Saw this on FB and it is how I feel most days. In my dreams I am able bodied and walking friendly. Then, I wake up. This past Friday showed me how crippled I am really am. I HATE my wheelchair but realized it is my life now. On Friday I was getting the laundry ready, turned on my WC, and nothing but blinking lights. I kept turning it off and on like a mad woman, and the same thing happened over and over again. I was completely screwed! Stuck in my room with no way to move. As the tears slowly slid down my face I looked up at whatever higher power is up there and quietly asked, WHY!? At that moment I realized how dependent I am on my WC and it is my only independence, if you can call it that. Then the anger hit and the quiet why turned to an angry why. I had no way to move myself and get from where I was. My son was in his room with his ear buds in and could not hear me cry for help. My girls were not home from school registration yet and I had no phone to call anyone. After 10 minutes or so the girls got home and unlocked my wheels so they could roll me out of where I had been trapped. This is my life, my nightmare!
So I ask… If I squeeze my eyes shut and open them again, will I finally wake up from this nightmare?
I think not…
4 thoughts on “If I squeeze my eyes shut and open them again, will I finally wake up from this nightmare?”
I think not either, and that makes me cry inside for you. Love ya my sister from another mister. Wish I lived next door, I’d have come over and waited until help arrived…or I’d have busted my already fuckered up back trying to get you out.
I wish I lived next door too, cause I would kick the crap out of that WC, gosh damn piece of shit…sorry, it just makes me so mad that you have to go through this, you don’t deserve this! Is there some way an intercom system can be set up in your house? I remember my SIL had a small system set up so she could call my nephew down whose bedroom was on the third floor, just trying to come up with an idea.
That was powerful and eloquent. So much has been taken away from you but yet your voice (on paper, you know what I mean) doesn’t just tell me what’s going on but lets me feel what your feeling…if only in the smallest way. You have such a gift. Use it. Expose the reality. The normies just might be able to get a small glimpse (and can I hope for understanding and compassion?) into the hell of living with disabilities.
I ❤ U and an mentally pushing that roller coaster up for you just as hard as I can!
I’m sorry Tracy. MS is a biatch