Surgery, June 10, 2014
****WARNING graphic photos below****
I did not come out of the dark until June 26. Sixteen days of what they call ICU Psychosis. Sixteen days lost to me. To everyone around me I was awake. For me, I was in a dream, not knowing where I was.
Backtrack… The surgery was to help me get some semblance of life back. To be able to go out more and to help those taking care of me. It did not go as planned. All seemed well when they finished and stapled my tummy back together. Sadly they soon knew there was a problem. I’m no doctor so this is in layman’s terms. The stoma was not producing and I was filling up with bacteria. After a week of excruciating pain and testing, of which I have no memory, they realized I needed emergency surgery as my white blood count shot up over night and they new right away I had a serious infection.
Once the un-stapled me they realized they had to stop the colostomy and re-route everything by ileostomy. Sadly the area was highly inflamed and the wound needed to be opened more. So, now, I have a large open stomach wound which will take some months to close.
***GRAPHIC PHOTO***
At this time I have to have a wound vac done twice a week. Sorry, but it’s fucking painful every time.
After wound vac is placed:
Basically once it’s covered, it vacuums out any type of infection, and helps the wound the slowly close back up. Mostly I’m bummed because I might lose my cute belly button. Kind of sucks. ;-P
At this time it has closed up over 6cm in a short time. My surgeon says I’m the strongest person she has ever met. That even when it got really bad and they the I might go septic, my body fought hard and won.
Honestly, I don’t feel strong right now. The nausea is awful, it’s hard to sleep, and I’m in constant pain… but I will NOT give up now. I’m looking forward to the day they can hook me all back up.
My biggest issue is the anxiety from all of this. It’s a fight not to just break down in tears. But crying makes it hard to breathe and I have to be careful. Sneezing is a bitch as is coughing. But, again, this too shall pass.
I’m thankful to be home. Sadly the second day I got home my house flooded…
Go figure! 😛
Peace
Making it Through the Rain 
Oh, Tracy I can only keep praying. Words other than that will just seem hollow…except that I know your family is so glad you’re home! ❤
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I’m so very glad to be home. And it really was a blessing that I lost those days because I’m not sure I could’ve handled it if I’ve been awake through them. Love to you
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Always here for you, dear lovely one! ❤ ❤ ❤
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Thank you Mary I know I can always count on you. I just may be giving you a call one day soon. Love you
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Really love you Tracy!!! You’re such a wonderful person and you’re so brave. Putting a face on this terrible disease/disorder isn’t for the faint of heart. Please keep us all updated on your progress. Know that you have the love of your family and friends.
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I’ll definitely keep you posted. I just hope it starts to heal faster and faster so I can maybe get on with my life. Love you
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What an incredible horrible time you have had dear one. So difficult to understand. You are truly beyond brave. I am lost for words and that does not happen to me very often.
Miss your lovely face. Please send me privately both your address and telephone number. xxxxxxx
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When It gets really bad I go back to the yoga breathing that you taught me. You have no idea how it helps.
xo
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Hey girl it is nice for you too be home..I just wanted to let you know that i love ya alot we have been together for a long time girl you are the strongest person i know and i understand when you have anxiety you don’t want to talk i understand that but you are my family…..I know that you have a great husband and children i mean adults and you done a great job ..If ya need my help I RIGHT THERE for ya you mean alot to me so kick some ass and get better love grandmanett and grandpa too……
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You have enough on your plate I’m doing better I’m okay. I have my good days and my bad days I just hopethe good days come more often then the bad. Love you guys
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Damn girl!!!!!!!! I had no idea that is what you went in for and holy shit what an outcome! You will overcome…that is just who you are. We are all proud as hell of you and yet sorry for the misery you have to endure. Love you girl!
Did you know Rick had a bag for 7 months? When he gets an allergic reaction to shrimp, his old stoma scar gets the hives.
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Yeah it hasn’t been fun. I’m going to be stuck with this for the rest of my life but hopefully they will heal properly and I’ll be back at least in my chair again. XO
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Much love to you Tracy. I haven’t been on this WP account much, so I’m late seeing this. I hope, by now, you’re doing much, much better.
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thanks, not so much better… but trying!
xoxo
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You are a strong woman Tracy. By now I would have givin up. I don’t know how you do it, honestly I don’t know. I wish a miracle would come your way and make all your pain disappear so you can get a good night sleep and just sit up and walk. I’m sorry you are going thru this. I feel bad complaining about a headache. I send you many hugs and many prayers. 🙏🙏🙏🙏 love you Tracy xoxo
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You would be able to do it as well. I think when you have to your body goes into some strange overdrive and gives you a strength that you really don’t know you have. Most of the time I don’t feel very strong so I vent it out, as you know, 😏and that really helps. It also helps that I have people like you supporting me. I would never get through any of it without you! I love you 😘💕
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