…I am sucker and would probably still be there for her, not the others, but for her.

    That’s what her friendship meant to me. Ce La Vie….

    Like

  7. Cynthia Schmidt says:

    Ok, That does it, I’m sending you some coconut truffles. This week, Promise! They’ll go out in the mail on Tuesday in time for you to enjoy by next weekend. And, no, you don’t have to share!

    By the way, I love you.

    Like

  8. Frannie1964 says:

    AMEN!! to that!

    I don’t understand some people, You take someone and you get to know them and love them with or without faults. I don’t get the people who when they find that theres a problem or they think something Is wrong, They Run! not only do they run, but they take others with them to this lonely place where they think everythings going to be Perfect and what Is It that they find? They find themselves alone.

    I don’t care If you get mad, sad, angry and want to yell at the world, we have all felt like that. If you want to vent or feel like nothings going right and be upset then I (your Friend) will be here to listen, to lend a shoulder, to get angry with you cause thats who we are, we are Friends, we take the good and we take the bad. so to those others who feel the need to bring you down and say those awful things to you and then run away……FUCK OFF PLEASE!

    Whew! that did feel good saying that.

    MzTracy, you have your real friends whether we are near or miles apart. Don’t ever be afraid to let loose and be yourself around us (Me) 🙂 If I’m gonna be your friend, I’m taking everything that comes along with you. I may not be really good with words, so I hope I explained everything right, but you know you have a Friend In me and I’m not going anywhere Is what I’m trying to say.

    (((Hugz)))

    xoxoxoxo

    Like

    • Tracy says:

      TY Fran!!!!!!

      Maybe it was regarding my hospital blogs being so upset. But they put me through hell and I am still going through hell because of them. I just needed my friends at that time. Yes I was negative and yes I had a pity party, but after that I felt like I was allowed!!

      We all need our pity parties and to be able to share our pain and even our happiness.

      Thankfully, I have friends like you that take me for what I am, good and yes, sometimes bad!!
      loves ya!!
      xoxoxo

      Like

  9. R. G. Maines says:

    You’ve been an incredible friend to me. I’m sorry you have to deal with people putting you through this nonsense.

    People are uncomfortable with themselves, is what I think, so they can’t deal with our honesty, our pain, our perseverance, because it forced them to have to look at themselves.

    I’ve lost some ‘friends’ for the same reason. The reality is they weren’t really ‘friends’ to begin with if they could be so hateful.

    Love & Hugs oxox

    Like

    • Tracy says:

      Robin you rock. I am getting caught up on all my friends blogs and yours are on my list. This crap has ruled my mind for too long and I’m done.

      Back to business!!

      I am so with you on the people are uncomfortable with themselves and they throw it back at us!!

      loves ya much!
      xoxo

      Like

  10. Good riddance, I say.

    I read this quote just today…

    “I have decided not to let my time be used up by people to whom I make no difference while I neglect those to whom I am irreplaceable.”

    You haven’t neglected me but you are irreplaceable in my life.

    I love you much.

    Like

  11. Ruby Cantu says:

    I wholeheartedly agree with Laurie…love the quote too.

    Like

  12. Tracy says:

    borrowed the quote laurie!! xoxo

    Like

  13. Vicki Day says:

    Laurie is bang on the money & if the person who is causing this pain is reading this and itching to put their fingers across the keyboard to vent …

    Think again – move on and look in the mirror your not wanted her only those who love MzT ……..

    Like

  14. Frannie1964 says:

    Love the quote also.

    (((Hugz)))

    Like

  15. Marya1961 says:

    God knows I would love to meet the mean-spirited jerk-off who caused this pain and aggravation for you..apparently, that person is a wretched soul who has no heart..after what you went through in the hospital, what you deal with every day, you have every right to vent and feel angry and HELLO!, each of us is entitled to feel any and every emotion at any given time..you are a wonderful person and I hope we can meet up some day!

    Lots of love xxoo 🙂

    Like

    • Tracy says:

      I’m just now seeing her for the true person she is. I had some telling me this years ago and a few moths back, but I always want to believe in people!

      TY for always being a friend and i too hope we meet one day!!
      xoxo

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s