I’ve been called many things. Some of which are true and some which have come out of people just trying to be being hurtful. But one thing I have been called, which I completely agree with, is stoner! 😱 You see I am in pain 24/7. So today I am playing it “straight“. It’s now 12:20 PM and the pain is horrific. My anxiety is all over the place and my depression is coming to the surface. When I smoke my life isn’t as unbearable. When I don’t, the reality of being completely and utterly trapped on a bed rips my mind apart.

So I get high. It helps me to forget the agony and the truth of my illness. It helps with my pain, anxiety, and depression. It also helps, if only for a minute, not to think about how Jason and the company he works for can keep life-saving care from a person whose life depends on it! In 2018 if Independence Blue Cross had kept me in the acute care rehab for two weeks to a month more, I would not be here right now. I would not have a $168,000 explanation of benefits because I would’ve become strong and certain things would never have happened. They are now going to be paying double, even triple of what it would’ve cost to keep me in that rehab until I was able to transfer on my own. They took that and my life away from me. I wish I could say it was only them, but my doctors have a lot to answer for as well. I know some people say I’m overly dramatic when I make the comment that they have taken my life away from me. But it’s not being dramatic, it’s the truth. My family does not have the ability nor the equipment that it will take to help me get my legs working again. After my broken hip surgery they allowed me 11 days in the nursing home for physical therapy, which was a joke. Then they gave me a whopping two visits in-home physical therapy. If I were someone without a disability I would’ve had weeks or even months of rehabilitation after breaking a hip. 

I realized in a call from Jason Sweeney last year when I was fighting to get back in the rehab that they basically feel it’s too much for me. That with my illness I wouldn’t be able to handle the rigid four hours a day six days a week PT. I reminded him that in 2018 for one full month I did four hours a day +6 days a week never once turning down PT or OT. A couple of the therapists even said that they had healthy people in there that would turn down rehab because they were too tired or sore, yet I kept going no matter what. What right do they have to tell me what I can or cannot handle?! I was there to get better so I was going to fight through the pain to reach my goal. Then Independence Blue Cross took that all away from me. They have no idea of the will and the strength of my character to get better. They have no idea who they’re dealing with. The saddest part is they don’t care. If they did, they would’ve found a way for their rent-a-doctors to actually physically come and see me.

I have so many things on my plate right now dealing with this, but one thing is that I will never stop. I am going through records to find out which incompetent buffoon wrote down that I was quadriplegic. Clearly I am not, but someone put that somewhere in my files. I will find out who did that and then I will deal with that part of this fun filled issue. I truly believe they look at people that are disabled as uneducated and uninformed. I am neither of those things. And part of me, because of this, will continue on even after I get the help I need so that I can help others. We are in the United States of America and insurance companies should not control our healthcare over our doctors. Am I angry, hell yes I am angry!

I know I’ve shared that cute little sheep before, but after writing this I needed something to give me smile. 😁

Sending out New Year’s wishes to all and I pray that 2021 gives us many reasons to be joyous! 🖤





This blog is summing up what has happened since September 14, 2020. It’s been one crazy ride!

Welp, Having some lower tummy issues today a.k.a. the bladder. So my doctor is having me go to the hospital through emergency and she is going to admit me to get the surgery done and over with. She is worried that the bladder stones could possibly clog the stoma etc.

I am so jazzed that she is doing this for me because I really need this surgery. It’s been over a year that I was supposed to have it, so this is a really good thing! The ambulance is on the way to come pick me up. Thankfully it’s just an ambulance service and not 911. I really didn’t need the police, fire, and everyone else showing up. 😂🖤

I am in the ER awaiting on ultrasound and for my doctor.

And the Covid up my nose swabs weren’t bad at all. I was very happy about that. 🥰

I’m finally in a room. I got up here at about 11 PM. The surgery went really well. 👍

Unfortunately the pain in my left hip is off the charts. ☹️ Tomorrow morning they will be doing x-rays. Right now I have pain meds on board and I think I’m gonna try to sleep. It has been a very long couple of days!

I’m not even sure where to begin. So my bladder surgery went really well. I started having a ton of pain in my left hip. So before I went home I wanted to get it checked. Well, when I say shit happens but mostly to me so don’t be worried, I mean that. I have a fractured hip at the top of the femur. Basically my bones are very weak and brittle. I had surgery for the hip on Wednesday and man the pain, WOWZERS!! They put in a rod and pins. I am hoping they will do a bone scan while I’m here because as we all know my insurance won’t cover me for transport. One of the doctors said they can do it in the hospital and one of them said no they don’t do it in the hospital. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I was also hoping this would get me into the rehab center, but healthcare is different for people with chronic illness. If I was just a woman who broke her hip I’d be getting the rehab at the rehab center. I was really hoping they would go to bat for me but as we all know they won’t. 

I still haven’t wrapped my head around all of this. The doctor said I am very susceptible to more breaks. My opinion, then get me on a good bone medication. But wait, I’m gonna have to go find a way to get to the doctor to do the bone density scan. So that won’t be happening anytime soon.

So the case manager, ignorant asshole from the hospital, says that in the notes it said I refused PT on Saturday and Sunday. Because of that insurance won’t put me in a rehab facility. I explained that no fucking way did I refuse it. I did it Thursday, Friday, Saturday and then on Sunday they stopped giving me the IV pain meds. I had one pain med tablet on board when they came in to do the physical therapy. The minute he started moving my legs the pain was off the charts. So I asked if we could just do adjusting my legs in the bed etc. for PT since I didn’t have the proper pain meds on board. Well in their mind that was refusing it. You know if this shit wasn’t happening to me I would not believe it. The stupid bitch on the phone wouldn’t even listen to what I was trying to tell her. All she kept saying was, well it’s been written in the notes and now your insurance won’t do anything about it. It’s as if the medical community where I live all went to the same ACME school of medicine. It’s like they’re single-handedly trying to make my getting better not happen. So now what the fuck am I supposed to do! 😡

So they just gave me another pain tablet and at 1 PM they’re coming in for PT. 🙃

Wow! It’s been a doozy of a day… A doozy of a day!

A Dr. Mansourian, Internist, came in and talked with me. I told him what was going on and he said that he will get me into rehab. If the insurance tries to say no he’s going to keep me here then. I’m kind of sitting with my mouth open like what just happened. Is this the light I’ve been searching for at the end of the tunnel?! He’s taking charge and he completely understands why I’m so afraid of being moved. He also said he’s going to tell them when I go to rehab that I’ll need to get to a doctor for the bone scan. 👊

The PT girls who came in were really amazing. They knew I was scared and they were very slow and steady with me. They rolled me on both sides, for only a second, but I did it. 🤗

I really want to be excited, I really want to feel like someone’s finally listening, but this stuff has happened before and nothing came of it. I am going to hold on to hope.

I’ve got this; I will keep going! 🖤

Time for 2 L of blood 😳

Maybe this is why I’ve been feeling dizzy, fatigued, well crappy for the last four months. I wonder what they’ll find tomorrow. Stay tuned for the next chapter of Tracy‘s medical maladies! 😂

So there you have it! This is what’s been happening from September 14 until today, September 22. What a ride it has been and what a ride it is still going to be!