Category: RANDOM

Family · Love · Movies · Ramblings · RANDOM

My fabulously fun and exhausting week…

Tracy13 Comments

The week started on June 18th. We began our week long vacation to 20 Oaks Cottages and RV Park. We met my parental units in Fresno to break up the long drive. Hung out at the hotel Saturday night and left for Clearlake early Sunday morning. We arrived at Steve’s and my sister Kim’s park around 2 pm. This vacation was also a bit of a family reunion. I had not seen my sister Kim for 6 years or my cousins for 18 years. [since my wedding] We all did the hugs and introductions and all that mushy stuff then went to see the lake.

purdy

It turned out to be unusually hot for this time of year. [figures] The first two days I went outside and hung by the dock to watch my kids go tubing and swim. It sucked that I was not able to get to the boat or even get in the water, but watching my kids have a blast made it okay. The heat finally got to me and my legs swelled up something fierce. By Wednesday I could not go outside during the day anymore. So pretty much slept that day away. This trip was definitely kicking my ass… but it was a good ass kicking and completely worth it! lol

The Family
having a blast!
my boy tubing
Sisters!

There are over 200 photos from our trip. It gave me something to do with my cool camera! lol

We left Thursday and headed back to Fresno for the Hotel stay. It was hard leaving the paradise that is is Clearlake, but we had to head home. We left the hotel early Friday for home. It was good to be home, but I missed my family.

BUT, my fabulous week was not over yet. My baby sister and her BF, Don, were coming to visit Saturday. This would be a perfect ending to a perfect week. I got to see my sisters and my brother at the lake and now my baby sister as well. We bbq’ and had salad and tasty asparagus and cookies and ice cream! YUM! We watched Battle Los Angeles. Basically it’s Independence Day with a few changes. Independence Day is a much better movie, but Battle LA gave us a few giggles. All in all it was a great end to a great week!

kids on a trampoline! lol
kids on a trampoline! lol
Laura n me!

This week I am paying for all the fun I had, but it really is soooo worth it. My kids had a blast, hubby caught the only fish [was then released], got to see family, took pictures, and for the first time in a looooong time felt some ‘quality’ in my life! It doesn’t get any better than that!

xx, Tracy...

Fear · Hope · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Ramblings · RANDOM

My Neurologist appt. 5-26-2011

Tracy7 Comments

[re-post from fab40]

Well, it’s official, my MS has progressed faster than my neuro would like.

frown

There are no real medications out there yet for primary progressive ms [ppms]. Most of the medications are for relapsing-remitting ms [rrms].

I asked what, if anything, can help me regain any strength or any movement in my legs. Even transferring from my chair to my bed or the tinkletorium is getting quite hard.

I had mentioned a medication last year with some serious side effects, death being one. There have been incidents of patients getting an infection called progressive mutifocal leukoencephalopathy [PML]. They have found that these people may have had PML before starting the medication so that may be the reason why.

The medication is called TYSABRI http://www.TYSABRI.com

It has not been tested on many patients with the more severe form like my ppms. My neuro has patients on it that have ppms and they have regained some to a lot of strength back. It can take 6mos to one year to see any results. It is a 3 hour infusion every four weeks 40 mins from my home.

I have a friend who uses it and he said his life has changed for the better, and he has been on it for over two years.

The referral was called in directly by my neuro so I should find out if I can try it in the next week or so.

I’m scared to death, but not trying something is even scarier. It’s only a matter of time before I lose complete mobility and am bed-ridden, so if this might help me to even be able to go back to using my walker in my home, it will be worth it.

Wish me luck my friends! heartheart

xx, Tracy...
Family · Multiple Sclerosis · Ramblings · RANDOM · Religion · Sarcasm · Strength

Fight or Flight?

Tracy11 Comments

We all know what this means. In a crisis we either fight or we run. Which would you do? Lately I’ve been running or rolling as it would be. And I’m not a ‘roller’! I’ve always been a fighter. And definitely not a quitter, which is also what I have been doing as of late. I know that the fight is inside of me. I was physically attacked many moons ago in front of my apartment building. I fought and the guy ran away. So, I know the fight is there, I just need to find her again. This is not to say there will be many days I want to quit, but I am looking for my little fighter again. I know that if my PPMS were a person I would have kicked the shit of out her a long time ago. Fighting the MS will be tricky as ‘she’ is not a tangible being. But when has that stopped me before?

Look out Bitch!!

The past week has been very rough and it is not over yet. Hands still shaking, legs still weaker than normal, transferring is tough, fatigue is kicking my ass. I’m still quite depressed, as being in this fucking chair is really getting old. The first thing I see when awakening is my chair and it is the last thing I see when I go to sleep. A HUGE reminder that I am crippled. I think it is so hard because I know what it is like to walk, to be able to go when I please, have Independence… ALL of which was ripped out from under me, literally!

I am hoping the ‘fight’ in me comes back. I cannot make any promises as I have no idea what each day is going to bring. I am terrified of going to sleep as I never know when waking if my body will have finally succumbed to the MS. Will I wake up totally paralyzed? What then? I know there will be days and blogs where my pain will come through like a punch in the face, so be prepared.

I only have myself and my inner strength to count on. I know I have family and friends, but this fight is solely up to me. No one can ‘fix’ my emotions but myself. Some have suggested counseling… sorry but talking to someone in high heels and who is healthy is NOT for me. I do not care how many books they have read or how many people they know in a wheelchair, they are not living it so they have no clue! This is FACT not fiction!

Well the hands are getting weak and my head is staring to nod, so I’m out!

But, before I go, good luck with the Rapture! I know I’ll still be here tomorrow as will everyone else. Well, maybe not the quacks that believe this, hopefully they will go! 😛

xx, Tracy...
Ramblings · RANDOM

Tired…

Tracy13 Comments

I’m tired of the pain, tired of not being able to walk, tired of the fatigue, tired of the shakes, tired of the incontinence, tired of living…

‘We reap what we sow’. That is such a bullshit statement. If this were true, I would not be crippled. My girls Ruby and Tina would not be ill. If this were true, rapists, murderers, child molesters, animal abusers would actually be punished for their crimes. They would not be out on parole picking their next victims…

I constantly wonder what I EVER did to deserve this disease. If you believe in ‘The Secret’, I intended it. Well I’ve got a secret for you, ‘The Secret’ is bullshit! I think I’ll write a book on some ‘new’ form of religion. It seems anyone can and people actually follow it… like sheep!

I know this blog is quite random, but my mind is quite random right now. I cannot concentrate on any one thing or keep a thought going for too long. My hands keep shaking and I keep having to go back and fix my typing.

I keep hearing about quality of life. It’s the quality that matters. I have no quality of life. I am imprisoned in my home. Trapped like a caged animal. In my mind I am still able-bodied, able to walk and live my life. In reality, I’m crippled and trapped.

Trapped...

I do not like leaving my home. I feel safest here. My depression is paralyzing on it’s own. I feel lost and I’m terrified. I go to bed each night wondering if tomorrow is the day I wake up and nothing moves. My hands and feet have been numb for days. I can barely transfer on my own to my chair from my bed right now. Where is the quality? I don’t want the quantity…

Why am I here? And, NO, there is NOT a reason for everything!! There is no reason for my MS or the ways it has affected my family! Hope is fading…

Anger · Ramblings · RANDOM

Support Patrick!!

Tracy5 Comments

This Friday, May 6th, is the trial for Kisha Curtis. She ‘allegedly’ starved Patrick, put him in a plastic bag, and dropped him from a 19th floor garbage chute. This was to be his ‘burial’, but on this day he was saved.

abused and left for dead

We need to show our support and let our voices be heard and STOP animal cruelty.

Animal abuse is a stepping-stone away from child abuse, and abuse on any person these monsters deem weaker. It is not about the animal or the person;it is about control and power over another living being. It is time to stand together and say, “ENOUGH!”

Please help The Patrick Movement by letting your voice be heard too.

URGENT! FAXES NEEDED

There is a link to a free fax service as well. So, please, take a minute out of your day and help us change the laws and make the abusers pay the price.

Thank you for helping me!

A special shout out to GSVS for the love and care you showed him and continue to show him!

xx, Tracy...
Anger · RANDOM

Big mistake, HUGE!!

Tracy18 Comments

I have no problem if you want to talk crap about me… but mess with my friend, then we have a problem.

mmmm hmmmm!!!

Being the person who I am, I will NOT mention your name, as you know exactly who you are. My blog allows comments too… yours does not, wonder why? Maybe you cannot handle the truth. Sad really. I commented on your blog, did not call you any names… ok may ignorant in a round about way, but when you call my bff a cripple, the gloves come off. Too bad your information is all wrong and you brought someone into this that had nothing to do with it. Big Mistake, big, huge!! Now I see you have removed comments… you make me lmao!!

If you read this, which I’m sure you will, please contact me and come out from behind your computer. I would love to ‘chat’ with you. I feel sorry for you that YOU seem to be making this an issue while blaming everyone else for your short-comings…

Sorry to my faithful readers for bringing this here, but since she has a habit of deleting and blocking people, had to be done!

——————

BTW, contact me at mztracyr@gmail.com … now you cannot say you had no contact info!

Hope · Ramblings · RANDOM

Facebook for Patrick

Tracy8 Comments

There are now many FB communities for Patrick, my new one is A Dog Named Patrick. There are three California groups now to fight for Patrick. I hope to see you become a member at any one or all three of them. What information one does not have, another may.

On our show yesterday, The Padded Room, my bff Ruby and I talked about Patrick. It got a bit emotional at times, but it is hard to keep control and emotions in tact when discussing such horrific abuse of a living creature. You can listen to the 30 minute archive by clicking on our The Padded Room link.

There is also a new petition to get signed, Justice for Patrick Petition please take a minute to sign!

Remember, it is about Patrick and all the others abused at the hands of monsters!!

Safe and sound, as it should be...
xx, Tracy...