My bathroom is now useable and the tile is all done and my shower is ready for my crippled ass!! We still have to paint, and replace the toilet. [adding a toilevator for extra height] Just basic finishing touches. I am getting frames for around the toilet and shower chair for extra security and to make it easier for me to get up off the seats. The commode is going buh-bye!! Maybe we will have a ceremonial bonfire! Until the seat frames [rails] come I still need help showering. Luckily Roger ‘likes’ this chore! lol The perv! 😛
Now that we have this out of the way, it is time to move on to the next chapter of fixing up my home 101. lol It’s de-clutter time and make my home more cripple friendly. Mainly, I want to get rid of the junk, and make my home my castle. 😉 We are going to paint the interior, exterior, hopefully tile the rest of the main walkways and into the TV room, weatherstrip doors, fix dents in walls [no idea how those got there!] It’s not all going to happen overnight, but it will happen. Sadly, patience is not a virtue I have, but I am learning…
Those two words are not an option for me. I have three wonderful children that need me and a husband that loves me. So how does one deal with the emotions when their whole soul says, I want the pain to stop?
I wish I knew. Last night it felt like my bones were trying to some through my skin. I know no other way to explain it. My skin was crawling and my emotions were flying all over the place. What was I doing when this happened? Trying to go to bed. Yup, that’s it, just trying to sleep. WTF!!! Roger was trying his best to comfort me, dd#3 was scared and dd#2 was lying in bed holding on to me and crying.
I got so pissed. This MonSter isn’t only screwing up my life, it is killing my kids. I screamed at God, I screamed at the MS. If either were human in front of me, they’d be dead now!! If you wanna mess with me, go for it, but DO NOT mess with my kids. My faith is gone and nothing anyone says is going to change that for me. I believe in a ‘higher power’ but that’s it. And do not try and preach it to me… please. I’m no longer in the ‘politically correct’ mode. Okay, I never really have been, but now you’ll just piss me off.
I have no issue with the ‘believers’ out there. Keep it to yourself and we’ll get along fine. Push it on me and we will not.
I’m angry, I’m depressed, I’m fat, I’m lonely, I’m in pain [emotional and physical]. It’s not going to go away like the flu or a cold. I deal with it as best I can. I do not want to hear about that person with MS who ran the marathon, or any other success story. Not to be rude about it either, but they most likely have rrms and are in remission and have the funds to be able to do these things. I’m not and I don’t. I’m happy for them, but do not want to be compared to them. We are ALL different in our disease.
I am and have always been a fighter… MS HAS won the battle, but the war is still on!
That simple word is so powerful. Broken, how do you fix it? I’m not sure, but my body is broken. The depression of late is paralyzing along with my MS. Just typing is hard as my hands just want to curl up and go to sleep. My legs have failed me just as my mind is going. My thoughts are scrambled and I cannot find the focus. I’m tried of depending on people, I’m tired of needing help. Dressing myself causes anxiety and pain. I’m so tired of being… tired of being.
Broken like shattered glass on the floor that crunches under your shoes.
Broken...
I do not know how to fix all the breaks. I’m tired, so tired. I’m not strong and I cannot fake it any longer.
As I watch the videos Charlie is making on line I wonder what his friends are really thinking. The ‘Goddesses’ and the people at the round table at his home. Then I realize, they are thinking what he wants them to. Well maybe on the outside, but on the inside what are they thinking. Like Lindsay Lohan, maybe if their friends actually told them what they look like to others and how their craziness is making them look like ‘Trolls’, maybe they would listen. But YES friends will not do that for fear of losing their ‘celebrity’ friendships.
When Lindsay was doing her ‘thing’, I was waiting to hear friends say, “STOP!” But it seems no one had the balls to do so. Now with Charlie and his YES friends, it is the same sad story. They make comments like, “I’m behind him in whatever he needs to do”, “He’s right.”, etc. I read comments on his videos of all the people saying he is a genius, and Shakespeare had nothing on him!! WTF, are you kidding me. This is brown nosing at its finest.
Hey, what are you doing back there?
Shitty, shitty, suck, suck… one of his new lines. And some say Shakespeare has nothing on him! Really. We’ve got, “Duh!”, we’ve got, “Winning!”, and then we have nonsensical words coming out of his mouth. If anything, Shakespeare is rolling over in his grave. This a side show in a circus and people are just waiting for the next police call of domestic violence.
I’m waiting for him to come right and say… “Duh. I’m God!” Far fetched, I think not. He is spiraling downward.
Then I keep going back to, he is an actor and a damn good one. Is this all an act? Charlie if you want your own reality show, then do it. You say you need no one and you do it all on your own, well then do it and stop making such an ass out of yourself.
I sit and wonder why this bothers me so. I think it’s because [as stated in a previous blog] that he has it all. There are people out there that would love to be in his shoes and would have been ecstatic to get 2 million an episode. What a talent he has… Charlie, use your ‘tigers blood’ powers for good, not evil!
As for your YES friends Charlie Sheen, dude if you were broke these people would be no where near you. Get a clue and take your life back. Talk to people with the backbone to tell you no and follow through with that no.
In all honesty, I feel sad for him. As I sit here in a wheelchair, with a disease that is slowly progressing, I realize how blessed I truly am. What a lonely man he must be.
Here is a man with the World at his fingertips. Here is a man with an amazing talent and intelligence. So, why is he using it as a circus side-show. WINNING! Really, are you Charlie? Most people are getting a huge laugh out of his condemnation of others, out of his egotistical rants, out of his crazy rhetoric. But really, is it funny? Or is it a sad tale of someone losing his mind one day a time? Or, riddle me this, is it a man acting and using his abilities to draw a crowd. Let’s face it, his show was good, but did anyone really care about him anymore? Is this his way of getting back in to the spotlight?
He is an actor people. Is this an act? Part of me hopes that it is an act. I would hate to watch another human being, or rock star from Mars, as he calls himself, spiral out of control for the World to watch.
He is acting like a spoiled baby. He has it all… a nice home, health, children, a nice bank account and here is his acting out. I’m embarrassed for him. What I would give to have his talent and his physical health, shit his money. I could live a much more comfortable life with my Disease having all he has.He acts as though his life is so tough. Get over yourself Charlie!!
I listen to him trashing other addict/alcoholics. My husband is one of them. He is clean and sober 13 years thanks to AA. And if you are going to rag on any organization, have the facts Charlie. Only 5% of AA members are helped. Give me a break. If that was the case AA would have been gone years ago. It’s all about, take what you like and leave the rest. In his videos he is ancy and jittery. What is he on? ‘Drug tests don’t lie’… depends on what you were tested on Charlie.
He has no idea of reality. He lives in another world from the majority and he is complaining about people that he feels have done him wrong. He is taking no responsibility for his own actions. He is a poster child for an addict. Not a recovering one either. DUH!
Bottom line, Charlie if you are Winning… I’ll take losing any day! Get help dude, before it is too late!
I ‘roll’ so someday a cure can be found. Being trapped inside your body is something no one should ever have to face. It is my hope, my dream, that the cure will be found and this MonSter will never strike another person.
If you are able, please donate to my team. I know how hard times are right now, so thoughts and blessings are always welcomed!!
Once a jackass, pretty much always a jackass. I do believe that people can change… some people. But, not everyone can or will change. There are just some people that thrive on being assholes. Come one, you know it’s true. And I’m sure we all know one or two or even three people like this. And please, no bleeding hearts here. You know the , ‘maybe they had a bad childhood, bad day, etc!’ No, maybe they are just assholes!! I will go with maybe they are genetically fucked up. That can happen. But, mostly back to, maybe they are just assholes!
So the next time you try and be a good person and be the “Jackass Whisperer”, STOP… really you are just wasting your time!
broken hearted… lmao!! No, not going there!! This is not a public restroom wall!
Seriously, here I sit at my laptop updating, playing in FB, getting iTunes ready for hubbies new iPhone. I just did the kids breakfast dishes and got some jewelry things cleaned. Now what? I’m staring at my blog screen with nothing. Roger will sometimes ask me what I’m doing. Well, just ran a marathon, went grocery shopping, took the kids here and there, did laundry, etc. Then we just laugh. I used to do all of this, minus the marathon! lol I so miss doing all the boring irritating things.
So, here I sit deciding what wonderful things to do. I can go back to bed and watch tv, or go sit in my cool lift-chair and watch tv. Or, I can sit at my design table and play on my computer. hmmmmmm Decisions, decisions. I think I’ll go medicate and lie in my lift-chair and watch movies or something. Oh the life a cripple!!
Making it Through the Rain 