Fear…

Posted: February 17, 2010 in Darkness, dreams, Fear, HELL, Hospital, nightmares
Tags: , ,

My Radiology reports are ready to be picked up from the Hospital. Roger went to get them as I cannot go near that place. I get chills even thinking about it. Is this was fear feels like? I have felt fear before for tangible, reasons but never for thoughts going through my head.

make it stop!

make it stop

My sleep is off, I wake up nightly from nightmares. WTF!! This does not happen to me. Getting to sleep is hard enough with all the thoughts running through my head. [yes, I do think occasionally] 🙂 Forget about falling back to sleep after a hospital nightmare. It is the same one here, almost nightly with small differences. So not cool!

I’m not sure what to do or where to begin anymore. My MS counselor got me on track with making a list. So, yesterday I made a list of to-dos regarding what I want done due to this terror. As I do them I am checking them off. It did help a bit to calm my mind, but then it comes back at me like a locomotive.

When diagnosed with MS it took so much from me. I fought, and fought hard to regain some of myself from it. After this horrifying experience, I feel like I am right back there again. When will it get any better? Will I ever go back to me?

Blessings and Hope!

**Update – Got all the films, but no written report that WAS asked for. REALLY!! WOW!

Comments
  1. Ruby Cantu says:

    I still have nightmares too, but they are getting less and less frequent. The thought of going back to see my doctor terrifies me….that is why I haven’t mustered the courage to book an appointment. Hugs my friend, it’ll get better.

    Like

  2. Frannie1964 says:

    I don’t know what to say to make you feel better and I am not sure what to do to make all this go away and make you be yourself again. Just know that I am always here to listen to everything you say. I am here for you. (((Hugz)))

    xxoxoxox

    Like

  3. Kat says:

    I wish I could wave a magic wand and make all your fears go away sweetie. But I have no wand, and I live so far away to hug and comfort you. So just wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze.. that’s my hug from me to you! I love you!!
    xoxo

    Like

  4. R. G. Maines says:

    I certainly didn’t experience anything like you did, but like Ruby, I avoid seeing my doctor at any and all costs. We had a very bad encounter that left me in tears, feeling completely demoralized, feeling as if I were the worst patient in the world. I left her office feeling hopeless.

    I scheduled another appointment and went back a week later, after collecting myself, and went on the attack. I called her on her incompetence and lack of compassion or interest in helping me combat my disability. We had quite an exchange there in the exam room.

    When it ended, I made up my mind that there was little she could do to help me, in regard to my weight or disability, therefore I only see her when I have bronchitis, strep throat, a cough I can’t shake, etc. General, generic stuff. She’s good at dispensing medication, but if there isn’t a ‘pill’ to address your complaint, she’s useless.

    I believe the nightmares will subside as time buffers the memories. Hugs oxoxox

    Like

  5. Kathy says:

    Would you consider that you might have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Do you have a counselor (or does the MS counselor know anything about PTSD)?

    The sooner that you get in to talk to someone the better. They are making huge strides in learning to deal with PTSD…so an expert would be best. And I’m thinking you document this well enough this should go on the hospital’s tab. They owe you.

    …just my two cents…

    Like

    • Tracy says:

      It is so hard to see myself having PTSD… but I am looking for a counselor in my area. The only problem is I do not want to leave my house!

      There’s that rock and a hard place! lol
      xx

      Like

  6. Marya1961 says:

    Ahh…those wicked nightmares!!…once you have everything in place in terms of the hospital personnel taking responsibility, you will begin to feel more at ease and the tension and fear will subside…I’ve been there too and it hurts, you want to yank someone’s head off and make them wake up, that is why you can count on all of us to help you through! XO

    Like

    • Tracy says:

      If they take responsibility. Called one of the people yesterday and still no return call. They have until tomorrow night to call me back. If not, Monday I will taking some action!

      TY for the support!!
      xoxo

      Like

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