Lost and all alone…

Posted: November 7, 2011 in anger, boredom, Depression, Faith, FUCK, multiple sclerosis, Ramblings, RANDOM, sarcasm

Well, I’m still here. Not in a blogging mood lately. Hard to type and I get so jumbled that nothing comes out right. I’m just glad that I’m fantastic when it comes to ‘acting’ happy. I’m so tired of all the, ‘life is good’. ‘you are in control’, and blah blah blah. MS took away my ‘control’. Please don’t tell me it could be worse, as it is getting worse. I’m sure others hate their illness just like I hate mine. I think boredom sets in and i get depressed. Unless you live in my ‘chair’ in the prison that is my home, you cannot understand. Being trapped like a caged animal is paralyzing…

I know some of my friends know this feeling as they are in the same boat as me. I try to find the good and be upbeat. I can tell you that it takes a ton of energy to do that. I’m so tired of fighting this battle.

that be me...

 If I sound bitter, it’s because I am bitter. Life is NOT good… no always. Some of us fight struggles that no one can ever comprehend. Those are the ones that usually say ‘it could be worse’. **F bomb alert** Well fuck them. Their biggest problem is a job they hate or the sniffles. If I sound bitter, it’s because I am bitter. And as for prayers, do NOT get me started. My girl Ruby and I were told if we prayed right we would be healed!! Well hot damn, I’m on my fucking knees. I have no problem for those why want to pray for me… just don’t be surprised when it doesn’t work.

Hopefully this’tude’ will pass soon. It usually does. But, I’m not going to feel bad for being pissed, angry or bitter anymore. There are some that make me feel like I should just ‘get over it’! To you I say, ‘Let’s trade lives.’ To anyone out there dealing with chronic illness and any of these feelings, just know it IS ok to feel this way and vent. Do not let anyone make you feel bad if you do. Until they walk, err roll, a mile in my [our] chairs they can just STFU!!

Peace out!

Comments
  1. Phil says:

    Heavenly Father,
    I lift up Tracy to You today. I pray Lord for Your truth and hope to speak life to her. I pray Lord for Your Love to overflow into her life so that she may receive the joy and peace that come directly from You. Lord, as I learned in my case the downward spiral and the sadness were triggered when I held on to the wrong things. By allowing bitterness and anger to rule over me caused me to continue downward. As I remember my encounter with you and the 7×70 song on the radio, I realized that forgiveness was the key to unlocking my chains of sadness and anger. Lord, I pray for Mary today that You would intervene and encourage her today. Send people into her day that will embrace and encourage her. Your Word tells us that in this world we will have trouble, but it isn’t to harm us or hold us back, but it is to help us get refined and perfected, lacking nothing. Lord, as You intervene and speak hope and love into her life, may You Lord receive all the praise, the honor, and the glory in Jesus’ name. Amen.

    Like

  2. Ruby Cantu says:

    Vent away, I’m calling you tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!! Love ya♥

    Like

  3. Mary says:

    I sure know how venting can help, you should see me on any given day, Tracy! My pain is a bitch, and you are so right when you say, that others just don’t know. Wow, some people have opinions about how others should feel and that is not always the remedy.

    I’m here for ya!
    xxoo

    Like

  4. memphisborn says:

    No one has the right to invalidate the way you feel…they’re YOUR feelings, and if something you say offends someone in some way…well, I say eff ’em!
    You say whatever the hell you want, my friend! 😉 ❤

    Like

  5. Kathy says:

    I ❤ u 🙂
    I gotta say I have a huge problem believing that there is a "higher power" especially when we hurt so much. There's no logic to it. And if there is, he (and I have to assume its a he for obvious reasons. I mean if we're gonna be illogical 🙂 really needs to get a grip. Or let's put him in your chair!

    Like

  6. Tracy says:

    You all rock! TY for always supporting even when I’m a ‘tad’ snarky!!
    xoxoxo

    Like

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