So, another ‘Sleepless in California’ night going on here. At least no snoring issue! Poor hubby is in sofa city tonight. Thankfully, for him, it is a nice pullout bed with a nice mattress pad thingie. He can snore until the cows come home without fear of waking up with a headache! I actually have my room and my bed all to myself too. Usually when dad is in sofa city one of the girls come on in and bunk with the mom. They worry about mommy being all alone. [not knowing mommy loves to be alone…sometimes] I’m watching “Bride Wars’, playing in FB and blogging. Does it get any better than this, I think not! I was going to watch ‘Silence of the Lambs’, but figured maybe not when I am all alone! lol That movie freaks me out.

Chance [Border Collie] is sleeping on the bed right next to me and Sadie is on her bed on the floor. Dexter is in with the girls, so all is quiet on the western front.  Every now and then I hear Austin yell at his computer game. This is how I know he is here and alive. 😛

As I watch the movie [Bride Wars], I feel sad. I see such an amazing friendship and cry for one like that. I know it’s a movie, but I have heard others talk about their BFF’s and I feel detached  from it. I mean, I feel very close to a select few of my friends, but wish we all were closer to create the bonds of those who have grown up together and live near one another. I am probably not making much sense here. Shoot, I do not even know what I mean. Here I go, rambling yet again.

I mentioned in a blog before that I tend to write what I’m thinking and how I am thinking it. So, many times my thoughts are out-of-order and all over the place. If you can understand me, then you might be a bit nutty like me. lol Or like the song says; ‘I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell’. I have all these ideas and thoughts that pop in my head, but most of the time they make no sense whatsoever. They must be medication induced or something. I know some of my dreams [when I actually sleep] are. lol I just cannot pinpoint why I am all over the place lately. Usually I can focus on things. Now, not so much.

I truly hate leaving my home. Kind of scares me as at home I am safe and in control. When I go out, I am at the mercy of others and my wheel-chariot.  Others for help in reaching items on high shelves, my WC if the power dies. Others drive my van with me in it, as even though I am still able to drive, I prefer not to. I have this nagging fear in the back of my head that all of a sudden my right leg will go, like me left, and I will not be able to brake or accelerate. That has not really ever happened before, but the fear is there. And it is terrifying.

I keep having one dream that is the same. Maybe why I am having a hard time sleeping. I dream that I wake up and am completely paralyzed. Like the woman with MS that Dr. Kevorkian helped. So, ya, that might why I am having trouble sleeping. Hmmmm, think I’m on to something. I know that progression is in my future. The rate of progression is not known, and I am praying it is a slow(er) progression. Oh shit blah blah blah.

So, my train of thought has left the station.  Peace out!

Blessings and Hope…