Finding the light at the end of the tunnel…

Posted: September 18, 2009 in Ramblings
Tags: , , , , ,

No matter how hard life can get, and it can get hard, I always try to find the light at the end of the tunnel. There really is that light if you look for it. We can wallow in our pain and self pity, or we can look for the good. And, I know there is good somewhere.

MS sucks, big time, but I have it and only I can choose how to ‘live’ with it. I hear people complain how a remodel is going bad or how their kids are back home with them after college. Well, be thankful you have a home and the money to remodel. Be thankful your kids are safe and finished college. I would love to remodel my bathroom and doorways so I could actually shower alone and get through doors without leaving scratches or all out dents in the walls. Sometimes, I hate my home as it is not handicapped accessible for me. I spend most of time in my bedroom as getting through the doors is a pain in the butt in my chair. When I turn my chair on the carpet it lifts and moves, would love to redo that as well. Sadly for us, we do not have the funds to do this right now. BUT, I am thankful to have a home and have a roof over my head.

Again, as I have said in previous blogs, it’s all in how you choose too look at your life. Is your glass half full or half empty? I like to think of mine as half full.

I spend most of my days stuck in my four walls of my home as I no longer feel comfortable driving. We are going to get hand controls one day for my van [when and if we can afford it], but until then I am a ‘prisoner’ in my home. BUT, again, at least I have a home and a handicapped accessible vehicle for my wheel-chariot!

Do not get me wrong, there are days I get pissed off and curse this fucking disease. Ask why the hell me? What did I do to deserve this? I look at people able to walk and want to scream, “Do you know how lucky you are to be able to walk?” I get angry, depressed, and downright mad at God. Then, eventually, when I calm down I see the light. I see a husband who would do anything in this world for me and truly meant his vows, in sickness and in health. I see children who love me no matter if I can walk, be in the sun, run with them, or not. I see parents and siblings who would stop everything [and have] to help me if I ever needed help.

So you see, there is always a light at the end of that tunnel. I guess it is how you choose to look at it!

Blessings and peace!

Comments
  1. Renee says:

    Amen Tracy! You have such a great attitude. I feel the same way …. people shouldnt bitch about the trivial things. Try having what we have and see what they feel. I admire you girl , soooo much.

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  2. Ruby Cantu says:

    I hear ya….and some days my glass is half full and sometimes it’s not….I think this is the longest stretch of a pity party I’ve had. I got a bad bout of cabin fever and took off on a 9 hour drive, I am paying for it now,mentally the getaway was wonderful and much needed, physically it was beyond stupid. I am inspired by you and I understand your frustrations, granted my limitations are not as severe as yours, but I totally understand the frustrations.

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  3. Ruby Cantu says:

    I’m sure it will, anything that isn’t a bill always makes me happy!

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  4. Amy says:

    I very much admire your personality and the choices that you make to try, no matter what, to remain positive. I really wish there was more I could do to help, Tracy. I would in a heartbeat. *hugs*
    P.s.- Im really enjoying your blogs! Your such an inspiration! Keep it up!

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  5. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: You are truly an inspiration, Tracy. The way you always seem to find the good in things, even when you’re having bad days, never fails to humble me. I respect and admire you to no end because of that. In all honestly, I’m not sure I could be as courageous as you if I was in your chair. I know you have “off” days, but still… You just seem to have an uncommon grace, and it’s very humbling to see it; it’s a lesson to everyone, IMO, to look at your life and realize how blessed you – and we all – are…

    I hope you have a good weekend, my friend. Thank you for this beautiful and inspiring post…

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  6. Tracy says:

    TY Holly, in the beginning I was very self absorbed and hated the world. It has been a learning process.
    Luckily now, my ‘off’ days are much less!
    xx

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  7. I truly enjoy reading your blogs. And as everyone has said, I’ve always thought you were a very inspirational person. No matter what life may hand you, you always seem to work through it. Keep them coming .. love ya!

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  8. As I read I “listen” for the strength in your voice.
    Your journal account of horrendous pain and a night filled with despair still delivers strength and clarity.

    Another day filled with random jots of everyday life reads fine-but your voice sounds fragile.
    Sometimes brittle.

    I ache to say something encouraging.
    I despise my selfishness- I know it is my need not yours.
    I remain silent.

    You make me laugh. I admire how clever you are.
    I think about what fun we would have if we lived closer.
    I listen to your reasoning- I like how you think.

    I tell myself if we lived closer I could help somehow.
    I see my need has clawed its way to the top again.
    I’m ashamed.

    I am humbled by your strength. I’m amazed.
    You have achieved a higher level than most.
    You’re honest about your anger.
    You’ve kept bitterness at bay.

    I don’t want to have to be that strong.
    I feel guilty for hoping it never happens to me.

    I want to tell you that the way you live teaches me.
    I want to tell you that I respect you far too much to insult you with my feeble attempt at encouragement.
    I want to tell you that my silence is the only way I know how to honor your pain.
    Who am I to encourage you?

    I weep.
    For me.
    It’s hard for me to do nothing.
    I remain silent.

    And I pray.
    That you know…
    that I know…
    you hurt.

    Love, Laurie

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  9. Debbie Mallory says:

    Tracy- you are such an inspiration!! I enjoy reading your blog and I totally agree ppl should not bitch about trivial things. I wish I were able to go to Vegas to meet YOU and the rest of the Fab 40 gals!

    TG
    Debbie

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