Day in… Day out… Minute by minute

I’ve been called many things. Some of which are true and some which have come out of people just trying to be being hurtful. But one thing I have been called, which I completely agree with, is stoner! 😱 You see I am in pain 24/7. So today I am playing it “straight“. It’s now 12:20 PM and the pain is horrific. My anxiety is all over the place and my depression is coming to the surface. When I smoke my life isn’t as unbearable. When I don’t, the reality of being completely and utterly trapped on a bed rips my mind apart.

So I get high. It helps me to forget the agony and the truth of my illness. It helps with my pain, anxiety, and depression. It also helps, if only for a minute, not to think about how Jason and the company he works for can keep life-saving care from a person whose life depends on it! In 2018 if Independence Blue Cross had kept me in the acute care rehab for two weeks to a month more, I would not be here right now. I would not have a $168,000 explanation of benefits because I would’ve become strong and certain things would never have happened. They are now going to be paying double, even triple of what it would’ve cost to keep me in that rehab until I was able to transfer on my own. They took that and my life away from me. I wish I could say it was only them, but my doctors have a lot to answer for as well. I know some people say I’m overly dramatic when I make the comment that they have taken my life away from me. But it’s not being dramatic, it’s the truth. My family does not have the ability nor the equipment that it will take to help me get my legs working again. After my broken hip surgery they allowed me 11 days in the nursing home for physical therapy, which was a joke. Then they gave me a whopping two visits in-home physical therapy. If I were someone without a disability I would’ve had weeks or even months of rehabilitation after breaking a hip. 

I realized in a call from Jason Sweeney last year when I was fighting to get back in the rehab that they basically feel it’s too much for me. That with my illness I wouldn’t be able to handle the rigid four hours a day six days a week PT. I reminded him that in 2018 for one full month I did four hours a day +6 days a week never once turning down PT or OT. A couple of the therapists even said that they had healthy people in there that would turn down rehab because they were too tired or sore, yet I kept going no matter what. What right do they have to tell me what I can or cannot handle?! I was there to get better so I was going to fight through the pain to reach my goal. Then Independence Blue Cross took that all away from me. They have no idea of the will and the strength of my character to get better. They have no idea who they’re dealing with. The saddest part is they don’t care. If they did, they would’ve found a way for their rent-a-doctors to actually physically come and see me.

I have so many things on my plate right now dealing with this, but one thing is that I will never stop. I am going through records to find out which incompetent buffoon wrote down that I was quadriplegic. Clearly I am not, but someone put that somewhere in my files. I will find out who did that and then I will deal with that part of this fun filled issue. I truly believe they look at people that are disabled as uneducated and uninformed. I am neither of those things. And part of me, because of this, will continue on even after I get the help I need so that I can help others. We are in the United States of America and insurance companies should not control our healthcare over our doctors. Am I angry, hell yes I am angry!

I know I’ve shared that cute little sheep before, but after writing this I needed something to give me smile. 😁

Sending out New Year’s wishes to all and I pray that 2021 gives us many reasons to be joyous! 🖤