FUCK · Health · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Primary Progressive MS · Quotes · Ramblings · Sarcasm · Strength

Be the bad ass you were meant to be!

I’m telling you today is already on my nerves. I got my bladder surgery scheduled and the pre-surgery doctors appointment. I did what I was told and called to get the pre-certification for the non-emergent transport, and was told my doctor needs to call. Now a week and a half ago the Young lady at Accolade called with me on the phone and took care of this for me. I think something must have happened because today no one will help me do it. Then, this weekend I received a new bill from my August 2019 stay and while getting my papers all together I found one I’d forgotten about. Previously I was told that my responsibility would be $50.90, but these bills together are $3000 and some change. I think someone’s messing with me. Am I on candid camera? Or maybe the TV show Punked came back. I know the wizard is behind the curtain. 😂

Trust me this morning I haven’t been strong. I’ve been crying a lot because it’s so overwhelming right now. This company (Independence Blue Cross) and their people are keeping proper care from me and making everything I need that much harder. it’s been a big eye-opening experience for me. I used to think people were exaggerating when they said their health insurance wasn’t helping them etc. I mean how can your health insurance not help you when you pay for that service?! Right? It has been boldly thrown into my face that it’s all about the money and the greed of these corporations. They have the money to put me in a top-of-the-line acute neurological rehab, but they’re not going to do it because that would take away from their paychecks. I am tired, I am discouraged, I am broken, but I will not be defeated! If they’re doing this to me how many other people have they done this to? And how many of those people did not have the strength or even know what to do to get help. This is what these companies do. They prey on people like me and their rent-a-docs run our healthcare without even seeing us or meeting us. 

So, while I have had a mental breakdown this morning and am feeling myself falling into the depths of healthcare insurance hell, I will not stop! this is my life! And I really hate when my mind goes to that dark place and I pray for karma to hit each and every one of the people that are denying me the life-saving care. I don’t like being that person. I don’t want anyone to feel the depths of despair that I feel every morning I wake up and realize it’s another day trapped in this hell. I wish these people would come to my fucking home. All they would have to do is take one look at my legs and they would see how much I need their help. Oh shit, wait a minute… They DON’T FUCKING CARE! Phew… that was a close one, I almost gave them credit for being human.

I am adjusting my sails right now!! 🖤

Have courage and be kind.

Anger · Fear · Health · HELL · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · Strength

My soul is tired but my will is strong…

Yesterday was an eye-opening experience for me being out of bed really for the first time since August 18, 2019. I am in so much pain today and sleep did not come easily last night. I now understand fully and completely that in-home therapy is not gonna help me at all. I need to be in a place where they re-train my body to move again and help me deal with the pain in my hips. It’s going to be a process and it has to be hard-core. I was up all night thinking about the night I fell on October 10, 2013 and how everything led up to where I am now. I need neurological physical therapy in a facility, NOT at home. I’m going to need the proper medications for the pain and I need to learn how to move again. When I say I’m like a newborn baby, I’m not being sarcastic. I know it’s hard to believe. 😊 I am now going to make an appointment with the neurologist so he gets on board with my pain management doctor about hard-core rehab. The ambulance service comes early Friday morning to take me to my pain management doctors appointment. I’m scared to death. I was only in my chair for a couple of hours and the edema was so bad yesterday it really freaked me out. I’ve never had it that bad. I know that I’m going to be in a lying down position, but that’s how my legs were yesterday I think it was more about the upper half of my body. I don’t even know how to explain it. What I have realized is if something doesn’t happen quickly I’m seriously screwed. I don’t think it’ll ever come back. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to move right again unless something happens now. They’re hoping that I am too ill and too tired to fight. We all know it’s about money not about anybody’s health or well-being. I am tired. I am fed up. I am so close to breaking. But unfortunately for them, that’s when my strength shows up! This IS life or death for me. That’s not an overstatement! If something doesn’t change quickly I will not be here much longer. My body is breaking more and more every minute I’m trapped in this bed. Somethings got to give!! I know I know this is really in your face. But I will never back down from this because it is my life! I’ll say that again, this is my life! so now it’s time to get all my ducks in their proverbial row, get to all my doctors appointments via stretcher, and bring it! I’m seriously tired just thinking about it. Please universe give me strength!

Wait till they get a load of me! 😈

Have courage and be kind.

Anger · FUCK · Health · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Strength

Manic Monday – Insurance Saga

My lastest dealings with Independence Blue Cross was all about getting phone numbers from the representative at IBX  for non-emergent transport, PT places etc. Today I made my appointment, far in advance, for my pain management doctor. I called the non-emergent transport companies that were given to me from Independence Blue Cross. I know, redundant, here’s why… The first company I called told me they no longer take Blue Cross insurance. The second company I called said they no longer take Blue Cross insurance because they never get paid from Independence Blue Cross insurance. 😳 The third company said, you have to call the week of your appointment and then there are no guarantees that there will be availability. OK well that’s just fucking fantastic! So let’s recap; the phone numbers that I received from the representative at Independence Blue Cross were ALL dead ends. Now I could pay cash for one of them which would be $283 upfront and then $75 an hour for however long it takes for your appointment. Alrighty then I guess I’ll just pull that cash out of my ass. So tell me what the fuck is the point of having health insurance if it doesn’t help you. We pay thousands of dollars for this insurance and at this point they basically have told me to fuck off and die in my bed. I’m not even going to get into calling the physical therapy places, because talking to those people dropped my IQ many points. I just needed to know if they’ve dealt with people that have contractures things like that. Not one of them could answer the question. It was as if they were reading off a script, “All of our physical therapists are very good. They do their jobs well.” OK good for them, that’s not what I fucking asked you. 🤦🏻‍♀️

My first reaction to all of this this morning was to completely snap. But I held it together. I took deep breath’s and started uncontrollably laughing. I am so angry right now there is no way to even measure the anger that is boiling up inside of me. I know more than anyone, that it’s not good for me blah blah blah. But come the fuck on… Cut me a fucking break… Why can’t one thing work out for me like it’s supposed to. Why??!! I’ll tell you why, INCOMPETENCE!! I’m dealing with people that are reading out of a notebook that the insurance company gets them. I’m dealing with people that have no humanity. I’m dealing with people that would be happy if I just took it and died. Well I have news for you Independence Blue Cross, I’m not going anywhere in fact I’m going to be your worst fucking nightmare! This right here is the end of my rope. Please believe me when I tell you, you really have no idea what you’ve done! 

And as always, have courage and be kind! 

Anger · FUCK · Health · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Strength

Manic Monday – Insurance Saga

My lastest dealings with Independence Blue Cross was all about getting phone numbers from the representative at IBX  for non-emergent transport, PT places etc. Today I made my appointment, far in advance, for my pain management doctor. I called the non-emergent transport companies that were given to me from Independence Blue Cross. I know, redundant, here’s why… The first company I called told me they no longer take Blue Cross insurance. The second company I called said they no longer take Blue Cross insurance because they never get paid from Independence Blue Cross insurance. 😳 The third company said, you have to call the week of your appointment and then there are no guarantees that there will be availability. OK well that’s just fucking fantastic! So let’s recap; the phone numbers that I received from the representative at Independence Blue Cross were ALL dead ends. Now I could pay cash for one of them which would be $283 upfront and then $75 an hour for however long it takes for your appointment. Alrighty then I guess I’ll just pull that cash out of my ass. So tell me what the fuck is the point of having health insurance if it doesn’t help you. We pay thousands of dollars for this insurance and at this point they basically have told me to fuck off and die in my bed. I’m not even going to get into calling the physical therapy places, because talking to those people dropped my IQ many points. I just needed to know if they’ve dealt with people that have contractures things like that. Not one of them could answer the question. It was as if they were reading off a script, “All of our physical therapists are very good. They do their jobs well.” OK good for them, that’s not what I fucking asked you. 🤦🏻‍♀️

My first reaction to all of this this morning was to completely snap. But I held it together. I took deep breath’s and started uncontrollably laughing. I am so angry right now there is no way to even measure the anger that is boiling up inside of me. I know more than anyone, that it’s not good for me blah blah blah. But come the fuck on… Cut me a fucking break… Why can’t one thing work out for me like it’s supposed to. Why??!! I’ll tell you why, INCOMPETENCE!! I’m dealing with people that are reading out of a notebook that the insurance company gets them. I’m dealing with people that have no humanity. I’m dealing with people that would be happy if I just took it and died. Well I have news for you Independence Blue Cross, I’m not going anywhere in fact I’m going to be your worst fucking nightmare! This right here is the end of my rope. Please believe me when I tell you, you really have no idea what you’ve done! 

And as always, have courage and be kind! 

Anger · FUCK · Health · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Strength

Manic Monday – Insurance Saga

My lastest dealings with Independence Blue Cross was all about getting phone numbers from the representative at IBX  for non-emergent transport, PT places etc. Today I made my appointment, far in advance, for my pain management doctor. I called the non-emergent transport companies that were given to me from Independence Blue Cross. I know, redundant, here’s why… The first company I called told me they no longer take Blue Cross insurance. The second company I called said they no longer take Blue Cross insurance because they never get paid from Independence Blue Cross insurance. 😳 The third company said, you have to call the week of your appointment and then there are no guarantees that there will be availability. OK well that’s just fucking fantastic! So let’s recap; the phone numbers that I received from the representative at Independence Blue Cross were ALL dead ends. Now I could pay cash for one of them which would be $283 upfront and then $75 an hour for however long it takes for your appointment. Alrighty then I guess I’ll just pull that cash out of my ass. So tell me what the fuck is the point of having health insurance if it doesn’t help you. We pay thousands of dollars for this insurance and at this point they basically have told me to fuck off and die in my bed. I’m not even going to get into calling the physical therapy places, because talking to those people dropped my IQ many points. I just needed to know if they’ve dealt with people that have contractures things like that. Not one of them could answer the question. It was as if they were reading off a script, “All of our physical therapists are very good. They do their jobs well.” OK good for them, that’s not what I fucking asked you. 🤦🏻‍♀️

My first reaction to all of this this morning was to completely snap. But I held it together. I took deep breath’s and started uncontrollably laughing. I am so angry right now there is no way to even measure the anger that is boiling up inside of me. I know more than anyone, that it’s not good for me blah blah blah. But come the fuck on… Cut me a fucking break… Why can’t one thing work out for me like it’s supposed to. Why??!! I’ll tell you why, INCOMPETENCE!! I’m dealing with people that are reading out of a notebook that the insurance company gets them. I’m dealing with people that have no humanity. I’m dealing with people that would be happy if I just took it and died. Well I have news for you Independence Blue Cross, I’m not going anywhere in fact I’m going to be your worst fucking nightmare! This right here is the end of my rope. Please believe me when I tell you, you really have no idea what you’ve done! 

And as always, have courage and be kind! 

Health · HELL · PAIN

Hell Hospital pt.1

January 29 – February 4 – Antelope Valley Hospital, Lancaster California. Second Floor East.

This will be a series of blogs as so much happened that I am still trying to process my thoughts. I am lost and trying to find my way back. NO ONE should ever be treated with the dis-respect and outright disdain when they are at their worst. I have good, private insurance and[+] medicare, and was treated like cattle. Even without good insurance or any insurance, NO ONE should be treated this way. I was humiliated and I am here to share my story and NEVER let this happen here [AV Hospital] again.

This may have some TMI moments, but in order to help someone without a voice I will let my vulnerabilities show.

***********************************

Per the National Guidelines for medical care – IV Insertion:
No more than two attempts at cannulation per nurse per patient should be done to avoid unnecessary trauma to the patient (Fischer, Knob, & Durivage, 1997; INS, 2000).
All medical personnel, nurses, etc, need to adhere to this guideline by law.

I was ‘poked’ in order to put in a line 12 times. The veins on my hands were fine. But after shoving the line in, pulling out a tad, adjusting, shoving in a different spot, my veins blew. The same thing was done to my left hand next by the same nurse. I count these as 4 times. [2 each hand] She decided to wait for the next shift. REALLY!! Already going into my 4 hour awaiting my treatment for pain. None as of yet. In to the 5th hour a couple more nurses came to see if they could get a line going. Seems my veins are not the best due to medications etc. They tied off my arm about 5 or 6 more times [talk about pain] Tried to get into vein 2 more times, no go. Time to bring in the ultrasound to find a vein.

3 days later

7 days later

They bring in the ultrasound, find a vein on my left bicep and get in a line. I have now been admitted and this hell hole for over 6 hours and finally getting my pain meds. A couple hours later had to go to the bathroom. I cannot use a walker, wheel the iv line and walk, so she unhooked the iv line for the time it took to pee. When she hooked me back up to the line, the vein was gone. My body went cold and I cried. The pain getting this one in was so intense and I was not sure I could do it again. I had heard mention of a pick [?] line, but no one did this. The CN [charge nurse, I think] came in and checked around. After a few, stop the blood flow to the rest of my body tie offs…she found one in my right forearm. OMFG, it was in, it was working, and all was good. Or so I thought…

The next couple of days were fine, IV wise…but somehow I knew it was too good to be true.

Tuesday night…the iv seemed to be leaking when my pain meds went in. Sure enough. So, the RN came in, un-taped it, slid it back in the same spot further, and re-taped! Hmmmm, seemed to work…for an hour or so. The pain and the itch became quite unbearable and my arm had swollen up and became very red. After 2 button pushes for a nurse, one came in and removed this IV. It was now bad. Fear took me over and another chill set in. WHAT THE F*#* NOW!!

The day after…ouch

After a couple more, please just cut my arm off elastic tie offs, no veins found. So, why not get use the ultrasound again?? No answer. An incompetent, cocky lil know it all nurse comes in and acts all cool like. ‘oh, look at me I found a vein!’ She sticks me in what she calls a ‘juicy’ vein in the crook of my right arm. UM NOPE, not in a vein. I do not care that you THINK blood was flowing, not a vein. She flushed it and the pain was as if someone put my arm into a fire. Mind you, this is just below where the other bad line was removed. She tells me it is fine and leaves. They come and give me pain meds and again it was fire and no pain relief. IT WAS NOT IN THE VEIN!!!! First clue you incompetent baffoon…PAIN PAIN PAIN. They never hooked me back up to any fluids, only gave me pain meds…that obviously were going into my arm someone other than a vein.

After a night of Hell and arm pain, I was taken to the GI LAB for my colonoscopy…

GUESS F*#*ing what… the IV WAS NOT IN MY VEIN!!! This according to the nurses and techs in the GI lab!! HELLO!!!!!!!! [sidenote; GI lab was full of professional caring people, the only light in my week of hell]

As the nurse went to add fluids to get my IV going, I started shaking uncontrollably, chills took over and tears flew. I could not control my body. The pain was immense. This was how she found that the IV was not done properly. NOT IN THE VEIN!! She immediately removed it. Now, what do we do?

By now, I just want to go home. I have no more veins, I cannot handle anymore pain, please just let me go home.

please no more

The only place left are my legs/feet. A male tech first tried my left upper foot. OMFG, the pain…WOW!!! No go..

Right foot!! SUCCESS!! Not without pain though. But it was in and it was working well. Sadly, the colonoscopy did not go well so a redo was set up for the next morning. [stay tuned! lol]

The nurses on my floor were not too happy with my new IV, BUMMER!!

niiiiice!!

See what a great job floor 2 did a gr8 job giving me pain meds in my foot IV, this was fun!!! But, this was after I was left sitting on a commode for 3 hours!!!!

**to be continued

As always…

Blessings and hope!