A quick quip:
Never mistake my tears for weakness!
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Blessings and Hope!
Category: Health
Hell Hospital pt.4 the Colonoscopy [1st time]
January 29 – February 4 – Antelope Valley Hospital, Lancaster California. Second Floor East.
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This is where the TMI term may come in. We are talking Colonoscopy here. I will be as discreet as possible as this person is me and my dignity is still shot. So read with this caution. God Bless anyone going through this. The procedure itself is not the bad part, it is the preparation for it…
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Aside from a few embarrASSing 😛 moments, she made it through the Cystoscopy procedure. Hindsight being 20/20 she wishes she had been more ‘with’ it for this night. Her Colonoscopy was set for tomorrow, so they told her that tonight she would do yet another cleansing. Then why did they bring her food in the evening?? [Can we turn back time?]
The nurse brought her the ‘DRINK’ Go Lightly. Well, you will go, but not lightly!! The taste was somewhere between sour milk and paint thinner she decided. They expected her to drink a gallon of this. If she had not been sitting so securely on her friendly bedside commode she would have fallen off of it laughing.
They had flavors for the drink, which to her only made it worse. So the nurse got a 7up type soda and mixed it. It helped for about 6 of the glasses. By now she had been through about 8 glasses and 8 glasses had been through her instantaneously.
You’d think since they had cleansed her the night before and now 8 glasses of this, she would be flowing clear. Nope, not so much. She let the nurse know, no more drink thank you very much!! The nurse explained she would have to do a tap water enema then in the morning. Hallelujah, anything was better than drinking that. She knew more was coming, so she opted to stay on the commode for a bit and the nurse left. After a bit she was getting very tired and was in some pain, so she cleaned herself, got on her pull-up and got into the bed, only calling for a pain shot. [this was the same night as the iv f*#* up when her arm finally swelled and the new iv was not put into a vein, hence pain meds not working]
It felt as if she had gotten no sleep when they were back in her room ready for her enema. Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!! They first had to clean the commode as no one had emptied it from the night before. 😦 [this was a frequent occurrence for her and her one neighbor] Bleck!!!!
Explaining to the nurse, yet again, of her MS and inability to move fast or stand easily she tried to have them let her sit at the farthest edge of the commode so no messes would occur. They had her stand over the commode…you can guess what happened from there. One word mess. [remember, this is a 4 person room] So for the next few times they allowed her to sit on the edge of the commode!! Imagine that…
In her heart she was mortified and humiliated to her core. They cleaned the floor and commode, but she ended up cleaning herself. [not by choice, maybe they didn’t see it on her]
Remember this was the second cleansing. One the night of the Cystoscopy, and then this [drink and enema] pretty much all night cleansing. She was still not running clear. WTF!! Were there squatters living up there?!! [ty Ruby, lol]
One of the nurse techs, K, told a few people that the procedure would not work as she was still not running clear, they sent her up anyways. Being out of gurneys she was sent up in her bed and the procedure done in her bed.
She told the GI people what the nurse tech had said about her not running clear, but they had their orders. As the GI nurse was getting her ready for the procedure, she started to add fluids to the IV line. This is when it was found out that the IV was NOT in a vein!! The nurse removed it quickly and soothed Tracy as she was shaking, cold and crying from the pain. They got a line in after trying both feet. Pain! She now had a line in her right foot. Once the Oxygen was started and the meds flowed all she remembers is waking in the surgical room with the amazing GI nurse there.
Unfortunately, the news was not good. It did not work and she would have to go through this again at 8am the next morning. She would have to drink more of the cleansing drink and eat nothing.The nurse tech, K, from her floor had said this would happen, why didn’t anyone listen. Tracy’s psyche was breaking down and breaking down fast.
With tears quietly running down her face they took her back to her room for what was yet to come.
**To be continued**
Blessings and Hope!
Hell Hospital pt.2
January 29 – February 4 – Antelope Valley Hospital, Lancaster California. Second Floor East.
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Plumbers?! Yes plumbers! Come on in and see the women sick, half dressed, sitting on commodes, needing help.
I guess a sink was leaking in our room against the opposite wall from me when i was in bed 4 [sink next to bed 1]. So, men [plumbers] were coming in and out of the room like it was nothing. NICE!!!!! Try sitting on a commode with strange men entering and exiting your room praying no one opens your curtain. Or going to use the bathroom whilst holding your gown closed so your backside does not show. Humiliating!!
My husband told me they were talking between themselves through the wall into another room on the other side of the wall fixing that sink as well…REALLY!
What the Hell were they thinking?? Either shut off the sinks until we are gone from the room, or move us to another room while the work is being done. I truly am at a loss with this one. Cannot get my head around it at all. WTF!!
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Below are a few more pics for documentation of my bruises I came home with.
I have never been so happy to be home in all my life!!
I called their ‘Patient Relations’ today and am awaiting calls back from the director, head of nursing and a CEO!!
***to be continued***
Blessings and Hope!!
Hell Hospital pt.1
January 29 – February 4 – Antelope Valley Hospital, Lancaster California. Second Floor East.
This will be a series of blogs as so much happened that I am still trying to process my thoughts. I am lost and trying to find my way back. NO ONE should ever be treated with the dis-respect and outright disdain when they are at their worst. I have good, private insurance and[+] medicare, and was treated like cattle. Even without good insurance or any insurance, NO ONE should be treated this way. I was humiliated and I am here to share my story and NEVER let this happen here [AV Hospital] again.
This may have some TMI moments, but in order to help someone without a voice I will let my vulnerabilities show.
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Per the National Guidelines for medical care – IV Insertion:
No more than two attempts at cannulation per nurse per patient should be done to avoid unnecessary trauma to the patient (Fischer, Knob, & Durivage, 1997; INS, 2000).
All medical personnel, nurses, etc, need to adhere to this guideline by law.
I was ‘poked’ in order to put in a line 12 times. The veins on my hands were fine. But after shoving the line in, pulling out a tad, adjusting, shoving in a different spot, my veins blew. The same thing was done to my left hand next by the same nurse. I count these as 4 times. [2 each hand] She decided to wait for the next shift. REALLY!! Already going into my 4 hour awaiting my treatment for pain. None as of yet. In to the 5th hour a couple more nurses came to see if they could get a line going. Seems my veins are not the best due to medications etc. They tied off my arm about 5 or 6 more times [talk about pain] Tried to get into vein 2 more times, no go. Time to bring in the ultrasound to find a vein.
- 3 days later
- 7 days later
They bring in the ultrasound, find a vein on my left bicep and get in a line. I have now been admitted and this hell hole for over 6 hours and finally getting my pain meds. A couple hours later had to go to the bathroom. I cannot use a walker, wheel the iv line and walk, so she unhooked the iv line for the time it took to pee. When she hooked me back up to the line, the vein was gone. My body went cold and I cried. The pain getting this one in was so intense and I was not sure I could do it again. I had heard mention of a pick [?] line, but no one did this. The CN [charge nurse, I think] came in and checked around. After a few, stop the blood flow to the rest of my body tie offs…she found one in my right forearm. OMFG, it was in, it was working, and all was good. Or so I thought…
The next couple of days were fine, IV wise…but somehow I knew it was too good to be true.
Tuesday night…the iv seemed to be leaking when my pain meds went in. Sure enough. So, the RN came in, un-taped it, slid it back in the same spot further, and re-taped! Hmmmm, seemed to work…for an hour or so. The pain and the itch became quite unbearable and my arm had swollen up and became very red. After 2 button pushes for a nurse, one came in and removed this IV. It was now bad. Fear took me over and another chill set in. WHAT THE F*#* NOW!!
- The day after…ouch
After a couple more, please just cut my arm off elastic tie offs, no veins found. So, why not get use the ultrasound again?? No answer. An incompetent, cocky lil know it all nurse comes in and acts all cool like. ‘oh, look at me I found a vein!’ She sticks me in what she calls a ‘juicy’ vein in the crook of my right arm. UM NOPE, not in a vein. I do not care that you THINK blood was flowing, not a vein. She flushed it and the pain was as if someone put my arm into a fire. Mind you, this is just below where the other bad line was removed. She tells me it is fine and leaves. They come and give me pain meds and again it was fire and no pain relief. IT WAS NOT IN THE VEIN!!!! First clue you incompetent baffoon…PAIN PAIN PAIN. They never hooked me back up to any fluids, only gave me pain meds…that obviously were going into my arm someone other than a vein.
After a night of Hell and arm pain, I was taken to the GI LAB for my colonoscopy…
GUESS F*#*ing what… the IV WAS NOT IN MY VEIN!!! This according to the nurses and techs in the GI lab!! HELLO!!!!!!!! [sidenote; GI lab was full of professional caring people, the only light in my week of hell]
As the nurse went to add fluids to get my IV going, I started shaking uncontrollably, chills took over and tears flew. I could not control my body. The pain was immense. This was how she found that the IV was not done properly. NOT IN THE VEIN!! She immediately removed it. Now, what do we do?
By now, I just want to go home. I have no more veins, I cannot handle anymore pain, please just let me go home.
- please no more
The only place left are my legs/feet. A male tech first tried my left upper foot. OMFG, the pain…WOW!!! No go..
Right foot!! SUCCESS!! Not without pain though. But it was in and it was working well. Sadly, the colonoscopy did not go well so a redo was set up for the next morning. [stay tuned! lol]
The nurses on my floor were not too happy with my new IV, BUMMER!!
- niiiiice!!
See what a great job floor 2 did a gr8 job giving me pain meds in my foot IV, this was fun!!! But, this was after I was left sitting on a commode for 3 hours!!!!
**to be continued
As always…
Blessings and hope!
Ah Life!
So, the 4 day pain in my head has quieted…now just an agonizing throbbing. My neuro called in a script to Rite Aid for me and they said they would not take it over the phone!! WTF! By the time they let us know it was too late for Rog to drive and pick up the prescription from the neuro. All this went on I was sleeping, or I would have said to call CVS or Walgreen’s. I have been a customer at this Rite Aid for 7 years. They now have lost a customer, and I will be calling to let them know it!! rofl
Not much sleep last night, serious back pain. I’m thinking it is from lying down for the past 4 days or it may be an infection. UTI, Kidney, Bladder…one of those. Sadly can not go to the doctor as right now can not afford it. We have to pay 2000.00 oop before the 80/20 kicks in, then 3500.00 before full coverage. Thanks to an illness, that I did not ask for, and the greedy people behind Blue Cross. My doctor uses lab corp but they [ins] do not cover lab corp [Quest], so I need a new doctor now too. NICE!!
I’m afraid to tell my neuro too much of what’s going on with me as he will put me in the Big House! lol Then he’ll have them hook me up to some IV Solumedrol. He knows how much I love that stuff. I’m actually thinking it may be a good thing, as the pain is becoming too much for me. Thanks to Rite Aid, I ended up having to take more than one of my pain killers which dummied me up enough for the headache to go but brought on serious tummy issues. Ah, the joys of being me! [for bad serious esophageal pain, white bread de-crusted – pain is gone] Seriously!
So now I sit [back pain too much to lie down] wondering what today will bring. Sorry not more positive, bit it’s hard when life hands you all the lemons and your juicer is broken! 😛
Blessings and Hope.
Headaches and Spasms and Pain…Oh My!
Three day headaches does not a happy Tracy make!!
It is like water torture; constant pain, split second relief, you smile and bam it comes back. Then due to lying down for the past couple of days, my lower back is on fire, and that makes my legs spasm. Happy, happy, joy, joy!! My whole body feels weak and my parts will not work they way they need to.I’m drained an my body feels ‘floaty’. Rog said, ‘that’s cool'[gotta love him]. hmmmm No babe, not so much. 😦
I called my neuro as I am hoping he will prescribe me something for the pain[s]. My pain med. is not working [figures], all it does is take the edge off. Not acceptable. 😛
So just a quickie! lol Off to lie back down.
Blessings and Hope
On the soapbox…
IF there was a way to cure my progressive MS and/or control it, I’d have been the first one to find it!! There is NO cure for MS. Yes, it can be controlled, remission in Relapsing Remitting MS [rrms] Yes, the right diet, exercise etc is good for me and everyone else. Sorry, I cannot exercise like everyone else. I have to use a motorized pedaler for my legs. I CANNOT pedal without help!
Protein shakes, diet shakes, whatever you wanna call em are NOT real food. They are processed ingredients. Whey protein is dairy based, and in my research the less the dairy, the better I feel. [less dairy is better for people with MS] Aspartame, Stevia, Splenda not good! What do you think makes their appearance white, bleach! Our bodies need real sugars, good sugars, raw sugar. It really is common sense. Things man made are not natural and do not belong in our bodies. I believe food is a big part of all the disease in our world today. You can go with me or not on this one, I do not care. I’ve done the research, hours and hours of it.
I’m jazzed if putting this crap in your MS filled body works for you, but do not tell others they can ‘heal’ their bodies by doing it. Shakes will not your body heal!! Especially if part of your miraculous discovery goes along with someone buying this product off of you. RRMS people can be in remission forever, there is no telling why or how, it just happens. I pray that they remain there and this lifestyle works for them. But do not ‘sell’ false hopes to others.
Again, I’ve done the research and eaten the RIGHT foods with minimal exercise, lost the weight and felt tons better. But, for some of my MS symptoms, I need the medication. Do, I want it, no. It’s a necessity. I tried going off of all of them and almost took my own life. No shake or workout is going to heal my progressive form of MS. I do appreciate the thought of ‘go check this out’ but not when the advertising gets dangerous.
So please people, do your research, find the best route for you, but do not act as though it is the only route. And inevitably, if they want you to try the product and they receive some kick back….well, nuff said!
Soapbox off!
Blessings and Hope!!
Talking Positive…
Now, while I know a positive attitude is ‘healthy’ that does not mean I have to be positive all the time. My friend Vicki pointed me to fabulous blog;
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jan/02/cancer-positive-thinking-barbara-ehrenreich
Lines like ‘enough of all this positive shit – let us just adjust and rage and kick ass if we want’, had me peeing myself…literally!
I am so happy for people that can be honestly positive and happy. I think it’s awesome. I was there once. But, sometimes in life, shit happens and sometimes it’s not positive. I’m positive I have primary progressive MS. I’m positive it helped to cause my degenerative disc dis-order, fatigue, incontinence, tremors, spiders [feeling like something is crawling all over me], migraines, depression, eye problems, constant numbness, oh and the little issue of no longer being able to walk. So I’m positively pissed off and angry. Is that really so very terrible?
Just because I am not always positive does not mean I’m not happy. Does not mean good things don’t happen to me. I am happy, most days, and good things do happen to me.
But when well meaning [idiots] tell me maybe if I was more positive I could heal my body. Really??
Don’t get me wrong, most people do mean well. But some are just psycho, new age, get stung by bees, snake oil sales people. And those people can be ‘deadly’ to someone with a true illness. People told my friend Vicki to drink her own urine for her cancer! WTF is that about. My sister had stage 3 breast cancer, if she had listened to these morons, she would not be here right now. We all know and hear that many hardcore medications are poison, but it saved my sister. She is in her 6th year of remission. Drinking urine would have killed her. She is an R.N. and knew what she had to do to survive, like Vicki. I’m very glad they did, and they are still here!
Others told my friend Carol maybe her cancer came because her faith was not right/good. WOW!! I was told the same things. Or like the moronic book, The Secret, I intended it. Really??! And people believe this shite? I’m thinking they must not be the brightest stars in the sky! I’m POSITIVE they have mental illness! There, some positivity for you! 😛
I’ll get off my positive soap box, for now.
Blessings and Hope!
Living with MS – Newly Diagnosed
SMACK!!! That’s what it felt like for me when I was told I had MS. Fear, anger, depression, confusion, why, why, why, and a whole bunch more expletive feelings which I will not mention! 😛
I see so many around the net with their well meaning advice to MS newbies. The problem is they are putting their MS on everyone else. Meaning, what happened to them will surely happen to you. And, yes, similar things may happen, but never the exact same.
I watched a video one day and the woman said that MS IS a progressive disease and at some point all will progress! Sorry, BULLSHIT! There are people who have MS and never ‘relapse’ or progress. They can stay in remission and never have another attack. This is the type of information that can send a newbie into a very quick state of depression.
We are all different in our MS as we are in our lives. No two people will have the same exact journey with their MS. It may be similar at times, but never the same.
My advice to newbies, listen to no one, not even me! lol Do your research, talk to your doctor, look into the medications to see if they are right for you. Research, research, research.
What I will say straight out, eat right [no more sugar free, no processed foods, etc], light exercise, yoga for MS, contact your local MS Society, find an MS counselor. My counselor, Margo, has helped me through many a hard time in the past 11 years. Find out about the medications, study up on them.
For me, and only me, I no longer do any injections. There was no proof they helped progressive forms. For me, and only me, the side effects were not worth it. I do however take medications for pain [yes MS can cause pain] and depression/anxiety. I did injections for 7.5-8 years. Since being off of them for 4 years now, I do feel better. BUT, that is my journey and it may not be yours!
You may never end up in a wheel-chariot, you may never need walking devices. So, do not let others scare you. Get your information on your own and never let anyone tell you what you need to do for your MS journey.
I wish you…
Blessings and Hope…
My mini disclaimer: These blogs are from my perspective of my life with Chronic Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. I am not a doctor and will never tell anyone what they should do for their MS. We are all different in our MS journeys as we are in our lives.
Living with MS – part one
I’m going to start a series of blogs on, you guessed it, Living with MS. Each blog will have a theme to it, ie: newly diagnosed, medications, family issues, friendships, exercise and nutrition.
My mini disclaimer: All of the blogs will be from my perspective on my life with Chronic Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. I am not a doctor and will never tell anyone what they should do for their MS. We are all different in our MS journeys as we are in our lives.
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My Journey for the truth began after the birth of my son in 1994. I was overly fatigued and started to fall quite often. It was chalked up to bad ankles [from ankle breaks when I was younger] to postpartum depression. I had been diagnosed with CFS in 1986 at the age of 22, so they added that to the list. In May 1996 my twin daughters were born and walking became quite hard. I slept downstairs with the girls in their bassinets for the first few months. Fast forward to July 1997. For months my left ankle would twist and I would have serious trouble walking. I had been to the doctor any times during this year and told the same things as before; bad ankles, postpartum depression, CFS. Finally I got mad and made yet another appointment. This time I saw a Physicians Assistant, he talked to me for a bit then asked me to walk for him. The next thing I knew he was setting me up for an MRI…a What? The next month was kind of a blur. Mri’s, evoked potentials, spinal taps. Then then the results, Mrs. Radford, you have Multiple Sclerosis. Silence!
I do not remember too much of the next months. More tests, learning how to inject a 1.5 inch needle into my thigh, crying, denial, more crying, then complete anger! At that point I had ‘the good’ MS. REALLY?! Relapsing-remitting MS. I may never progress, might be in a remission for forever even. Well, my remission never came, but my progression did.
During the next 7.5-8 years I got two second opinions at the UCLA MS Clinic by their top MS Neurologists. Damn, both said, “Mrs. Radford, you do in fact have MS.” Bummer!
From 1997, I went from ankle braces to crutch canes to walkers to manual wheel-chariots to my now power wheel-chariot. Not really where I expected to be at 45 years old.
So, in a quick nutshell, this begins my journey. I am in the battle of my life. For some, this may not be the worst battle out there, but it is my battle and it is happening to me, so it is the worst out there. Living with MS is a journey for those with MS and the people who love them. Maybe, in some small way I can help someone through a rough time or even share a few laughs. Hope to hear from you.
Blessings and Hope…
Making it Through the Rain 