So, how are you? Really…
A simple question, but for me a loaded question. How do I answer this question? Truthfully, partially true, or do I lie my ass off. People mean well, but in my experience when they ask you how you are, it is only to be kind. Many do not want the ‘truth’ for the real honest truth is on many occasions, depressing. Not for me really as I live it, but for them. So, what do you say?
My usual answers are, “I’m OK”, “I’m alive”, “I’m breathing”, or “I’m good.”
On any given day I have pain, fatigue, shakes, spiders [inner tremors], migraine, weakness, incontinence, eye floaties, depression, and always the ‘walking’ issue! lol Now 90% I do not have these all at the same time. [Thank God] But there is the 10%. For me, this is just my life. So it is easier to say things are OK then, “well I am having the shakes and a migraine” or “I feel yuck, bad MS day!” I hate bringing others down, and I can hear it in their voices when I am ‘honest’ about it. I always say that losing my ability to walk wouldn’t be so bad if all the other things did not come with it. [explained above]
I miss having energy the most. The fatigue causes the depression which in turn cause stress, which in turn causes flare ups! Sometimes you just can’t win for losing. But, again, this is my reality and I am learning to deal with as best I can. Do I always deal with it well? Sometimes…not so much! rofl But we are all allowed our ‘bad’ days, aren’t we? Hey, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! lol
I also see things as relative to the person dealing with it. I have a close a friend [Amers] who has had tummy issues for a long time now. She deals with pain and vomiting. At times it was a daily issue for her and she dealt with it like such a trooper. She is also an Army wife and has had to deal with deployments and the fears that come with it. She also deals with parental [adult] abuse. Which after 33 years, she stood up and took charge! [Amers, if you are reading, remember…I am soooo proud of you!!] Yet, after dealing with all of this, she would always say how she felt bad for complaining to me because of what I go through. I would always tell her it is all relative to the person dealing with the issue. Like when some say, “It could be worse.” Really? This is happening to me, this is my ‘worse’! I hate when people say that! And the ones who say it, usually are the ‘healthies’. So shaddup please!! And yes it could be worse, I could lose all my abilities totally. So, again, SHADDUP!!!
Now, with that being said…if you have a cough, a cold, a touch of the flu, remember it will go away! You will be back to your normal, so try not to complain too much! OK! I’ll trade your issue with mine any day. So take your cough medicine, see your doctor and get over it! I know at the time it seems like the end, but again, it will go away. Sometimes I just wanna say, “Should I call the whaaambulance?”, “Would you like some cheese with that whine?”, “Need a Mt. BooHoo?”. I could go on, but you get the point! rofl
So, the next time you ask someone how they are doing, make sure you really want to know!
Blessings and Peace!
Making it Through the Rain 
Tracy, please don’t ever be afraid to be honest with me. I also want to say that I really admire that you see others’ (Amers) pain. We all only have one day at a time, so I want to share it with my lovely friends whenever I can! I’m glad you’re one of them. I know you do, too. Love, Deb
LikeLike
Oh MzT I love you!!!! I want you to know to, when I ask how you are doing, it’s because I really want to know the truth. I sometimes just don’t have the right words b/c no matter what it is unfair to see such a wonderful, sweet human being having to endure this. I’m so proud on how you took a stance to be an inspiration to so many others in the world and use the wonderful god-given abilities you do have. Makes me feel so blessed to call you a friend. I couldnt put it any better than the Seether & Amy Lee song…I wish I could take your pain away. (If I could I would in a heartbeat)
LikeLike
Tracy,
My Godson informed me this summer that when people ask “how are you?” or “how are you doing?” they really don’t want to know, it’s become a kind of cursory greeting, no different than “hello” or “nice day”. He informed me that people are just being polite and don’t expect a ‘real’ answer.
I’m sure it could be possible that some folks use “how are you?” in the way he does, but when I ask someone I really do want to know.
I totally agree with your response to sniffles, sore throats, coughs, etc. Those things all pass, please don’t try to compare them with what some folks go through on a daily basis, dealing with a disability that is degenerative, that will never go away or get better.
I try hard not to burden others with what I’m dealing with. I also find it only makes me feel worse if I focus/dwell on it.
Great post
LikeLike
I do not think people don’t really care, I think it is more depressing for them. Those who care for us get sad when they know we are not feeling well.
When I ask someone, I mean it wholeheartedly.
I can remember back when I was ‘healthier’ getting the flu sucked. I do understand you feel like crap, but it does go away, and I would to go back in a hot second if my biggest worry was the flu. 🙂
xoxo
LikeLike
I agree with everything you wrote. I get so tired of hearing people whine about small, everyday things. I want to say shut up and deal with it.
When people ask how I’m doing I say I’m great because I’m not dead yet! 🙂 Things could be much worse, right?
I worry about the flu because it could kill me. Getting a bad cold could end me up in the hospital where I do NOT want to be. It’s much healthier and happier at home.
During chemo week I am in bed pretty much the entire day from Tuesday until Sunday and by the following Tuesday I’m starting to see a glimmer of hope that I will feel better and that the nausea and diarrhea will have stopped and I can have enough energy to get out of bed.
So, even though I am telling you my difficulties right now, I understand that I will get better and be back to normal at some point in my life while MS will keep you down. I really feel the pain in my soul for what you live and deal with on a daily basis. I should never complain again in my life because what I’m dealing with is really no big deal at all.
You are amazing, Mz Tracy.
LikeLike
Carol darlin’ complain all you want. You have earned the right with all you go through.
My sister had 15 of 15 nodes that were cancerous, breast cancer. She is in her 5th year of remission with the doctors wondering how she lived.
She knows at any time it could come back and the next time she may not be so lucky.
That is something that would eat at me daily, not knowing.
Both of you are heros in my book!
xx
LikeLike