Posts Tagged ‘nightmare’

Saw this on FB and it is how I feel most days. In my dreams I am able bodied and walking friendly. Then, I wake up. This past Friday showed me how crippled I am really am. I HATE my wheelchair but realized it is my life now. On Friday I was getting the laundry ready, turned on my WC, and nothing but blinking lights. I kept turning it off and on like a mad woman, and the same thing happened over and over again. I was completely screwed! Stuck in my room with no way to move. As the tears slowly slid down my face I looked up at whatever higher power is up there and quietly asked, WHY!? At that moment I realized how dependent I am on my WC and it is my only independence, if you can call it that. Then the anger hit and the quiet why turned to an angry why. I had no way to move myself and get from where I was. My son was in his room with his ear buds in and could not hear me cry for help. My girls were not home from school registration yet and I had no phone to call anyone. After 10 minutes or so the girls got home and unlocked my wheels so they could roll me out of where I had been trapped. This is my life, my nightmare!

fear...

So I ask… If I squeeze my eyes shut and open them again, will I finally wake up from this nightmare?

I think not…

The darkness falling, silence, floating, light. She looks down, the dress, black lace over a blood red shell, she’s beautiful. Pale skin, jet hair, crimson nails, still floating. People, statuesque, glowing eyes. Trees, going on to nowhere. Fire, dancing. A chill runs slowly down her spine. Where is she, who is she, why is she here? She wants to run, run away, no stay. Screams in the distance, laughter, pain. Blood. What does this all mean? She closes her eyes, nightmare. The hands on the clock spin in circles faster and faster. Eyes open. A familiar picture, her bed, blood red sheets and golden blankets cover her freezing body. A dream, only a dream. A sigh, a smile. Her hands…crimson nails, pale skin. Shudders, afraid to move. Gently pulling, pulling the safety of her covers back. She rises. Looks down. The dress, black lace over a blood red shell…

© 01/10/2010

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Blessings and Hope.