Craziness · FUCK · Ramblings

Life, it is what it is

After a bad fall about a month ago, I’ve been in and out of hospital emergency rooms and spent a little bit under a week in hospital. Lotta good it did, as I’m worse now than I was before I went in. I need in-home care I need help but the doctors keep blowing me off. And my doctor’s nurses, forget about it incompetence galore!

They keep telling me they’ll call me back once they get information about in-home care. Has not happened at all. They don’t even call my prescriptions when they expire anymore. I have to call and remind them. Yeah that helps with my stress level! I’ve been with the same doctor for 17 years!

I can’t even get into what happened in my last hospital visit a couple of weeks ago as it just brings back too many awful memories. Not as bad as back in 2009-2010 but almost.

At this point I’m completely bed ridden, my legs do not work at all I can only move them if somebody moves them for me hard to transfer to my chair I won’t even get into going to the bathroom. LOL that’s way too much information… TMI!!

Bottom line I need home health care, and my doctors are ignoring me and not helping me. So me, being the bitch that I am, I have an appointment with a new neurologist on January 28 and an appointment on the 18th of this month with the new internist. I’m done, and I’m taking charge and taking back my power!

For those who know me, know I’m pissed and when I get pissed I get shit done. They know not who they are dealing with! LOL I’m done believing that this is it for me and I’ll never move again that I’m going to be stuck in a bed the rest of my life.

I Even got my new wheelchair and it’s the bomb, but I can’t even transfer to it. So what’s the fucking point right now!

Fear-Pain-Anger-Depression

I really do wonder sometimes… What’s the fucking point!

[sorry for spelling and or grammar mistakes talk text doesn’t always work exactly as it should]

need sleep...

FUCK · Health · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · RANDOM

 What living with MS feels like..

OMG…this says it all! In tears reading this. WOW! Someone does understand! Although I am not able to walk anymore, it was exactly like that when I was.

What living with MS feels like..:

When We Say We Can’t do Something Because We don’t Feel Well, Put yourself in Our Shoes By Using The Examples of our Symptoms Below…

1- Painful Heavy Legs: Apply Tightly 20 LB ankle weights and 15 LB thigh weights then take a 1 mile walk, clean the house, go shopping and then sit down – how ya’ feeling now?

2- Painful Feet: Put equal or unequal amounts of small pebbles in each shoe then take a walk, if we are mad at you we would prefer needles to pebbles.

3- Loss of Feeling in Hands and/or Arms: Put on extra thick gloves and a heavy coat then try and pick up a pencil, if successful stab yourself in the arm.

4- Loss of Feeling in Feet and/or Legs: Ask a doc for a shot of novocaine in both of your legs and then try and stand up and walk without looking like the town drunk. Hopefully you won’t fall down.

 5- TN (Trigeminal Neuralgia): Take an ice pick and jam it into your ear or cheek whenever the wind blows on it, or a stray hair touches it. If you want something easier to do, get someone to punch you in the jaw preferably daily.

6- Uncontrollable Itching: Glue or sew small steel wool pads to the inside of your shirt, pants and undergarments wear them for an entire day.

7- Tingling: Stick your finger in an electrical socket – preferably wet.

8- Tight Banded Feeling: Put 12 inch wide belt around you and make is as tight as you can and leave it there for the entire day. How ya’ breathing?

9- Shots: Fill one of our spare needles with saline solution, saline won’t hurt you, we would love something worse but don’t want to end up in jail. Give yourself a shot everytime we do our shot.

10- Side Effects From the Shot: Bang you head against a wall, wrap yourself in a heating pad, wrap your entire body with an ace bandage tightly then finally treat yourself to some spoiled food or drink.

11- Trouble Lifting Arms: Apply 20 LB wrist weights and try and reach for something on the highest shelf in your house.

12- Spasticity: Hook bungee cords to your rear belt loops and rear pant leg cuffs then for your arms hook bungee cords to your shirt collar and cuffs on shirt sleeves then go dancing.

13- Poor Hearing/Buzzing in Ears: Put a bee in each ear and then put a plug in each one…Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 14- Balance and Walking Problems: Drink 100 proof grain alcohol and then sit and spin in an office chair for 30 minutes, now get up and see what happens.

 15- Urgently Needing to Pee: We put a .5 liter remote controlled water bag and drip tube in your pants, we point out 2 restrooms in a crowded mall, then we tell you that you have 30 seconds before we activate the water bag (by remote control) to get to a restroom. Just for spite we may make that 20 seconds without telling you.

 16- Bizarre and Inexplicable Sensations: Place tiny spiders on your legs or arms and allow them to periodically crawl around throughout the day, heck all day would be good too.

17- Pins and Needles: Stab yourself repeatedly with needles all over your body or better yet….Get a very large tattoo in your most sensative area.

18- Dizziness (Vertigo): Get on a gently rocking boat all day and all night and take several walks around the deck with your eyes closed.

19- Fatigue: Stay awake for two full days to induce incredible fatigue and then cook dinner, clean the house, walk the dog and see how you feel. Please do not compare MS fatigue to you being tired from only a few hours of sleep – it’s not the same at all.

20- Cognitive Function (Brain Fog): Take a liberal dose of sleeping pills but stay awake. Try and function properly and think clearly. To make it even more real without killing yourself of course, take the sleeping pills with a small sip of wine.

21- Bowel Problems: Take a 4 day dose of an anti-diarrhea medicine followed directly by a 3 day dose of stool softeners for a minimum of 3 weeks, at the end of 3 weeks sit down on a hard uncushioned chair and stay there till tears appear.

22- Burning Feeling: Make a full pot of boiling water and then have someone fill a squirt gun with the boiling water and shoot it at yourself all day long. However, you can give us the pleasure of shooting you instead…optional of course.

23- Intention Tremor: Hook your body to some type of vibrating machine try and move your legs and arms…..hmmm are you feeling a little shaky? You are not allowed to use anything fun for this lesson.

24- Buzzing Feeling When Bending Our Heads to Our Chest (L’Hermitte’s): Place an electrical wire on your back and run it all the way down to your feet, then pour water on it and plug it in.

25- Vision Problems (Optic Neuritis): Smear vaseline on glasses and then wear them to read the newspaper.

26- Memory Issues: Have someone make a list of items to shop for and when you come back that person adds two things to the list and then they ask why you didn’t get them. When you come back from shopping again they take the list and erase three things and ask why you bought those things.

27- Foot Drop: Wear one swim fin and take about a 1/2 mile walk, nothing else needs to be said for this one, you’ll get it.

28- Depression: Take a trip to the animal shelter everyday and see all the lonely animals with no home. You get attached to one or more of the animals and when you come back the next day you come in while they are putting her/him asleep.

29- Fear: Dream that you have lost complete feeling in your feet and when you wake up wiggle your feet, just so happens they don’t move. Think about this every night wondering whether something on your body won’t work the next day when you wake up.

30- Swallowing: Try swallowing the hottest chili pepper you can find.

31- Heat Intolerance or Feeling Hot When it’s Really Not: You are on a nice vacation to Alaska. It’s 35° outside and 65° inside. Light a fire for the fireplace and then get into it. Once you have reached about 110° tell me how you feel, even a person without MS would feel bad, now add all of the above symptoms – welcome to our world.

Then Finally…

32- After subjecting yourself to the items above, let everyone tell you that you are just under a lot of stress, it’s all in your head and that some exercise and counseling is the answer.

Like global MS network ♥

https://www.facebook.com/globalmsdirectory

Peace!!

Anger · Animal Rescue · FUCK · Ramblings · RANDOM

Facebook banned me for 12 hours!!!

Facebook banned me for the 12 hours because of a link, FACTUAL LINK, posted to my patrick page in 2012 …. srsly over one year ago, and someone reported it just now!!!

There are court documents regarding this case and the animal abuser pleaded ‘no contest’ as she could not prove her innocence. I did my own research and it is factual!!

I posted to my patrick page because she still works with animals!!!! If it had not been true, I would not have posted it. But. I’m sorry, I protect animals and people like this need to be stopped!!

FB had NO right to ban me for the TRUTH!!!

This post is coming from a new account I was forced to make due to being banned. No fake name, as I have nothing to hide!!!

Sad that some feel animal abuse is okay!!! This person who reported the link and anyone helping her have their priorities messed up!! Guess it’s true what ‘they’ say, “Ignorance is bliss.”

This is the link I shared that was reported: Pet Abuse.com

Here are other links with information as well:

Pet Abuse.com ANM profile

Rescue Hall of Shame: Ashley Nicole Miller

The Good the Bad the Unforgivable of Animal Rescue  << gives detailed information pictures, etc

This really irritates me!!! People can make hate groups, porn groups, groups showing violence on Facebook, but when the truth is shown they delete and ban!!!

It’s all about the money!!!

Anger · Craziness · Family · Fear · FUCK · HELL · Multiple Sclerosis · Ramblings · RANDOM · Religion · Sarcasm

Oh what a World!

Life can seriously get you down.  My newest issue, it’s the fear to go outside of my own home. I hadn’t left my home for months, and last time I left I had a little bit of an anxiety attack in my car. The day went downhill from there. I knew better but my car wouldn’t start my first thought was just stay the fuck home! BTW, if my words a little off because I’m using the speech program as it’s been really hard to type and honestly the speech programs aren’t what they say they are. I do know proper grammar, But sometimes what comes out on here isn’t what I actually said. And honestly, much too tired to go back through and fix it all so please bear with me!

My biggest issue, with not being able to go outside, is my baby sister is getting married in April at her bridal shower is this month. I would never miss it for anything! They may have to drug me to get me in the car to go, but all good as again I wouldn’t miss this for the world.

Wow! As I just read this over there are so many mistakes, and again I am so sorry for them but I really cannot type right now.

I know I’m not feeling well when I just do not want to get on the computer. Facebook is the last place I want to be right now. For a while, I think I’m just going to do some blogging on here and maybe share Facebook but not get involved too much right now as I really need a break, for me. All I want to do lately is to sleep. Depression maybe, yeah think so! I am working on getting out of my house slowly but surely. I actually went out the day after everything went crazy with my husband, and it was a little easier although I did want to get back home quickly!

Unless you have an anxiety attack, a real anxiety attack you have no idea what happens. I am so sick of the people that tell you to just breathe through it. Well you can’t fucking just breathe Through it! I had to leave my room at night out of my cozy bed and asleep in my recliner as my anxiety gets so crazy I do not want to wake up my husband. Then the breathing gets really erratic, start to sweat, the tears flow, and I just want the world to end! If it wasn’t for Valium I probably would’ve pulled all of my hair out of my head!

I hate how this affects my family, but it’s so hard to just let it all go. I try to keep it to myself, but it’s very very hard to do so. I know I have love I have friends and family, but in all honesty most people don’t want to hear about it. Most people don’t understand what it’s like to have your life taken away from you and end up in a wheelchair. Unless you’re in that situation, you really have no idea.

They say things happen for reason, I think that’s bullshit! If it were true then all of the murderers, the pedophiles, and scum in prison, would be stricken with these illnesses. So I’m sorry, but fuck that bullshit that things happen for reason!

Does it sound like an angry? Well I am angry, what’s going happen when the day comes that I wake up and can’t move,  I wake up and can’t speak. Who is going to help then, God! I don’t think so.

…………

Peace out kids!

FUCK · Hope · Ramblings

Pit Bull Mixes in URGENT NEED!!

For the past few weeks I’ve been working with some amazing people getting dogs [and cats] rescued and out of the shelter. With Courtney, Joanne, Mike, and others. I am now fostering a cute doggy named Gatsby. He will be up for adoption this weekend at the PetSmart in Palmdale, CA.

Basset/Dachshund mix. Sweet as can be.

Also 4 baby kitties

awwwwwwwwww, babies

————————————

NOW, I’m asking for URGENT HELP ON SOME PITTIES AT THE LANCASTER, CA SHELTER!

First up is a family that the owners surrendered due to divorce!!! Grrrrrrrrr, don’t get me started.

This is Mama Izzy. 6 mos old Click her pic for her link and information.

Mama Izzy

This is daddy Oreo. Four years old NOT four months. Click his pic for his link and information.

Papa!!

And this is baby Jack-Jack. Three months old. Click pic for his info:

Baby boy…

At this time there is a CTA [commitment to adopt] on Jack-Jack, but NO interest in mommy or daddy!!!

———————————————–

URGENT URGENT LITTER OF SEVEN PIT MIX PUPS OWNER SURRENDERS AT LANCASTER, CA.

This is pup #1 we do not have all the other impound numbers yet for the others. PLEASE CALL TO GET INFORMATION ON THESE BABIES! (661) 940-4191

CLICK PIC FOR INFO.

At this time they are not listed on the LAC site so you must call! They are only 22 days old!!

Aw lil muffin!!

THEIR MAMAS IMPOUND # IS A4470826.

THEY ARE NOT LISTED ON THE SITE AT THIS POINT. WE NEED A RESUCE TO GET MAMA AND ALL 7 BABIES!! THEY ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE TAKEN FROM HER.

———————————————-

PLEASE, PLEASE SHARE THESE BABIES, MY BLOG, WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET ALL THESE PITTIES RECUED!!

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO ADVOCATES FOR ANIMALS, YOU ARE ALL HEROES IN MY BOOK!!

BLESSINGS, Tracy xx

Anger · FUCK · HELL · Hope

The Fight to Save Lennox

UPDATE: RIP sweet Lennox!!! Boycott Belfast!! A disgusting mis-carriage of justice that we will not stop fighting. It’s not over BCC, now it’s ON bitches!!!!

WE ARE LENNOX!!!

———————————————————-

This is not only about saving Lennox’s life, it is about a law [BSL] that should not exist!!

For this poor babies full story please click the link below, read his story, and sign the petition. Time is of the essence!

The Lennox Campaign

Lennox in happier times
Beautiful boy!
Lennox in custody…

The bottom line is that Lennox has been falsely imprisoned due to BSL laws. The irony is that he has NO pit in him! [not that it should matter]

The family did all the right things, he was chipped, licensed, and had dna blood work done showing he is ‘pit’ free. So, why was this family pet and service dog to the daughter with sever asthma taken? IMHO, to make a mistake by animal control not look so bad. They went to the wrong address, saw Lennox and had to make up for their error. All the while Lennox was kissing on and rubbing up to the officer as she measured him with a seamstress tape measure. Little did the family know lies about this meeting were about to surface from the officers mouth to cover up her ‘fuck-up’!!

This has gone on for two long years. The family is not allowed to even visit him. I’m sure pedophiles, murderers, and other real criminals are allowed visitation in Belfast! How is this right??!!

Now with all legal avenues exhausted, the High Court in Belfast says he need to die. Even with pictures showing him loving on the officer!! WTF!!!!!

Yes, they could try another appeal to the High Court in England. Another two or more years for him to be abused.

Hair loss, weight loss in custody

Would you put your baby through this? Would he survive more years?

The family is now fighting to have him re-homed. They of course want him with them, but they are willing to do anything that will save his life. They love him!!

He has a home all ready for him in the USA! All expenses paid!! Belfast has had this offer for months and has not yet replied. But, maybe you can help!

I beg of you to go here and send an email to Belfast. Follow the directions in the note and please be cordial and respectful if you add anything in your email. His life depends on it.

click me!

Please help, we cannot let this boy die!!!

Blessings and Hope for Lennox

FUCK · Health · Movies · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · RANDOM

So, what’s on the agenda for today?

Looks like it’s a DVR morning; Law and Order:SVU, Criminal Minds, Grey’s Anatomy. Then back to Netflix to get caught up o Supernatural!

Cutie pies!

Was up much too early this morning. Bleck 5:30 am comes too fast. We decided that I’ll get up when Roger leaves for work. This way he can get me up out of the bed so I do not have a repeat of yesterday. Did I mention, I HATE MS! We’re wondering if the sudden worsening of my legs etc. is due to stopping the Tysabri. Maybe my body is adjusting itself to not having the medication in my body. Hopefully it will level out soon.

If you need me, you can find me in my bed again. I’ll be the one with three dogs lying all over me. 😉 I’m off as my hands will not cooperate.

Have a fabulous day/night everyone!

xx, Tracy…
Fear · FUCK · Hope · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Primary Progressive MS · Quotes

Down but NEVER out…

Was hoping today would be better. The legs are better, no swelling. Sadly woke up this morning and had nothing. Couldn’t hardly move a muscle. Took me some time, but finally got my tush transferred to my chair. Now, I’m a skeered to try and transfer back to my bed. Falling is always a fear. I’ll eventually muster up the strength to get back in to my bed. I’ll never quit trying, mainly due the fact this chair is hurting my ass. 😛  Wish me luck!

hehe

Fuuuuuck, I’m so bored!!!

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite Quotes;

When the World says, “Give up.” Hope whispers, “Try it one more time!” – anonymous

I will always keep trying! Peace out! xx, Tracy

Anger · Fear · FUCK · Health · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Quotes · RANDOM

MS MS go away, don’t come again on any day!!

Grrrrr, another day in bed. I was getting a couple of things ready to ship out and bam, leg pain. The swelling has gone down considerably, now the pain. So, do I work through the pain and chance the swelling coming back… or do I get my MS ass back in bed. YUP back in bed, legs elevated! Bleck!!!

I guess I should be grateful that the MS allowed me a full week of creating and being out of bed. But, I’m not. That week is now causing me to be down and out. Kind of uncool!! There it is, MS is UNCOOL!! 😛

It took me almost 4 minutes just to get off the potty. Keep falling back while trying to pull up my pants. At least I didn’t pee-diddle myself! That’s a plus!

Now, I will try and find a good movie, get all the doggies in place on my/their bed, take some Norco and chillax…

Oh Happy happy joy joy!!

Y’all have a great one, if you need me I’m as close as my bed!!

Now, go buy my jewelry!!! lolol

And remember…

rofl, this be me!

 Peace out!! xx,Tracy