This is tough for me. I can see myself sitting up and moving around my room. When I see myself, I still see the kid that I once was. I have cried so many silent tears for all that I’ve lost.￼￼ Believe me, I have tried to move forward and truly accept my new normal.￼ It sounds easy enough, but it’s so very hard. I think the boredom gets to me after a while. It’s almost seasonal in a way. It feels like every three months or so I fall into a depression. I’m trying to recognize the signs of my downward spiral(s).
I constantly fight with everything that I feel I should have done when I fell in 2013. Why didn’t I scream at them for rehab, why didn’t I try harder, etc.?￼ I’m learning to forgive myself for that. There was nothing I could’ve done as I’d never been in that situation before. My doctors dropped the ball. I’m trying to let go of the anger.
I’m going to discuss this with my therapist on Thursday. I think it’s something that has been festering for so long. I have to get it out. I feel like I’m all over the place right now, so I will end here. 🖤￼￼￼
#LettingGo #ChronicIllness #PrimaryProgressiveMS #TheBedRiddenLife
Have courage and be kind.￼￼