Category: Ramblings

Ramblings · RANDOM

Tired…

Tracy13 Comments

I’m tired of the pain, tired of not being able to walk, tired of the fatigue, tired of the shakes, tired of the incontinence, tired of living…

‘We reap what we sow’. That is such a bullshit statement. If this were true, I would not be crippled. My girls Ruby and Tina would not be ill. If this were true, rapists, murderers, child molesters, animal abusers would actually be punished for their crimes. They would not be out on parole picking their next victims…

I constantly wonder what I EVER did to deserve this disease. If you believe in ‘The Secret’, I intended it. Well I’ve got a secret for you, ‘The Secret’ is bullshit! I think I’ll write a book on some ‘new’ form of religion. It seems anyone can and people actually follow it… like sheep!

I know this blog is quite random, but my mind is quite random right now. I cannot concentrate on any one thing or keep a thought going for too long. My hands keep shaking and I keep having to go back and fix my typing.

I keep hearing about quality of life. It’s the quality that matters. I have no quality of life. I am imprisoned in my home. Trapped like a caged animal. In my mind I am still able-bodied, able to walk and live my life. In reality, I’m crippled and trapped.

Trapped...

I do not like leaving my home. I feel safest here. My depression is paralyzing on it’s own. I feel lost and I’m terrified. I go to bed each night wondering if tomorrow is the day I wake up and nothing moves. My hands and feet have been numb for days. I can barely transfer on my own to my chair from my bed right now. Where is the quality? I don’t want the quantity…

Why am I here? And, NO, there is NOT a reason for everything!! There is no reason for my MS or the ways it has affected my family! Hope is fading…

Anger · Ramblings · RANDOM

Support Patrick!!

Tracy5 Comments

This Friday, May 6th, is the trial for Kisha Curtis. She ‘allegedly’ starved Patrick, put him in a plastic bag, and dropped him from a 19th floor garbage chute. This was to be his ‘burial’, but on this day he was saved.

abused and left for dead

We need to show our support and let our voices be heard and STOP animal cruelty.

Animal abuse is a stepping-stone away from child abuse, and abuse on any person these monsters deem weaker. It is not about the animal or the person;it is about control and power over another living being. It is time to stand together and say, “ENOUGH!”

Please help The Patrick Movement by letting your voice be heard too.

URGENT! FAXES NEEDED

There is a link to a free fax service as well. So, please, take a minute out of your day and help us change the laws and make the abusers pay the price.

Thank you for helping me!

A special shout out to GSVS for the love and care you showed him and continue to show him!

xx, Tracy...
Hope · Ramblings · RANDOM

Facebook for Patrick

Tracy8 Comments

There are now many FB communities for Patrick, my new one is A Dog Named Patrick. There are three California groups now to fight for Patrick. I hope to see you become a member at any one or all three of them. What information one does not have, another may.

On our show yesterday, The Padded Room, my bff Ruby and I talked about Patrick. It got a bit emotional at times, but it is hard to keep control and emotions in tact when discussing such horrific abuse of a living creature. You can listen to the 30 minute archive by clicking on our The Padded Room link.

There is also a new petition to get signed, Justice for Patrick Petition please take a minute to sign!

Remember, it is about Patrick and all the others abused at the hands of monsters!!

Safe and sound, as it should be...
xx, Tracy...
Anger · HELL · PAIN · Ramblings · Strength

A Dog Named Patrick…

Tracy18 Comments

‎“The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” -Mahatma Gandhi

—————————–

Starved to the point where he had no temperature then thrown down a garbage chute like yesterday’s trash, this was the life of Patrick. He is an approximately one year old Pit/Mix who was brutally mistreated by his owner.

Animal Cruelty Charges Filed in Case of Brutalized New Jersey Pit Bull

abused and left for dead

But this amazing puppy has more spirit than many humans I know and he held on. He made it through the night to March 17, St. Patrick’s Day, and was given the name Patrick.

these eyes...

If these eyes could talk, most would probably not be able to listen about the torture he went through.

My spirit is strong!

I will fight to help other animals that are abused.

Thank You!!

Please help end this cruelty. Remember, it starts with animals and moves on to the children. Someone who could do this to a living creature, could do this to anyone.

—————————–

“Never believe that animals suffer less than humans. Pain is the same for them that it is for us. Even worse, because they cannot cry for help…” ~ anonymous

Please take a stand!! Sign the petition and help save other animals and make people pay for their crimes. It only takes a minute.

Patrick’s Petition!

Pictures borrowed from Prayers for Patrick edited by me. Click to join this wonderful FB site for Patrick!

xx, Tracy...

 

Hope · Multiple Sclerosis · Ramblings · RANDOM

My Crippled Access bathroom…

Tracy12 Comments
happy roll...

My bathroom is now useable and the tile is all done and my shower is ready for my crippled ass!! We still have to paint, and replace the toilet. [adding a toilevator for extra height] Just basic finishing touches. I am getting frames for around the toilet and shower chair for extra security and to make it easier for me to get up off the seats. The commode is going buh-bye!! Maybe we will have a ceremonial bonfire! Until the seat frames [rails] come I still need help showering. Luckily Roger ‘likes’ this chore! lol The perv! 😛

Now that we have this out of the way, it is time to move on to the next chapter of fixing up my home 101. lol It’s de-clutter time and make my home more cripple friendly. Mainly, I want to get rid of the junk, and make my home my castle. 😉 We are going to paint the interior, exterior, hopefully tile the rest of the main walkways and into the TV room, weatherstrip doors, fix dents in walls [no idea how those got there!] It’s not all going to happen overnight, but it will happen. Sadly, patience is not a virtue I have, but I am learning…

xx, Tracy...

 

Ramblings · RANDOM

Five things…

Tracy12 Comments
wanna know...

Five things I know you wanna know about me!! lol

1. I’m 5’12” [more like 5’13’] lol

2. I have a BSBA [Bachelors of Science in Business Administration]

3. Brown eyes ….sometimes yellow depending on what I wear.

4. My first car was a 1969 RS Camaro [sweeeet]

5. I have 3 sisters and 1 brother

———-

So now, reply with 5 things about you!

Anger · Family · Fear · Multiple Sclerosis · Ramblings · RANDOM · Sarcasm · Strength

Giving up…

Tracy32 Comments

Those two words are not an option for me. I have three wonderful children that need me and a husband that loves me. So how does one deal with the emotions when their whole soul says, I want the pain to stop?

I wish I knew. Last night it felt like my bones were trying to some through my skin. I know no other way to explain it. My skin was crawling and my emotions were flying all over the place. What was I doing when this happened? Trying to go to bed. Yup, that’s it, just trying to sleep. WTF!!! Roger was trying his best to comfort me, dd#3 was scared and dd#2 was lying in bed holding on to me and crying.

I got so pissed. This MonSter isn’t only screwing up my life, it is killing my kids. I screamed at God, I screamed at the MS. If either were human in front of me, they’d be dead now!! If you wanna mess with me, go for it, but DO NOT mess with my kids. My faith is gone and nothing anyone says is going to change that for me. I believe in a ‘higher power’ but that’s it. And do not try and preach it to me… please. I’m no longer in the ‘politically correct’ mode. Okay, I never really have been, but now you’ll just piss me off.

I have no issue with the ‘believers’ out there. Keep it to yourself and we’ll get along fine. Push it on me and we will not.

I’m angry, I’m depressed, I’m fat, I’m lonely, I’m in pain [emotional and physical]. It’s not going to go away like the flu or a cold. I deal with it as best I can. I do not want to hear about that person with MS who ran the marathon, or any other success story. Not to be rude about it either, but they most likely have rrms and are in remission and have the funds to be able to do these things. I’m not and I don’t. I’m happy for them, but do not want to be compared to them. We are ALL different in our disease.

I am and have always been a fighter… MS HAS won the battle, but the war is still on!

xx, Tracy...
Fear · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Ramblings · RANDOM

Broken

Tracy24 Comments

That simple word is so powerful. Broken, how do you fix it? I’m not sure, but my body is broken. The depression of late is paralyzing along with my MS. Just typing is hard as my hands just want to curl up and go to sleep. My legs have failed me just as my mind is going. My thoughts are scrambled and I cannot find the focus. I’m tried of depending on people, I’m tired of needing help. Dressing myself causes anxiety and pain. I’m so tired of being… tired of being.

Broken like shattered glass on the floor that crunches under your shoes.

Broken...

I do not know how to fix all the breaks. I’m tired, so tired. I’m not strong and I cannot fake it any longer.