Author: Tracy

A day in the life of a mommy, wife, daughter, sister, aunt and friend with Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis!
Craziness · Health · Silly

Todays Show – The Padded Room

Tracy5 Comments

Click on our pic to go to the show!

We had a great time on the show today. One of our fabulous friends, Cristen aka crisastbury4, called in and we had a great chat! Shemar Moore was our ‘Hottie of the Week’. He is fine!!

Next week, we hope to have Shad Bradley on our show! [schedules willing] A little bit about Shad [borrowed from his FB bio]:

Shad’s “have drums will travel” attitude has earned him the nickname,”Shad Samsonite!” His Vegas – style stickwork adds a visual aspect that can’t be ignored! Among numerous television and radio appearances, he has appeared live and/or recorded with: Travis Tritt, Jefferson Thomas, Atlanta Rhythm Section, Reba McEntire, Derek St. Holmes (Ted Nugent), Jeff Cook (Alabama), Diane Michel, William Lee Golden (Oak Ridge Boys), Johnny Van Zant (Lynyrd Skynyrd), Mark Wills, Don Dokken, Jimmie Hall (Wet Willie), The Bama Band (Hank Williams Jr.), Derek Trucks (Allman Bros.), & M.C. Hammer! He has also been featured in Modern Drummer and Science of Mind Magazines.

To hear a bit more about Shad, click on our show pic above and listen to the shows archives.

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We also talked today about the building of the Mosque near Ground Zero. And it gets a big “0” from Ruby and me. I get religious freedom and all, but this is wrong on so many levels. 😦

All in all, it was a great show. Again, click the show pic above to hear the archives of today’s show!

xx, Tracy...
Ramblings · RANDOM

Monday…

Tracy18 Comments

So, it’s Monday. Here I sit wondering what to do. Hubby at work, kids at school, mommy home.

blah, blah, blah...

Sometimes the hubby will call from work and ask me what I am doing. My response, me being me, is always something a tad sarcastic. Something along the lines of, “Oh, just got back from running a marathon and I’m spent!” I will admit, sometimes it bothers me. I mean really, I can’t drive anywhere or do much, so what does he think I’m doing. 😛 I know he means well, but…

Then there’s the fact I have a great hubby and children. I know this, but when they act like martyrs, it gets to pissing me off. I know they all help me, I know I’m crippled, please do not rub it in my face. I know how much they do with working, school, coming home, shopping, etc., but don’t throw that in my face when you get a stick up your ass’. That’s when I feel crippled. I know you all work hard and sometimes it gets to be too much and you all feel like you cannot get it all done. Let me tell you, it’s the same way I feel about my job, mommy/wife. How do you think I feel that I cannot get much of anything done? Just struggling with the dishes make me exhausted. I HATE not being able to the best mom and wife ever. If I had not gotten sick I would be the best!! My heart breaks every day. When you all make comments under your breath [chicken shit] you make me feel that much more crippled.

I guess I should be glad it’s not a daily occurrence, yet! Hopefully the sticks can be surgically removed and all can get back to normal. My body may be broken, but my mind is not. I’ll only take so much! Trust me, I know I can be hard to handle. I know I have my moments too. But I do not deserve the silent treatment or the petty games.

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Ah, that felt good to get that out. It’s been burning a hole in my brain for a while now. Hmmmmm, think I’ll go run that marathon now!! 😉

Tracy...
Sarcasm

It’s a Pity Party and you’re invited!!

Tracy20 Comments

For those who do not want complaining, or moaning and groaning, or just plain bitching… do not read any further. You have been warned.

It is, really!

Being crippled sucks, and no tomorrow is NOT a new day. Ok, well it is a new day, but won’t be any different than today. I’ll still be crippled and still be pissed. If that bothers you when I say that, then move on. I envy other criptastic people that can ‘deal’ with their illness and be shiny happy, but that’s not me. Sorry!! I really wish I could, but then I look at my power chair and am slapped back into reality.

See!!

I had to do a hooker bath tonight. You know, when you get some towels and wash yourself. Yup, that. Then had to wash my hair in the sink. Luckily I have hospital type body cloths with aloe even. 😉 So that does help. With my shower under construction I have to use the guest/kids bath/shower unit and it is too stressful. Yes, stressful. My shower chair fits in sideways and trying to get my leg up and over the tub sides scares the shit out of me. By the time I get done I am anxiety ridden. So, it s easier to do it like a hooker does. Come on, you know they do sometimes, please!!

After the shower and feeling more crippled than ever I decided I want a friggen’ beer. Corona with lime to be exact. Hmmmm How to ask hubby [recovering addict/alcoholic of 13 yrs] to go buy me some. See, thanks to being crippled, I cannot just ‘pick up and go’ like most can. Now hubby has no problem doing this for me, but it bothers me. **He just called to tell me they only have regular Corona… bring it baby!!** lol Isn’t he sweet. Yes he is, but I want to do those things. I want to be able to just get up and go. Sadly my get up and go done got up and went a long time ago. The next time you get pissed that you have to ‘run’ to the store for something, GET OVER IT and be glad you can do that. Those are more of the little things I took for granted before I got this fucking MonSter MS! What I would give to be able to have to run all over the place and go to a job I hate!! lol

This is just for shits and giggles!!

Sorry, but ya know it’s funny!! Thank God he is out of office… Shit, did I type that out loud. Man, I do need a drink!! lol

So, hope you come to the party. Feel free to bitch away. For those that do not like that, then you should not have read this blog, I warned you!! HA!

Blessings and Hope!!

Happiness · Love · RANDOM

Boots…

Tracy16 Comments

Whether in a wheel-chariot or not I can still have nice shoes. Boots are my ultimate kind of footwear. I’ve had people ask why I need to buy new shoes. REALLY, Why not? Why do you buy makeup when nothing can fix your ugly? My shoes/boots/sandals stay nice, and I may be in a chair but my feet can still look good. I like to feel pretty like everyone does. I rock a wheel-chariot.

So, I’ve been keeping my eyes on some new boots for Fall. I wanted suede and wanted a square toe. Found an awesome boot by La Canadienne called the Janie boot. They are originally 259. Zappos had them for 196. I found them for 141.50.  I’m the ultimate online sales shopper. I usually do not spend over 100.00 on boots, except for my UGG’s, but this was a great deal for a great boot.

Drumroll please…..

Hubba Hubba!!

Blessings and Hope!!

Health · Multiple Sclerosis

Another day…

Tracy12 Comments

The waiting for ‘the better day’ is taking too long. This lingering headache is sofa king annoying and cause me so much stress. The pain in my arms and legs is beginning to really bother me too. I learned last night that my Norco for pain is no longer for me. It helps with the pain in my body, but then cause me chest pains. [esophagus issues] Normally I can take them with no problems as long as I sit up for 30 minutes or so. Now, not so much. Was on the phone with my Ruby girl and had to get off quickly as I thought I was going to be sick. I shut my Mac and put my head down for a bit and the yuck feeling finally went away. Is it too much to ask for just one day of feeling good?

Now, too change the depressing subject… my bathroom is coming along. They finished floating the floor into a ramp for me. I did get a nice laugh this morning as my lil boy Dexter left tiny puppy paw prints in the concrete. 😛 I hope it does not hurt the tile laying! OOPS! lol

click for larger pic!

As for me, today, it’s going to be a movie day. Need to re-generate. As I type that, I laugh. All I do is movie days and lie down and rest. Such is life right?

Tracy...
Health · HELL · Multiple Sclerosis · Ramblings · RANDOM

Life…

Tracy28 Comments

This is NOT my life… where is my real life? If you find it, please reply here with the location.

I realized that I have not been out of my home for over 3 weeks. I just have no desire, no oomph to do anything. I know it’s not about the Ampyra as I’ve only been on that 2.5 weeks. It’s been so hot here and heat is no longer my friend. When I say out of my home, I mean that literally. I look outside, but have not even gone outside. I have no desire, or care much right now to do anything.

All my kids are back in school, hubby working, so I’m alone all day. I do not drive, can’t work, and sometimes I really feel like what’s the point. I have no energy, my fatigue is off the charts. [even with the anti-fatigue meds]

And please, please do NOT say, “It could be worse.” or “You’re only given what you can handle!” BULLSHIT! This is my ‘worse’. I need help to get dressed, to shower, sometimes to eat when I can barely hold the utensils. I wear my pj’s most days all day as by the time I get up everyone is gone, and it takes too much energy to get pants on by myself. Luckily, I love my pj’s and have many sets. I guess unless you ‘roll a mile in my chair’ you’ll never understand. The helplessness, the loneliness, the depression that sets in. Maybe it’s a ‘healthy’ thing. Usually it’s the healthy ones that makes the above statements. Their biggest issue is what to wear, having a busy day, what to cook for dinner, ‘oh damn’ have to drive the kids around, etc. etc. etc!! PLEASE!! I know this to be true as I was once there and took soooo much for granted. Like ….. walking for instance.

my legs...

I’m tired of always feeling like I have to be shiny happy all the time. My life SUCKS!!! I know, I know, I have a gr8 husband and kids and family and friends…I get that. But, I have no purpose. Without a purpose what’s left. Feeling useless is the most depressing feeling of all. I have not felt like nor have had the energy to make anything for my shop in weeks. My hands cannot hold the tools very well right now. SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!! Who really cares anyways.

EXACTLY!

Blessings and Hope! [still waiting]

Family · Health · Love · PAIN

Out of sorts!

Tracy8 Comments

Do you ever have those days when you know you have something to do or need to do something but just can’t find the oomph? I’m there. The past few days had been not the best MS days and kind of overly fatigued. I know it will pass, but I want it to pass like yesterday.

My bff aka sister form another mister contacted me to let me know her mama [who I think of as a mom] is not doing well and her Cancer has returned with a vengeance. I’m so numb and cannot imagine what my bff is going through.  Mama Jo is one one the finest ladies I have ever known. My mom lived far away and she was like my surrogate mom. She took me in as one of her own. I want to be able to be there for my girl and mama Jo, but this damn MS keeps me immobile. I should be in the car driving out there to be with Liz and flying back with her if needed. I can’t and I feel helpless. No matter what went on in her life she always had a smile for others and a kind word. Please keep them all in your thoughts, prayers, blessings, whatever it is you do. If there ever needed to be a miracle, it should be for her.

it could happen!!

I just hope they can control her pain so she doesn’t suffer at all. She is one the strongest women you will ever meet, a fighter. I love you mama Jo!!

So, ya, it’s been one of those days. Can’t seem to function. Please keep Liz, Will, and Ted in your thoughts, prayers and/or blessings as well. Her children love her so!

Blessings and Hope!