Craziness · FUCK · Ramblings

Life, it is what it is

After a bad fall about a month ago, I’ve been in and out of hospital emergency rooms and spent a little bit under a week in hospital. Lotta good it did, as I’m worse now than I was before I went in. I need in-home care I need help but the doctors keep blowing me off. And my doctor’s nurses, forget about it incompetence galore!

They keep telling me they’ll call me back once they get information about in-home care. Has not happened at all. They don’t even call my prescriptions when they expire anymore. I have to call and remind them. Yeah that helps with my stress level! I’ve been with the same doctor for 17 years!

I can’t even get into what happened in my last hospital visit a couple of weeks ago as it just brings back too many awful memories. Not as bad as back in 2009-2010 but almost.

At this point I’m completely bed ridden, my legs do not work at all I can only move them if somebody moves them for me hard to transfer to my chair I won’t even get into going to the bathroom. LOL that’s way too much information… TMI!!

Bottom line I need home health care, and my doctors are ignoring me and not helping me. So me, being the bitch that I am, I have an appointment with a new neurologist on January 28 and an appointment on the 18th of this month with the new internist. I’m done, and I’m taking charge and taking back my power!

For those who know me, know I’m pissed and when I get pissed I get shit done. They know not who they are dealing with! LOL I’m done believing that this is it for me and I’ll never move again that I’m going to be stuck in a bed the rest of my life.

I Even got my new wheelchair and it’s the bomb, but I can’t even transfer to it. So what’s the fucking point right now!

Fear-Pain-Anger-Depression

I really do wonder sometimes… What’s the fucking point!

[sorry for spelling and or grammar mistakes talk text doesn’t always work exactly as it should]

need sleep...

FUCK · Health · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · RANDOM

 What living with MS feels like..

OMG…this says it all! In tears reading this. WOW! Someone does understand! Although I am not able to walk anymore, it was exactly like that when I was.

What living with MS feels like..:

When We Say We Can’t do Something Because We don’t Feel Well, Put yourself in Our Shoes By Using The Examples of our Symptoms Below…

1- Painful Heavy Legs: Apply Tightly 20 LB ankle weights and 15 LB thigh weights then take a 1 mile walk, clean the house, go shopping and then sit down – how ya’ feeling now?

2- Painful Feet: Put equal or unequal amounts of small pebbles in each shoe then take a walk, if we are mad at you we would prefer needles to pebbles.

3- Loss of Feeling in Hands and/or Arms: Put on extra thick gloves and a heavy coat then try and pick up a pencil, if successful stab yourself in the arm.

4- Loss of Feeling in Feet and/or Legs: Ask a doc for a shot of novocaine in both of your legs and then try and stand up and walk without looking like the town drunk. Hopefully you won’t fall down.

 5- TN (Trigeminal Neuralgia): Take an ice pick and jam it into your ear or cheek whenever the wind blows on it, or a stray hair touches it. If you want something easier to do, get someone to punch you in the jaw preferably daily.

6- Uncontrollable Itching: Glue or sew small steel wool pads to the inside of your shirt, pants and undergarments wear them for an entire day.

7- Tingling: Stick your finger in an electrical socket – preferably wet.

8- Tight Banded Feeling: Put 12 inch wide belt around you and make is as tight as you can and leave it there for the entire day. How ya’ breathing?

9- Shots: Fill one of our spare needles with saline solution, saline won’t hurt you, we would love something worse but don’t want to end up in jail. Give yourself a shot everytime we do our shot.

10- Side Effects From the Shot: Bang you head against a wall, wrap yourself in a heating pad, wrap your entire body with an ace bandage tightly then finally treat yourself to some spoiled food or drink.

11- Trouble Lifting Arms: Apply 20 LB wrist weights and try and reach for something on the highest shelf in your house.

12- Spasticity: Hook bungee cords to your rear belt loops and rear pant leg cuffs then for your arms hook bungee cords to your shirt collar and cuffs on shirt sleeves then go dancing.

13- Poor Hearing/Buzzing in Ears: Put a bee in each ear and then put a plug in each one…Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 14- Balance and Walking Problems: Drink 100 proof grain alcohol and then sit and spin in an office chair for 30 minutes, now get up and see what happens.

 15- Urgently Needing to Pee: We put a .5 liter remote controlled water bag and drip tube in your pants, we point out 2 restrooms in a crowded mall, then we tell you that you have 30 seconds before we activate the water bag (by remote control) to get to a restroom. Just for spite we may make that 20 seconds without telling you.

 16- Bizarre and Inexplicable Sensations: Place tiny spiders on your legs or arms and allow them to periodically crawl around throughout the day, heck all day would be good too.

17- Pins and Needles: Stab yourself repeatedly with needles all over your body or better yet….Get a very large tattoo in your most sensative area.

18- Dizziness (Vertigo): Get on a gently rocking boat all day and all night and take several walks around the deck with your eyes closed.

19- Fatigue: Stay awake for two full days to induce incredible fatigue and then cook dinner, clean the house, walk the dog and see how you feel. Please do not compare MS fatigue to you being tired from only a few hours of sleep – it’s not the same at all.

20- Cognitive Function (Brain Fog): Take a liberal dose of sleeping pills but stay awake. Try and function properly and think clearly. To make it even more real without killing yourself of course, take the sleeping pills with a small sip of wine.

21- Bowel Problems: Take a 4 day dose of an anti-diarrhea medicine followed directly by a 3 day dose of stool softeners for a minimum of 3 weeks, at the end of 3 weeks sit down on a hard uncushioned chair and stay there till tears appear.

22- Burning Feeling: Make a full pot of boiling water and then have someone fill a squirt gun with the boiling water and shoot it at yourself all day long. However, you can give us the pleasure of shooting you instead…optional of course.

23- Intention Tremor: Hook your body to some type of vibrating machine try and move your legs and arms…..hmmm are you feeling a little shaky? You are not allowed to use anything fun for this lesson.

24- Buzzing Feeling When Bending Our Heads to Our Chest (L’Hermitte’s): Place an electrical wire on your back and run it all the way down to your feet, then pour water on it and plug it in.

25- Vision Problems (Optic Neuritis): Smear vaseline on glasses and then wear them to read the newspaper.

26- Memory Issues: Have someone make a list of items to shop for and when you come back that person adds two things to the list and then they ask why you didn’t get them. When you come back from shopping again they take the list and erase three things and ask why you bought those things.

27- Foot Drop: Wear one swim fin and take about a 1/2 mile walk, nothing else needs to be said for this one, you’ll get it.

28- Depression: Take a trip to the animal shelter everyday and see all the lonely animals with no home. You get attached to one or more of the animals and when you come back the next day you come in while they are putting her/him asleep.

29- Fear: Dream that you have lost complete feeling in your feet and when you wake up wiggle your feet, just so happens they don’t move. Think about this every night wondering whether something on your body won’t work the next day when you wake up.

30- Swallowing: Try swallowing the hottest chili pepper you can find.

31- Heat Intolerance or Feeling Hot When it’s Really Not: You are on a nice vacation to Alaska. It’s 35° outside and 65° inside. Light a fire for the fireplace and then get into it. Once you have reached about 110° tell me how you feel, even a person without MS would feel bad, now add all of the above symptoms – welcome to our world.

Then Finally…

32- After subjecting yourself to the items above, let everyone tell you that you are just under a lot of stress, it’s all in your head and that some exercise and counseling is the answer.

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Peace!!

Anger · Animal Rescue · FUCK · Ramblings · RANDOM

Facebook banned me for 12 hours!!!

Facebook banned me for the 12 hours because of a link, FACTUAL LINK, posted to my patrick page in 2012 …. srsly over one year ago, and someone reported it just now!!!

There are court documents regarding this case and the animal abuser pleaded ‘no contest’ as she could not prove her innocence. I did my own research and it is factual!!

I posted to my patrick page because she still works with animals!!!! If it had not been true, I would not have posted it. But. I’m sorry, I protect animals and people like this need to be stopped!!

FB had NO right to ban me for the TRUTH!!!

This post is coming from a new account I was forced to make due to being banned. No fake name, as I have nothing to hide!!!

Sad that some feel animal abuse is okay!!! This person who reported the link and anyone helping her have their priorities messed up!! Guess it’s true what ‘they’ say, “Ignorance is bliss.”

This is the link I shared that was reported: Pet Abuse.com

Here are other links with information as well:

Pet Abuse.com ANM profile

Rescue Hall of Shame: Ashley Nicole Miller

The Good the Bad the Unforgivable of Animal Rescue  << gives detailed information pictures, etc

This really irritates me!!! People can make hate groups, porn groups, groups showing violence on Facebook, but when the truth is shown they delete and ban!!!

It’s all about the money!!!

Anger · Fear · Health · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · RANDOM

Depression and money!

I’m finding out that depression for me causes over-spending. Now this would be okay if I had an endless supply of funds. Some turn to food, I turn to online shopping… okay food sometimes! 😉

I’m sure many know the feeling. Being homebound with the internet shopping world at my fingertips makes it so hard to ‘just say no!’ Now, I rarely pay for shipping and always get discounts, but it all adds up. I love jewelry and that’s the one thing I can wear all the time, in bed or not. Candles and perfumes are my downfall as well. Clothes for the kids and fun stuff for hubby… the list goes on and on and on.

Depression is a bitch and it comes with many ‘costs’.

I know where my depression comes from, but it’s something i cannot find help for. I get depressed for the obvious reason, my MS, but there is an even bigger depressant I won’t go in to. I’m searching for help with it as I feel my doctors have dropped the ball.

I’m one of the poster children for the saying, “Life sucks and then you die”!

Peace out

Health · Hope · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · RANDOM

September 3, 2013

A day for me to look forward to!!! Finally!!

My new wheel-chariot is only a heartbeat away… I hope!

Quantum Rehab
Quantum Rehab

On Tuesday a representative is coming to my home to see if I qualify for this rehab chair. Then they’ll take measurements and get started on getting me the chair of my dreams. I want it to recline, elevate my legs, and be able to rise up a few inches. I am hoping to get the base in orange for MS and animal awareness.

This is a huge deal for me. With the leg elevation option I’ll be able to get out of my bed more and maybe be able to get back to making some jewelry.

I haven’t had much to look forward to for a long time. Some may think looking forward to a wheelchair is silly, but when a wheelchair can mean independence, it’s not so silly. I love my old chair, but it cannot elevate my legs and I really need that and the other other options the new one has. I feel like a little kid getting ready for Christmas!!

Love and Light!!

Animal Rescue · Ramblings · RANDOM

Patrick IS Home!!!!

Sweet Patrick is finally ‘home’! His living status has been up in the air for quite some time. He has been fostered by the Scavelli’s since he was able to leave their clinic, Garden State Vetrinary Specialists. The Scavelli’s wanted to adopt him from the get go, but The American Humane Society and Popcorn Park were fighting the adoption as they claimed he was their property!! SMH Sad, sad, sad…

The awesome news… It has all finally been settled and Patrick is now in his furever home with the Scavelli Family!!! WOO HOO, it’s about time!!

photo from GSVS
photo from GSVS

CONGRATULATIONS to Patrick and his family the Scavellis!!

Anger · Craziness · Family · Fear · Health · HELL · Hope · Love · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Primary Progressive MS · Quotes · Ramblings · RANDOM · Stupid Stuff

Just thinking out loud

Things I can’t do anymore:

dress by myself, get out of bed, go to the tinkletorium, drive, walk [duh], sleep on my side, lift myself up, use the stove/oven, go out in the sun, put on shoes, garden, laundry, vacuum, travel, cook, hold my bladder 😉

Things I can do:

sleep on my back [boring], watch endless amounts of tv/dvds/netflix, use the computer, manage our money, sleep [I’m the pro], love, hope

I know I’m in a state of limbo right now. Not sure what to do or how to do it. Knowing is the first step. Coming out of it is the hardest step. I’ll get there…

Love and Light

“Knowing you’re falling is the first step to getting back up”  – T Radford