In with a bang, out with a whimper…

April 7, 2010 Tracy17 Comments

This the story of my shower from http://premier-bathrooms.com/showers/

Yes, that is the prices of these fabulous showers. So, this is probably why they do not give you any kind of estimate over the phone. Most people would probably hang up, and quickly. Now, this does include any unforseeable issues like bad green-board and clean-up etc. But, what if there are no unforeseeable issues? Same price? Guess so. But wait, you can finance. So, let’s pay triple the amount for a shower. Woot woot. Shit no, sorry. It’s a shower for fuck’s sake and not even gold lined. Now maybe if it came with a hot towel boy…

So, my question, how the hell do people, crippled people and the elderly pay for these ‘high end’ showers. They most likely get ripped off and have to finance. Not many people have this kind of cash to just hand over.

Oh, but wait! If we ordered and signed within that day, 1,000.00 would be taken off. Well holy shit and slap my ass, then let’s do it!! NOT!!

So, needless to say, I was bummed. I cried for a bit, then got pissed at the highway robbery going on here. At 5pm, I took a Xanaflex and went to bed.

Now on to plan B. If that does not work then plan C, D, E etc. Whatever it takes.

We are going to go to Lowe’s and check out the shower enclosures. If we can find one without a seat or built in shelving in the back, we can get one like that. Then I found an awesome fold up teak handicapped shower chair that we can have installed along with some bars to help me in and out of the shower. Then get a new dual shower head with bar for the hand-held shower head that can slide up and down. It will not be as high tech, etc as the Premier Showers, but it will be just as good at a fraction of the cost.

So, my shower story continues. It will happen, just may take a bit longer than I want.

Life is good!

Blessings and Hope!

The Padded Room – Unlocked and Unplugged!

April 2, 2010April 2, 2010 Tracy5 Comments

WE DID IT!! Through our nerves and medications and everything!

For an amazing blog on our debut show please click on the link below:

Ruby Cantu on WordPress

For more info on our amazing guest. Click on the link below:

Lucinda Wormsbaker – The Light Fandango Candle Company

Right now, when you purchase the Orange, Multiple Sclerosis Compassionate Candles, 2.00 from every purchase goes to my MS Walk 2010. So, please drop by Lu’s site and check it out!

A huge TY goes out to the whole team at RLRN and to Laurie Zieber, the founder and all around fabulous lady!

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Our next show, April 8th will be focusing on Lupus. Our guest will be the Fabulous Tina Sickinger! She is an amazing woman who struggles with Lupus every day of her life and survives. She is full of hope and fights this monster Lupus with the help of friends and her amazing family! We hope you will join us for our show on the Real Life Radio Network in The Padded Room- Unlocked and Unplugged, on April 8th.

PhotoFunia-4cd8f5 — The Ladies of the Padded Room

In any struggle, there is always HOPE! Join us!

Blessings and Hope!

Craziness · Family · Health · HELL · Hope · Multiple Sclerosis · Ramblings · RANDOM · Sarcasm · Strength

Making it Through the Rain…

March 14, 2010 Tracy17 Comments

This blog is my blog. It is for me to share my life with my friends and my family and anyone who has an interest. It is to tell the stories of a crazy lady living with MS…moi!

When all the crap happened to me at the hospital I used it, MY blog, to reach out to my readers for support through a time that encompassed my world in a not so good way. I never wanted nor asked for your sympathy or pity. That’s not what I want. I needed…NEEDED support and friendship. That is why I shared my experience with you all.

This past year I have progressed more than any year previous, but still found the humor and tried to always add something in my blogs for a giggle. Even in my Hell Hospital blogs I tried to add humor.

During my stay in the big house, I was informed that I have acquired 3 new active lesions on my spine. With all the hospital terror and the issues of late, I put that aside and put it to the back of my mind. I am terrified of what these lesions could mean. No one can really give me a definitive answer. Is this the reason I can no longer use my walker and rely on my wheel-chariot now more than ever? Am I on my way to total paralysis? Again, no one knows. But either way I will deal with it as it comes. My inner spirit is strong.

There may be days I will be down, happens when you have a chronic illness that takes from you every day. But, as I have said before, NEVER confuse my tears or sadness for weakness as you will be wrong. I am strong in mind, heart, and soul. I do make it through the rain EVERY day of my life. I do this with the help of my family and my friends that accept me for who I am and not what they want me to be.

I was told I look for sympathy and feel sorry for me cards [whatever the fuck that meant]. In this case this was one of the ‘the pot totally calling the kettle black’ things. Sympathy and the feel sorry me BS is something I have no time for.

This is a blog about a woman who lives with Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. Of course there will be blogs that might be a tad depressing. DUH!!! But, you will always find HOPE in my writings. I end every blog with ‘Blessings and Hope’! Why, because there always is Hope!!

I am only me, and will no longer apologize for that! No one should ever apologize for being who they are.

So, here it is, take me as I am and I will do the same for you. If you feel I have wronged you, talk to me, come to me and I will show you the same courtesy. I am not a liar as I have no reason to lie. I am not a manipulative person, but have found that many have tried to manipulate me. Do not do it again!!

I will now be back to my former sarcastic, a bit crazy, mentoring blogging in hopes that maybe I can help someone in a similar situation. Maybe we can help each other. And btw, I do still make some wicked tasty lemonade from the lemons life has given me.

Thank you for being here and reading me. As new details arise regarding the hell hospital situation, I will update. [if you do not want to read em, then move the fuck on] 🙂

And, as always…

Blessings and Hope!!

Fear · HELL · Multiple Sclerosis · Strength

It is TIME!!

March 5, 2010March 5, 2010 Tracy8 Comments

I have been hoping that the hell hospital would actually care about how I was treated there. Not so much!! Yesterday I received a letter from their Director of patient and guest relations. A basic, “We are sorry we did not meet your expectations, the nurse has been spoken to, and in the future we hope to meet your expectations.

av hell hospital — click on letter to enlarge

I never even spoke to this person and she didn’t seem to feel the need to contact me personally. I have not slept a full night since my time there. I cannot leave my home. I can barely exit my room. I have been living in my pj’s and sleep most days since my nights are full of bad dreams. Here is the new one from last night:

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As she awakens she feels pain, her arms sensitive to the touch. She looks down and sees small blood ‘spots’ from all the IV’s that did not work. Please no more. They laugh at her from the end of her bed. Their laughter is deafening and she wants to escape. Her wheelchair is no where to be seen. She drops to the floor and tries to crawl away from them. She feels hands all over her body, pinching, blood, laughter. Their faces are hidden by shadows, she closes her eyes so not to see. Wake up she tells herself, wake up, it’s just a dream, they cannot hurt you anymore. But like monsters under your bed, they will never leave. She opens her eyes, they are gone, she falls into the darkness…

March 5, 2010

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That one woke me up around 2 am. Falling back to sleep was impossible. I feel so lost.

All I asked was that they find a way for people having these types of procedures to be allowed a private area for the cleansing process. To re-train nurses for IV insertions. To take care of my part of the bill for my hellish stay. [which is not going to break their bank] Not to charge my insurance for the 1st colonoscopy that they knew would not take and the IV insertion that was not even in my vein. I was told that someone would get back to me and my concerns would be taken to the proper sources. This was on February 22, 2010. Yesterday, I assume, was my answer. A generic, Sorry.

I have left message for two Attorneys thus far. I did not want to have go here, but they leave me no choice. I guess they figure people will give up as they do not have the time, the energy, or the support. Well, I have the time, energy [maybe not], support, all kinds.

Blessings and Hope!

Health · HELL · Multiple Sclerosis · PAIN · Strength

Hell Hospital – Part 5 going home…

February 15, 2010February 15, 2010 Tracy14 Comments

January 29 – February 4 – Antelope Valley Hospital, Lancaster California. Second Floor East.

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Once back and settled in the nurse came into her room and said she was discharged. Her last meds were an anti-D, tummy pill, and a uti pill. Since she was discharged, no more for pain. And she was in some pain. The nurse tech, K, brought her some jello. [had not eaten much in 3 days and was starving] She had asked for, at least, a soft meal before she had to leave. Finally a meal, a regular meal, was brought to her. She had a few bites, but it was making her a tad ill. What part of soft meal did they not get? Bottom line, she was discharged so they could give a shite. After a mix up over a facet block she had thought they were going to do for her degenerative disc disorder, she just wanted out of there and fast!!

Her hubby had to go back home and get their van and her WC. Once he got back, he packed her up and got her into the WC. They said it would be a few before someone could take her out. ROFL!! NO NEED, I have my own chair and am out of here!! Her hubby could not roll her out fast enough.

When she got home she fell into her bed asleep for 6 hours. Upon awakening she had chills, skin crawls, and fear. Withdrawals from 6 days of Dilaudid IV injections every three hours and no weaning down, just sending home. It only takes 3 days to cause this and she was on it for 6. She wanted, needed more. She had Dilaudid pills so she took one along with a Xanax to calm her nerves. After some research on her hubbies part, he found out that Valium is used to help withdrawal sxs from this type of medication issue. In her case, she was lucky. Due to her MS she had Valium to help her sleep when needed. She took it from Thursday night until Monday morning for the withdrawals to finally subside.

Her issue is this, what about those that do not know this or have help for it? Even with the Valium it was a very scary feeling. How can a hospital, any hospital send people home without weaning medications down?? Irresponsible.

But that part of her nightmare was over, she was out of Hell Hospital, through the withdrawals, and home with the people who love her. She felt lucky, but what about those who do not have the support? What do they do? Who helps them through?

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This is the reason for these blogs. I will not back down and they will have to make changes.

I have spoken to the hospital representative and the head of nursing. I’m not sure what they think. They have not contacted me to let me know if anything is being done. I WILL be contacting them back as this is not going to go away. De-humanization, incompetence, and straight out uncaring service should never be tolerated. If I have to talk to the Head of the hospital, I will. If They need me to come in because S says it is not true, I will come in and face her with the truth. I am not under medication anymore, I am still having issues in my heart with the treatment I received, but I will face anyone who says it is not true. The truth WILL prevail.

I am finding me way back day by day. Will I ever be the same ‘me’ again, no. Being de-humanized takes part of your soul from you. Does this make me a weak person? NEVER! I will be strong with the truth and will do anything I need to do to stop this treatment. I will take this all the way.

I just want the ‘nightmares’ to stop…

Blessings and Hope!

***NOTE – my Dilaudid pills have been crushed and put into used coffee grounds to soak the med out and thrown away. After taking the one at home, I wanted them gone!