What?

May 30, 2010May 30, 2010 Tracy12 Comments

For those not wanting a ‘pissy’ read, then move the fuck on. Sometimes life sucks REALLY bad. I listen to all your, waahhhh gotta tummy ache, waahhhh gotta cold, so you can listen to my fuckin’ waaaaahhhhhh I have Primary Progressive MS. Your tummy ache and cold will go away, my MS is only getting worse.

Part of my today is depression. Mama Jean has been gone for 2 years today. She was my Alanon sponsor and she saved me many times. I miss her so much my heart hurts. I cannot seem to get a grip today. I add my lil sarcastic quips, music videos, etc to cover my pain. Acting like life is O.K!! But it’s not.

My favorite wind chime broke today. So, having good tools and figuring an easy fix I took it apart and readied it for some Tracy fixin’. It went ok in the beginning, then my hands just stopped working right. I kept dropping it and that just got me depressed even more. WHY!! Fine, I have MS, but why the fuck does it have to keep getting worse. WHY the fuck me? And DO NOT say, ‘why not you’. All you’ll get back is well then why not you ASS?!

Most people can just get up and go, do things, parties, see friends, etc. I can’t, not anymore. Long drives, not easy. I have to make sure wherever I am going is REALLY crippled accessible. Just ’cause it says ACCESSIBLE, does not mean it is. Sitting in the same position for too long causes the shakes and pain. My legs swell and hurt. And for us, it’s me that needs to stop every hour to pee. Let’s just say ‘rite aid’ brand pull-ups rock. Oh ya that’s fun, being incontinent. Nothing better!!

Funny, not even sure where I am going with this blog. The need to vent here instead of at my family maybe.

I do not even understand why the fuck I am here. Life is about quality, and I have none. I am taking up air someone else could use. Please do not give me the ‘there is a reason for everything’ crap either. There is no reason for this. If there was then the criminals in prisons should be the ones dealing with chronic illness’. And no ‘religious’ comments either please. Faith left me a long time ago. I have my own personal relationship with my God. Right now we aren’t speaking. Well, I speak, but me thinks I’m on terminal call waiting.

I’m tired here. I can barely get from my bed to my chariot anymore. Takes me 5 minutes just to get up [sit up] in the morning if there is no one home to help me. So now we are going to figure out some sort of contraption that will hang from the ceiling that I can use to pull myself up with. Hopefully I have the strength TO pull myself up.

Shit, have no clue where I am going with this. Just needed to purge…

SWwhatever_mzt_ — who really gives a shit?!

Holiday · Love · Ramblings · RANDOM

Memorial Day!!

May 28, 2010May 28, 2010 Tracy4 Comments

Sounds like an oxymoron saying “Happy Memorial Day”. It’s not really a happy time. To me, it’s a time to fly our flags proudly and reflect on those who have lost theirs lives to protect ours. In other words, Celebrate their lives!

So, I say… Have a safe Memorial Day and Blessings to all!

Craziness · Ramblings · Sarcasm · Stupid Stuff

Thursday nothings

May 27, 2010May 27, 2010 Tracy7 Comments

Had our ‘The Padded Room’ show today. All about being a burden. We did get off track a bit, but hey that is real life on real life radio. We do not do scripts as that’s not real life in our opinion. So we just kind of wing it. We always find our way back, so it’s all good!

: even Borat gives us 2 thumbs up! woot!

So after the show feeling a bit blah, been a week ya know. Watched ‘Land of the Lost’. Yes, stoopid movie, but I like stupid funny movies. Anything to make me laugh. And there a few parts that crack me up. We also have a ‘Sleestak’ bank signed by Sid & Marty Croft. Hubby did the lighting rentals for the movie. It’s kind of cool and will one day be a collector’s item I’m sure. NRFB [never removed from box]

: in’t he cute…

Now, Scream is on the TV!! I love horror flicks. My fav is ‘Thirteen Ghosts’. Finally a good plot, not a typical horror flick. Scream is also pretty good in my book as well. I’m getting sick of the all the 1980’s horror flick re-makes. Writers want all this money yet they can not come up with anything new. Fire em and find new writers. And they are going to strike again? Assholes!

Lately all I want to do is sleep. I so need to get motivated and get some new things in my shop. I did buy a SHAKE WEIGHT… kind of like a a hand job for your muscles. rofl Seriously. Check out the vid:

Just trying it one night, I could so feel it. Although, I will not use in public! A bit cheeky looking and a lil pervy really! 😛

Anywho, not much else happening and my meds are finally kicking in. So CYA!

Blessings and Hope!

PAIN · Ramblings

Priceless

May 24, 2010 Tracy9 Comments

Accessible Van – 31,000.00

Power Chair – 4600.00

Bed Table – 79.99

Feeling ‘like a burden’…..Priceless

Health · Hope · Ramblings

The Padded Room featuring Carol Urban!

May 13, 2010May 13, 2010 Tracy3 Comments

This week’s guest is Carol Urban. She will be sharing her story of courage and strength in the face of adversity.

Carol was diagnosed with Stage III colon Cancer September 2007.
We hope you join us for this amazing story of Hope!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/rlrn/2010/05/13/the-padded-room–unlocked-and-unplugged

A Life without hope is like living behind the locked doors of a padded room. Ruby and Tracy want to help you find the hope needed to unlock those doors.

Two crazy girls, passionate about being real in the midst of their own real-life health and emotional challenges, are here to encourage you in yours.

**Disclaimer** Aside from being certifiable, the ladies from The Padded Room hold no certificates, licenses nor are medical professionals in any area related to mental or physical issues. Please seek professional treatment if you have questions or concerns about your health.

Blessings and Hope!

Health

Please support my friend Tina

April 29, 2010 Tracy6 Comments

2010 Walk for Lupus

If you are able, please help my friend Tina. She lives courageously every day with Lupus.

———————————-

Lupus:

Lupus is a chronic, autoimmune disease that can damage any part of the body (skin, joints, and/or organs inside the body). Chronic means that the signs and symptoms tend to last longer than six weeks and often for many years. In lupus, something goes wrong with your immune system, which is the part of the body that fights off viruses, bacteria, and germs (“foreign invaders,” like the flu). Normally our immune system produces proteins called antibodies that protect the body from these invaders. Autoimmune means your immune system cannot tell the difference between these foreign invaders and your body’s healthy tissues (“auto” means “self”) and creates autoantibodies that attack and destroy healthy tissue. These autoantibodies cause inflammation, pain, and damage in various parts of the body.

Lupus is also a disease of flares (the symptoms worsen and you feel ill) and remissions (the symptoms improve and you feel better). Lupus can range from mild to life-threatening and should always be treated by a doctor. With good medical care, most people with lupus can lead a full life.

Lupus is not contagious, not even through sexual contact. You cannot “catch” lupus from someone or “give” lupus to someone.
Lupus is not like or related to cancer. Cancer is a condition of malignant, abnormal tissues that grow rapidly and spread into surrounding tissues. Lupus is an autoimmune disease, as described above.
Lupus is not like or related to HIV (Human Immune Deficiency Virus) or AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome). In HIV or AIDS the immune system is underactive; in lupus, the immune system is overactive.
Our research estimates that at least 1.5 million Americans have lupus. The actual number may be higher; however, there have been no large-scale studies to show the actual number of people in the U.S. living with lupus.
It is believed that 5 million people throughout the world have a form of lupus.
Lupus strikes mostly women of childbearing age (15-44). However, men, children, and teenagers develop lupus, too.
Women of color are 2-3 times more likely to develop lupus.
People of all races and ethnic groups can develop lupus.
More than 16,000 new cases of lupus are reported annually across the country.

Ramblings · Religion

W.W.J.D.

April 27, 2010April 27, 2010 Tracy48 Comments

All over the net I read things people write regarding illegals, health care, blah blah blah. Send the illegals back where they came from. Why should I have to pay for some welfare case’s health care. The people writing these disgusting comments… Christians. Or at least that is what they call themselves.

So, I ask you… What Would Jesus Do?

We are human beings, children of God, or so ‘they’ say. Well if that’s how Jesus would treat people, I want no part of it.

People come here looking for a better life. The majority are hard working men and women. Of course there will be some undesirables, you will find that any where you look. But, the majority are not bad people. And they do the work we do not want to do. Are you gonna get off your ass and do the jobs they do? If not, then shut the hell up. Is there a right or wrong answer to this? NO… so W.W.J.D?

Then you have those that do not want to pay to help our Healthcare system. Most are not welfare cases. Many are men and women that cannot get full time hours as most companies do not want to pay for health care. So these people work 2 or more jobs to pay for some sort of health care for their kids. Many times they cannot afford for themselves. But, God no, why should we have to pay for them. Why, because they are human beings.

Let’s hold the big corporations responsible for it. Speak out and tell them to get health care for their workers. Oh wait, they cannot afford it because the health care industry runs the world and they want money, nothing else.

Well, I would much rather spend my tax money on health care then paying for city beautification, that we never see happen. Or paying to help politicians rip us off some more.

So again, to all you Christians, W.W.J.D. I guess He’d just let them suffer and die, right? Even though my faith is not what you’d call strong right now, I do not think He’d let this happen.

Just wait…one day when you have to go before the Lord…you think you’re in… He is going to ask you… why, why did turn away my children when they only wanted a better life? Why, why did you turn away the sick people when they only wanted to be well?

I’d love to be there for your answer, because I think you are going to be quite surprised where you end up!

Remember, the only reason you are where you are, is the luck of the biological draw.

Blessings and Hope!

Anger · PAIN · Ramblings · Religion

May I have some cheese with my Whine? Whiny Bitch alert!

April 26, 2010April 26, 2010 Tracy24 Comments

Will you call the whaaaaambulance? How about some whhaaburgers and some french cries with a Mountain Boo Hoo!!

: This be me…

Finally got rid of a two day migraine. A couple Ibuprofen for the pain, Benadryl to help me sleep, and coffee when I finally woke up this afternoon. Relief… for a lil bit anyways!!

Now my friggen right side of my jaw is in so much pain I cannot think straight. Is it my teeth? Maybe. Could it be a jaw issue? Maybe. I do not want to go to the dentist. I floss 2-5 times a day and brush twice day. WTF!! It’s probably thanks to all the amazing medications thanks to my MS causing my teeth issues. The dentist told me before, it can happen that way. Again I say…WTF!! Really?? One pain goes away and an even more agonizing pain starts. I almost squeezed a whole thing of Orajel on the right side of my mouth. When will the insanity stop, or at least cut me a fucking break??

How much am I, or anyone else for that matter, supposed to take. Please do not quote anything to me either. I think I have had my share of pain, my share of sadness, my share of shit. People tell me, ‘ You’re never given more than you can handle!’ Bullshit, that ended about 3+ years ago when a chair became my only means of ‘walking’. I cannot take anymore, take it back, I do not fucking want it.

So, now it is probably root canal time. Really…am I going to miraculously get the money for it?? Don’t think so. So, I will just have to deal with the pain for awhile.

Please do not tell me it could be worse. As it does get worse every day. Funny thing is, no one with disabilities or illness’ ever say that, it’s the ‘healthies’ that do. So I say to them, ‘It could be worse!” But I hope for them it does not become worse.

Ok, I am off my ‘Whiny Bitch’ soap box….for now!!

Blessings and Hope!