My lastest dealings with Independence Blue Cross was all about getting phone numbers from the representative at IBX  for non-emergent transport, PT places etc. Today I made my appointment, far in advance, for my pain management doctor. I called the non-emergent transport companies that were given to me from Independence Blue Cross. I know, redundant, here’s why… The first company I called told me they no longer take Blue Cross insurance. The second company I called said they no longer take Blue Cross insurance because they never get paid from Independence Blue Cross insurance. 😳 The third company said, you have to call the week of your appointment and then there are no guarantees that there will be availability. OK well that’s just fucking fantastic! So let’s recap; the phone numbers that I received from the representative at Independence Blue Cross were ALL dead ends. Now I could pay cash for one of them which would be $283 upfront and then $75 an hour for however long it takes for your appointment. Alrighty then I guess I’ll just pull that cash out of my ass. So tell me what the fuck is the point of having health insurance if it doesn’t help you. We pay thousands of dollars for this insurance and at this point they basically have told me to fuck off and die in my bed. 
I’m not even going to get into calling the physical therapy places, because talking to those people dropped my IQ many points. I just needed to know if they’ve dealt with people that have contractures things like that. Not one of them could answer the question. It was as if they were reading off a script, “All of our physical therapists are very good. They do their jobs well.” OK good for them, that’s not what I fucking asked you. 🤦🏻♀️
My first reaction to all of this this morning was to completely snap. But I held it together. I took deep breath’s and started uncontrollably laughing. I am so angry right now there is no way to even measure the anger that is boiling up inside of me. I know more than anyone, that it’s not good for me blah blah blah. But come the fuck on… Cut me a fucking break… Why can’t one thing work out for me like it’s supposed to. Why??!! I’ll tell you why, INCOMPETENCE!! I’m dealing with people that are reading out of a notebook that the insurance company gets them. I’m dealing with people that have no humanity. I’m dealing with people that would be happy if I just took it and died. Well I have news for you Independence Blue Cross, I’m not going anywhere in fact I’m going to be your worst fucking nightmare! This right here is the end of my rope. Please believe me when I tell you, you really have no idea what you’ve done! 
And as always, have courage and be kind! 
I made this last night and posted on Facebook because that was the type of day/night I was having. Sometimes I will literally put my pillow over my face and scream at the top of my lungs. It really does help. 🤷🏻♀️
To anyone reading this, be unapologetically you as well. You’re the only one that lives your life! ♥️
I downloaded a couple of apps for motivational quotes etc. This one popped up today and it instantly sent streams of water down my cheeks. I am brave. I go to bed at night knowing that tomorrow nothing is going to have changed for me. That’s not being pessimistic, it’s being realistic. I go to bed at night, many times, asking whatever entity is out there to please take me home… Wherever that may be. I go to bed at night knowing that there really is nothing of quality there for me when I wake up. And to me, that is bravery. 
The picture above is one of my most favorites. I never before thought of myself as being brave. I never before thought of myself as being strong. I have always second-guessed everything I have ever done throughout my life. I have never felt good enough for anything or anyone. My only New Year’s resolution (which is pretty new to me as I never make them because I never follow them 😂) is to be unapologetically me. I am no longer going to hide away my feelings of my past, my present, or what my future may hold.
Making it Through the Rain 