Category: PAIN

Anger · Fear · Hope · Love · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Ramblings

Epiphany? Wicked wake up call…

Tracy30 Comments

It all started with an email from my hubby that had me in tears. I knew it was time to take it, my life, back from my illness[s]. He is suffering emotionally and physically due to my illness. I finally realized that once upon a time, I said I would not let my disease[s] take me over. I realize now, I have done just that. I have literally stopped trying and have been letting it all take me away from me. Almost like I am laying down to die. The ‘why bother’, the ‘who cares anyway’. This person is NOT me! I am and have always been a fighter. I do not give up on things. It may take me a bit to finish certain things in my life, but I will finish them in the end. I am no quitter.

I have Primary Progressive MS, spastic colon, incontinence, degenerative disc disorder, prone to anxiety attacks, depression [sometimes severe], esophagus issues, pain, tremors, and too many little things that come with all this to mention. BUT, I can work with some of these. Food is my biggest enemy. Gluten, soy, dairy, certain veges and seed items are bad for Autoimmune disorders. They can cause terrible problems for me. Processed foods, and fake sugars and fake fats are bad as well. I know this and almost 2 years ago I changed my lifestyle and cut out the crap foods and learned to eat the right way. No supplement drinks, pills, or ‘fake’ foods. I lost over 20 pounds and felt great. No, it did not make me walk again, no it did not cure me, but it sure helped my overall emotional self. My stomach issues all about disappeared.  My fatigue lessened. I still had my not so great days, bu they were much fewer.

So WTF happened?? I gave up. I gave in. I got down one day and let it take me over and went back to my old habits. Gained the weight back and all the good things that happened faded. I could not find my way back. Now, I am  not saying this was a bad thing or even that I won’t have bad days again. I am saying that I am going to work at getting ME back. Fighting this wicked disease that has crippled me and do everything I can TO find my way back.

And it all began from the email from my  hubby. He loves me, completely and true. But, he started losing himself. Sadness and fear overtook him. The worry for me was killing him. I was letting my disease kill me slowly. I was not seeing what it was doing to him and my children. I was lost in my MS. I knew as I read that letter that I needed to take a stand against my MS. I got up and got my ass over to me motorized pedaler and got to work. I lifted my small weights and am slowly getting back to eating the way humans are supposed to eat. Not the way the BS food industry says we should eat. They do not care about us, they care about selling shit food to us and making money off of us. NO more.

Will I slip? Will I have bad days ahead? Will I lose myself again? Maybe! But that’s ok. It’s all about baby steps.

Baby steps here…

to be continued…

Anger · PAIN · Ramblings · Religion

May I have some cheese with my Whine? Whiny Bitch alert!

Tracy24 Comments

Will you call the whaaaaambulance? How about some whhaaburgers and some french cries with a Mountain Boo Hoo!!

This be me…

Finally got rid of a two day migraine. A couple Ibuprofen for the pain, Benadryl to help me sleep, and coffee when I finally woke up this afternoon. Relief… for a lil bit anyways!!

Now my friggen right side of my jaw is in so much pain I cannot think straight. Is it my teeth? Maybe. Could it be a jaw issue? Maybe. I do not want to go to the dentist. I floss 2-5 times a day and brush twice day. WTF!! It’s probably thanks to all the amazing medications thanks to my MS causing my teeth issues. The dentist told me before, it can happen that way. Again I say…WTF!! Really?? One pain goes away and an even more agonizing pain starts. I almost squeezed a whole thing of Orajel on the right side of my mouth. When will the insanity stop, or at least cut me a fucking break??

How much am I, or anyone else for that matter, supposed to take. Please do not quote anything to me either. I think I have had my share of pain, my share of sadness, my share of shit. People tell me, ‘ You’re never given more than you can handle!’ Bullshit, that ended about 3+ years ago when a chair became my only means of ‘walking’.  I cannot take anymore, take it back, I do not fucking want it.

So, now it is probably root canal time. Really…am I going to miraculously get the money for it?? Don’t think so. So, I will just have to deal with the pain for awhile.

Please do not tell me it could be worse. As it does get worse every day. Funny thing is, no one with disabilities or illness’ ever say that, it’s the ‘healthies’ that do. So I say to them, ‘It could be worse!” But I hope for them it does not become worse.

Ok, I am off my ‘Whiny Bitch’ soap box….for now!!

Blessings and Hope!

Anger · HELL · PAIN

Wanting me to be real…

Tracy28 Comments

WARNING!!!! “F” bomb alert!!

So for many years I hid my pain in jokes, sarcasm and laughter. It was easier for me and less upsetting for those around me. So many people told me, “Be Real” “Tell the truth about your pain” “Ask for help”…

So, in the past year or so I tried this route only to have it thrown back in my face. Now, when I show my pain, being real, I’m told it’s for sympathy, poor me shit. REALLY! Fuck off please. I have never asked for anyone’s pity, sympathy or the poor me pour me a drink bullshit! Yet for years I listened to others pain and tried to help in any way I could. Now I’m the bad person. Again I say Fuck off please.

Then I got the, I’ll show people the real you, I’ll copy and paste emails. Really, go ahead doctor up your emails. you are the only one that will look like a childish buffoon. As for the ‘people’ who talk the shit and tell the lies…come forward, say it to me. But no, you just block me as you know damn well I will say it to your face, no need to lie or go behind any ones back. That’s all of your jobs. And for those who talked all the shit to this person, de-friend me, block, stay the fuck away from me. You are liars and pathetic. So, you all deserve one another. And if it’s who I think it all is, stop emailing me as well with your BS about this said person. Just leave me the fuck alone. Get rid of my email, my phone numbers etc., oh and grow the FUCK up! You all know who you are and you all know the ‘real’ truth.

I truly hate being this person, this angry person. And after this, hopefully these 2 faced ignorant assholes will back the fuck off and move on. I have not changed and am the same person I have always been. Love me or leave me. Ask me a question and I will tell you the truth.

I am sorry for those reading this and seeing me being this angry person, but I am so tired of being certain people’s punching bag. I have enough of my own problems, health and otherwise, so it is time this was said. I will not allow any of you to hurt me and cause me to become ill due to all the stress. And if you feel the need to comment here again, it won’t come through. If any of ya feel the need to email me, it won’t be read. So don’t waste your time or energy. Just FUCK off please.

I know the person I am and the friend I am, maybe you should look in the mirror and figure out who you are. Remember each time you point your little finger at me there are 3 pointing back at you.

I pray for you and hope that one day you will find the happiness and peace you need. I have my peace and my happiness in my family and my real friends. So really there is no need for you or room for you anymore.

When it all falls apart…I won’t be here next time. Once bitten, twice shy!!

And now I am done and will be back to my REAL self free from the toxic people that have no place in my world!

****************

Blessings and Hope!!

Damn it feels good to purge!!!

Hope · PAIN · RANDOM

Randomosity!!

Tracy8 Comments

So, last weekend I went to Wally World. Got all ready, put on clothes, took a Valium and we went shopping. After a bit, the fear set in. I felt like everyone was looking at me, I was getting warm, heart beating fast, not so much fun. So, it was, “We have to go and go now!!!” Didn’t get all I had gone for, but got most of the necessities. Then my guilt set in as we still needed to go to Sam’s Club. Once we got back into the van I told Rog to get me a coffee, and I’d take another Valium and veg in the van so he could shop in Sam’s. I did not feel right making him take me all the way home and then have to go back again in the pouring rain. We got my coffee, I took my pill, and sat back in my recliner wheel-chariot listening and watching the rain. I got a lil agitated so called my Laurie girl. She has a very calming affect on me. I think it’s her cute Texas twang! lol

Today though, not feeling like leaving my home. I was going to go get all ready, but then an not so good twinge came over me. So, Rog just went to Sam’s and here I am being a huge baby. I feel so weak right now, and I am not weak at all. So it’s a strange feeling/emotion for me.

My birthday, yesterday, was nice and quiet. Just he way I like it. I am now 45/1. lol All the birthday wishes I received really made my day. I have some amazing people in my life, and am very blessed by that.

It makes you reflect on friends present, past, and lost. I lost a friend due to lies, manipulation, whatever you want to call it this past week. I miss her and will always miss her, but once bitten, twice shy. [second time being thrown away by her from listening to others lies] The last time my heart broke for days, I cried all the time. This time I will not do that again. I reached out to her by email, but no reply. She will always be in my heart and I hope she never has to feel the pain she has caused me. But, knowing those I think she is listening to, she will. Ce la Vie! I wish her all the happiness in the world and the love she deserves!

losing friends is hard

As for me…I am going to set my mind on getting some new things on my site. There will be a new section for ‘recycles’. Things I find and no longer need or use that others might. Prices will be good, so I am hoping someone can use these items.

I also would like to plug my friend Heather’s site, Studio FM , if you are looking for amazing one-of-a-kind jewelry, look no further. You will glad you stopped in. I’m not only a fan, but a buyer as well!!

Hoping you all have a fabulous weekend!!

Blessings and Hope!

Health · HELL · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Strength

Hell Hospital – Part 5 going home…

Tracy14 Comments

January 29 – February 4 – Antelope Valley Hospital, Lancaster California. Second Floor East.

*********************

Once back and settled in the nurse came into her room and said she was discharged. Her last meds were an anti-D, tummy pill, and a uti pill. Since she was discharged, no more for pain. And she was in some pain. The nurse tech, K, brought her some jello. [had not eaten much in 3 days and was starving] She had asked for, at least, a soft meal before she had to leave. Finally a meal, a regular meal, was brought to her. She had a few bites, but it was making her a tad ill. What part of soft meal did they not get? Bottom line, she was discharged so they could give a shite. After a mix up over a facet block she had thought they were going to do for her degenerative disc disorder, she just wanted out of there and fast!!

Her hubby had to go back home and get their van and her WC. Once he got back, he packed her up and got her into the WC. They said it would be a few before someone could take her out. ROFL!! NO NEED, I have my own chair and am out of here!! Her hubby could not roll her out fast enough.

When she got home she fell into her bed asleep for 6 hours. Upon awakening she had chills, skin crawls, and fear. Withdrawals from 6 days of Dilaudid IV injections every three hours and no weaning down, just sending home. It only takes 3 days to cause this and she was on it for 6. She wanted, needed more. She had Dilaudid pills so she took one along with a Xanax to calm her nerves. After some research on her hubbies part, he found out that Valium is used to help withdrawal sxs from this type of medication issue. In her case, she was lucky. Due to her MS she had Valium to help her sleep when needed. She took it from Thursday night until Monday morning for the withdrawals to finally subside.

Her issue is this, what about those that do not know this or have help for it? Even with the Valium it was a very scary feeling. How can a hospital, any hospital send people home without weaning medications down?? Irresponsible.

But that part of her nightmare was over, she was out of Hell Hospital, through the withdrawals, and home with the people who love her. She felt lucky, but what about those who do not have the support? What do they do? Who helps them through?

*********************

This is the reason for these blogs. I will not back down and they will have to make changes.

I have spoken to the hospital representative and the head of nursing. I’m not sure what they think. They have not contacted me to let me know if anything is being done. I WILL be contacting them back as this is not going to go away. De-humanization, incompetence, and straight out uncaring service should never be tolerated. If I have to talk to the Head of the hospital, I will. If They need me to come in because S says it is not true, I will come in and face her with the truth. I am not under medication anymore, I am still having issues in my heart with the treatment I received, but I will face anyone who says it is not true. The truth WILL prevail.

I am finding me way back day by day. Will I ever be the same ‘me’ again, no. Being de-humanized takes part of your soul from you. Does this make me a weak person? NEVER! I will be strong with the truth and will do anything I need to do to stop this treatment. I will take this all the way.

I just want the ‘nightmares’ to stop…

Blessings and Hope!

***NOTE – my Dilaudid pills have been crushed and put into used coffee grounds to soak the med out and thrown away. After taking the one at home, I wanted them gone!

Health · HELL · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN

Hell Hospital pt.4a the Colonoscopy [2nd and last time]

Tracy16 Comments

January 29 – February 4 – Antelope Valley Hospital, Lancaster California. Second Floor East.

*********************

This is the day I have dreaded. This is the blog where I will be ‘naked’. We will call the nurse tech in question ‘S’, so as not to use names. This blog, again, may have some TMI moments, so do not read if you cannot handle it.

And remember, “My tears are not a sign of weakness!”

*********************

She was wheeled back to her room in her bed and slid back into the bed 4 slot. Her minded raced as she knew she was going to have to go through the another Colonoscopy tomorrow morning at 8 am. She also knew this meant drinking more of the cleansing drink. Bed 4 was the first bed on the right as you walked into the room. No one was in the bed 2 slot, so she asked to be moved to there as it was by the window and had a bit more privacy. The commode could be put against the wall, not next to a person’s bed, and she would be far from the door there. The nurse checked and said they would move her. She asked for them to roll her bed to the spot. One of the nurses asked why she could not just walk to the bed there already!! OK, Really! What part of, ‘I have MS and am unable to walk’ haven’t you understood since I have been here 5.5 days already!! Needless to say, the rolled her bed from bed 4 to bed 2.

The nurses got her all set up and moved her things over to bed 2. Commode against the wall, far away from all. In the bed next to her was a pregnant woman, approx 34 weeks. This confused Tracy completely as the hospital had spent lots of money in the previous years for a fully equipped Maternity ward. Not enough room at the Inn, so they shove this poor girl in a ward with sick people. [Tracy still scratches her head over this today]

On her mind now was getting mentally ready for the ‘drink’. She told the nurses in no uncertain terms she would NOT drink the go lightly!! She wanted the sour tasting drink from the 1st night she had to cleanse. It was not much better, but it was less to drink and she could stomach it.

There was one amazing moment, when her husband brought her newly 16-year-old son to visit her. She was in the hospital on his birthday [Jan. 31] and they would not let him in as he had no ID saying he was 16. He’s only 6′ tall and looks every minute of 16. Somehow daddy got him on this night. Even sitting on the commode, covered up, her baby hugged his mommy and told her he loved her. This was the one light in her stay. They only stayed for about 10 minutes as it was getting late, but that 10 minutes was worth a lifetime!

She had drunk the drink a bit before her hubby and son had come. Her cleansing [she thought] was pretty much done. Strangely, she was still not running clear. For a moment she smiled and laughed to herself that when the next time someone told her she was ‘full of shit’, she could say ‘yup I was’!! 😛

Her neighbor across the way awoke and started vomiting, badly. She grabbed the call button and told them that the woman needed help now. After a few minutes, she hit the button again, this time not really needing it as she is sure the whole floor heard her. GET IN HERE NOW, SHE IS SICK AND SEEMS TO BE HAVING A HARD TIME BREATHING!!!!! They finally came and helped her. Tracy was pissed off and disgusted by the treatment she was receiving and the treatment of others. She heard a man’s cries almost everyday for help. Was she in a horror movie, where were the cameras?!

At this point she was exhausted and figured she could finally get off the commode and go to sleep until the next day. She cleaned herself, got into the bed, and fell asleep.

She awoke in complete terror and humiliation. She thinks it was around 1-1:30 am or so. She knew she could not clean herself this time. Tears streamed down her face. She knew she had to hit the call button, but how could she? She was horrified and shaking. How could this be happening to her? She slowly reached for the button and pushed. A voice asked her what she needed and she said she needed some help. She could feel the burning and finally S came in to the room, to her bed. She quietly told S that she thought there was a problem. As S removed the sheets and protector covers she knew there was by the sound from S. S would have to go and get some things to clean her. She heard S making a gagging noise and a eeech sound as she walked from the bed.

She tried to hold back the tears from flowing, but after that she was fighting a losing battle. She kept apologizing as she felt so de-humanized and humiliated by this person. S came back with a bucket of warm water and cleaning cloths. She haphazardly wiped Tracy down quickly to get her off the bed and back on the commode so she [S] could clean the bed. As she got on the commode she took off her gown and fumbled with the snaps on a clean gown so she could put the new one on. S was more concerned with getting the bed cleaned than getting Tracy cleaned.

Again, she apologized to S. The comment back stung in her ears, ‘Well there is still a lot more to clean!’ Tracy took some of the wipes she had and tried to wipe herself in the spot she knew S had missed and was not planning on re-doing. By now she knew she would not get back into that bed. The fear was too much for her to handle. Once S got the bed made she asked her to help set up her MAC on the bed so she could play games as she did not want to fall asleep again. S leaned over Tracy and they grabbed the MAC and set it all up. Tracy was not to see S again!

The next thing she remembers is waking up on the commode [3:45am approx], legs numb, pain in her back, and her game over. Her bottom was burning from the negligent cleaning S had done and she reached gently for the call button. S did not answer the call, but the RN did. She took one look at Tracy and went and got a new bucket of warm water, cloths and ointment. She gently helped her to her feet, leaning over the bed and thoroughly cleaned her. Her legs, her lower back, her bottom. Then she applied and ointment to the burning area. Tears fell from Tracy’s eyes, she felt dirty, De-humanized, humiliated. The RN’s were not supposed to do this, but S never returned. [probably better for S not to return!]

After she got her all cleaned up, the RN got her back in to the bed, and gave her something for her pain. She tried to fight sleep, but she could not.

She woke up to a new batch of nurses, shift change. The NT she liked, K was there. Again, still not running clear, so time for a fleet enema. K was caring and compassionate and helped her through it, and cleaned her when needed. They had postponed the procedure from 8am for about 30 mins or so. After the fleet and a warm water enema, she ran CLEAR!!

This time a gurney came for her. They asked her to scoot over to it… Really!! I’ve been here 6 days now and you still do not get I need help doing this. OMFG!! Finally, with help, they got her on the gurney and headed to the GI part of the hospital. The two amazing nurses she had the day before were not on her procedure. She was very sad by this. When they came in they change the chart so they would be in on her procedure. This made it things so much better.

The next thing she remembers is waking up and the GI nurse telling her it worked and all was good. She was so relieved! They came and took her back to her room. By now she was hurting and a bit thirsty and hungry. Almost directly after she got all settled in, her hubby got there the Nurse came in and said she was being released. Nothing for pain, no food…

**to be continued**

Blessings and Hope!

Health · HELL · PAIN · Ramblings

Hell Hospital pt.4 the Colonoscopy [1st time]

Tracy17 Comments

January 29 – February 4 – Antelope Valley Hospital, Lancaster California. Second Floor East.

*********************

This is where the TMI term may come in. We are talking Colonoscopy here. I will be as discreet as possible as this person is me and my dignity is still shot. So read with this caution. God Bless anyone going through this. The procedure itself is not the bad part, it is the preparation for it…

*********************

Aside from a few embarrASSing 😛 moments, she made it through the Cystoscopy procedure. Hindsight being 20/20 she wishes she had been more ‘with’ it for this night. Her Colonoscopy was set for tomorrow, so they told her that tonight she would do yet another cleansing. Then why did they bring her food in the evening?? [Can we turn back time?]

The nurse brought her the ‘DRINK’ Go Lightly. Well, you will go, but not lightly!! The taste was somewhere between sour milk and paint thinner she decided. They expected her to drink a gallon of this. If she had not been sitting so securely on her friendly bedside commode she would have fallen off of it laughing.

my only friend

They had flavors for the drink, which to her only made it worse. So the nurse got a 7up type soda and mixed it. It helped for about 6 of the glasses. By now she had been through about 8 glasses and 8 glasses had been through her instantaneously.

You’d think since they had cleansed her the night before and now 8 glasses of this, she would be flowing clear. Nope, not so much. She let the nurse know, no more drink thank you very much!! The nurse explained she would have to do a tap water enema then in the morning. Hallelujah, anything was better than drinking that. She knew more was coming, so she opted to stay on the commode for a bit and the nurse left. After a bit she was getting very tired and was in some pain, so she cleaned herself, got on her pull-up and got into the bed, only calling for a pain shot. [this was the same night as the iv f*#* up when her arm finally swelled and the new iv was not put into a vein, hence pain meds not working]

It felt as if she had gotten no sleep when they were back in her room ready for her enema. Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!! They first had to clean the commode as no one had emptied it from the night before. 😦 [this was a frequent occurrence for her and her one neighbor] Bleck!!!!

Explaining to the nurse, yet again, of her MS and inability to move fast or stand easily she tried to have them let her sit at the farthest edge of the commode so no messes would occur. They had her stand over the commode…you can guess what happened from there. One word mess. [remember, this is a 4 person room] So for the next few times they allowed her to sit on the edge of the commode!! Imagine that…

In her heart she was mortified and humiliated to her core. They cleaned the floor and commode, but she ended up cleaning herself. [not by choice, maybe they didn’t see it on her]

Remember this was the second cleansing. One the night of the Cystoscopy, and then this [drink and enema] pretty much all night cleansing. She was still not running clear. WTF!! Were there squatters living up there?!! [ty Ruby, lol]

One of the nurse techs, K, told a few people that the procedure would not work as she was still not running clear, they sent her up anyways. Being out of gurneys she was sent up in her bed and the procedure done in her bed.

She told the GI people what the nurse tech had said about her not running clear, but they had their orders. As the GI nurse was getting her ready for the procedure, she started to add fluids to the IV line. This is when it was found out that the IV was NOT in a vein!! The nurse removed it quickly and soothed Tracy as she was shaking, cold and crying from the pain. They got a line in after trying both feet. Pain! She now had a line in her right foot. Once the Oxygen was started and the meds flowed all she remembers is waking in the surgical room with the amazing GI nurse there.

Unfortunately, the news was not good. It did not work and she would have to go through this again at 8am the next morning. She would have to drink more of the cleansing drink and eat nothing.The nurse tech, K, from her floor had said this would happen, why didn’t anyone listen. Tracy’s psyche was breaking down and breaking down fast.

With tears quietly running down her face they took her back to her room for what was yet to come.

**To be continued**

Blessings and Hope!

HELL · PAIN · Ramblings

Hell Hospital pt.3 the Cystoscopy

Tracy12 Comments

January 29 – February 4 – Antelope Valley Hospital, Lancaster California. Second Floor East.

*********************

This is the hardest part to write for me. It will be in 3 parts. There will be no pictures, and words will be chosen wisely as to not add to my humiliation or anyone else’s that may have gone through something of this nature. This is the part of my hospital stay that humiliated me to my core. This is the part that took something from me. I’m not a ‘weak’ minded person. I’m not someone who embarrasses easily or feels fear. So this whole experience was an awakening of sorts for me. An awakening I did not need, want, nor ask for.

Again, my words will be chosen wisely and carefully. This was the most dehumanizing experience I, personally, have ever experienced in my almost 46 [March 12] years of life. Some may ask the why tell it? My answer; For those without a voice, for those afraid to speak up on wrongdoings, for those who may feel alone.

This is my story. I will be telling it in the third person. I feel it will be easier this way.

*********************

The yelling, whining patients [due to the fact no one came when they needed help], the constant IV issues, this was not starting out well. Things seemed to settle for the first few days. MRIs and Xrays, basic procedures. The only real issues were the call button and getting help in  a timely manner. She would call for her room mates as they would call for her to get notice. Does not seem right, but what could they do?

She has Progressive MS which makes it hard to move her legs. Sometimes getting in the bed she needed help getting her legs up. Her first negative encounter with ‘S’ was small. [first night] Some comment about, she [S] could lift her legs up on the bed. hmmmm, then get someone to help, right? All Tracy needed was her legs slid up and back on the mattress. At home her 13 year old daughter does this with ease. Fine, whatever, she got her legs up herself.

Tuesday was the first ‘not so fun’ procedure, Cystoscopy. Her MS has caused incontinence issues and her bladder needed looking in to. Literally! 😛

The preparation for this was to cleanse the colon, or as her hubby says, do a Colon Blow! She’s gotta love him!

The previous night she had to drink a very citrusy type drink for the cleansing process. Not being able to move quickly, a bedside commode was brought in for her to use. Basically she sat on this literally falling asleep on it with her head on the bed for over 2 hours. [she kept time ck on her cell before and after procedures] Surprised a nurse did not awaken her and her get her back into bed at some point, [supposed hourly checks] she asked her ‘neighbor’ to hit the call button as she could not reach hers. By now her legs were almost purple, asleep, and a sense a fear set into her being. She cleaned herself with wipes brought in for her by her husband. She got her adult pull-ups on by herself and waited for someone to empty the commode and help get her legs into the bed.

By this time, sitting for so long in a humped position, her back was on fire. She was finally helped into the bed and got a pain ‘shot’ and slept for about 2 hours.

The Cystoscopy went off without a hitch. She was relieved and felt a bit better about her night of commode pain.

Little did she know the other shoe was waiting to be dropped, or in this case kicked!!

***to be continued***

Blessings and Hope!

Health · HELL · PAIN

Hell Hospital pt.1

Tracy27 Comments

January 29 – February 4 – Antelope Valley Hospital, Lancaster California. Second Floor East.

This will be a series of blogs as so much happened that I am still trying to process my thoughts. I am lost and trying to find my way back. NO ONE should ever be treated with the dis-respect and outright disdain when they are at their worst. I have good, private insurance and[+] medicare, and was treated like cattle. Even without good insurance or any insurance, NO ONE should be treated this way. I was humiliated and I am here to share my story and NEVER let this happen here [AV Hospital] again.

This may have some TMI moments, but in order to help someone without a voice I will let my vulnerabilities show.

***********************************

Per the National Guidelines for medical care – IV Insertion:
No more than two attempts at cannulation per nurse per patient should be done to avoid unnecessary trauma to the patient (Fischer, Knob, & Durivage, 1997; INS, 2000).
All medical personnel, nurses, etc, need to adhere to this guideline by law.

I was ‘poked’ in order to put in a line 12 times. The veins on my hands were fine. But after shoving the line in, pulling out a tad, adjusting, shoving in a different spot, my veins blew. The same thing was done to my left hand next by the same nurse. I count these as 4 times. [2 each hand] She decided to wait for the next shift. REALLY!! Already going into my 4 hour awaiting my treatment for pain. None as of yet. In to the 5th hour a couple more nurses came to see if they could get a line going. Seems my veins are not the best due to medications etc. They tied off my arm about 5 or 6 more times [talk about pain] Tried to get into vein 2 more times, no go. Time to bring in the ultrasound to find a vein.

3 days later

7 days later

They bring in the ultrasound, find a vein on my left bicep and get in a line. I have now been admitted and this hell hole for over 6 hours and finally getting my pain meds. A couple hours later had to go to the bathroom. I cannot use a walker, wheel the iv line and walk, so she unhooked the iv line for the time it took to pee. When she hooked me back up to the line, the vein was gone. My body went cold and I cried. The pain getting this one in was so intense and I was not sure I could do it again. I had heard mention of a pick [?] line, but no one did this. The CN [charge nurse, I think] came in and checked around. After a few, stop the blood flow to the rest of my body tie offs…she found one in my right forearm. OMFG, it was in, it was working, and all was good. Or so I thought…

The next couple of days were fine, IV wise…but somehow I knew it was too good to be true.

Tuesday night…the iv seemed to be leaking when my pain meds went in. Sure enough. So, the RN came in, un-taped it, slid it back in the same spot further, and re-taped! Hmmmm, seemed to work…for an hour or so. The pain and the itch became quite unbearable and my arm had swollen up and became very red. After 2 button pushes for a nurse, one came in and removed this IV. It was now bad. Fear took me over and another chill set in. WHAT THE F*#* NOW!!

The day after…ouch

After a couple more, please just cut my arm off elastic tie offs, no veins found. So, why not get use the ultrasound again?? No answer. An incompetent, cocky lil know it all nurse comes in and acts all cool like. ‘oh, look at me I found a vein!’ She sticks me in what she calls a ‘juicy’ vein in the crook of my right arm. UM NOPE, not in a vein. I do not care that you THINK blood was flowing, not a vein. She flushed it and the pain was as if someone put my arm into a fire. Mind you, this is just below where the other bad line was removed. She tells me it is fine and leaves. They come and give me pain meds and again it was fire and no pain relief. IT WAS NOT IN THE VEIN!!!! First clue you incompetent baffoon…PAIN PAIN PAIN. They never hooked me back up to any fluids, only gave me pain meds…that obviously were going into my arm someone other than a vein.

After a night of Hell and arm pain, I was taken to the GI LAB for my colonoscopy…

GUESS F*#*ing what… the IV WAS NOT IN MY VEIN!!! This according to the nurses and techs in the GI lab!! HELLO!!!!!!!! [sidenote; GI lab was full of professional caring people, the only light in my week of hell]

As the nurse went to add fluids to get my IV going, I started shaking uncontrollably, chills took over and tears flew. I could not control my body. The pain was immense. This was how she found that the IV was not done properly. NOT IN THE VEIN!! She immediately removed it. Now, what do we do?

By now, I just want to go home. I have no more veins, I cannot handle anymore pain, please just let me go home.

please no more

The only place left are my legs/feet. A male tech first tried my left upper foot. OMFG, the pain…WOW!!! No go..

Right foot!! SUCCESS!! Not without pain though. But it was in and it was working well. Sadly, the colonoscopy did not go well so a redo was set up for the next morning. [stay tuned! lol]

The nurses on my floor were not too happy with my new IV, BUMMER!!

niiiiice!!

See what a great job floor 2 did a gr8 job giving me pain meds in my foot IV, this was fun!!! But, this was after I was left sitting on a commode for 3 hours!!!!

**to be continued

As always…

Blessings and hope!