HELL · PAIN · Ramblings

Hell Hospital pt.3 the Cystoscopy

January 29 – February 4 – Antelope Valley Hospital, Lancaster California. Second Floor East.


This is the hardest part to write for me. It will be in 3 parts. There will be no pictures, and words will be chosen wisely as to not add to my humiliation or anyone else’s that may have gone through something of this nature. This is the part of my hospital stay that humiliated me to my core. This is the part that took something from me. I’m not a ‘weak’ minded person. I’m not someone who embarrasses easily or feels fear. So this whole experience was an awakening of sorts for me. An awakening I did not need, want, nor ask for.

Again, my words will be chosen wisely and carefully. This was the most dehumanizing experience I, personally, have ever experienced in my almost 46 [March 12] years of life. Some may ask the why tell it? My answer; For those without a voice, for those afraid to speak up on wrongdoings, for those who may feel alone.

This is my story. I will be telling it in the third person. I feel it will be easier this way.


The yelling, whining patients [due to the fact no one came when they needed help], the constant IV issues, this was not starting out well. Things seemed to settle for the first few days. MRIs and Xrays, basic procedures. The only real issues were the call button and getting help in  a timely manner. She would call for her room mates as they would call for her to get notice. Does not seem right, but what could they do?

She has Progressive MS which makes it hard to move her legs. Sometimes getting in the bed she needed help getting her legs up. Her first negative encounter with ‘S’ was small. [first night] Some comment about, she [S] could lift her legs up on the bed. hmmmm, then get someone to help, right? All Tracy needed was her legs slid up and back on the mattress. At home her 13 year old daughter does this with ease. Fine, whatever, she got her legs up herself.

Tuesday was the first ‘not so fun’ procedure, Cystoscopy. Her MS has caused incontinence issues and her bladder needed looking in to. Literally! 😛

The preparation for this was to cleanse the colon, or as her hubby says, do a Colon Blow! She’s gotta love him!

The previous night she had to drink a very citrusy type drink for the cleansing process. Not being able to move quickly, a bedside commode was brought in for her to use. Basically she sat on this literally falling asleep on it with her head on the bed for over 2 hours. [she kept time ck on her cell before and after procedures] Surprised a nurse did not awaken her and her get her back into bed at some point, [supposed hourly checks] she asked her ‘neighbor’ to hit the call button as she could not reach hers. By now her legs were almost purple, asleep, and a sense a fear set into her being. She cleaned herself with wipes brought in for her by her husband. She got her adult pull-ups on by herself and waited for someone to empty the commode and help get her legs into the bed.

By this time, sitting for so long in a humped position, her back was on fire. She was finally helped into the bed and got a pain ‘shot’ and slept for about 2 hours.

The Cystoscopy went off without a hitch. She was relieved and felt a bit better about her night of commode pain.

Little did she know the other shoe was waiting to be dropped, or in this case kicked!!

***to be continued***

Blessings and Hope!

12 thoughts on “Hell Hospital pt.3 the Cystoscopy

  1. I can’t even believe this hospital…its like entering the gates of hell. Im glad your speaking up about it, this is ludicrous that they treated another human being in this manner!!!!


  2. Tracy I’m in tears my stay at the big house was bad and you were one of the few I shared that horrid experience with…this is so much worse. My belief is that this is the state of healthcare now. There are a few good people left in the medical field but not enough to provide quality and dignified care. ((hugs))


  3. Oh, Tracy I’m so so sorry. My youngest, Aly was born at this hospital. I know you love your furr babies, but it’s stories like yours that make me livid that human beings are treated worse than many animals. I challenge everyone who reads this to just spend one hour volunteering somewhere to help people as a start. If every one did this only once a week, imagine how much better it might go for people like Tracy. Come on people, it’s February, so let’s start really loving on each other!


  4. TY all for the support. It means a great deal. I was not sure if I should blog of this experience at all, but I felt people need to know that these things can and do happen.

    The next couple of blogs will be harder still, but the story needs to be told.

    My motto, read if you want, if it may offend don’t! 😛



  5. Tracy I’ve been reading your blogs with a mixture of rage and fear. It’s inconceivable that hospital staff in our United States – a country with some of the biggest hearts in the world — can subject another human being to this type of treatment. I’m glad you’re home in the care of your loving family.


  6. I get tears In my eyes reading this. I so wish that I could have been there to help you MzTracy. I cannot believe what kind of Hopsital that Is. It breaks my heart how they have treated you. (((Hugz)))


  7. Oh Tracy…. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for a few days. I went back and read the blogs I’ve missed and I can’t stop crying.

    This is horrendous! I’m so glad you’re speaking out about this. Too often we accept disrespectful treatment, thinking we don’t have a voice, there’s nothing we can do.

    Too many people in ‘service fields’ have become so desensitized to human suffering, they have no sense of empathy, they have shut off their emotions, they treat people as if they are inanimate objects passing by on a conveyor belt.

    If you don’t get satisfaction from the hospital, please contact your state Attorney General and make a consumer complaint.

    I’m just so very sorry you’ve endured this. I’m sorry I wasn’t here to offer support.

    You have my love and friendship always ((hugs)) oxox


  8. I can feel your pain and have been in your shoes..it sucks!..rest now and ease the troubles from your mind, we are here to listen. XO


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