Anger · Fear · Multiple Sclerosis · Ramblings

Reality sets in

When life sets in and slaps ya, it sucks!! My kids go back to school this coming Monday. My son is now going into the 11th grade and my girls are starting HS, 9th grade. Every year we have to get all the paperwork in, proof of residence, registration, pick up books, bus passes, etc. Not being able to drive my poor hubby has to take of work to get all these things done. When the girls registered, they did not have their books in yet, so they had to go back a second time. Then Ashley, being in band camp has a bbq this Friday where parents need to go for all the pricing info for marching band and concert band. Hubbies work is at it’s busiest and it makes it very hard for him to keep taking time off. All of this just lets me know more and more that I am useless and crippled. If I was not ill, I could be doing what the mom is supposed to do. Hubby already has enough on his plate thanks to my illness. As it is, he got Shelby to get her books, but Ashley is just shit-out-of-luck. The band camp bbq is at 5:30 pm. Don’t they know people work? Out where we live people work over an hour away. Commuting baby. I know, it is not their problem, but what about single parents as well? How can they expect parents to be there at these times? 7pm would be much more appropriate for parents.

I know my kids do not mean to make me feel sad, but they get upset when we miss things or have to cancel things. I fully understand. I remember being so jazzed about being the mom of all moms. Sports mom, carpools, etc. My MS has taken all that away from me, worse it has taken me from my family that needs me most. We cannot afford to hire someone to help with these things, so we are on our own. It gets so frustrating for me not being able to do these things for my kids. I HATE being immobile and feeling useless. I’m a worker, not a sitter!!

It is so hard to express how I am feeling right now. Anger, depression, sadness, fear, pain… I try so hard to keep positive, make jokes, be the crazy me. But, this is getting to be too much lately. Sometimes I so wish my hubby would leave me and find someone who can be the wife he deserves and the mom my kids deserve. My heart is breaking right now.

Then to top all of that off, we had to pay 400.00 for bus passes [public school buses]. I figured our taxes should pay for that. Gotta love California and the Terminator. He’s terminating Schools!! Then it is going to cost another 400.00 + for marching and concert band!! WOW!! Just add more salt to my crippled wounds.

Ok, enough depression…I’m off!!

Blessings and Hope!!