Category: Strength

Health · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Primary Progressive MS · Quotes · Ramblings · Strength

The human body truly is an amazing thing.

Tracy3 Comments

While I await more rehab through my insurance, I am having a private Physical Therapy. It really sucks when you have to pay for some thing out of your pocket to keep it going when you pay thousands to have healthcare insurance. I’m hoping this will be taken care of within the next couple weeks and my insurance will pick it back up. I knew I could not stop for the little bits that I’ve gained would be lost. I’m very thankful to my stepmom or as I call her, mom, for taking care of private sessions for me.

I really believe that I will be able to get back into my Hoyer lift and into my chair within the month of July. I’m realizing there are some medical issues I will have to get taken care of as well. Both of my knees have frontal torn meniscus’s. This causes some serious pain when bending my knees. But we are taking it slowly and the pain is lessening. I should’ve had these problems fixed years ago, but they would not fix the issue that caused the problems. My doctor told me insurance would not cover it because of my illness and the fact that I spent a lot of time in a wheelchair. So basically every couple years I would just have to get these surgeries to put a Band-Aid on the issue. I had already had one surgery to fix the issue and now I was going to need another one… That’s another story for another blog.

My body lets my physical therapist know when it’s had enough. My leg will literally stop any movement. If that makes any sense at all. It truly is amazing how the human body works to protects itself. I am learning the saying, move it or lose it, is so very true. I’m doing everything I can on my own to move my legs as much as I can, and my husband is also trying to help as much as possible. He has his own back issues and it causes him a lot of pain helping me. So it’s a lot of moaning and groaning going on as he moves me around. Old people problems. 😜

Patience is something that I have to work on. It really isn’t one of my virtues. I am learning and I know that it took 6 1/2 years to get to this place so it’s not going to be fixed overnight. This time I will not give up. This time I will not give in. This time I will fight for my life!

Have courage and be kind. 

Health · PAIN · Primary Progressive MS · Quotes · Ramblings · Strength

Oh the pain… the pain!

Tracy8 Comments

I had my FaceTime neurologist appointment and PT yesterday. Both went well. But… I am paying for the PT today. 😳

I so hope this is true for me. We actually got my right leg into a 90° angle. That was crazy. My left side, not so much. Today Roger (hubby) rolled blankets to keep my knees and legs a little more normal. It hurts quite a bit, but no pain no gain! Thank the universe for cannabis. 😏

Stretching everything is going to be a painful process, but the outcome will be phenomenal! Now here is the shitty part… No more visits per Independence Blue Cross. 🙄 I have to call Monday and get the pain management doctor to call in more visits. WTF!!! My concern is all the work we have accomplished last week will fade away waiting for Insurance to allow me more visits. I really don’t understand how they have the right to run my healthcare. It’s mind boggling. The worst part is that it will start all over. What that means is, I will have to have an admission visit again, then an evaluation visit again, and then the PT visits start. What a fucking racket. All the while people like me are screwed. I just keep telling myself to keep breathing. This will work out, we will find a way. Sadly this just proves to me why people do give up. We have to jump through so many hoops, it weakens our soul.

^^^ I say this, I just wish I could truly believe it.

Have courage and be kind. 

Happiness · Health · Medical · mental health · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · Strength

The light at the end of the tunnel perhaps…

Tracy6 Comments

I had my first in-home physical therapy appointment today. I’m almost afraid to be as happy as I am about it. Muscles were moved today that haven’t been moved for 6+ years. My right leg knee hip ankle, yeah the whole thing 😜 after a few minutes, didn’t hurt as badly. The left leg, on the pain scale a 10. He was almost afraid that my hip was out of the socket. Thankfully it’s not. I realized how the body protects itself today when at a certain point my leg went tight. It basically said, no more! Some of the problem is the knee. I have a frontal torn meniscus and wow!  It’s something that was never taken care of because it was the second time it happened. That’s a whole other story. A good thing is he is going to let them know what I need for my legs. Starting with a knee brace for my left knee. He was so helpful and even did the breathing with me. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but a couple times I thought my leg was going to snap.

He will be coming back Friday. The problem I may run into is, of course, Independence Blue Cross. At this point I have four visits. Technically the first nurse visit to fill out the paperwork, and the PT visit just to assess my situation, along with the last visit when they sign you out of rehab whatever, and the visit today, that’s already four visits. 😳 Now that he knows the range of motion and what it’s going to take to help me, I should get more visits. I think I’m going to have to send an email to Jason at Independence Blue Cross. * I know there are many run-on sentences. I’m a little medicated as the pain right now is pretty high. Kind of like me. 😏

After PT I actually felt positive. That is kind of a strange feeling for me. I am going to go with it and see where it takes me. I just hope that Independence Blue Cross will allow me enough visits. I am definitely going to need a month or two since it’s only a couple times a week. If we can get everything stretched out then I’ll be able to get back in my wheelchair. Right now, that’s really all I’m pushing for. Once that happens, I can possibly get Physical Therapy to help me be able to transfer on my own. It could happen…

Have courage and be kind.

Health · Medical · mental health · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Strength

We all need a little help sometimes.

Tracy4 Comments

Tomorrow at 9 AM I have my first Zoom counseling appointment. I was getting concerned because ComPsych kept calling and telling me they hadn’t been able to find someone. This morning that changed. I’m a little nervous but I think it’s going to be a very good thing for me. We need to let people know that getting help is nothing to be ashamed of.

It truly is OK to ask for help! And please, if you or someone you know is in crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Have courage and be kind! 



Family · Loss · Love · Multiple Sclerosis · Primary Progressive MS · Ramblings · Sadness · Strength

In Memory – Will Herberts

Tracy6 Comments

Will was one of those people that you just wanted to have as your friend. No matter how awful his multiple sclerosis was treating him, he smiled. He always had a smile for everyone and a motivational word or two. His passing left so many of us in tears. We were just becoming good friends when he went on his next adventure. When people say multiple sclerosis doesn’t kill you, they are wrong. If he did not suffer from MS he would not gotten the infection that landed him in a nursing home.  He would not have become septic, and he sure as hell wouldn’t have ended up with bedsores. He did die directly from his multiple sclerosis.  I think the part that is hard for many of us is that while in the nursing home he suffered from bedsores. That is something that should not happen when you’re under 24/7 care. 😢

The best thing about him is he always smile no matter how bad he was feeling. He always had a kind word for everyone that he met. he definitely was “Wicked Smaht”!! The world lost an amazing person the day he died. What I loved about him the most is that he never had an unkind word to say about anyone. He was just always there when you needed him. Thank you so much Will for being you. You touched so many lives and we miss you so! You truly were an MS Warrior! I know wherever you are you’re making everyone laugh and feel better. Love you! 😘

Just look at his smile! That is who he was!

Have courage and be kind.