Happiness · RANDOM · Sarcasm · Stupid Stuff

It’s a long day in the neighborhood…

It’s been a long day. Got some supplies photographed and listed in my Etsy Supply Shop. Bills done and sorted. May not sound like much, but sitting all day in my chariot gets uncomfortable. And, sadly my Red Bull euphoria has worn off. Coming down hard! 😉

My legs are now swelling up, so cutting this short.

A lil funny for your night/day…

YUP!! All the time! lolol

Later Gators!

Family · FUCK · Health · Multiple Sclerosis · Quotes · Ramblings · RANDOM · Sarcasm

No more sugar coating it…MS suuuuucks!!

I try hard to find the humor in having MS, but honestly…NOT funny! For me, the only way to cope is to find the humor. It’s getting harder daily.

To be ‘upbeat’ about it, I do have blessings in my life. I have a hubby who stands by me, 3 fabulous teenagers [yes fabulous and teenagers in the same breath], a roof over my head, food, and the list goes on. Roger [hubby] has spoiled me: mini fridge in my room, microwave, 40″ flat screen, hospital table, MAC, iPad, iPhone, etc. My parents purchased me an awesome king size adjustable bed. So on the outside it may seem ‘all good’. Yes, what a life. I can spend my time cozy in my bed, watching my Crossing Jordan on Netflix, dozing, cuddling up with my 3 dogs, play on my MAC. Joyous, right!

But on the inside emptiness prevails. I’m alone most of the day, no way to just get up and go, have a life…a quality life. I can no longer make my jewelry as my hands drop things all the time. The stress and sadness that causes is unbearable. Yet another thing my MS has taken away from me. Sometimes I think I must have been a real bitch in a previous life! Most people would laugh and say, “In a previous life?!!” 😛

So how do I cope? Never said I do, I just keep on breathing. I’ll never cope too much has been taken from me. Being primary progressive is a slow drawn out death. When dx’ed in 1997 [finally] I have gone from a cane, AFO’s, walker, manual wc, to a power wc. The fatigue is paralyzing. And fatigue and being tired are two separate issues. Being tired, I can sleep. Being fatigued, I just lie there, empty and alone.

please no more

I’m feeling all of this right now as new issues happening yet again. I’ve tried many different meds. All of which did not help or caused other problems. Now, the Tysabri, may have to be stopped due to a rise in my liver counts. We will find out next month. Two blood test have shown a rise, if the third does, yet again, another med bites the dust. After awhile you feel like ‘why the fuck should I keep trying!’ With every new issue it feels like another part of you has died. The mourning period starts.

I know, I know, “Poor me, pour me a drink!” I wish a pity party was that simple. And trust me, the last I want or need is anyones pity!! That just pisses me off. This blogging thing is to help me get it out and down in to words. Trust me, I know I’m no writer, but it’s my blog and I can blog if I want to! HA!!! I’ve not been blogging much as my hands will not cooperate. I have Dragon Naturally speaking and am trying to figure it out. lol My problem is it won’t allow the work fuck!! You know that doesn’t work for me! 😉 Figured I’d blog to let my readers know I’m still alive and hmmm not kicking… you get the idea.

One last lil’ diddy… ‘Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.’

Off to watch more Crossing Jordan! [love me some Nigel]

Peace out peeps and peepettes!


It’s all Relative!

So, how are you? Really…

A simple question, but for me a loaded question. How do I answer this question? Truthfully, partially true, or do I lie my ass off. People mean well, but in my experience when they ask you how you are, it is only to be kind. Many do not want the ‘truth’ for the real honest truth is on many occasions, depressing. Not for me really as I live it, but for them. So, what do you say?

My usual answers are, “I’m OK”, “I’m alive”, “I’m breathing”, or “I’m good.”

On any given day I have pain, fatigue, shakes, spiders [inner tremors], migraine, weakness, incontinence, eye floaties, depression, and always the ‘walking’ issue! lol Now 90% I do not have these all at the same time. [Thank God] But there is the 10%. For me, this is just my life. So it is easier to say things are OK then, “well I am having the shakes and a migraine” or “I feel yuck, bad MS day!” I hate bringing others down, and I can hear it in their voices when I am ‘honest’ about it. I always say that losing my ability to walk wouldn’t be so bad if all the other things did not come with it. [explained above]

I miss having energy the most. The fatigue causes the depression which in turn cause stress, which in turn causes flare ups! Sometimes you just can’t win for losing. But, again, this is my reality and I am learning to deal with as best I can. Do I always deal with it well? Sometimes…not so much! rofl But we are all allowed our ‘bad’ days, aren’t we? Hey, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! lol

I also see things as relative to the person dealing with it. I have a close a friend [Amers] who has had tummy issues for a long time now. She deals with pain and vomiting. At times it was a daily issue for her and she dealt with it like such a trooper. She is also an Army wife and has had to deal with deployments and the fears that come with it. She also deals with parental [adult] abuse. Which after 33 years, she stood up and took charge! [Amers, if you are reading, remember…I am soooo proud of you!!] Yet, after dealing with all of this, she would always say how she felt bad for complaining to me because of what I go through. I would always tell her it is all relative to the person dealing with the issue. Like when some say, “It could be worse.” Really? This is happening to me, this is my ‘worse’! I hate when people say that! And the ones who say it, usually are the ‘healthies’. So shaddup please!! And yes it could be worse, I could lose all my abilities totally. So, again, SHADDUP!!!

Now, with that being said…if you have a cough, a cold, a touch of the flu, remember it will go away! You will be back to your normal, so try not to complain too much! OK! I’ll trade your issue with mine any day. So take your cough medicine, see your doctor and get over it! I know at the time it seems like the end, but again, it will go away. Sometimes I just wanna say, “Should I call the whaaambulance?”, “Would you like some cheese with that whine?”, “Need a Mt. BooHoo?”. I could go on, but you get the point! rofl

So, the next time you ask someone how they are doing, make sure you really want to know!

Blessings and Peace!