Tag: friendship

Craziness · Fear · Ramblings

Hey Mr. Sandman……

Tracy13 Comments

So, another ‘Sleepless in California’ night going on here. At least no snoring issue! Poor hubby is in sofa city tonight. Thankfully, for him, it is a nice pullout bed with a nice mattress pad thingie. He can snore until the cows come home without fear of waking up with a headache! I actually have my room and my bed all to myself too. Usually when dad is in sofa city one of the girls come on in and bunk with the mom. They worry about mommy being all alone. [not knowing mommy loves to be alone…sometimes] I’m watching “Bride Wars’, playing in FB and blogging. Does it get any better than this, I think not! I was going to watch ‘Silence of the Lambs’, but figured maybe not when I am all alone! lol That movie freaks me out.

Chance [Border Collie] is sleeping on the bed right next to me and Sadie is on her bed on the floor. Dexter is in with the girls, so all is quiet on the western front.  Every now and then I hear Austin yell at his computer game. This is how I know he is here and alive. 😛

As I watch the movie [Bride Wars], I feel sad. I see such an amazing friendship and cry for one like that. I know it’s a movie, but I have heard others talk about their BFF’s and I feel detached  from it. I mean, I feel very close to a select few of my friends, but wish we all were closer to create the bonds of those who have grown up together and live near one another. I am probably not making much sense here. Shoot, I do not even know what I mean. Here I go, rambling yet again.

I mentioned in a blog before that I tend to write what I’m thinking and how I am thinking it. So, many times my thoughts are out-of-order and all over the place. If you can understand me, then you might be a bit nutty like me. lol Or like the song says; ‘I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell’. I have all these ideas and thoughts that pop in my head, but most of the time they make no sense whatsoever. They must be medication induced or something. I know some of my dreams [when I actually sleep] are. lol I just cannot pinpoint why I am all over the place lately. Usually I can focus on things. Now, not so much.

I truly hate leaving my home. Kind of scares me as at home I am safe and in control. When I go out, I am at the mercy of others and my wheel-chariot.  Others for help in reaching items on high shelves, my WC if the power dies. Others drive my van with me in it, as even though I am still able to drive, I prefer not to. I have this nagging fear in the back of my head that all of a sudden my right leg will go, like me left, and I will not be able to brake or accelerate. That has not really ever happened before, but the fear is there. And it is terrifying.

I keep having one dream that is the same. Maybe why I am having a hard time sleeping. I dream that I wake up and am completely paralyzed. Like the woman with MS that Dr. Kevorkian helped. So, ya, that might why I am having trouble sleeping. Hmmmm, think I’m on to something. I know that progression is in my future. The rate of progression is not known, and I am praying it is a slow(er) progression. Oh shit blah blah blah.

So, my train of thought has left the station.  Peace out!

Blessings and Hope…

Family · Health · Ramblings · Sarcasm

Sleepless in California…

Tracy14 Comments

The hubby is ‘softly’ snoring, kids talking as quiet as kids can, and I cannot sleep. So I am here to ramble…

Do you ever feel like something is missing, or you forgot to do something important?  I HATE that feeling! I am not one to forget things, and yet lately I forget everything. My MS is messing with my cognitive  skills, and that pisses me off more than losing the use of my legs. Shit, even more than incontinence issues. I actually forgot to pay two bills in the past months. That is so not me. Thankfully we are never late and I got out of late fess. Get this, I even have reminders…and i still forgot. It’s the damn ‘some-timers’; sometimes I remember, sometimes I don’t! 😛 So, if anyone out there knows what I am forgetting to do, please let me know. rofl

This blog may be out of sorts, as I have no clue about anything. My girl Ruby made it through her 11 hour back surgery with flying colors, so no more worries there. Christmas is over and it was good, but YAY it’s over, so all good there. A woman needing help, got help thanks to Laurie and her call to arms at Facebook. So that is really good.

I am feeling sad about my good friend Lu’s father, passing away. I so wish there was something I could do to help her through this time. Lu. if you are reading, know you are in my thoughts and blessings and if you need me, I’m here! I cannot imagine her pain. That is the problem with having friends so far away, I cannot get over to her home and give her a hug. Love ya Lu!

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I have so many thoughts going on in my lil head and cannot sort them out. ARRGGHH I get so frustrated when this happens. There is no sleep in sight and  deciphering my crazy thoughts. I start thinking about new designs for a bracelet, then POOF my mind goes to how can I get out and start doing some photography, then POOF thinking about a blog I want to write on finding my center. I try to concentrate on one, but then something catches my eye and I’m off to another dimension of space and time! lol

I have lil chicken scratches of things I think of and want to accomplish someday. I want a concert ukulele, but then I would like to try a zither or harp. I have heard the vibrations of musical instruments on the body help to center some, find a sense of peace, if you will. I re-tried to play guitar, but my hands were not strong enough to hold down the strings. We have a piano, which I mess around with, but it’s a lil big to have in my bed on bad days! So, I am looking for something small enough to keep with me. I need music in my life…

I figured by now I would be getting tired…NOPE. Just more goofy. Maybe it’s my meds. Ya that’s it, it’s my meds.

Hubby is no longer ‘softly’ snoring. Now he is buzz sawing it. It’s like razor blades being slid through my brain.

me...

I just ordered a snoring mouthpiece thingy for him. I so hope it works or he will be back in sofa city soon. I see visions of me, a wrought iron skillet in hand, and his head. I am thinking ear plugs before that vision becomes reality!! I can still hear him even when he is in sofa city, even when I have my ipod on. The house shakes. I’m thinking it’s it the big one [cali, earthquakes], but no it’s just him…snoring! I have some earplugs from when I had my last MRI. They kind of rock. Better than the ones in the store. But they suck to sleep in. So, pray for the hubby that the mouthpiece works, or no more cal king bed for him!! mwaaaahhhhhhhh

OMG, so hubby is snoring. Not too loud now as the plugs are in, but now one of the 3 dogs just popped a HUGE bean and it stinks!! Holy man…where is the spray? rofl This is so life in my world. I love it! Loud and smelly and I would not change a thing. [maybe get some nose plugs too]

I need Mr. Sandman please. Hope he’s cute, maybe Gerard Butler cute. Maybe not, as no sleep would happen if he was my sandman!! YUMMY man!

Ok, so now going to go surf the net a bit more, maybe play a game or two and hope for sleep. For those who made it through my ramblings, bless you. You are brave! Now I bid you good-night!

Blessings and Hope…

Family · Ramblings

How…

Tracy12 Comments

More over, why do people feel the need to ruin other peoples friendships? Someone who was gone for a while then pops back in and trouble seems to start. During the time they were gone, there was no drama. Now all of a sudden DRAMA is back.

I tend to know why, because they want certain people as their friends and no one else’s. Well, sadly it worked. They manipulated someone close to me enough so that somehow they got the person to believe their BS. They look for those who are in a confused place and strike. I actually feel bad for them as well, must be a sad place they are in and a sad way to live.

What sucks, is the person who now has blocked me from her life was someone I adored. Someone I felt was a part of my family. I think it hurts the most because she did not call me and talk to me, just deleted me out of her life after almost 11 years of friendship for someone who just popped back in. I have had friends come and go. But, this one hurts.

She knows who she is, and she knows I will always be here for her. I truly hope she reads this, I truly hope she looks inside herself and realizes the truth. You can call me anytime, I am here.

I am sorry I allowed the toxic one back in my life. I really thought she might have grown up. I was wrong.

As with all…

Blessings and Hope!

Ramblings

Fabulous Vegas – finale

Tracy6 Comments

By now you are probably sick to death of my Vegas time. lol So here is the finale. [at last]

After charging my chariot and getting about an hour or so of rest, I could no longer sit still. Called Lu and she was at the Mall in the Planet Hollywood Hotel area. She headed back and I met her in the Paris lobby. When we got outside there was a bus getting ready to load and no way through the sidewalk area for me. We figured there would be a ramp by the stairs, no such luck. So we went back by the bus and figured we would have to wait until they got loaded to get through. A young man, who most might have looked at with ‘hoodlum’ tag, looked over and asked if we needed to get on the bus. We told him no we need to get by on the sidewalk. He was adorable, he moved the crowd out of our way to let us through. Never judge a book by its cover. He had the best smile ever. We did all the ty’s and yw’s and headed to the light to cross the driveway.

We got to the people mover escalators and kind of wondered how to go up. I have never been up a moving ramp before. lol There was one not moving but it had a rope crossing it. Just then a young man opened the rope and let us go up. It was a bit steep and i was a tad nervous going up. Lu was behind me making sure I did not tip. Lucky for her I didn’t 🙂 Then, OMG, Heaven!! The mall…

Poor Lu had to stop to every shoe store with me. lol I so wanted a pair of square toe chunky heeled boots. Unfortunately my ankles and drop foot issue + a bit of swelling made getting the dang boots on quite difficult. But, she was such a sport and went along with me. Kelly and Cynthia called and we met up with them. We checked a couple more shoes stores, lol then decided it was time for a drink!! Woo Hoo! We went to Fat Tuesdays and wow the cups they had! lol Lu and I got these HUGE cups of lava flows and then she and Kelly had a couple jello shots. Cynthia and Kelly got lil small girly drinks. lol kel-cyn-lu-mall

Kelly, Cynthia and Lu. See our biggee cups! lol The lava flow tasted nothing like the one I had in hawaii years ago, so Kelly took it up to the nice guy and he dumped it and refilled it with a pina colada for FREE!! lol So cool of him! We finally realized we needed food. lol So we went into Planet Hollywood and found an awesome sandwich shop. Must remember the name! They had the best sandwiches around. Rog finally found us, and he got some dinner as well. Cyn and Kel went back to their hotels and Lu, Rog and I went and did a couple slots then back into the mall. Rog hung for a few then I guess shopping wasn’t his thing! lol I got the kids some Vegas t-shirts and stuff. My damn chair was not fully charged as stupid me so excited did not let it charge enough. So we figured we had better head back. [only time i remembered i was in the chair as it hindered my time, dang thing] Going back down the ramp was a fun experience. Was waiting to go flying down. Lu held on the back to make sure it didn’t! lol

We finally got back to the Paris, got Laurie up and we met in the bar area. Kelly, after winning at the slots, came on over as well. We had our martinis. Sadly we were too late for the two for one martinis. lol We hung out for a bit and then Laurie had to go back up as she was leaving early in the morning. 😦 Pics and hugzzz all around. Then Lu headed up to her room as well. Kelly and I went and played slots until almost 3am. Kelly won a couple more times too. Lucky. 🙂 Then up we went.

I woke up around 8am, making poor Rog get up as well. I wanted to spend a lil time with Lu, Cyn, and Kel before we had to head home. We had room service breakfast. Oh mercy…I had vanilla bean French toast and cappuccino. I was in heaven. Rog was shocked as i had already gotten ready to go. lol Cynthia came over and up to our room and we hung out for a few, then went downstairs to meet Lu and Kel for coffee and what not. Rog got the van all packed and ready and let me hang with the girls. He really is a ‘gem’! Love you Rog!!  The girls were staying until Tuesday. Lu and Cyn were going to a convention for packaging for their shops.

It was quite hard to say goodbye for me. We all hugged and took a few more pics. Then it was time. Rog and i headed back up to the room, did the checkout and went to the parking for the van. Once we got in the van the tears rolled some. I did not want the weekend to end. I am so hoping that this becomes a yearly thing or even every other. The women are truly fabulous! This will be something I remember and cherish forever!! Thanks to all the fabulous ladies that have made my life even more full!

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Blessings and Hope!!

Ramblings

Fabulous Vegas Day two – part 2

Tracy4 Comments

The late Champagne brunch was Fabulous. The only thing missing was Esther. She was lying out at her hotel and was injured. It seems someone forgot to tighten down the large umbrellas. It was a very windy day and one flew from its bas and crashed into her foot sending her to the ER. So she spent most of the day there. We missed her terribly and I am hoping that she is healing up well.

We all ate way too much! The buffet was amazing. They had everything you can imagine to eat. Roger and my paleo ‘diet’ went out the window on this Vegas weekend. But oh mercy it was sooooo very worth it. Being with these fabulous ladies is so easy. It’s like we all knew each other already. There was no stress, no ‘first’ meeting jitters, just like at the dinner the night before. After we all stuffed our faces we headed in different directions. Yana was going back to her hotel for her hubbies ongoing birthday bash. Kelly and Cynthia were going to head over to see if they could see Esther. Laurie was heading up to her room to get some much needed sleep. Roger and I went back up to the room so I could change and meet Lu by the pool. So, off we all went.

Lu and I went down to the pool. It was a perfect day. It was a bit windy and the sun was shining down, but it was not too hot to bear. We were going to get a couple pina coladas, but OMG they wanted 12.00 for a small glass. Forget about it! lol I rolled all around the pool are and took lots of piccies. It was very peaceful and relaxing.

paris pool2

We decided to head up to our rooms and get a lil rest before heading out for the night. I needed to charge my wheel-chariot and change and re-charge as well. So we said cya later at the elevators and went up. I got to my room and Rog was watching some news show. He said he tried to get some sleep but couldn’t. Awwwwww. lol At this point I had no clue what we were going to do that night. I plugged in my chair and kicked back on the bed with the hubz. I was so amped I could barely sit still. Was getting annoyed that my chair was not charging fast enough. I could not believe the energy i had this weekend. It was an amazing friend rush I’m thinking.

BBL with the nights shopping festivities!

Blessings and Hope!

Ramblings

*Drumroll Please* Day 2 Fabulous Vegas pt1

Tracy5 Comments

I had the best sleep ever on Friday night. My heart was full and sleep came easily for the first time in years.

Around 8:30 am I was lying there thinking about the dinner and all my fabulous friends. My cell rang and it was Lu. She was downstairs having coffee and a croissant. Then talked to Laurie and she was going to get ready to go down in a bit as well. Rog said he never saw me shower and get ready so fast. He kept telling me to slow down and save my spoons. I couldn’t, I was happy to be there and wanted to spend as much time with the girls as I could. I can be ‘sick’ at home! lol And, having a shower made for me helped so much. [here is a picture of my dream shower that is getting closer to reality]

bath3

The only real difference is my chair will be on the other wall as we have no wall that comes out. This is going to be my dream come true!

Anywho, Rog and I headed down to the bar where the girls were. Cynthia was on her way over from her hotel. YAY!!! She had gotten in late the night before. Cynthia is my chocolatier. If you want the best tasting chocolates, click her link on the side. You will not be sorry! Only made fresh and no preservatives!

Kelly went to meet Cynthia, and when they got back, you guessed it, hugs all around. We all sat around a table having coffee and chatting it up. I was in heaven. I had some of my favorite people with me. My hubby, Lu, Laurie, Cynthia and Kelly. Hubby went and got me a chocolate croissant…can it get any better than that! 🙂 We took pictures of course and sat and people watched. If you want a good place to people watch, Vegas is for you! lol Sadly it was much too early for the 2 for 1 martinis! DAMN were they good!

After our morning get together, Kelly and Cynthia headed off, Rog went back up to the room, And Lu, Laurie, and I went cruising! We checked out the shops in the Paris, mainly Shooz! Yup you guessed it a shoe store! lol They had the greatest shoes and accessories. And, if you are in the market for hooker heels, this is the place to go! Laurie tried on some awesome high heeled zebra designed shoes. And I tried on some boots. Then Laurie left us as she was going to meet Yana before our late lunch. Lu and I kept looking around and then I saw it…an Ed Hardy purse. WOO HOO! I had been wanting it for a looong time and had never seen it in ‘person’. Lu got it off the shelf for me [see it is her fault, lol] and once in my hands I knew it was mine. 🙂 I was a good girl and called hubby to ask if it was ok. Let’s just say I have the best hubby as he really never says no! 🙂

Next we went and checked out the amazing jewelry wall between the Paris and Ballys. Yes a wall of jewelry. Can you imagine? There were some gorgeous items there. I got a wonderful big shiny black acrylic gaudy faceted ring and matching bracelet. They are really cool. Then we decided to go and check out Ballys and played the Big Huge dollar slot machine. Lu hit the credit button and I pulled the Big Huge arm. We didn’t win, but I got a workout! lol Then we just walked around for a bit more. Went outside for a minute for some fresh air, then figured we had better head back to get ready for lunch at 2pm. I have to say that hanging with Lu is very easy. It felt like i had known her my whole life.

BBL with part 2. My hands get tired and I want to get all in, so doing this day in parts. Hope you come back to read.

Blessings and Hope! {new one}

Craziness

My Vegas Video

Tracy15 Comments

This is my first video using my iMovie on my Mac. So cool.

The video is of the trip, the drive home and the makings of the scrapbook.

The fabulous ladies you will see are: Laurie, Lu. Cynthia, Yana, Kelly, Esther, Stephanie, Daisy and my hubby [not a lady] Roger.. oh and moi! lol

I love clouds, so you will those. lol The coolest part of the drive home was what I like to call, Atomic city. It is a grouping of home directly across from the Federal Penitentiary that look as though a bomb went off. Hundreds of homes condemned and broken. I would love to go there at night and get some pics, but being across the street from the Pen, probably not a good idea! lol

The song is by Nelson – Everywhere I Go.

Love

Vegas Scrapbook

Tracy7 Comments

Before I get into day 2 I wanted to share my scrapbook with you. I have done digital scrap-booking before but never the ‘real’ deal! lol This trip is so very special to me that it needed to be ‘documented’ in a way I can always look back on! So, here it is. [work in progress]

scrapbook

page1apage2apage3

page4page5apage6page7apage8page9page10page11page12page13page14piccie clutchThe adorable pink clutch is where pictures from all the ladies donating to help my dream bathroom come true. The pics from the clutch are all in the scrapbook. The originals will remain in the clutch! I cannot help but smile every time I relive the whole Vegas trip. I’m ready to go back!

Day 2 and the Sisterhood of the Fab4o traveling bracelet will be up soon!

Blessings and peace!

Ramblings

Vegas Baby!!

Tracy6 Comments

Well as most know Roger and I went to Vegas Oct. 2- 4 so I could meet some of the Fabulous ladies from Fabulously40andBeyond . It is a wonderful site I joined October 22, 2008. It’s a place for women over 40 to meet and and share experiences. Drop by, and tell them MzTracy sent you! ;-).

I cannot tell you how excited I was to be going. The drive took us 31/2 hours and flew by. We checked in at the Paris Hotel, Vegas. We got unpacked and I immediately headed out to meet the girls. I met Laurie first and it was a if I had known her my whole life.

laurie-n-meIsn’t she gorgeous! Her insides match her outsides. She is an amazing woman. Click one her links on the right and you can see for yourself. She was a tough one to keep up with… always moving!

We headed down to the bar! Hoorah!! lol There we met up with Lu and Kelly.

lu-n-me

It was the same feeling meeting Lu as it was meeting Laurie. The second we met it was as if we had known each other forever. She is my candle girl. She makes the best candles ever. Check her link on the right as well. She has the best, smartass attitude like me! lol

And Kelly, she is as sweet as can be. So nice and kind. [hope we didn’t rub off our bad ways on her] lol

lu - me n kelKelly is adorable and takes gr8 pics! ‘Yes Kelly you do’ 😉 And she was on a winning streak! Lucky girl!

We all hung out at the bar by the Paris casino, where we all were staying. It was 2 for 1 martini time and we made sure to get our two. I had an apple-tini then a cosmo. We felt like the Sex in the city girls drinking our ‘tinis’. lol We took pics and just chatted and chatted away. We were killing some time until the dinner at 7:30 with the rest of the fab ladies. [minus Cynthia who was arriving in the morning] Time passed so quickly and the next thing we knew it was time to meet up at the restaurant.

We got to the restaurant and Yana and her daughters Stephanie and Daisy were already there. Another friend, Esther showed up soon after.

estherFrom left to right: Yana, Esther, and Yana’s gorgeous girls Stephanie and Daisy. By this time I was feeling so full in my heart. We ordered dinner and then started chatting. Yana started talking about how she started the site [she is the owner] and how gr8 it is to see women connecting, meeting, etc. Then she started saying how termagsea [Judy] had really wanted to be there. How she had been working on something for a while. I admit, I was kind of lost. Then Yana reached under the table and pulled out a huge gorgeous basket filled with bathroom goodies and she had cards and a picture clutch as well. She told me how after Judy read my bathroom remodel blog she wanted to help in some way. I was not quite sure what was happening. I felt tears starting but tried to hold back. I opened the first card which had fab friends names in it and a cashiers check for 500.00 to help get me started on my dream bathroom. That was all it took, the dam broke and the tears flowed. As I read all the cards and looked through the photo clutch I was so overwhelmed with a feeling of love and friendship. I still cannot express how It made me feel and still makes me feel when I re-read the cards, look through the pics and stare at the basket.

my basketAs I type this, the tears are ready to roll. I have not felt such friendship and hope as I did that night in a very very long time. What these ladies did [and I’m told are still doing] is such a blessing for me. There are so many times I feel so alone, and this truly did make me see that i am NEVER alone when I have friends like this. All the ladies that traveled to Vegas so it would be easy for me. Lu, who planned this trip and got the ball rolling. How special is that? And Yana for having a site where these friendships can be made.

Dinner was fabulous. Yana and her girls had to leave after dinner to go eat another dinner. lol It was her hubbies birthday weekend. We would meet back up with her for lunch the next day. Lu, Laurie, Kelly, Esther and I headed outside for some air and to get some pics. Lu was exhausted as she had been up since 5am her time. So she headed up to bed. Kelly and Esther went over to the MGM and Laurie and i went and got lattes and sat and talked for a couple of hours in a lil cafe inside the Paris.

I was getting tired and my legs were hurting from sitting in one position for so long, but I did not care. It was a good tired and even a good pain. We finally headed up to our rooms around 12:30 am or so. We would all be meeting in the morning. When I got to my room Roger was waiting up. He had been to dinner with us and witnessed the whole beautiful dinner. I had been so worried about the cost of the trip etc. Rog looked at me and said that dinner and what those ladies did made the whole trip worthwhile. Then he smiled and told me what an awesome bunch of friends I have. You know, when he’s right…he’s right!!

My head hit the pillow and out I went!

Be back with day 2 soon.

Blessings and Peace!