I’m the great pretender

Even when it’s not OK… It’s just easier. Either way I don’t like telling how I’m feeling because it’s just too depressing.

Right now not much is OK. We think that I may have a possible fracture in my right hip from when we were doing my leg exercises. Our doctor appointment with the pain management doctor was today and I couldn’t go because the moment I’m rolled over to get in my Hoyer lift the pain is just too much. So I was hoping that the pain management doctor would possibly help me by getting an ambulance to pick me up get me to the hospital for x-rays. I guess they don’t do that. He really wants me to get to the hospital but there’s no way he can help me do it. Unfortunately we cannot afford an ambulance bill because our insurance thinks they’re out of network. AMR charges about $2000 a trip for a 4 mile drive. Now eventually my insurance pays for it after I appeal it one or more times. I’m tired of having to do that every time so it’s just easier not to get the ambulance. Then if I go to emergency the  emergency room doctors are always out of network, so I have to fight the insurance company again. And usually for a two minute interaction with the doctor it’s anywhere from $1600-$2400. I am so fucking tired of having to fight every time.

So now I don’t know what I should do. I’ve been let down time and time again by these doctors out here say that want to help me and then just passing the buck or don’t go out of their way at all to help me. All my pain management doctor had to do was make a phone call but I guess that’s not his job.  Who knows maybe things are different now… the way our country is going right now everything is fucked up.

So now I am going to try and find an ambulance that takes my insurance because I know AMR does not.  But then I run into that catch 22 of having to deal with the out of network doctor at the emergency room. I just can’t fucking win. 😳

There was an article about another celebrity and her anxiety due to her multiple sclerosis. Now while I feel horribly bad for anyone being stuck with this disease celebrities will never know the real struggle. They will never know what it’s like to not have money for help. They will never know what it’s like having doctors drop the ball on them because they can afford the good doctors. So yes I feel very bad for anyone with this disease, but please if you’re a celebrity don’t act like you know the struggles and how hard it is. You have the luxury of being able to get help. I know I sound like an asshole and bitter, but if I were a celebrity I wouldn’t have these issues.

As always you lovely people… Have courage and be kind! 🖤

7 thoughts on “I’m the great pretender

  1. I am so sorry for what you have been going through Tracy. Sometimes life get so damn difficult and it is hard to get through a day without tears. I hate to say this, but I feel that doctors, especially pain doctors just don’t care as much as they should. I had become so irate with my pain doctor last year, I almost reported his ignorant behaviors. When someone decides they want to med school, typically people are deciding between areas like neuro, cardio, peds, cancer, etc. I kind of think the pain doctors just couldn’t handle being a real doctor:)! I am sure I have already asked, but do you live in the US? I ask because I feel like healthcare in the US has gone down hill rapidly and it is sad. I do hope you had a nice weekend and you are feeling as well as you can! Lots of love Tracy!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I hope you do find the best doc Tracy. And I wish there were more I could offer toward pain management.

        I’m gaining some, though limited, personal experience having had sciatic pain since last August. Kaiser offered PT first and now acupuncture. I’ve had one treatment so far.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. looks like i sprained or fractured my right foot last night without falling or twisting that i was aware of… crawling mostly if there’s no tables to hold on to like when i want to move down the hallway 👶

      will see what tomorrow brings… oh shoot it’s today

      Liked by 1 person

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