No point in chewing through the straps

Posted: August 2, 2013 in Angels-Among-Us, Death, Faith, family, lonliness, love, Ramblings, RANDOM, sadness, spirits

Hi all! It’s been a while I know. So much has happened. I wish I could say ‘good’ things have happened…

My mom passed away June 5, 2013. Still trying to cope, trying to make sense of it. But, how do you cope? I’m numb, I’m angry, I’m sad. I don’t sleep much as I spend a lot of time talking to my mom, trying to feel her presense. I miss her and am kind of lost right now. I’m not even sure what to type or how to say it. For those who know me, I’m not usually at a loss for words.

I’ve been spending my time lying in bed lately as I have no desire to do anything or see anyone. My way of ‘coping’ I guess.

My sisters sent me a package of things from my moms and I am having a hard time opening it up. I brought home a few things from our last trip up there that I haven’t gone through either. Maybe because it makes it final…

I loved my mom dearly, but we had a bit of a strained relationship over the years. I just hope that when she took her final breath that she knew how much I loved her. I think many people feel this way when they lose a loved one.

Knowing my mom, wherever she is now, she’s taking over and letting everyone know she’s there. She’s probably remodeling, chatting up old friends, and making to-do lists for all. That’s just how she rolled and is probably still rolling.

Mom and me 1999

Mom and me 1999

All I know is I miss her and am hoping she will contact me… somehow, some way. I truly believe in spirits and I truly believe they are all around us. I’ve had first hand encounters before and am hoping at some point I will again.

Trying to be back around more and find my way back to ‘life’. For now I am taking it one day at a time.

Love and Light

Comments
  1. I know just what you’re feeling. I went through it with my father, nearly 19 years ago. It’s just something you have to get through, one day at a time. Don’t rush yourself, but try not to lose yourself in the grief. Love you, girlfriend.

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  2. Frannie says:

    I believe that’s all you can do, is take it one day at a time. It’s not something you will get over right away or,over night. Of course im sure you know this already. All I can say is, you are one of the strongest women I know. You will get thru this but in your time and when your ready. There is no rush. You go thru your moms things when your ready and you will know when that time comes. You have many friends who are here for,you. ((((Hugs)))) you are in my thoughts always my friend. Please take care and know that we are here for,you. ❤

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  3. Carolyn B. Baker says:

    Love ya Tracy….

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  4. Vicki says:

    hey buddy just take your time – sending hugs xxxx

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  5. Vikki says:

    Tracy its so hard to lose a loved one. For me it was hard especially when I lost my mom, my best friend. The things that helped me were the memories and stories. Anytime I could share those I always felt like she was there with me. Telling the kids stories of the grandma kept her close too.
    And really it does come down to one day at a time………

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  6. Ruby Cantu says:

    It’s been said as best as it can be said, one day at a time….and aren’t we already doing that? Miss ya and love ya {{HUGS}}

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  7. I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. My thoughts are with you.

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  8. Mary says:

    My thoughts are with you all the time…miss you lots! Go slow and feel better. ❤

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  9. One of the hardest things to go through in life is the loss of a parent. This is such a beautiful post about the love and remembering what a truly loving and remarkable mother you have. Sending along extra big (((HUGS))) from me and Peeper. xo!

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  10. Louise says:

    I think a lot of family relationships get strained, we are all individuals with minds, views, opinions, feelings ect that clash sometimes…even if we look at our own children there have been ‘those times’, but it doesn’t mean we love them any the less, or they love us any the less. I’m sure your mum would see that too x As for her things, you could pop them somewhere safe until you’re ready, there is no hurry or rush to face something you’re not yet ready to. People say that time is a good healer, in a sense it is, it gives our minds chance to work things out and see things from a different perspective and then the hurt lessens. You will get through a lot of this. Take care x

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