Fear · Health · Medical · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings

Am I alive or do I just exist?!

Remember these from July 2019. My wonderful bladder stones thanks to my wonderful urostomy. So I was supposed to get this taken care of back in August 2019. Didn’t happen because that’s when I had to go to the hospital because I thought I broke in my hips and my back when I was trying to get in to rehab. Thanks to Independence Blue Cross not allowing me rehab I was unable to get out of my bed so we kept rescheduling. Now with the virus I was rescheduled twice, and today they called to tell me it had to be pushed back to May 26. But it’s really only a tentative date because it may change again. So basically I’m filling up with so much bacteria and that’s probably why I feel a little clammy and not well at times. I try to do everything right but nothing ever goes right. Possibly because I am left-handed. 😂😂 I’m joking… Or am I. 🤔

I am trying to find the humor in all of this because that’s the only way I survive. But man, it’s getting harder and harder to laugh. I know I know, I should be glad because I’m alive. Am I alive or do I just exist. You’ll be the judge. 🤷🏻‍♀️😕

Twins

There’s an alien in my bladder

I’m wondering how many more are in there now. 😳

Have courage and be kind.

Anger · FUCK · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings

MS Awareness Month day 22

There really are not enough. I’m in a pretty dark place right now I’ve never been afraid of not being able to get out of it. But my problems at this time start with MS and of course that disgusting corporation Independence Blue Cross. I am very angry right now… SOOO angry. They are literally killing me right now by not allowing me the medical necessity rehab and the ability to get to my doctors. How do you people that are bedridden get to their doctors. I know, they go broke trying to pay for it on their own, Because Independence Blue Cross won’t. I’ve barely able to wake up the past few days because the fatigue from the stress and the depression is taking over right now. Fuck Independence Blue Cross fuck, the people that work for them that deny life-saving care just a big fuck you! I really hope Karma finds every last one of you and does her thing. Because you truly deserve what’s coming to you. I’m sorry but to work for a corporation where consciously know that you will be denying people life-saving care, you already have something fucked up in your make up. Because I know I could never work in a place like that, so yes, you’re already fucked up in the head. So sorry if this hurt anyone’s feelings… bahahaha no I’m not! I only speak the truth.

I’m sorry it’s a little dark today, but I can barely keep my eyes open and when they do open the tears just stream down my face. I’m angry and I’m broken and no one gives a fuck.

But no matter how I feel always, have courage and be kind. 🖤