Coping…

Posted: October 29, 2009 in family, love, mindless-thoughts
Tags: , ,

We see ourselves with these illness’. We try to come to terms with it/them. Eventually we learn to live with it. But what about our children? How do they learn to live with it, or even understand it? Should they ‘get it’ by a certain age? Should they learn to deal with it?

Yesterday was one of those dayz I was reminded, yet again, about my dis-ease! Ashley had a spaghetti dinner to go to for band. Roger had forgotten something at work and headed back home. I told him just stay home. What a waste to drive back (60 miles) again. He said ok he would. So, I told Ashley that dad was staying home. She got very excited and said that way he could drive her to the dinner. [I prefer not driving and do not drive at night anymore] When dad got home he said he had to go back as they were really busy right now. I was a bit irritated as I had told Ash he would drive her.

Well, when she got home and I told her what happened, she lost it. It was all my fault, now how could she go, she told them she was going to be there, why can’t I be like other moms, good moms drive and take their kids places, it’s my fault she never gets to go anywhere cause i’m an ms freak, etc, etc, etc. These are things I already feel about me daily. They have lost out on so many things thanks to my MS. But, it is not my fault!! I told her to call and maybe a friend’s mom could take her with them. She said NO, that is so embarrassing, no one needs to know about me being sick. blah blah blah. The girl that was going to take her was doing something else, and now thanks to me, she would miss this.

I sat there for a while, listening to her, quietly crying. I cannot imagine having a mom sick. I remember being embarrassed by my parents at times in  my teenage years. It happens. I cannot imagine how hard it is having a mom in a wheelchair. So, I let them vent, let them yell, etc. They have all had their ‘moments’ of frustration towards me. I let them get it out. Does it hurt to very core of my being? YES! But, I cannot stress over it too much or I will get myself sick, literally. So, again, I let them vent.

My anger, is towards the disease that has taken me from my family piece by piece. Now, she did get punished for this once she got it all out. Even though I understand their own frustrations, there is never a time for blatant disrespect! I think as someone with a chronic illness we have to ALWAYS remember, it affects all around us as well. That’s not to say my heart does not break, but so does theirs.

So, how do we cope and help those around us to cope? After 12+ years I should be a pro at this, but not so much!!

Blessings and Hope!!

Comments
  1. Lucinda says:

    Sorry you have to deal with experiences like this.

    Like

  2. Ruby Cantu says:

    Tracy, I’m sorry to hear this, and can I ever understand your tears…so far my kids haven’t had these outbursts, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they did. {{HUGS}}

    I don’t know how to cope with the newness of my situation, I wish there were answers, but with all families having different dynamics, what works for someone else may not work for us.

    Now I have tears for you as a mother I can understand the pain of having your kids say those words to you.

    Like

  3. Tracy says:

    They happen very rarely, but I can only imagine if my mom had been sick. It has to be hard on them as well. Why I do not ‘fight’ back if you will.

    I so wish I felt comfortable enough to drive, but I fear me legs going weak as I am driving. We are now looking into hand controls for my van. I would love to drive again, it’s part of being independent for me.

    TY for the support ladies!!
    xoxo

    Like

  4. R. G. Maines says:

    Tracy,
    I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this. I’m not sure what to say. I know that reading this, I realized some things about my own life and family and I thank you for that.

    I wrote my own blog because I didn’t think it appropriate to share my realization here.

    Thank you so much, for sharing everything that you do. You really have a way of making people think, helping them to reflect.

    Much Love & Hugs oxox

    Like

  5. Ruby Cantu says:

    Tracy it breaks my heart for you, you have been dealing with this for a long time and it doesn’t promise to get any better, I on the other hand have bounced back before..life sometimes isn’t fair, I question the “Why” of it to death, have no answers….it is frustrating among other things, I know what you feel not being able to be more involved with your kids are able to do the little things like driving…I’m sure my kids would be displaying more frustration if their brother wasn’t around. Your blog has been on my mind all day. {{{HUGS}}}

    Like

  6. Tracy says:

    No heart breaking! lol
    I am going to do a follow up on the awesome things they do too. This really is something that is not the norm.

    I think it frustrates me more seeing all the things that they miss and have missed. Dad cannot always get off work, so they have not been able to do many of the things they want to do.

    I am just so grateful I can come here and have so many for support! TY ladies!! xoxo

    Like

  7. MelissaBelle says:

    You are a good Mom and a strong person for letting your daughter vent like that. And maybe that is all it is, a vent…she knows better. Still it must have been hard to hear, we never like to see our kids upset. She loves you and if it wasn’t that to set her off any number of other things might have at some other time, unrelated to your illness. Kids are stronger than we realize, but by letting her blow off that steam I believe you help her understand the real lessons present in all families of every size and type, like “hey that’s life, kid. There is so much more good than bad in it if you let yourself see it”.

    Melissa

    Like

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