Hope · Love


It’s my 46th Birthday! Da da da da da da…you say it’s your birthday! Just another day. I’m actually 45 with 1 year experience and so on. Woo friggen hoo!

Woo hoo

So, I had called the lady who wrote the letter and she had a different person call me on Monday. She said as soon as I get all the bills I am supposed to pay to contact her and she will get me with the people who can take care of that. hmmmmm We shall see. Attorneys are still in the mix for me.

As for my birthday, it’s just another day. A cake would be nice, like a red velvet one, but hubby has so much to do I will not add that to his full plate. Shelby made me eggs, toast and bacon for breakfast before she left for school. She is an amazing cook at 13. That was a nice birthday morning. My other 2, Austin and Ashley, gave me wonderful birthday wishes. So it was very nice.

I’m getting birthday wishes all over the place and I appreciate them more than anyone knows. So thanks to all. [you know who you are]

Hoping you all have a fabulous day!

Blessings and Hope!

Fear · HELL · Multiple Sclerosis · Strength

It is TIME!!

I have been hoping that the hell hospital would actually care about how I was treated there. Not so much!! Yesterday I received a letter from their Director of patient and guest relations. A basic, “We are sorry we did not meet your expectations, the nurse has been spoken to, and in the future we hope to meet your expectations.

click on letter to enlarge

I never even spoke to this person and she didn’t seem to feel the need to contact me personally. I have not slept a full night since my time there. I cannot leave my home. I can barely exit my room. I have been living in my pj’s and sleep most days since my nights are full of bad dreams. Here is the new one from last night:


As she awakens she feels pain, her arms sensitive to the touch. She looks down and sees small blood ‘spots’ from all the IV’s that did not work. Please no more. They laugh at her from the end of her bed. Their laughter is deafening and she wants to escape. Her wheelchair is no where to be seen. She drops to the floor and tries to crawl away from them. She feels hands all over her body, pinching, blood, laughter. Their faces are hidden by shadows, she closes her eyes so not to see. Wake up she tells herself, wake up, it’s just a dream, they cannot hurt you anymore. But like monsters under your bed, they will never leave. She opens her eyes, they are gone, she falls into the darkness…

March 5, 2010


That one woke me up around 2 am. Falling back to sleep was impossible. I feel so lost.

All I asked was that they find a way for people having these types of procedures to be allowed a private area for the cleansing process. To re-train nurses for IV insertions. To take care of my part of the bill for my hellish stay. [which is not going to break their bank] Not to charge my insurance for the 1st colonoscopy that they knew would not take and the IV insertion that was not even in my vein. I was told that someone would get back to me and my concerns would be taken to the proper sources. This was on February 22, 2010. Yesterday, I assume, was my answer. A generic, Sorry.

I have left message for two Attorneys thus far. I did not want to have go here, but they leave me no choice. I guess they figure people will give up as they do not have the time, the energy, or the support. Well, I have the time, energy [maybe not], support, all kinds.

Blessings and Hope!

Fear · HELL · Multiple Sclerosis

Bring me to Life…

As I read through my Hell hospital blogs I get the chills. For some reason the thoughts, the memories will not leave my mind. I can see it all as if I am still there. Humiliation, fear, and so many more emotions. My mind goes 1000 miles a minute at bedtime and my sleep is not going so well. I know time will help to erase some of it, but how much time?

I actually, for the first time in over 3 weeks, did my hair and dressed in clothes. [real clothes, not pj’s] I was going to leave my house and go to the store for the first time since the hospital horrors. Didn’t happen. As the time drew near to go I had a panic attack. The thought of being away from my ‘safe haven’, near my tinkletorium, made me physically ill. Xanax didn’t even help. [ya know you’re in trouble when Xanax doesn’t work!] 😛

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

Still waiting for some kind of call back from the HH. Talked to them on February 22, and still waiting. How long is it going to take for them to let me know what they are going to do about this?

Is it time for the Attorney? Many are telling me, YES! Is that the only way to get them to listen, to provide quality care for their patients? Now I have some thinking to do on the matter. So, now we wait…

Blessings and Hope!