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The Strength Inside – part I

I truly believed that my life was only my MS. I was no longer Tracy, my new name was MS. For years I was told that with my type, Primary Progressive, that there was nothing I could do. I would slowly progress and there was nothing that would stop it. For some reason I actually believed the people that told me that, hell they were doctors. Basically, I gave up. On January 30th, someone I loved very much, passed away. I don’t remember much after that until February 16th when I came to a crossroads. During those 2 weeks I lost the use of my left arm, and most of my right. I had told my family that when my arms went, I’m going too. So on that night, with the only hand that was working, I opened a bottle of my pills, and was ready to go be with my beautiful friend, Carolyn Baker. Then something amazing happened. You see normally my dogs sleep with me. That evening none were in my room. At the moment the bottle touched my lips my beautiful girl, Soloh, jumped on the bed came to me and snuggled. I could hear Carolyn’s voice telling me to STOP, that I’m strong, and to get the HELL up and get some damn help!! I knew it was Carolyn that sent Soloh to me at that moment. She loved my lil’ PitMix. I looked up, and smiled through tears, and put the top back on the bottle and set them down, and said ‘ok, girl…I hear you’! I called to my husband to take me to the hospital. He said we could wait until the next day. (Note: My MS has tried to break my family. There is much anger because of it.) At the time, my urine was very very dark almost black. I knew I had an infection for at least 3 weeks by then. So that’s why my husband thought I wanted to go to the hospital. I didn’t fill him in on the real reason…yet. I told him, “okay” and I found an ambulance that took our insurance, and called. About 5 minutes later there was a knock on the door and my husband came in and asked me if I called an ambulance. I laughed and said, “yes”. He smiled and let them in…


In this moment, my life has been changed forever…

My arms are getting tired, part 2 will be up tomorrow. Please stayed tuned. And, miracles really do happen.

Have Courage, and Be Kind


The Unknown Angels

5E2EAABF-5862-4E31-9F9D-617CA1D9A3C9Once upon a time there was a girl who got tickets to go to the Soap Opera Digest awards at The Universal Amphitheater. She invited her other mother, her sister, and her babies nanny. She was so excited as at the time Days of Our Lives was and had been her show for some 20 years. She even named her first born son after one the characters on the show, Austin. This was going to be a night to remember, for very different reasons than she expected…

The night started out perfectly. They all met up at the hotel her family was staying at. The nanny drove the girl as driving more than a few miles had gotten to be hard. The girl had been diagnosed with a progressive form of MS some years prior. She was still doing well and still walking with the use of a crutch cane. But this night, none of that mattered, she was going out!

As they drove from the hotel to the amphitheater parking was crazy and they were sent to a parking structure where there was handicapped parking. Never being there before they had no idea just how far away they were. As they entered the city walk they realized they were on the other end from the amphitheater. But, the girl felt she would be ok. She had her cane and new comfy shoes and she looked gorgeous, as did they all. Halfway there she could feel her ankle starting to drop [drop foot] but she kept on. She is a bit of a stubborn one, so she knew she was going to do this. Nothing would stop her.

As they entered the line of beautifully dressed people heading in, she knew something was wrong and her legs began to give out. There were people everywhere, those going in and all the looky-loos awaiting the stars. All at once she felt her leg go out and down she went to the ground. The tears flowed almost immediately as she bent her head down and tried to hide away. Being 6′ tall it was a long fall and a bit painful on concrete. All she remembers saying to those with her, was to call her husband to come get here. [he works there at nbc/uni] It was futile for the smaller women to try and lift her up. Her legs were gone, rubbery now and of no use. The people just stared and walked right on by. None offering to help in any way.

Then, it happened. She felt strong arms under her that lifted her off the ground as if she was a feather. She laid her head down on his shoulder as she cried how embarrassed she was and how sorry. How everyone was staring at her. She had never wanted to be invisible like she did at that moment. Then she heard the beautiful deep voice of her ‘Angel’ saying they were only staring as she is beautiful and on the inside of the ropes going in. His voice began to calm her and somehow she knew it was going to be ok.

Meanwhile, an employee had gone to get a wheelchair for the girl. When the chair came she looked up at her Angel only to have the sun in her eyes and all she could see was his outline. He gently put her in the chair and was gone. She asked, who he was, what did he look like? She was told he was a very handsome tall black man and his beautiful wife.

She searched through the crowd the whole evening hoping to catch a glimpse a small look at her Angel. The night went on, the awards handed out and then the night ended.

She never got her glimpse, her look. She never has forgotten him, and his kindness for stopping when no one else did. Somewhere out there is her Angel. She send blessings to him and all his family even though she never saw his face.

She will never forget the kindness of that one stranger!!

Blessings and Peace!