Month: June 2010

Hope · Ramblings · Sarcasm · Silly

Clarification…

Tracy4 Comments

No, for those who have asked via email, I’ll never become one of those ‘shiny-happy-people’!! ROFL

Not that being a ‘shiny-happy-person’ is bad, but it’s just not me. There will still be days when I want to scream and whine, I’m sure, but hopefully not as much. I do kind of think that ‘shiny-happy-people’ must be a little off though. I mean really, how can anyone be that way ALL the time. Everyone at some point has had a ‘bad’ day. Well, maybe if you are medicated and have no clue of the world around you it may work. hmmmmm Might be a plan. Bellevue hospital maybe? Think about it, room and board, food fixed for you, linens changed, any and all meds you may need, can it get any better than that.

Just Kidding!!

But, seriously… I still look at my wheel-chariot and feel bummed every day. I’m just going to try and not let the feelings take me over. Not being able to walk is so frustrating for me. My mind feels like I can just get up and get moving, but  my body says, “NOPE!”, loudly. This is something I will need to work on and learn to cope with. It will take time, but I will get through it. Sometimes when I watch movies, see people walking, I can feel my eyes tear up and the moisture roll down my cheek. Funny thing is at that moment I do not even realize it until the taste of salt hits my lips. The fatigue, the DDD, the tummy and colon issues, and all the rest, even the incontinence are not what make me blue, it’s losing my ability to walk and have the strength I once had. I do not think I have ever realized where the pain comes from deep inside. I’m trying to look and see my triggers and recognize them so that I do not lose myself again.

I’m hoping by working on my legs with the pedaler, and my arms with the hand job [shake weight], that I can get a bit of strength back. I decided on a 2 day on 1 day off plan. 2 days of the exercise and 1 day off. I thought long and hard about when I fell of the wagon, so to speak, almost 2 years ago. It was when I got to feeling better I over did everything. It caught up with me and I crashed. So this time I am going to watch and learn my limitations. Kind of like, on the third day she rests!! lol

zzzzzzzzz

Hope your today was a good one!

Blessings and Hope!

Hope · Ramblings · RANDOM

Hope Floats

Tracy17 Comments

On Saturday [yesterday] got my butt out of bed and got showered and got moving. Did my pedaler for 15 mins, while starting my book ‘T is for Trespass’, and then got Roger going so we could go together to Sam’s Club and Wally World. This used to be our ‘thing’ we did together every weekend up until a couple months ago. I stopped going. I would take my meds and veg out and send him on his own. Part of my new ‘me’ is to get back to the things I left behind. We always have fun together even if it is grocery shopping. I finally got him moving and went on our Saturday outing together again. It felt so good to get back to life.

Roger used to work out 3 times a week, and go MX riding on Sundays.

brrp brrp

He stopped all that the same time I gave in to my MS. I should have seen the signs, but I was to caught up in my poor me, pour me a drink attitude. I’m hoping that now, he will get back to it. Our house was much more calm when we were both in our ‘right’ minds! 😛

Hope you all have a fabulous Sunday. I am off to ‘pedal’ for a bit!!

Blessings and Hope!!

Anger · Fear · Hope · Love · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Ramblings

Epiphany? Wicked wake up call…

Tracy30 Comments

It all started with an email from my hubby that had me in tears. I knew it was time to take it, my life, back from my illness[s]. He is suffering emotionally and physically due to my illness. I finally realized that once upon a time, I said I would not let my disease[s] take me over. I realize now, I have done just that. I have literally stopped trying and have been letting it all take me away from me. Almost like I am laying down to die. The ‘why bother’, the ‘who cares anyway’. This person is NOT me! I am and have always been a fighter. I do not give up on things. It may take me a bit to finish certain things in my life, but I will finish them in the end. I am no quitter.

I have Primary Progressive MS, spastic colon, incontinence, degenerative disc disorder, prone to anxiety attacks, depression [sometimes severe], esophagus issues, pain, tremors, and too many little things that come with all this to mention. BUT, I can work with some of these. Food is my biggest enemy. Gluten, soy, dairy, certain veges and seed items are bad for Autoimmune disorders. They can cause terrible problems for me. Processed foods, and fake sugars and fake fats are bad as well. I know this and almost 2 years ago I changed my lifestyle and cut out the crap foods and learned to eat the right way. No supplement drinks, pills, or ‘fake’ foods. I lost over 20 pounds and felt great. No, it did not make me walk again, no it did not cure me, but it sure helped my overall emotional self. My stomach issues all about disappeared.  My fatigue lessened. I still had my not so great days, bu they were much fewer.

So WTF happened?? I gave up. I gave in. I got down one day and let it take me over and went back to my old habits. Gained the weight back and all the good things that happened faded. I could not find my way back. Now, I am  not saying this was a bad thing or even that I won’t have bad days again. I am saying that I am going to work at getting ME back. Fighting this wicked disease that has crippled me and do everything I can TO find my way back.

And it all began from the email from my  hubby. He loves me, completely and true. But, he started losing himself. Sadness and fear overtook him. The worry for me was killing him. I was letting my disease kill me slowly. I was not seeing what it was doing to him and my children. I was lost in my MS. I knew as I read that letter that I needed to take a stand against my MS. I got up and got my ass over to me motorized pedaler and got to work. I lifted my small weights and am slowly getting back to eating the way humans are supposed to eat. Not the way the BS food industry says we should eat. They do not care about us, they care about selling shit food to us and making money off of us. NO more.

Will I slip? Will I have bad days ahead? Will I lose myself again? Maybe! But that’s ok. It’s all about baby steps.

Baby steps here…

to be continued…

RANDOM · Sarcasm · Stupid Stuff

A Funny!!

Tracy5 Comments

Baptizing A Drunk

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost
overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, ‘Are you ready to find Jesus?’

‘Yes I am’  replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, ‘Brother have you found Jesus?’

The drunk replies, ‘No, I haven’t.’  The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, ‘Have you found Jesus, my brother?’

The drunk again answers, ‘No, I have not found Jesus.’

By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.

When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, ‘For the love of God, have you found Jesus?’

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, ‘Are you sure this is where he fell in?

LMAO!!